Post by birdistheword on Apr 18, 2015 16:06:41 GMT -5
Yes. Both our sets of parents are very generous. We never ask, and they know we have our shit together, so it doesn't feel like charity. They just like to help, and we appreciate it very much.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Apr 18, 2015 16:09:46 GMT -5
Yes. My parents are very wealthy and we are decidedly less so, and even though we don't need it, we know that it makes them happy and proud to be able to help us. They actually get pissed when we try to graciously decline, probably because my dad's bonus this year was twice my salary, lol.
As a parent I truely enjoy doing everything I can to give my dd a lot within reason. If I am able to do the same when she becomes an adult I will be so thrilled.
Take it! It probably makes them happy to be able to give it. Trust me.
Post by EmilieMadison on Apr 18, 2015 16:18:32 GMT -5
Yes, we happily and gratefully accept gifts from family. It doesn't make me feel weird or like a child, because they're gifts given freely and not because we rely on them to support ourselves, or expect them.
Post by mrsjuleshs on Apr 18, 2015 16:21:49 GMT -5
My mom has contributed to help pay for things for dd. She also gives us her appliances when she gets new ones and they are typically still under warranty. She's waiting on the conversion kit for the 3 year old stove that is high end and really expensive because she's giving that to us. I gladly accept but off to pay her.
Other than holiday or birthday gifts, not really. My mom cannot afford to give us anything substantial, but will never accept not giving us Christmas or birthday presents, so I try to ask for specific items that are inexpensive but really wanted/needed to make her feel OK about it. My in-laws generally give cash gifts, but never more than a few hundred dollars for Christmas. Other than that, neither set of parents offers money to us for anything. I'm not sure if we offended my in-laws by kind of blowing off their offer to borrow house down payment money from them several years ago, but that was really the only time I can think of when they offered money to us and that was a loan and made no sense to take it when we didn't need it.
Yeah, Im just going to say yes, thank you, and be grateful. I feel better about taking money/help from my grandparents because they raised me and I see them as my parents, so when it comes from my mom I don't want it to be seen as a "you owe me this for my shut childhood" pay off money? I know that's all in my head though.
Ok. So that's settled. Now I just need to book some hypnotherapy so I can actually talk myself into buying plane tickets!
My mom gave us money for our wedding venue. I didn't want to take it because she didn't have a job at that point, but she insisted.
My ILs give us money more often, usually just $100-$300 here or there. We only see them about 3 times a year, and they do a lot for us during their visits, such as paying for dinners and home repairs. But they also gave us a large sum for our down payment on our house, and deposited large sums in H's bank account when DS was born. ILs are very smart and invested well and worked very hard for the money they have, and genuinely just like doing things for us. We used to try to refuse, but they won't take no for an answer.
I tried to make a stand about this when we were buying our house. My father actually yelled at me. He said that he's worked hard to be able to help us no matter how old we get and I was denying him that opportunity. We didn't take a lot but enough that we could float through the first month or two of surprise expenses (as in, surprise you have a hole in your septic that your inspector missed).
Anything I take I am also expected to pay back. For example, they took out a home equity loan years ago. They're giving some to us to help cover the upfront costs of an insurance claim. Once insurance pays us back we will give that money to them. We will also pay off anything they give us over the insurance amount for home improvements, interest included. I am much more comfortable with this arrangement than if they just handed me cash.
Post by themysteriouswife on Apr 18, 2015 17:02:51 GMT -5
SIL just called and offered up cash too. She also wanted to help with the house. Her reasoning was we have helped her a lot in the past. I'm waiting on a camera crew to come out.
I guess this is what some families do when they can.
I tried to make a stand about this when we were buying our house. My father actually yelled at me. He said that he's worked hard to be able to help us no matter how old we get and I was denying him that opportunity. We didn't take a lot but enough that we could float through the first month or two of surprise expenses (as in, surprise you have a hole in your septic that your inspector missed).
Anything I take I am also expected to pay back. For example, they took out a home equity loan years ago. They're giving some to us to help cover the upfront costs of an insurance claim. Once insurance pays us back we will give that money to them. We will also pay off anything they give us over the insurance amount for home improvements, interest included. I am much more comfortable with this arrangement than if they just handed me cash.
But what you're talking about are loans, not gifts. We're talking about gifts.
Both of our parents are fairly well off. Over they years they've both been exceedingly generous for gifts. I have never rejected a gift. Unless we were very desperate, I would not ask them for anything. But I don't think anything good could come from rejecting a gift from them.
I am in much the same boat with my parents and feel the same. We let them spoil us, and thank them profusely for their generosity, but never ask them to cover things and are very aware of not taking what they do for granted. Buying stuff or making things for us is kind of my mom's love language.
I just got a box of makeup samples from her today in the mail, lol. She randomly sends me clothes, always has since I went off to college.
