So the wedding was at 2 or 3pm with no meal service (other than light apps) and the reception ended at 10pm. And they didn't even get the groomsmen lunch? That is insane for anyone to think that is acceptable. I too am curious what the hell you do at a reception from 5-10 with no meal? If I was a guest, I'd be pissed. I don't think it was out of the realm of possibility for your diabetic/celiac friend to assume there might be SOMETHING to eat she could manage with. I'd have left too.
Church was 2:30, we didn't get out until after 4. Reception was 5-10. I have the food listed above. No lunch, either provided or allowed for by the groom, and one of the GM happened to not have breakfast either.
We assumed cocktail hour 5-6, dinner 6-10, so we didn't bother eating at what we thought was the CH portion b/c it was a zoo. Then it was close to 6 and they're not changing anything around and it's like oh shit, no dinner, wtf? So 6-10 was scrounging for food, drinking and dancing. They also had a cigar bar, so a lot of people vacated the venue to go outside for that, or went to the "photobooth" in the basement.
All of that $$ spent on cigars or props for the photobooth could have been shuttled back into the food, as it should have been, to give everyone a better experience.
They fucked up. But you seem to be getting some pleasure in making them look bad/recounting all the ways in which they suck. Are they BEC to you?
The bride is a little BEC to me, for too many reasons to list here. Some rational, some very, very irrational and I know that. The groom is truly one of my best friends, and a good host in his own home - and his parents even moreso - so I'm more disappointed that he thought this was ok.
Then she should have stopped for another snack, sneaked out at some point to get one, etc. I'm still putting this on her. The venue should be reasonably accommodating, but if you have unique food issues sometimes you'll have to make detours.
This doesn't sound like the most fabulous wedding ever by any means, and there were plenty of missteps along the way, but I do think you're trying to find fault in some aspects of this.
All I'm saying is, when we had my daughter's baptism, where this friend and the bride and groom were guests, I made it a point to tell the caterer I needed a special meal for my friend with celiac disease and they not only gave her a GF pasta dish, they gave her leftovers to take home.
Little touches like that MEAN SOMETHING to people. My friend still thanks me for going out of my way for her even though it was no trouble at all. When you invite people to your event, that's what you do to be an adequate host.
Well, sure. But do you plan for the circumstance where your friend with celiac also happens to have a sudden drop in blood sugar and needs gluten-free complex carbs, stat? You really can't plan for 150 guests' possible issues -- particularly those that involve two medical issues at once.
I would be pissed and very crabby at this wedding (and probably drunk since there was alcohol but limited food). I probably would have left the wedding early to eat if H didn't send me on a food run sooner than that. It's no fun standing around hungry! Sounds to me like they tried to cut costs without taking the comfort of their guests into account. It's okay to not serve dinner at a reception but not when it lasts 7+ hours, is during dinnertime and doesn't specify it on the invitation.
All I'm saying is, when we had my daughter's baptism, where this friend and the bride and groom were guests, I made it a point to tell the caterer I needed a special meal for my friend with celiac disease and they not only gave her a GF pasta dish, they gave her leftovers to take home.
Little touches like that MEAN SOMETHING to people. My friend still thanks me for going out of my way for her even though it was no trouble at all. When you invite people to your event, that's what you do to be an adequate host.
Well, sure. But do you plan for the circumstance where your friend with celiac also happens to have a sudden drop in blood sugar and needs gluten-free complex carbs, stat? You really can't plan for 150 guests' possible issues -- particularly those that involve two medical issues at once.
These aren't like parents' friends or colleagues, or people on the outskirts, these are close friends. He knows her health issues. The husband of this woman would probably have been the 6th groomsman if he had one. To not think, "hm, do we have anyone with food restrictions?" when going through the menu is mind-boggling to me. There was no filling food that was vegetarian/vegan, what then?
My point is, it's rude to make 150+ of the people closest to you starve for 5 hours because you want a place with pretty pictures, or need to get married 8 months after getting engaged (so possible limited availability) bc you don't want to wait any more to have sex.
This sounds like the wedding on the riverboat we went to years ago. We all ended up at Wendy's afterwards. You don't need to throw the wedding of the year, but people will remember too little food and that will be ALL they will remember. If you don't want/can't afford to feed/water your guests elope or be really clear that it's a champagne toast and cake reception and set the time accordingly - either early or late. If you're throwing a party during mealtime - you should feed your guests a meal. If you don't want to feed your guests a meal - don't have your party during mealtime.
All I'm saying is, when we had my daughter's baptism, where this friend and the bride and groom were guests, I made it a point to tell the caterer I needed a special meal for my friend with celiac disease and they not only gave her a GF pasta dish, they gave her leftovers to take home.
