All the hugs in the world. I really feel for your situation. I'm. Dealing with similar. It's so hard to make that choice between cutting out toxic people and dealing with the bullshit so you don't lose the connection with a loved one who you are close to. You just need to do what is best for you and your kids. Try to talk to your mom when she is back. Maybe she will understand?
Post by sofamonkey on Mar 27, 2015 14:50:25 GMT -5
HUGE hugs. Getting to that decision is hard as fuck. Going through with it is shitty too, but at some point you just have to. The long run & all that shit. I'm just so sorry.
I'm so sorry. My BF is going through the same with his dad and step-mom. His dad is a functioning alcoholic who was physically abusive to him, his brother and his mom growing up so he's cut off his dad. His step-mom (who is only a few years older than him) is the enabler and a pot-stirrer. So my FB still gets guilty feelings about his dad. But he's got other blood family and close friends that support him.
I know you say they are always together but can your mom come spend the night (alone) at your house and see your kids that way?
Post by aussiecrush on Mar 27, 2015 15:21:37 GMT -5
Even the bigger person gets to make one liners, it's how you keep from exploding. Hugs. I can say from experience that cutting the toxic people out was hugely beneficial to my young sons. I'm sorry you are going through this.
He is a mean, nasty drunk, but weirdly never ever to me. I seem to be his voice of reason, and always have been ever since I was a small child. My mom is his punching bag (and was literally so for many many years) and gets the brunt of his nastiness. Its not something I ever want my kids to see. Its just so ugly.
I do have a relationship with him still. In fact, I am somewhat his caretaker. I do their food shopping, and will take care of anything else they need beyond their normal bill paying routine. She is disabled, so I do it really for her, but he obviously benefits too. We live super close to them, and my kids adore them both. As shitty as he is when he drinks liquor (oddly beer alone doesn't bring out the nastiness), he is incredibly kind when he is not drunk.
So yeah. No advice, but good luck. I often fantasize about what my life would be like if I either had a completely sober dad, or at least not a drunk one in my life. But, I am just not strong enough to actually cut him out.
I'm so sorry SMACE. Lots of hugs. You are being a great mom to your boys, please don't let their crap make you think otherwise. Family stuff is so hard, this sounds like a wise decision, even if it's not the easy one.
Getting in here late, but I'm so sorry, @smace. You'll need some time to adjust, but you did absolutely the right thing. You've dealt with his stuff for a long time. May I gently suggest Al-Anon? You might find the support there valuable.
Or feel free to come over to our Recovery board! <--
b/c she won't leave my alcoholic dad, so if cut him out, I cut her out b/c they're always together.
This was my mom and drunk ass, verbally abusive step-dad. I hated being around him when I was little, until I put my foot down and refused to visit anymore if he was there. My mom refused to leave him, so I stopped visiting her. It's rough to have to cut family out. ((hugs))
Getting in here late, but I'm so sorry, @smace. You'll need some time to adjust, but you did absolutely the right thing. You've dealt with his stuff for a long time. May I gently suggest Al-Anon? You might find the support there valuable.
Or feel free to come over to our Recovery board! <--
((hugs))
i know i should look into something but i feel like a fake. Kinda? Like my dad was never abusive physically/emotionally/verbally. He can say mean things and has punched holes in walls when mad. I just think others have had it worse, and my biggest problem is just watching him be drunk/act a fool and take my mom down with him.
Wrong. From what I've read, I'd say his comments on your parenting and any other nasty commentary would qualify as emotional abuse.
If you don't want to cut your mom off, can she still come to your house without your dad? Or can you guys do weekend day time fun together with the kids?
I read your response to someone else addressing your mom.
So many hugs. I was waiting for the point of the story where you filled them off because seriously fuck that. They have no right to treat you that way.
And fucking autocorrect, dude, when I say FUCK I mean FUCK not DUCK.