This year they're taking all of us kids/kids' families to the Bahamas. We would not do that kind of vacation on our own at this point. The airfare alone is more than what DH and I have ever paid for an entire vacation. They don't do these kind of things often (the last time we did anything remotely similar, I was in college and we did a family trip to the Virgin Islands with no SOs), but when they do, they go all out.
My parents are very generous with our girls, esp. bc they are their only grandchildren. Both sets of parents always pay for dinners out.
I don't see anything wrong with taking them up on their offer. I know my parents would probably offer the same. I think each situation is unique. For me, personally, I have stopped taking my parents up on offers to pay for hotel rooms or portions of family vacations. This is very specific to me and my personality (and my husband's), but I am very suffocated by doing things in big groups, I find it overly stressful and obligatory. I am more than happy to come along on trips that interest me, but we insist on paying our own way so we are in complete control of when we get there, when we leave and what we do while there. Again, this is specific to me and my family dynamic.
Yes. I find that the older I get the harder it is for my parents to come up with gifts so they're happy when they can throw money at buying us fans for our new condo, for example. Same with my in-laws. I don't ask for help but I'm grateful when it's offered and I accept it because I know it makes them happy and obviously, it's nice to be treated! I've said to my dad before that I hope I can pay it forward with my hypothetical children one day.
Generally speaking no, I don't take it. I would feel weird about it mostly because H and I do well and are better off then my parents. In the case of plane tickets because they wanted us to come visit them, I would.
If it's offered, we take it. DHs parents have taken us on holidays and they pay the fare/accommodation and we pay the rest. They also give us money for Christmas in addition to gifts. It's lovely and generous and we appreciate it, but it's not necessary and we could do fine without it. But they are well off so if they want to share we don't complain.
My family gives nothing because it's just not how they roll and that's fine too.
Post by whereintheworld on Apr 18, 2015 18:32:50 GMT -5
Yes, and we accept graciously. ILs are quite generous - will cover a car repair bill when it pops up, will give a 5 figure gift out of the blue, VERY generous with kid birthdays and Christmas. They know we work hard and are responsible with our money so it's something they like to do to alleviate things, frees us up to spend our money on fun stuff as a family instead of $4k car repairs. We are thankful and let them know and hope to pass on that generosity to our own kids when we are at a point in our lives that we can write those kind of cheques to them.
Both of our parents are generous in different ways. My ILs are much more well off, so it comes up more often with them. When we were first married, my husband would be like "but we don't need it!" Or try to pay for dinner when we went out with them, and my FIL would hide money at our house to cover the dinner we paid for. Once we had our own kids, I was like "when Jackson is grown, don't you plan on doing these same things for him? Accept it graciously from your parents; they can afford it and they want to do it." He saw my point then because it is all stuff we plan and want to do for our kids when they are grown and it's not like we are expecting it or demanding it.
We only take money for DS. H refuses to take money from his parents, and somewhere down the line my mother would hold it over my head and guilt-trip me into doing something I don't want to do. Basically, it's an emotional mine field to take money from my parents, and weird to take money from ILs. But, DS has a helluva college fund.
Yes It's kind of the point with family wealth. You can't take it with you when you pass. So, it gets handed down. Then, the recipient generation works their butts off, and hands more down to the next group, etc . I used to fight this in my early 20s, "I'm an adult, blah blah blah". Then, a wiser, older friend told me to quit fighting, and just be gracious. So, I listened.
My mom sold out childhood home and have my brother and I a portion of the money. My mom told us she would rather give it us now while she is alive. Without her generosity, we would have never been able to buy a home right now. I hope to do the same one day.
Post by usuallylurking on Apr 18, 2015 19:35:58 GMT -5
I would from my dad, but he doesn't offer, lol. However, he is generous in other ways, and I appreciate it very much. I always felt guilty when my Grandma would just write a $25 check for my birthday card, but I didn't turn it down either.
We deny, deny, deny from any and all of H's family. They are extremely well off, and present it as "just a gift!" but it is never just a gift, lol. We learned that lesson hard, and allowing them to hold something over us is never worth the "gift" no matter if it's tangible goods or actual money.
Post by CrazyLucky on Apr 18, 2015 19:39:25 GMT -5
My parents are poor and I would never take money from them. I hate when my dad insists on paying for dinner. We are in a much better financial state than they are. They also refuse to take money from me. ILs are pretty comfortable. They are extremely generous with gifts, but they don't just give us money, and I'm fine with that. If we were really in need of money, and if either set of parents was wealthy, I wouldn't mind taking them up on offers for plane tickets and things like that. But since it's not the case, I really don't want to take their money.
I have only asked for a big chunk of money once from my dad. I was in tears when I asked. I could not make rent one month when I was about 23. I was finishing up school And my hours were cut at work. I felt like a failure. I've never asked for money since.