This is why meeting in person FIRST is less weird to me (even if only for a day) than meeting online and him coming. People you meet online can be catfishes. Granted, meeting in person, he may still have been a serial killer, but you at least know what he actually looks like and that he is in fact a he...
Exactly. It's very different to meet someone and have a connection than to meet online and have him fly out.
What if the date is bad?! Won't you feel bad that he flew all the way there and youre kind of stuck on it?
I'm not totally against online as I met my bf there but he lived 20 mins away so if the date sucked or he was creepy, I could have easily left and not felt anything about it. Also are you obliged to hang out all weekend since he flew there?!
I wouldn't feel obligated to hang out all weekend if the first date was shitty and I got a creepy vibe from the dude. HE decided to fly there; that shit is on him.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Mar 27, 2015 16:42:00 GMT -5
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
I dislike this board more than I like it lately.
I was thinking the same thing but kept my mouth shut as I figured I'd be accused of BEC because I don't post much anymore. It's sad to me to wish ill on your child's father, as well. I get that dude is a douchebag, but for your son's sake, why wouldn't you wish he'd get his act together instead?
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
I dislike this board more than I like it lately.
I was thinking the same thing but kept my mouth shut as I figured I'd be accused of BEC because I don't post much anymore. It's sad to me to wish ill on your child's father, as well. I get that dude is a douchebag, but for your son's sake, why wouldn't you wish he'd get his act together instead?
I think it is natural to feel moments of "I wish he would just go away forever" when someone has hurt your child. I often have wished my XBIL would disappear because he does more harm to my Niece than good. He is just not a good person. You can wish someone would change as much as you want, but the truth is, it is hard and a long road to change.
I can understand your feelings on this. I just think it is easy to see clearly and wish for the right things when you haven't been through it. When you haven't spent months with your child hurting and in therapy over what he did. I don't think every child needs a father. I think P would be better off without this man in his life. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but, oh well.
I don't think it's BEC, I think your opinion is valid. I just don't share it.
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
I dislike this board more than I like it lately.
I'm sorry you feel this way. Is there a reason for this?
I was thinking the same thing but kept my mouth shut as I figured I'd be accused of BEC because I don't post much anymore. It's sad to me to wish ill on your child's father, as well. I get that dude is a douchebag, but for your son's sake, why wouldn't you wish he'd get his act together instead?
I think it is natural to feel moments of "I wish he would just go away forever" when someone has hurt your child. I often have wished my XBIL would disappear because he does more harm to my Niece than good. He is just not a good person. You can wish someone would change as much as you want, but the truth is, it is hard and a long road to change.
I can understand your feelings on this. I just think it is easy to see clearly and wish for the right things when you haven't been through it. When you haven't spent months with your child hurting and in therapy over what he did. I don't think every child needs a father. I think P would be better off without this man in his life. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but, oh well.
I don't think it's BEC, I think your opinion is valid. I just don't share it.
I can completely understand what you are saying but I think "I wish he would just leave us alone" has a much different feel to it than "I wish he'd become depressed, relapse and get arrested".
I think it is natural to feel moments of "I wish he would just go away forever" when someone has hurt your child. I often have wished my XBIL would disappear because he does more harm to my Niece than good. He is just not a good person. You can wish someone would change as much as you want, but the truth is, it is hard and a long road to change.
I can understand your feelings on this. I just think it is easy to see clearly and wish for the right things when you haven't been through it. When you haven't spent months with your child hurting and in therapy over what he did. I don't think every child needs a father. I think P would be better off without this man in his life. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but, oh well.
I don't think it's BEC, I think your opinion is valid. I just don't share it.
I can completely understand what you are saying but I think "I wish he would just leave us alone" has a much different feel to it than "I wish he'd become depressed, relapse and get arrested".
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
I think it is natural to feel moments of "I wish he would just go away forever" when someone has hurt your child. I often have wished my XBIL would disappear because he does more harm to my Niece than good. He is just not a good person. You can wish someone would change as much as you want, but the truth is, it is hard and a long road to change.
I can understand your feelings on this. I just think it is easy to see clearly and wish for the right things when you haven't been through it. When you haven't spent months with your child hurting and in therapy over what he did. I don't think every child needs a father. I think P would be better off without this man in his life. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but, oh well.
I don't think it's BEC, I think your opinion is valid. I just don't share it.
I can completely understand what you are saying but I think "I wish he would just leave us alone" has a much different feel to it than "I wish he'd become depressed, relapse and get arrested".
I guess you'll never understand getting to the point I'm at with xh unless you've lived through it. When an adult had made nothing but poor decisions and messed up THEIR life over and over again and now is harming an innocent child why would I want this pattern to continue? His presence in Ps life does more harm than good so why would I wish for him to keep up this pattern when it's clearly damaging the child? I don't understand or agree with your logic at all.