Little touches like that MEAN SOMETHING to people. My friend still thanks me for going out of my way for her even though it was no trouble at all. When you invite people to your event, that's what you do to be an adequate host.
Well, sure. But do you plan for the circumstance where your friend with celiac also happens to have a sudden drop in blood sugar and needs gluten-free complex carbs, stat? You really can't plan for 150 guests' possible issues -- particularly those that involve two medical issues at once.
That would have been irrelevant if they had, you know, paid for a whole meal to be served or told people that it was apps only. Because surely the friend with the health issues would have been able to eat some of it in order to avoid the low blood sugar problem in the first place. You can't say that it isn't their fault because they didn't plan for her health issues. It's their fault because they were terrible hosts who wanted to save a buck.
But as one of my polls asked, isn't it reasonable to expect the bride/groom will tell members of the bridal party that there isn't a meal? Or build in extra time to get food? I think it's reasonable for the groom to have said even as late as the night before when we were leaving the rehearsal dinner (where they also ran out of food but I digress) "hey guys just so you know the reception is apps only so plan ahead"
Yes. Poorly planned includes not telling people and not planning lunch. And yes, it's rude. But I don't see needing 3 polls.
Yeah, I'm here. Yes, they were rude and planned horribly. But that is pretty obvious from the story. The 3 polls were worded in such a way that of course everyone was going to agree with you. I really don't think this poorly planned wedding needed 4 posts. One venting post is probalby enough to get everyone to agree with you that they suck.
I've been to weddings that have had major issues before and had major side eyes as well. What can you do? Some people suck. Haven't you been on the knot before? Some people care way more about their perfect pictures and props then they do about their guests. That's not really news.
All I'm saying is, when we had my daughter's baptism, where this friend and the bride and groom were guests, I made it a point to tell the caterer I needed a special meal for my friend with celiac disease and they not only gave her a GF pasta dish, they gave her leftovers to take home.
Little touches like that MEAN SOMETHING to people. My friend still thanks me for going out of my way for her even though it was no trouble at all. When you invite people to your event, that's what you do to be an adequate host.
Well, sure. But do you plan for the circumstance where your friend with celiac also happens to have a sudden drop in blood sugar and needs gluten-free complex carbs, stat? You really can't plan for 150 guests' possible issues -- particularly those that involve two medical issues at once.
I think the point was if they had served a dinner (which given the times listed I would have expected) this wouldn't have been a problem for the guest. Even if they couldn't get her a gluten free plate she could have eaten some chicken and potatoes and her friends probably would have shared their potatoes as well and eaten an extra bun.
But the lack of food plus the limited options with no warning meant a guest was put in a difficult situation. And I would suspect with a bit more guest focused planning the venue would have been more easily alerted to the fact that they had someone with restrictions.
Yes. Poorly planned includes not telling people and not planning lunch. And yes, it's rude. But I don't see needing 3 polls.
Yeah, I'm here. Yes, they were rude and planned horribly. But that is pretty obvious from the story. The 3 polls were worded in such a way that of course everyone was going to agree with you. I really don't think this poorly planned wedding needed 4 posts. One venting post is probalby enough to get everyone to agree with you that they suck.
I've been to weddings that have had major issues before and had major side eyes as well. What can you do? Some people suck. Haven't you been on the knot before? Some people care way more about their perfect pictures and props then they do about their guests. That's not really news.
I am, admittedly, used to the NJ/NY "Wedding factory" type wedding, though I have certainly attended my share of weddings that were not as elaborate and had a lovely time. The wedding DH and I had was at a "wedding factory" type place and had a huge cocktail hour, dinner, drinks, cake, other desserts, and I'd be hard pressed to find someone who had to stop at a fast food place on the way home because there wasn't enough food (whether that food was to their liking is another story). So to me, the base you provide is enough food to adequately feed people and enough drink to quench their thirst. That usually means an entree - I'm not even talking multiple courses, or very heavy apps, like what h referenced, stations, etc. If it isn't enough per person for a meal you're hosting in your own home, it isn't enough at a wedding, with dancing and so on. I was on the knot, and that's part of why I am so incredulous that this still goes on, and people support "the pretty princess day" mantra. There have been enough posters like me, IMO, to beat all of the PPD people into submission
I can't imagine this being my wedding and being ok with the thought of people leaving and getting fast food to be satiated, and instead focusing on pictures and outdoor shots and cigar bars and photobooths. It's shameful.
But those of you who are my friends on FB probably would never had known it was so shitty b/c everyone looks like they're having a good time.
I went to a wedding like this years ago. The bride really did think they'd have enough food, though. I don't know where the problem was, but many people left the receptioni early because they were HUNGRY.
She did technically have enough seating- but all the tables were on the far side of the room. If you wanted any of the minimal passed apps, you had to be standing near the dance floor to catch the waiters as they came out of the kitchen. It was a poor layout and not good for the reception they wanted.
