Nails, Mascara, and Other Reasons I Won't Unfriend You

[KateAggie]

Because FEMINISM!

www.bonbonbreak.com/i-wont-unfriend-you-on-facebook/


I get it. No one likes to be sold to. I too have been invited to one too many parties; one too many Facebook groups. I know the anxiety when I get a message from an acquaintance asking for my phone number. I don’t like to say no, and I try to be tactful, but sometimes I don’t get my point across. It is awkward putting this business between our friendship. So I get why you might be over it.

But here’s the thing. We should celebrate these direct selling businesses and our friends who are brave enough to take them on.

Most workplaces aren’t created for women to succeed. They cater to people who can tune out family responsibilities for multiple hours of the day. They cater to people who can be on the fast track to success – people who don’t feel the need to take time off to grow families. Workplaces opened their doors to women long ago, but few of them changed to accept the realities of this segment of the population.

It is a fact that women are leaving the workforce. In September 2013, the amount of women in the workforce matched the lowest that has been recorded in 24 years. We can’t just blame the economy. If it was the economy to blame, we would see this trend in men too. But women, specifically mothers, are feeling unsupported by their employers and pushed out of their careers.

The United States has one of the worst maternity policies out of all the developed countries. Women in the US face the choice to leave a newborn or stay home indefinitely. This is an obvious example of workplaces making it more difficult for women to work, but there are other policies that are a little more covert at pushing women out. Many workplaces put high importance on punching a clock when a policy of flexibility would actually work better at retaining women. And policies that restrict sick time and vacation time make it nearly impossible for families to care for children in daycare who get sick 8-12 times a year.

Meanwhile, women are 10 times more likely to stay home with sick children than their husbands.

It is important to note that having women in the workforce is beneficial for individual organizations and for society. And many families need mothers to contribute financially. So, there’s definitely a disconnect in the way society works for women and the way women want to work.

While there are some innovative companies that are making their workplaces more friendly to women, many women are finding that they need to create their own opportunities. Multilevel Marketing Companies (MLMs/direct selling) is one of the ways that women are empowering themselves to juggle work, childcare, and contributing to the family. Women can be in control of where, when, and how they work, and it takes a little investment to get started.

Each time I see a woman sharing her direct sales business on social media, I am proud of her. By choosing work that fits her needs and lifestyle, it is making a small statement to society that things aren’t working in the mainstream.

So I will not unfriend anyone who starts showing off their nails or their lashes or their plastic containers. I won’t share blog posts blasting these women. I won’t even leave the groups they add me to. I might not buy, but I do support. Their choice of job is bigger than my annoyance. It is an issue of feminism. I refuse to feel exploited by another woman’s empowerment.

[laurenpetro]

Spamming Facebook =/= being in the workforce. I'm sorry, it's not.

[pixy0stix]

BULLSHIT!

[secretlyevil]

My eyes rolled right out of my head.

[FloFTW]

BRAVE??!!&&:3)

[cville]

Apr 18, 2015 17:19:34 GMT -5 FloFTW said:

BRAVE??!!&&:3)

Jamberry is just the Norma Rae of nails. Why must you be so narrow minded?

[stephm0188]

"I refuse to feel exploited by another woman’s empowerment."

I personally am okay with feeling indignant about being exploited by someone who bought into a pyramid scheme.

[josieposy]

I would be much more inclined to accept this argument if the FB spammers I know weren't working women. Almost every single one uses these sales as side income.

[onomatopoeia]

She's got a good point about women being pushed out of the workforce, but this "I refuse to feel exploited by another woman’s empowerment" makes me roll my eyes. It's not that I feel exploited by MLM's, it's that I feel annoyed. And pestered. And also occasionally judged (if I see one more Facebook post about how "I took my family to Disney with my Pampered Chef money and didn't have to stick my kids in some awful daycare to do it!  Ask me how!" I'll explode).

And I don't really see MLM's as "empowering" women anyway. Sure, a few friends who do MLM's have done pretty well (and work very hard). But it's MLM - the whole structure won't work unless THEY are getting exploited by the level above them, KWIM? I've seen many women (especially those who feel they have limited workplace options) get suckered into them with lots of promises of all this extra income as well, only to be left with an expensive starter pack and no customer base.

[ttt]

[curtains]

My sil posts no less than 7 affirmations a day about how amazing her mlm is and how she is empowered and a momepenuer.

Today she posted if one more person requested to play a fb game with her she would unfriend immediately.

Lol forever! I never play fb games but suddenly felt the need to play THEM ALL and invite her to every last one.





...sigh. she didn't unfriend me yet.

[chw57]

I'm sorry, "brave enough to take them on"?? In what world is spamming your friends endlessly considered brave? I don't think that word means what you think it means.

[gpw]

No.

[KateAggie]

curtains

[curtains]

Apr 18, 2015 18:08:30 GMT -5 KateAggie said:

curtains

Perfect!!

