My sister is an RX drug addict and she's disgusting. Like, goes weeks without showering or washing her hair. She doesn't use deodorant and has skin infections on the regular.
Dude. After that back story, your sister has some issues.
I think they both do OP, I don't know why you feel so guilty or why you seem to feel like you owe her something. But you don't owe her anything. Don't let her take advantage of you.
Although, I do have to ask why you cried when she didn't take a shower.
I have no idea if any of my sisters or bridesmaids showered before the wedding.
I cried because to me, it meant that my wedding wasn't important enough for her to be clean for lol. Like it was such a drag to be my maid of honor that washing her ass and pits wasn't worth it.
Okay, so your sister is weird, but you were super sensitive. I can't remember if I showered the night before my sister's wedding, but if she had asked me if I did and then cried if I didn't or brought it up years later as something that bothered her, I would have laughed.
This is making me feel really sad, guys . The reason I started the post was that I feel very conflicted toward her. I love her of course, but I also have some resentment and needed a detached party to tell me if any of this was normal or not.
No. But my mom does this. For herself and for my brother. "Oh you don't like those shoes anymore, do you? They are awesome, I love them, I think I'll take them". No you won't, lol.
Or "I remember you said you didn't like that lamp. It would work great in your brother's living room. I'll taker it back with me today". No, I like this lamp, I NEVER said I didn't, and no you don't get to take my stuff.
It stems from her thinking we are rich and they are poor. Ugh.
Post by ProfessorArtNerd on Apr 17, 2015 11:33:25 GMT -5
You bought her a camera? Why?
My sister and I say this to each other all the time. Jokingly usually when showing off new purchase- hey check out this bag I got! "ooh I like it, can I have it?" That kind of thing. And the response is usually "shut up, Dick"
Dude. After that back story, your sister has some issues.
I think they both do OP, I don't know why you feel so guilty or why you seem to feel like you owe her something. But you don't owe her anything. Don't let her take advantage of you.
PDQ -I do have issues. It was a rough childhood.
I feel guilty immediately if I say no to anyone, stand in their way, keep them from getting what they want, etc. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years because of this. I've been in therapy for it and probably could use more.
Her behavior is definitely not normal. But I also think that your resistance to being assertive and honest with her about how her behavior makes you feel has made you abnormally sensitive when it comes to her behavior.
This is making me feel really sad, guys . The reason I started the post was that I feel very conflicted toward her. I love her of course, but I also have some resentment and needed a detached party to tell me if any of this was normal or not.
I think people are trying to tell you that none of what you have posted here is normal. I know it's a cliche, but have you thought about seeing a therapist about this?
While growing up, my sister didn't ask if she could borrow my stuff, she'd just steal it. That's one of the reasons I haven't seen her in 20+ years.
This is making me feel really sad, guys . The reason I started the post was that I feel very conflicted toward her. I love her of course, but I also have some resentment and needed a detached party to tell me if any of this was normal or not.
Okay, but seriously. You can't control what your sister does or doesn't do. You can only control yourself.
It's bizarre that she covets your stuff. And you don't have to give it to her or feel bad that you don't. That's all on her.
But for your own mental health, it would be good to try and let go of some of this stuff (like the shower). Her not showering before your wedding doesn't mean she doesn't love you or that your wedding wasn't important. It just means she didn't shower.
I totally understand how shit-headed things the people we love do builds up, but I learned a long time ago that I can change who they are. I can only change how I react.
Okay, so your sister is weird, but you were super sensitive. I can't remember if I showered the night before my sister's wedding, but if she had asked me if I did and then cried if I didn't or brought it up years later as something that bothered her, I would have laughed.
no. you are wrong. one must always shower before a semi- or formal event. that's just common sense. i go to the grocery store without a shower, i don't stand up as someone's MOH and take professional photographs without washing my ass crack first.
The crying, though. It's a silly thing to cry about.
Yeah...I was trying to excuse her behavior, but it's really not cool.
My brother tried this a couple of times and I shut that shit down and told him to get a job so he could buy his own stuff. (He would always use the excuse that I could afford it).