I have no problem with a dinner time reception that's all heavy apps. But you have to have a table of them AND also pass them.
They did, during the cocktail hour, have a table of apps - but it was also hard to get to and it was gone by the time the BP got to the room. So- like with your experience, the BP also had a lack of food.
We still had a good time overall, but we should have better memories and shouldn't be so focused on the lack of food as we are.
What a train wreck. At some point I'd have been calling for some pizza. You'd be the bridal party heroes!
Although, if I were diabetic + had celiac I'd always travel with food that I could eat. Hell, I do that when I am training heavily (or now pregnant) and need (sometimes specific) food to be available on a timeline. When we went to Ireland with a friend who is gluten intolerant she had a whole stash of gf Kind bars to avert potential food emergencies. There's no use adding a medical emergency, or even a hunger emergency, to an already shitty situation. So that bit of dramatic flair was probably at least a little bit preventable.
And now that's the ONLY thing people will remember about that wedding, even if it was otherwise beautiful, right?
That's all I will remember, certainly. But like most of these things, even when they're beyond crappy no one tells the bride/groom/parents that they were.
That's why people are always all over sites like the Knot saying, "Oh, don't worry. We did XYZ and everyone said our wedding was awesome!" Do they really not realize that's just what you tell the happy couple no matter what?
I am with you on the wedding being tacky and sounding terrible, for sure. But I maintain the lunch situation was the groomsmen's fault. Maybe it's just my group of friends and family, but there is no way that a group of them, male or female, would not have been talking or texting the day before or at the rehearsal about who was bringing food/booze for the afternoon getting ready.
And now that's the ONLY thing people will remember about that wedding, even if it was otherwise beautiful, right?
That's all I will remember, certainly. But like most of these things, even when they're beyond crappy no one tells the bride/groom/parents that they were.
I usually just nod and smile while biting my tongue but force me to go without food for half a day or more and I will become a super bitch and tell you what's what. Hunger makes me super cranky and I turn into a mean bitch. Just ask my H lol. So yeah I would have told them what a crappy wedding it was by the end of the night...assuming I stayed all night. And if I was in the wedding party, I probably would have left early.
ETA: This is assuming I was not told that there wouldn't be food so that I could get some before.
I am with you on the wedding being tacky and sounding terrible, for sure. But I maintain the lunch situation was the groomsmen's fault. Maybe it's just my group of friends and family, but there is no way that a group of them, male or female, would not have been talking or texting the day before or at the rehearsal about who was bringing food/booze for the afternoon getting ready.
And I still disagree. My husband made a good faith effort to get the GM, especially the guy who didn't have breakfast, something for lunch. The groom said no, because PICTURES! So again, it all boils down to the bride's plan for her Pretty Princess Day. To me, it's the groom's job to adequately prepare food for his BP, if nothing else, as a thank you for participating. And, because it was never shared that there was no dinner, the guys thought they would just make up for not getting lunch at the reception. It was impossible to know that they'd be starving all day. The groom knew, he had information that was not shared with the group and that was wrong. The reasonable thing to do if you're not providing dinner, if you're the groom and we're talking about your GM, is to provide lunch.
This is a "bitch providing only crackers" situation. They sound like they were out to turn a nice profit by inviting 150 people and spending little on anything for their guests.
I would totally think less of them after this. We were poor, we spent little on our wedding... but what we did have was plenty of great food.
This is a "bitch providing only crackers" situation. They sound like they were out to turn a nice profit by inviting 150 people and spending little on anything for their guests.
I would totally think less of them after this. We were poor, we spent little on our wedding... but what we did have was plenty of great food.
The bride is BEC with me. Like, in my circle, and the circle of most people I've talked to, it's customary to invite the spouse/SO of the groomsmen, or at least the best man, to the shower. She had 3 showers, I was invited to none. They had very expensive gifts on 2 registries, of which DH and I purchased 4 Waterford wine glasses from us and a Waterford bowl from DD, but bought a $15 gift for both my baby shower (not on the registry, I might add) and DD's baptism. The groom is her godfather. She told me she picked out both gifts, per his request. People who didn't even come gave more than that.
Bitch won't even share her crackers? I'm just trying to figure out the right insult. BEC for a bitch that was so cheap she provided inadequate crackers is just so good.
Punch and cake or light cocktail type weddings certainly happen, but they generally don't require an 8 hour time commitment, thereby rendering the guests unable to feed themselves.
On a side note, every wedding I have ever been in has had food provided for the wedding party as they get ready. I have never had to get my own food or coordinate getting it with other bridesmaids. That part seems totally weird, too.
I still can't get over this, I know my relatives and some of my friends would have straight out asked me when dinner was being served.
