I have no relationship with my mother (and she has no relationship with my daughters) because she is a crazy manipulative bitch. My daughters are young but I would like to believe that so far we have a fantastic relationship and that we will continue that when they get older. The only good side about my mom being so dysfunctional is that I learned PLENTY about what not to do, as a parent.
Post by schitzengiggles on Mar 29, 2015 10:16:28 GMT -5
I am almost 33. My mom is 55. I'm the only child. Our relationship sucked when I was a teenager (sometimes we'd barely talk for days-I was quite moody) but we are much closer now. we live 4 hrs apart and life is too crazy busy to make that drive often, so I only see her every couple months though .
I have two daughters, ages 6 and 8. They're still little enough that they're close to me ;-) and my mom as well. I anticipate some rough years once we hit the teens though.
My mom is one of my best friends. I'm almost 35 and she is almost 60. Other than a few screaming matches on my teens, we always have gotten along well. Her parents were alcoholics, and she wasn't treated all that well when she was growing up. She was determined not to repeat that with her kids, and she succeeded. My mom is awesome.
I want that relationship with my daughter. She's only four, so right now I can't say we have that type of relationship. I do worry that we won't have that relationship because I work full time. My mom was a SAHM, and she always had time for us, whereas after a long day of work, I'm tired and irritable when we all get home. I feel like I suck at parenting most days.
Post by SpartanGirl on Mar 29, 2015 10:29:52 GMT -5
I am 37. My mom is 61. I'm the youngest and only girl. We are really close. We had harder times (like when I was a teenager), but we are past all of that now. We grew even closer after I had kids. We live in different states now, but we talk on the phone every day for at least an hour.
I have 3 daughters and I hope that we can all be as close as my mom and I are. My oldest has her moments when she absolutely hates me, but I think we still have a decent relationship. It's hard for me to get the one on one time I'd like to have with her. I need to work harder on that.
My mom (and my MIL) have great relationships with my kids. I'm very thankful that our family gets along so well.
I'm 33. Bio mom is 61, and an alcoholic narcissist. I haven't laid eyes on her in 14 years. My step mom is wonderful and that is who I refer to whenever I mention my mom.
My mom and I don't really have a relationship. Things have always been strained between us. After my brother died she made all these promises to start spending more time with us (me and the kids), but that hasn't happened. It is what it is, and I'm ok with it. We see each other a few times a year even though she only lives across town.
I think I have a good relationship with sofia. I'm so, so happy to have a daughter and she makes me very happy. I always try to do the exact opposite of my mom, but it's not difficult, lol. She didn't like being a mother, but I love it, and I can't imagine that ever changing.
My mom's relationship with sofia? Lol. The best way I can describe it is she's a Facebook mom/grandma. She goes on about her grandkids on fb, but she's non existent irl.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Mar 29, 2015 10:51:28 GMT -5
My mom is 64 and I am 40.
Now that my mom is sober, our relationship is great. When she wasn't drinking, she was wonderful, but growing up she was drinking every day, often to the point of passing out on the stairs or in the hallway.
And then it wasn't that bad for awhile after she remarried and we thought things would be okay.
Then it went back into the shitter a few years ago. I, of course, wasn't living with her at that point, but it was really hard. We kept thinking she had hit her rock bottom and it never was until she REALLY hit it in a big way that was devastating at the time, but wound up turning her life around.
She's been sober a year and a half now and things are so much better.
Hugs to a lot of people in this thread. pixy0stix, your mother's choice was unforgivable. I'm so sorry she wasn't there for you and your sweet LO.
I'm 37; my mom is 63. Depending on the current state of our relationship, we talk anywhere from three times a day to three times a month. We live in the same suburb (due largely to the fact that she literally cried when we thought of moving elsewhere) but most of our social activities are confined to family events and Henry.
I have no doubt that my mom loves me but she has never has and will never get me. She's like a poodle who have birth to a wolf. She's also very codependent, completely neurotic and almost pathologically self-obsessed.
Luckily (I guess?) her sister is the same and my cousin (18 months apart) spent every moment of our childhood together. We consider each other sisters and keep each other sane.
My cousin has distanced herself from our moms far more than I have. She's always asking me why I expect them to act any differently or why I put myself through it. I think it's because my dad was actively abusive and my parents divorced when I was 9. Her dad was always loving, supportive, cared for us, listened to our problems, let us make messes... My stepfather is like a father to me now and is grandfather to Henry but during a crucial part of my childhood, it was just my mom and I still try to look to her for support.
My cousin and I have tried to learn from this for our relationship with Henry and her two daughters. It's hard for both of us to see our mothers with them, as they are repeating the same behaviors.
yourmother I've found myself saying the same things as you do here, about both my parents.
The feelings I have for him make me question my mother's treatment of me as a child even more. I would do ANYTHING to protect this baby's feelings and have nothing but love in my heart for him and I haven't even met him yet. I just can't understand how she didn't move Heaven and earth for her only child.
I don't know what the answer is, other than we have to recognize how those behaviors impacted us and try not to repeat the mistakes our parents made. I hope that simply being more conscious while parenting will make a difference.
You are very lucky to have had your cousin and her dad to commiserate with. I grew up where other kids LOVED my mom and didn't see or realize that while they were put on pedestals, I was the one ignored. I think things would have changed much sooner for me if I had a partner in crime to help with those feelings.
It's maddening to try to understand and pre-therapy, I just knew that I wasn't good enough. I always thought, well maybe if I was thinner or an athlete or smarter or prettier, she would enjoy being around me. Nope. In my late twenties I lost a ton of weight and that STILL didn't change the way she treated me.
Therapy was life-changing for me. And also marrying someone who paid attention to me and has NEVER uttered a comparison of me to anyone else. I just hated growing up, competing with my AND with others for her attention. My son will never experience that. Those are definite behaviors that my DH are very aware of and know that we won't ever want our don to have those feelings.