I know this is easy to say but you need to grow a spine and tell your sister to leave your stuff the hell alone.
The last time she came to visit, I did explode and tell her that she was ungrateful and incredibly selfish. After she left we didn't talk for a few months. It felt good to get that out, but I was so full of guilt over it. Hence the need for more therapy I guess.
needed a detached party to tell me if any of this was normal or not.
Well, now you have your answer... it's not.
I do agree that you need to start shutting it down. But clearly there is a lot of other stuff at play here too. Good luck. But know that your gut on this IS right.
The crying, though. It's a silly thing to cry about.
No it's not. I don't have a sibling but I imagine that having a crazy person for a sister must wear you down.
Eh, I disagree.
I had crazy parents for a long time. (They are less crazy now that they're not drinking.) They did enough real crazy stuff to make me cry that something like this wouldn't have even fazed me.
Her sister is still a wackadoo who it sounds like tries to steamroll her sister. Which isn't okay, obviously.
no. you are wrong. one must always shower before a semi- or formal event. that's just common sense. i go to the grocery store without a shower, i don't stand up as someone's MOH and take professional photographs without washing my ass crack first.
The crying, though. It's a silly thing to cry about.
I don't think it was the not showering that caused the crying. It was more the "It's not my wedding so it doesn't matter" implied in her response that was upsetting.
The crying, though. It's a silly thing to cry about.
maybe it is silly? idk. personally, i would cry over this too.
I know she washes her ass to go to work each day, but to stand up in my wedding (presumably, my ONE and ONLY wedding), she couldn't deign to show up with a clean ass...I don't know, it troubled me lol.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Apr 17, 2015 11:46:48 GMT -5
Here's the thing:
I'm a big "you feel what you feel when you feel it" person. So, in the moment I would absolutely have comforted a friend who cried over something like this, even if it's not something that would have made me cry myself.
But it's not healthy to hang on to this years later as proof that someone doesn't love you or care about your happiness. It's hard enough to carry our own anger and hurt around. When we start letting other people's reflect on us, it really does weigh us down.
@moonbeam, I'm sorry if I was dismissive of how you felt the night before your wedding. It's not my intention. People do and say cruel and intentionally hurtful things that others might not see as cruel or intentionally hurtful because they haven't lived it, so there might be nuances I'm missing.
I think your sister DOES love you but probably has her own bitterness and resentment that she's hanging onto. Those are her issues. Let them be her issues and try to blow off shit like this.
No, they don't. Sometimes I lend one of them things and never see them again, though. Lol. Whateva.
ETA- pretty sure they both showered in the 48 hours before both of my weddings, though. (Since I see that is the way the conversation has gone now, lol) Sorry you are struggling. I also have a crazy sis, I get it.
I'm a big "you feel what you feel when you feel it" person. So, in the moment I would absolutely have comforted a friend who cried over something like this, even if it's not something that would have made me cry myself.
But it's not healthy to hang on to this years later as proof that someone doesn't love you or care about your happiness. It's hard enough to carry our own anger and hurt around. When we start letting other people's reflect on us, it really does weigh us down.
@stargazer, I'm sorry if I was dismissive of how you felt the night before your wedding. It's not my intention. People do and say cruel and intentionally hurtful things that others might not see as cruel or intentionally hurtful because they haven't lived it, so there might be nuances I'm missing.
I think your sister DOES love you but probably has her own bitterness and resentment that she's hanging onto. Those are her issues. Let them be her issues.
Thank you for understanding. I see what you're saying, I shouldn't let it bother me years later. Putting some emotional distance there would also be helpful. Just FYI, my tag is moonbeam, stargazer is someone else.
Another layer to the story is that my sister now doesn't want to hear about my H, at all. When we talk on the phone, if I so much as mention him, she immediately interrupts. Like she can't bear to hear about him, even though he's the most important person in my life. For this reason I have stopped mentioning him at all. I know it's because she's bitter that she is still single, and the problem is hers, not mine. It still stings though. She'd rather pretend he doesn't exist.
That is really fucking weird! Lol, he's like David's best friend who comes over and keeps asking "can I have this?" Every time the kid comes over. But he's like, 6 lol