Yes, my family and friends would have been coming up to me on the dance floor like, "When are we going to eat?"
I think you are justifiably annoyed, @mrsspunky, but if I recall correctly, this is not the first time I've seen you vent about what someone gave your DD as a baptism gift. I think your expectations may simply have been too high as it relates to that.
I don't recall that. I recall being upset that people weren't responding in a timely manner, but not anything about gifts. I will look in my pp though.
I don't recall that. I recall being upset that people weren't responding in a timely manner, but not anything about gifts. I will look in my pp though.
Sorry, if I've confused you with someone else.
Meh, it was probably the same person, if I did complain. And I can only go back as far as January and she was baptized in November.
This is a "bitch providing only crackers" situation. They sound like they were out to turn a nice profit by inviting 150 people and spending little on anything for their guests.
I would totally think less of them after this. We were poor, we spent little on our wedding... but what we did have was plenty of great food.
The bride is BEC with me. Like, in my circle, and the circle of most people I've talked to, it's customary to invite the spouse/SO of the groomsmen, or at least the best man, to the shower. She had 3 showers, I was invited to none. They had very expensive gifts on 2 registries, of which DH and I purchased 4 Waterford wine glasses from us and a Waterford bowl from DD, but bought a $15 gift for both my baby shower (not on the registry, I might add) and DD's baptism. The groom is her godfather. She told me she picked out both gifts, per his request. People who didn't even come gave more than that.
See, and I'd be HIGHLY annoyed if I was invited to the shower of my husband's best friends' fiancees, unless I was close enough with the fiancees that I'd be invited anyway as their friends. That's a gift grab! Why are you making me feel guilty that I don't want to make the effort when I am not really your friend? Why *should* I make the effort when I'm not really your friend? Etc.
Moral of the story: sometimes you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I'd probably try to do more of a laughing at the shitshow than judging the hell out of people for not throwing a party that is up to your hosting standards. I think that could take away some of the aggravation. Like, just because you had a celiac-friendly diabetic coma prevention kit AND epi pens and Bendadryl for all those with allergies, and white foods for those who only eat white foods, and a special quiet room for the agoraphobes, or whatever else, at your daughter's baptism doesn't mean that that's an appropriate standard to hold for other people's events, you know? And it seems like there were at least a few things along the way that could have saved the day that were out of everyone's control (diabetic had already eaten her gluten-free snack, your husband couldn't get in touch with you to ask you to pick up a snack because his phone didn't work, your husband didn't ask someone at the venue (or you) to bring him a snack during pictures, etc.) I'm not saying this was a good wedding, at all, but it seems like there's an awful lot of anger/judging here.
And it really isn't good to judge people's gifts based on what you spent on them. That isn't really how the spirit of giving is supposed to work.
But v, the things that were in control of the B&G were: -Food -Drink -Seating
They provided little/none.
My husband's phone issue is irrelevant if lunch was provided, which it should have been, or they were allowed to stop for it, which they should have been, or if adequate food was provided at the reception, which it should have been. My friend's blood sugar issue is irrelevant if adequate food was provided at the reception.
::slams head into wall one more time::
This comes down to choices. The B&G had the choice of feeding their friends and family and maybe not having as nice a place in terms of looks, or having a place that was beautiful but where people left hungry. They chose the latter. They had the choice of feeding their closest/friends family in the wedding party, knowing full well they were keeping information from said wedding party about additional meals or lack thereof, or not. They chose the latter. They had the choice of selecting a venue that truly fit their party, meaning each person had a seat and a place to set their plate without having to share, or not. They chose the latter. They had the choice of waiting a few more months or a year where maybe there was more availability of venues, or choosing a date only 8 months away where there was limited availability so that the groom didn't have to hold off any longer on having sex with his mid-30 year old virgin bride to be. They chose the latter.
I don't understand how it is acceptable to a single one of you to leave a wedding reception without having eaten something that resembles a meal, when it is clearly held at a time where meals are usually served.
I have never been to a wedding that didn't have a meal (and I don't only attend ritzy weddings but the cheaper ones just had cheaper food) so I would be surprised and annoyed to show up and find no meal. It is rude. If it were me though, I don't think I would have stood around starving if I needed food as badly as your diabetic friend...I would either vulture over what was put out or leave and go get something. I also think you are expecting a bit much out of the servers and their understanding of food intolerances since often weekend catering workers are not actually professionally "people who serve food for a living" and it is not their fault that they couldn't make a highly specific food materialize in under 20 minutes. And some of your other comments like the one about the amount of time they were engaged (?) are irrelevant...to me the only rudeness is not providing adequate food during a mealtime.
I spoke with the catering director AND the chef and both of them told me to give her bread and crackers.