I think it's shitty when people who never post here or only post to complain and get tons of support and hugs come in here to judge the board and crap on people.
I think I'm about ready to step away and take a long term break from the boards. I just can't get it up for most things. And the straw that broke the camels back was the widow/catfish thread on ML today. I think I said "come the fuck on" multiple times in response to posters who wanted to play the innocent "well I never doubted you" act. They were assholes in the first place for bringing it up, then they couldn't even own up to the assholishness* I don't need shit that just makes me mad in my life. I've met amazing people on here, but there is so much drama mongering and catty behavior.
*i only read this morning, so it's possible that some people changed their tune or whatever.
I think it's shitty when people who never post here or only post to complain and get tons of support and hugs come in here to judge the board and crap on people.
I post when I find something relevant to post to. I posted in the Friday randoms to respond to blueyes question on what to do with the condo. I respond to people's questions or concerns in the daily thread. I don't respond to a lot of date posts because I can't relate to that much anymore. I'm not on Tinder; I don't have dating stories to share.
Lys made an observation; I happen to agree. Like I said, achase's xh is a douchebag. I just find it sad to be making those wishes. I didn't call her a bitch, I didn't say "HOW DARE YOU!". I merely said it was sad, because that is how I feel. I've been fucked over in my life and I've had loved ones get fucked over too. But I found to that much hatred in your heart just consumes you in an unhealthy way. So yes, I stand by my "wishing he would disappear is different than wishing ill will towards him". I don't find that to be "crapping on people".
I think it's shitty when people who never post here or only post to complain and get tons of support and hugs come in here to judge the board and crap on people.
I post when I find something relevant to post to. I posted in the Friday randoms to respond to blueyes question on what to do with the condo. I respond to people's questions or concerns in the daily thread. I don't respond to a lot of date posts because I can't relate to that much anymore. I'm not on Tinder; I don't have dating stories to share.
Lys made an observation; I happen to agree. Like I said, achase's xh is a douchebag. I just find it sad to be making those wishes. I didn't call her a bitch, I didn't say "HOW DARE YOU!". I merely said it was sad, because that is how I feel. I've been fucked over in my life and I've had loved ones get fucked over too. But I found to that much hatred in your heart just consumes you in an unhealthy way. So yes, I stand by my "wishing he would disappear is different than wishing ill will towards him". I don't find that to be "crapping on people".
I do not hate xh. There's no time in my life to devote to that sort of energy towards him. I wish he would stop hurting my child. If that means him being arrested for his own choices and winding up in jail to seal the deal then that sounds like a logical solution to me. It's not wishing ill upon someone it's wishing that P has a chance for a great life. I believe that best chance is without xh in it.
I think it's shitty when people who never post here or only post to complain and get tons of support and hugs come in here to judge the board and crap on people.
Well I definitely fall under the don't post much at all anymore, but achase, I completely relate to what you are saying. I have a very similar issue with my ex and he finally moved to the other side of the country, only calls when he's drunk (so I take the phone and hang up) and I'm JUST SO THRILLED because he was causing these kids nothing but harm by being in their lives. Making them cry and feel bad for telling him about what he did with Mommy and stepdad etc., lying to them saying he would see them soon when he had no intention or means to do so, and guess who was left picking up the pieces? Yeah you guessed it. Me. When he was here, he had supervised visits by his wife, who allowed this idiot to drive my kids out of state with a suspended license (from multiple DUI's). Done after that, just done. At this point, I'm glad he's moved away, I'm glad he's starting over in a new place and I hope he forgets us entirely. He has only brought pain and feelings of sadness and empty lies into my children's lives. Didn't even send a damn birthday card for my daughters fifth birthday.
I don't see how wishing a bad, abusive man could be out of your child's life is a bad thing. But other people have different takes on how they deal with evil people in their lives. I also think some posters tend toward hyberbole than others. Sort of like when I say I wanna punch some one in the face, I don't really. I feel like things are really taken at face value when it's more of an expression of the deep emotions in a moment.
I post when I find something relevant to post to. I posted in the Friday randoms to respond to blueyes question on what to do with the condo. I respond to people's questions or concerns in the daily thread. I don't respond to a lot of date posts because I can't relate to that much anymore. I'm not on Tinder; I don't have dating stories to share.
Lys made an observation; I happen to agree. Like I said, achase's xh is a douchebag. I just find it sad to be making those wishes. I didn't call her a bitch, I didn't say "HOW DARE YOU!". I merely said it was sad, because that is how I feel. I've been fucked over in my life and I've had loved ones get fucked over too. But I found to that much hatred in your heart just consumes you in an unhealthy way. So yes, I stand by my "wishing he would disappear is different than wishing ill will towards him". I don't find that to be "crapping on people".
