Post by meshaliuknits on Aug 13, 2012 10:56:30 GMT -5
I saw this posted on Free Range Kids and thought it was so ridiculous I needed to share it with someone.
My Kids Are Not Allowed to Play Outside (So Now They Are In the Mobile Home with Me)
Hi Folks — This letter has me down, but not nearly as down as the writer. When the authorities start to believe the world is worse than it is and hence that kids are less safe than they really are, naturally they see independence as dangerous. Free-Range Kids exists to spread the word that our kids are NOT in constant danger, and parents who believe in their kids are NOT endangering them. They are empowering them. Or at the very least, giving them a childhood. Any advice on how to change the zeitgeist FASTER is appreciated! – L
Dear Free-Range Kids: I found your site today while searching for the law. Today the police visited my home after one of my neighbors called in about my children being outside alone…in our yard with a home on two sides and six foot fence on the other two sides. The officer said, “Don’t have me called back out.” So now, do I have to go outside with my children every time they go out? I have a chronic illness and sitting outside all day sucks for me. They love being outside. They come in for bathroom breaks, they come in to tattle, they come in to say “I Love You”… they are in and out every 5-10 minutes. I check on them anytime I pass the door, and I lay or sit next to an open window. If I call for them, they come to the door/window and answer as a “check in.” They will literally stay outside from wake up to 9 pm, when I force them to come in, with breaks for the above and for food. They were perfectly safe. I don’t know what to do. Do I punish my children and make them stay inside? Or torture myself, putting me in great amounts of pain to sit outside with them all day, every day? I plan to call CPS tomorrow to see if they can shed any light on the situation.
Lenore here: I suggested the mom not call CPS, lest she alert them to behavior they don’t condone. Call me paranoid, I just keep getting letters from folks who’ve had run-ins with the authorities. So the mom wrote me another letter:
I believe a neighbor was standing on their porch and saw the boys outside. They have been playing outside together for more than a year now. They are not directly supervised as in me sitting outside with them, but I am not sleeping or GONE. I can’t believe the officer told me he better not have to come back out! I’m incredibly nervous and haven’t allowed them outside to play at all since then. Today my back hurts so bad I can barely go to the bathroom, much less outside to sit with them. I am at a loss on what to do.
I have also had a different police officer tell me that my kids going to the bathroom alone is dangerous. I tried to explain Free-Range parenting and he said he still takes his 11-year-old daughter into the men’s room with him! It’s depressing here The mom and I wrote back and forth some more but the long and short of it is: How dare the authorities declare kids cannot play outside IN THEIR OWN YARD! It’s like putting them under house arrest! Free-Rangers, all I can say is: please fight on. – L
WTF is all I have.... and now I'm worried the police will be visiting me too. I spent a lot of money on a fence so I could cook dinner in peace and quiet
Wait - someone takes an 11 year old daughter to the MEN'S room with him? WTF? How is THAT remotely appropriate?
We have a 6 foot wood privacy fence around our backyard, and you bet I let my kids (6 and almost 3) play out there by themselves. They have a swingset, a trampoline, a sandbox and a bunch of toys out there. They come in and out, and I check on them regularly. This is NOT bad parenting. This is letting kids be kids and not hovering.
How in the world do you foster independence in a child if you hover over them constantly?
If my neighbor called the cops on my kids being in the backyard, I'd have some incredibly harsh words for that neighbor. :/
If this is all to her story (and I am skeptical of that), I wonder how old her kids are to merit the cops coming out. Police just don't show up for a call that kids are playing outside.
I guess my mom neglected me, because I rarely remember her coming outside to watch me play. We spent 99% of our summer days outside as a kid.
I'll also bet that the 11 year old going to the men's room with her dad is much more scarred than an 11 year old that goes to the ladies room by herself. Whattheeverlovingmotherfuck?!
Post by redheadbaker on Aug 13, 2012 11:20:27 GMT -5
I wouldn't be surprised if my dad did something like that.
At 16 years of age, I was not allowed to take a bus to my BFF's house, a 7-mile trip one-way. My dad said it wasn't safe. At no point during the trip did the bus go through a "bad" neighborhood.
And also, LMAO that she was trying to tell the officer about free range parenting. Per the comments, she said the kids are "nearly 5 and nearly 3." So 4 and 2. I am side-eyeing that she leaves them outside all day at that age.
Post by Daria Morgandorffer on Aug 13, 2012 11:45:36 GMT -5
This is depressing. I honestly wouldn't be surprised though if this really was the whole story- in my apartment complex there is an "under 13 must be supervised by parent" rule even for the kids that live literally next to the little playground. I understand that it's different since we're on rented ground, but by 12 years old I was running all around my small town with my friends unsupervised until dark.
I'm a firm believer that kids really need to be able to explore and play by themselves, which is why my goal is to have a house in a much more rural area by the time DD is old enough to play unsupervised.
4 and 2 all day long? that sounds like kind of a lot. no naps? no rest time? no books or quiet play?
and i say this as the daughter of a person who regularly told me to "go outside and blow the stink off yourself" as a nice way of encouraging outdoor play. apparently it's a brooklyn thing circa 1935 that my grandmother imported to staten island and my mother imported to virginia.
And also, LMAO that she was trying to tell the officer about free range parenting. Per the comments, she said the kids are "nearly 5 and nearly 3." So 4 and 2. I am side-eyeing that she leaves them outside all day at that age.
Honestly if they're being watched even from a window and they are enclosed, I still don't see a big problem in this. It's not like she's barring access to the house (like my grandmother used to do to her kids....).