[forreals]

Apr 18, 2015 17:38:56 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

She's got a good point about women being pushed out of the workforce, but this "I refuse to feel exploited by another woman’s empowerment" makes me roll my eyes. It's not that I feel exploited by MLM's, it's that I feel annoyed. And pestered. And also occasionally judged (if I see one more Facebook post about how "I took my family to Disney with my Pampered Chef money and didn't have to stick my kids in some awful daycare to do it!  Ask me how!" I'll explode).

QFT

[gpw]

Apr 18, 2015 18:57:01 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

I've never even had a Facebook, but I do have a very educated friend who is a SAHM. I won't go into details, but it's clear she lives a comfortable life. She's currently involved in another MLM venture. I don't care if she works or doesn't, in fact, I like that she is able to SAH, because I know that's what she wants, but I do find it annoying that she seems to expect her friends to subsidize this. I paid way too much for a Stella & Dot piece when I could have gotten something similar far cheaper from the J. Crew Factory Store. I'll continue to attend these parties, but only because she's my friend, not because I think she's making some empowered choice. I actually think it's kind of a sucky choice.

You are a MUCH better friend than I.  Much, MUCH better.  A friend of mine is always doing some MLM or another.  She knows better than to even ask me anymore. 

[missmaddie]

Apr 18, 2015 17:38:38 GMT -5 josieposy said:

I would be much more inclined to accept this argument if the FB spammers I know weren't working women. Almost every single one uses these sales as side income.

Yep, every one of them is either a co-worker (my field is 95% women) or someone I know is employed FT too.  

One co-worker is onto her 4th product line in the 8 years I have worked with her.  She also is an AW who blasts everyone on FB when people don't support her and she has to move on...until she finds a new one and suddenly everyone has $$$ signs all over them and she sucks up again.

[Deleted]

The fact that they sell this shit which is not a business, does not develop business skills, is in fact predatory, money sucking bullshit as something women should do because being a mom and working for real real is so fucking hard is one of the primary reasons I despise the living fuck out of it.

These companies play on the fear and guilt society instills in women and whispers ass backwards misogyny in their ear full time.

It's ridiculous.

If you're good at selling, get a job selling shit. Go to school or do whatever you have to so you can work at the makeup counter in Dillards. Become a nail tech. Get your real estate license. Become a retail manager.

But do not sit here and tell me you have to resort to these shifty schemes that will make more money off you than you will ever make with them in order to have a fulfilling career and spend time with your family. That's bullshit.

Notice how few of these things are marketing primarily to men.

[Deleted]

I also do not want to think about how much money my aunt has sunk into MLM scheme after MLM scheme, hosting parties, attending conferences, buying inventory, 'investing' in tapes, books, inspirational materials, etc all while alienating family and friends and creating false cultish like friendships with new people every two years who are into this newest thing.

It's awful.

[origami]

I'm going to c&p what I said in another thread:

NO. women are not empowered by being duped into making scant wages via a pyramid scheme while alienating their friends and family. Get out of here, writer of nonsense. Yes the economy needs more flexible work options. That fact doesn't necessitate the approval and tolerance of every non-traditional work environment.

I will say though, I'm glad they are describing MLMs as "businesses" instead of "WAH jobs." I think that's an important distinction b/c the level of responsibility is completely different. "Working at home," to me, means you work for someone else who hands down the work to you, and that's all you're responsible for. You're a cog in the wheel. MLMs mean you are basically running your own "company". You are responsible to get all of your clients/pyramid sellers under you and you will fail if you don't keep that up. So many of my friends get involved with these companies b/c they want a WAH job. They don't have the time or the skills to run a business (esp a crap business) and that is part of why I feel like they were duped into joining these MLMs. I don't mean to imply there is only 1 way to think of WAH jobs, just that I think people are looking for a certain kind of job and not understanding they're getting involved in something very different. That is not something I'm going to celebrate, esp given the poor track record MLMs have. It's kind of pitiful actually.

[origami]

AND another thing. I will never believe the myriad MLMers on my FB feed who claim they're making mortgage payments or taking $5k vacations off their MLM profits until they SHOW ME THE MONEY. Do a MLM for a year and then post an income and expense report. If everyone of my MLM friends did that, and it backed up their claims, I would change my tune. I haven't so far because the only data I've seen shows almost no one makes money after a year of doing a MLM. (And I don't mean making good money, I mean almost no one earns any profit.) Otherwise I will remain convinced that MLMs target non-business types who either don't understand that profit = revenues MINUS expenses, or do understand and choose to ignore it.

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 0:19:23 GMT -5 lagom said:

Apr 18, 2015 23:29:48 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Notice how few of these things are marketing primarily to men.

Ugh. I feel like I encounter more and more men in mlms lately.
Amway was the original, but advocare, visulas, and that stupid energy drink pop up for me more than party lite or 31.