I do not hate xh. There's no time in my life to devote to that sort of energy towards him. I wish he would stop hurting my child. If that means him being arrested for his own choices and winding up in jail to seal the deal then that sounds like a logical solution to me. It's not wishing ill upon someone it's wishing that P has a chance for a great life. I believe that best chance is without xh in it.
Yes, it certainly sounds like P would be much better off without all that chaos in his life. My sister is a single mother and I can say that while it has been difficult for her, I think my nephew was much better off to have his father out of his life given where he was at before he disappeared.
Your OP came off as vengeful. You obviously know yourself best so I hear you when you say you don't hate him. I just wanted to explain that it came off that way when I read it.
I'm going back to work on Monday. While I am excited to get back so soon, I wish I would have taken an extra week or two off to lose some of my post-surgery weight. None of my work clothes fit!
I do not hate xh. There's no time in my life to devote to that sort of energy towards him. I wish he would stop hurting my child. If that means him being arrested for his own choices and winding up in jail to seal the deal then that sounds like a logical solution to me. It's not wishing ill upon someone it's wishing that P has a chance for a great life. I believe that best chance is without xh in it.
Yes, it certainly sounds like P would be much better off without all that chaos in his life. My sister is a single mother and I can say that while it has been difficult for her, I think my nephew was much better off to have his father out of his life given where he was at before he disappeared.
Your OP came off as vengeful. You obviously know yourself best so I hear you when you say you don't hate him. I just wanted to explain that it came off that way when I read it.
I understand. And I admit when my lawyer laid xhs character out for the judge to see and then the judge reprimanded him it was incredibly vindicating. It never seems like he's been held accountable so for someone to do that I probably got more satisfaction out of that than I care to admit!
I think I'm about ready to step away and take a long term break from the boards. I just can't get it up for most things. And the straw that broke the camels back was the widow/catfish thread on ML today. I think I said "come the fuck on" multiple times in response to posters who wanted to play the innocent "well I never doubted you" act. They were assholes in the first place for bringing it up, then they couldn't even own up to the assholishness* I don't need shit that just makes me mad in my life. I've met amazing people on here, but there is so much drama mongering and catty behavior.
*i only read this morning, so it's possible that some people changed their tune or whatever.
I get this. I took a 6 month break myself recently
Yesterday, I had therapy. And we jumped right into opening up about the abuse. Discussing it more and how to avoid it in a relationship in the future. And I'm just so angry at myself that I didn't call 911. Why didn't I stop and advocate for myself?? It's so hard to move on from that. I know I couldn't do it at the time and I feel like I'm at peace with it. But then I get angry that my ex gets to live his life without repercussions. So not at peace with it totally
My mom texted me while I was at work today asking whether it would be too much trouble if she spent the night at my place. I thought about it for a minute, and I did not want my mom at my house cramping my style. So I lied and told her I was having company.
Then I felt so guilty that I told her my plans changed and that she could come over, but she didn't anyway. And that made me feel better.
I think it's weird to celebrate your XH getting called out for being an addict by drinking an entire bottle of wine. You got called out for having fucked priorities and no self control! I should get drunk!
I dislike this board more than I like it lately.
I was thinking the same thing but kept my mouth shut as I figured I'd be accused of BEC because I don't post much anymore. It's sad to me to wish ill on your child's father, as well. I get that dude is a douchebag, but for your son's sake, why wouldn't you wish he'd get his act together instead?
I agree.
I have a very similar situation as achase and, as much as I wish my xh would fall off the face of the earth, it's not going to make my life any easier if he did disappear or ended up in jail. My kids love him, they love to be with him, they want to spend time with him. I DREAD the day they realize who he really is and I have to force them to go see him because of a court order.
I hate my xh for what he put ME through, how he ruined our family, etc. He is not a good father, but he is my kids' dad and I am stuck with him.
I think I'm about ready to step away and take a long term break from the boards. I just can't get it up for most things. And the straw that broke the camels back was the widow/catfish thread on ML today. I think I said "come the fuck on" multiple times in response to posters who wanted to play the innocent "well I never doubted you" act. They were assholes in the first place for bringing it up, then they couldn't even own up to the assholishness* I don't need shit that just makes me mad in my life. I've met amazing people on here, but there is so much drama mongering and catty behavior.
*i only read this morning, so it's possible that some people changed their tune or whatever.
Omg, if you can't understand why people doubted that poster I don't know what to tell you. I didn't. She received far more support that criticism, even in that thread that started last night. It wasn't catty behavior, it was cautiousness, based on previous experience. And people DID apologize to her in that thread.