The cops were called out to the house because the kids were doing something OTHER than just playing in their own yard. I love that her description of the cops coming out and her interaction with them was limited to “Don’t have me called back out.” Um, in regards to what? Noise? Fighting? Trash/rock throwing? Yelling curse words?
If the kids are old enough to play by themselves outside w/o her direct supervision then they are old enough to follow rules like no throwing or yelling and if they can't follow those rules then yes they need to be corrected and busied some other way.
It sounds like the real issue here is that this woman is barely able to care for herself let alone two children, with her medical issues.
ETA: OK I see they are 2 and 4 years old. IDK it's debatable imo if they should be outside alone. Can you even trust a 2 and 4 year old to stay on your own property?
I don't think they are completely enclosed. And from her description, the kids just kind of do their own thing all day and I am guessing they probably go over to the neighbor's house and annoy the neighbors on a regular basis. and that is why the cops got called. My perception is probably clouded by the fact that my neighbors down the street don't do a great job of supervising their 5 kids, so they always end up at our house.
Post by cookiemdough on Aug 13, 2012 11:50:59 GMT -5
4 and 2 is absolutely unacceptable, especially for a yard that is not fully fenced in. At 2 I was still making sure my kid didn't sprint into the street as an athletic activity. My four year old could play outside and respect the rules, but I wouldn't have him be primarily responsible for a toddler.
Also them being outside until 9 pm? Usually it is dark by that time.
And also, LMAO that she was trying to tell the officer about free range parenting. Per the comments, she said the kids are "nearly 5 and nearly 3." So 4 and 2. I am side-eyeing that she leaves them outside all day at that age.
Honestly if they're being watched even from a window and they are enclosed, I still don't see a big problem in this. It's not like she's barring access to the house (like my grandmother used to do to her kids....).
But it is not fully enclosed based on the way she described it.
Post by Daria Morgandorffer on Aug 13, 2012 11:57:07 GMT -5
OK yea I read it as enclosed. If there's a chance that they can get to the street, and the mother is not able to get to them in time, then they should def not be out there alone.
Hi folks! Momma in question here! I’m going to try to speak to a few of the concerns above
First off, the fencing is privacy fencing. However, three homes can see into my yard from their porches as the privacy fencing is only 5 foot. We are prohibited from making other fences. Other people can see my porch from the road as it is high. (Which is how I got in trouble from “management” last year for letting the children play naked in the sprinkler while I cleaned out the shed!! Someone saw the boys climbing the steps! )
The boys are nearly 5 and nearly 3.
I can move and do.. often.. though it hurts incredibly on some days. In an emergency I move.. if there was an issue I can get to them. Not saying it won’t hurt.. but I’m not prohibited from moving from the pain. We all know mothers work through the pain.. no matter what, right!?
As for trash going out and the toilets being scrubbed.. I either do it on my “good” days or my husband does it when he can, when he is home. The house isn’t perfect but we do the best we can!
The boys are absolutely welcome to come into the house at anytime that they wish. THey are not forced to be outside. They have an entire room to themselves to play in as they wish at any time. They just prefer to be outside. Our yard is about 80 feet long by 20-25 feet wide. It’s pretty large as far as yards in this area go… They have toys, sticks, dogs, puppies, water hose, etc to play with outside.. so much more fun then the millions of toys in their inside room I guess lol We are pretty relaxed around here and they come in and out at their own will. I do sit outside with them about an hour a day or more.. I need the fresh air too. So the neighbors do see me.. though I sit in the corner by the porch (on the ground) so I would be impossible to see from the street. It’s the only shade in the yard most of the time. It’s also the only time they are allowed in their little pool (under 60 inches). I fill it, let them play in it, dump it and then go back inside.
The cop who told me that kids should not go to the bathroom alone was a few months ago. I was disgusted and showed it. I asked him if he knew about “free range parenting” and he admitted he did not. (A friend and I were being chewed out for letting our 4-5 year olds go to the bathroom (that we could see from where we were sitting) alone. It was insane! I could NOT believe it when he said he took his 11 year old DAUGHTER in the mens room!!! (We were at a restaurant with a play area and had allowed the older boys to go potty while we supervised the younger children and an officer had an issue of it and gave us his $.02.
I also had an officer last year tell me that I should just “cover up at the pool to keep the peace” because management had a cow and said there were complaints about me breastfeeding at the pool! He then “corrected” me that the law says I can nurse as long as the areola is not showing.. I had to pull the law up on my laptop and show it to him… he was shocked that it had changed! (I called the officer to make them aware of another situation in which I was being threatened by another resident due to the pool situation).
Our area also had a man arrested at the PRIDE parade for open carrying of a firearm in a public park. The “cheat sheet” said it was illegal (the cheat sheet is a book kept at the PD precinct that has all the “basic laws” in it). The man in question filmed the encounter on his phone. He was threatened by an officer, handcuffed and imprisoned. Turns out the laws changed a DECADE ago that open carry is allowed in parks!!!! A DECADE! Our police force is seriously flawed and citizens are paying for it daily! Just think… in my sons 5 years I have had three encounters.. all three anti mom/anti kid.
I am in Colorado Springs, CO. I’m ready to move ASAP! I want to move to our own space in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors lol.
I am in the "there's more to this story" camp. And yeah, my aunts and mom still laugh about how they practically made us stay outside all the time. Different times though - and we weren't 2 and 4 (or 3 and 5).
ETA: Update was added as I was posting. Still in the more to the story camp but moving towards, mom is nutso with half a brain (and not about the breast feeding part). Why didn't she watch the younger kids while her friends took the other kids to the bathroom?