Yeah but Amway likes families. Sure, they'll take men but my impression was always that they wanted couples.

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 1:23:44 GMT -5 origami said:

AND another thing. I will never believe the myriad MLMers on my FB feed who claim they're making mortgage payments or taking $5k vacations off their MLM profits until they SHOW ME THE MONEY. Do a MLM for a year and then post an income and expense report. If everyone of my MLM friends did that, and it backed up their claims, I would change my tune. I haven't so far because the only data I've seen shows almost no one makes money after a year of doing a MLM. (And I don't mean making good money, I mean almost no one earns any profit.) Otherwise I will remain convinced that MLMs target non-business types who either don't understand that profit = revenues MINUS expenses, or do understand and choose to ignore it.

All of this. I've watched my aunt do it. But then within a year or two, she's moved onto another MLM.

[kadams767]

God, I hate this bullshit. Empowering women, my ass. You know what? If you want to SAH, if you feel you are pushed out of the workforce, OK. But if you can get childcare a few nights a week to throw these stupid parties to take advantage of your friends, you can haul your ass on up to work at the Gap the same way and not make everyone you know hate you in the process.

[ESF]

Apr 19, 2015 0:19:23 GMT -5 lagom said:

Apr 18, 2015 23:29:48 GMT -5 @helenabonhamcarter said:

Notice how few of these things are marketing primarily to men.

Ugh. I feel like I encounter more and more men in mlms lately.
Amway was the original, but advocare, visulas, and that stupid energy drink pop up for me more than party lite or 31.

I think the MLM companies are seeing an opportunity to start promoting their schemes to men. Increasingly, men are not the main breadwinners, got laid off at higher rates during the recession, and now that disability rates are soaring.

There is big money to be had preying on financially insecure men's need to be the breadwinner.

[mominatrix]

Apr 19, 2015 10:22:20 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

God, I hate this bullshit. Empowering women, my ass. You know what? If you want to SAH, if you feel you are pushed out of the workforce, OK. But if you can get childcare a few nights a week to throw these stupid parties to take advantage of your friends, you can haul your ass on up to work at the Gap the same way and not make everyone you know hate you in the process.

you know what, though, you can't.


With the conversations we've been having about how retail employees end up having to work crazy hours around holidays (when kids are out of school), AND about on-call kind of setups where you HAVE to go into work on little or no notice, it's not so easy to just get a retail job and make it work without steady, affordable, 24-hour a day childcare.


The rest of the rant, yea, I agree...

[tacosforlife]

What really pisses me off about this is that at least two of the MLMera who have showed up in my Facebook feed were teachers who decided to stay at home. And BONUS - they were music teachers, which means their skills and experience more easily transfer to flexible, part-time work! I am not maligning the work ethic of teachers - I was raised by one - but by the nature of the schedule, it is a more "family friendly" job than many others. These women were not pushed out of the workforce by big bad corporate America.

It slays me that these women walked away from a family friendly job and then when they decided they don't like being a single income family, they fell for this MLM crap. Both of these ladies could make actual money (and keep their skills up) by continuing to teach private lessons part-time. I also REALLY don't get it because surely they found teaching violin and flute to children and instilling a love of music more fulfilling than selling

I feel like this will sound snootier than I mean it, but I can at least understand someone with no skilled job experience giving this a try because the fewer skills you have, the harder it is to find a flexible job. So I can see the reasoning in trying it. But if you have a degree in music education and 8 years' experience teaching music, WHY would you not use your valuable skills instead of this garbage?

I am all about improving flexibility and family-friendliness in the workplace. But the answer to this problem is not supporting people who were duped into MLMs in the name of feminism. I'll support things that actually help women, thank you very much.

[ESF]

I agree with everything in here. Couple random thoughts that have not been mentioned yet--

FWIW, I think the original MLM, Tupperware, was an empowering concept. There were fewer options for women back then. Even the products they were selling is a somewhat liberating product - enabling easy storage of leftovers and for food on the go are things that would have been appealing to a "modern" woman in the 60s and 70s - it symbolizes a flexible lifestyle where mom isn't always home at meal time.

Avon and Mary Kate sell a lot of crap too, but at least some people find products to love and I imagine some women can be successful as the products they are selling lend themselves to repeat customers. I can see how some people could have had successful businesses selling those products.

But in addition to being so predatory, most of these MLMs nowadays are just selling crap. Nobody is going to build an empire selling gimmicky diet products and made in China trinkets to Facebook.

[heliocentric]

If these companies were so pro woman they would set up brick & mortar shops, hire lots lots of women and provide a family-friendly work environment with health insurance, flexible schedules, sick leave, paid vacation, and maternity leave. Instead, they set up these schemes that cost them next to nothing and put all the risk on the "business owners" for very little reward. That is not empowering women.