How often do you lurk over here? I love when you pop up
Post by verycontrary247 on Mar 27, 2015 23:40:20 GMT -5
I've been super stressed out with all the crazy house-buying stuff that's going on, which is killing my sex drive, which- in turn, is making me a huge grump. And emotional eater.
I've gained a bunch of weight this winter and I'm having motivation issues to start working out again.
I was thinking the same thing but kept my mouth shut as I figured I'd be accused of BEC because I don't post much anymore. It's sad to me to wish ill on your child's father, as well. I get that dude is a douchebag, but for your son's sake, why wouldn't you wish he'd get his act together instead?
I agree.
I have a very similar situation as achase and, as much as I wish my xh would fall off the face of the earth, it's not going to make my life any easier if he did disappear or ended up in jail. My kids love him, they love to be with him, they want to spend time with him. I DREAD the day they realize who he really is and I have to force them to go see him because of a court order.
I hate my xh for what he put ME through, how he ruined our family, etc. He is not a good father, but he is my kids' dad and I am stuck with him.
Maybe we don't have the same situation. When your Child's father is damaging them to the point where they've been kicked out of one school and almost kicked out of another why would you wish he'd get his act together so he could be a part of their lives? For how long would that last? It's my FIRM belief that it's all or nothing. Get it together and be a full time father or be out of his life. It's the going back and forth that seems to do the most damage. P is little enough that if xh went out of his life now it would be a blessing. He would be damaged far more by the jerking back and forth.
I have a very similar situation as achase and, as much as I wish my xh would fall off the face of the earth, it's not going to make my life any easier if he did disappear or ended up in jail. My kids love him, they love to be with him, they want to spend time with him. I DREAD the day they realize who he really is and I have to force them to go see him because of a court order.
I hate my xh for what he put ME through, how he ruined our family, etc. He is not a good father, but he is my kids' dad and I am stuck with him.
Maybe we don't have the same situation. When your Child's father is damaging them to the point where they've been kicked out of one school and almost kicked out of another why would you wish he'd get his act together so he could be a part of their lives? For how long would that last? It's my FIRM belief that it's all or nothing. Get it together and be a full time father or be out of his life. It's the going back and forth that seems to do the most damage. P is little enough that if xh went out of his life now it would be a blessing. He would be damaged far more by the jerking back and forth.
achase123 you and I have such similar stories ! I'm glad I left Xh when dd was 4 .. better no influence than a bad one! Don't get me wrong I am forever grateful that I had a custody order in my RO and the judge awarded me full legal and physical custody and denied Xh ANY sort of visitation. I'm in no mood or hurry to change anything about it ...
Yesterday, I had therapy. And we jumped right into opening up about the abuse. Discussing it more and how to avoid it in a relationship in the future. And I'm just so angry at myself that I didn't call 911. Why didn't I stop and advocate for myself?? It's so hard to move on from that. I know I couldn't do it at the time and I feel like I'm at peace with it. But then I get angry that my ex gets to live his life without repercussions. So not at peace with it totally
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I think it is very easy to look back and think "I should have done this" or "I should have done that". When you are in the moment, especially when it someone that you LOVE, it isn't so easy. Be proud that you are out of the situation right now, okay?
As for your ex, I know the feeling. My ex cheated on me, was verbally abusive, had an anger issue, lied and stole money, so on and so on. When we divorced, I was SO angry because I was left with nothing, while he still went out and slept with different women, dated, and seemed to be having a grand ole time. A few years later, I realized there were repercussions for him. He was NEVER going to be happy. He had so many issues that he hid with sex, booze and spending money. And, while I had a rough few years, I rebuilt my life. I was happy; he wasn't. There are repercussions, even if you can't see them clearly right now.
Thanks ladies. You help me remind me of his attitude and I know that mine is much better.
Usually I do pretty good. I have a good head on my shoulders. I can think so realistically about the situation. But every once in awhile it can bring me down and remember how awful my life was at the time. He was silently killing me at the time with his voice and actions. And no one else knew that it was him. I was very suicidal at the time. Some thing that went away as soon as I left and had safety.
I agree with what you all are saying. I actually went to church Wednesday night and they mentioned praying for those who have harmed you.
I got to thinking about xh. He lost everything through his actions and continues to lose everything. He doesn't seem to learn from mistakes at all and makes poor decisions and therefore he lost his son, at least for now.
In contrast I have tried my best to better myself and build. A great life for me and P. Things are going very well here. My job is amazing and I believe will be a lucrative lifelong career. We have wonderful family and friends. We have good health. I have met someone who is incredible. I feel really lucky and happy. So I do feel sorry for xh that he's chosen the path he has and now he is where he is.