Post by Willis Jackson on Apr 22, 2015 18:29:36 GMT -5
I'm going to type some pretty terrible things about my kid, so if you just have one angelic baby or something you'll probably think I'm a monster.
So, DS1 (6y) is a pain in the ass. I want like 6 months off from being his mother. I just want to be his babysitter. I want to be one of the people he behaves for, not the one he dumps all his shit on. I don't want the weight of being THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in his life anymore. I don't want be his soft place to land.
I was thinking about how he's always been a pain in the ass. He had colic as a baby. He was a runner and generally BSC as a toddler. Age 4 was decent. The transition to kindergarten almost killed us. He comes home mentally exhausted and physically hyped up and is just a defiant asshole. I don't think full day kindergarten is good for him. He needs to go to school for 3 hours, eat lunch, and then run in a hamster wheel for 3 hours. We stay at the playground after school as long as we can so he can get exercise, but he always misbehaves in some way that necessitates leaving as a consequence. His only saving grace is that there are moments of pleasantness on the weekends.
His teacher says his behavior is great. His preschool teachers called him a people pleaser. I wish I were one of those people he wanted to please because I can't take his shit anymore.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. If he needs to burn a lot of energy they sell kid treadmills. Another idea is to get him a small trampoline that he can use inside the house. One of DD1's classmates has a TON of energy and the mom got him a mini trampoline that is in their living room and he jumps away while watching tv.
Have patience with (always easier said than done) and hang in there.
You know what I think would add to my misery in that case? Hearing other people praise his behavior. Are any of these people for whom he behaves aware that he's a jerk for you?
And you don't sound like a monster. You always sound level-headed and just good at parenting, from what I recall. And I think you once said you and your husband have a lot of sex, to which I tip my hat. You rock.
Post by undecidedowl on Apr 22, 2015 19:08:00 GMT -5
Hugs. I know for me it stings a bit to hear my mom talk about how sweet and wonderful DS1 is when I feel like he is constantly driving me batshit crazy.
You are a great mom. You deserve a break, it's hard work being the one to take the brunt of all the sucky stuff.
I'm sorry. I can completely relate. DD, also 6, has been so awful this year since starting kindergarten. After a particularly bad week I don't even want to be in the same room as her. Her problems are part anxiety, holding it all in during school and then unleashing on us at home, part exhaustion from a day at school, and part refusing to eat her lunch and being hangry by the time I pick her up. I feel like we can't win.
Today I was told my dds teacher that her strong willed personality and assertiveness would be helpful for her in her future. This was only to make me feel better as we talked about her unwillingness to listen, like we have been talking all year long.
I am sorry. It's not you and you're a great parent. I work a lot with that age range in my job and it's pretty normal if that makes you feel better. Great at school then they hit a wall on the first trusted source and it's all a$$hole from there on out. They're at an age where following the rules all day/staying in a routine is a lot of work and exhausting and they have no outlet for it so it comes out in bad behavior as soon as thy can let it.
You know...because I'm sure my arm chair psych helps you so much at this point.
Hang in there though.
And let the kid run, run, run as often as you can!
Post by tommygirl03 on Apr 22, 2015 19:39:36 GMT -5
I feel your pain. Full day K is HARD. Last year sucked, but 1st is much better. I'm expecting next year to suck again, as DD2 will start full day K (while big sis is in 2nd). I have no advice, just wine. Lots of wine. ?
You know what I think would add to my misery in that case? Hearing other people praise his behavior. Are any of these people for whom he behaves aware that he's a jerk for you?
YES! I hate it. My parents came to visit in October and it was so nice to hear my mom mention that she noticed how awful he was with me, but he was generally a sweet kid. She said it in a "try not to kill him because he does have some redeeming qualities" way. lol.
I should mention that he is just as awful for DH. We basically tag each other out all evening so we don't lose our tempers.
I'm sorry. Can you ship him off to anyone for a few days? I mean a Grandma or something like that - not a boot camp.
Our families aren't local. Any kind of shipping would be tough logistically.
How so? You just need to poke holes in the box.
All kidding aside, I'm glad your mom saw his true colors and said so. Grandparents are almost universally blind to their grandchildren's poor behavior/shortcomings, so that's huge. Doesn't help you get through the days right now, but thank goodness she didn't add to the assault.
ETA: By true colors, I mean no disrespect to your munchkin. It's TIC.
Post by hopecounts on Apr 22, 2015 20:10:18 GMT -5
((hugs)) that's really hard. I don't know if you want suggestions but when my daughter gets keyed up like that some heavy work or sensory work helps her get back to a normal level. Instead of the playground could you do kid yoga with him there are a bunch on youtube? or have him push a heavy laundry basket around for 5ish minutes? Both work with my High Energy Special Needs daughter. It might help him take it down a few notches and be less exhausting.
Post by jeaniebueller on Apr 22, 2015 20:11:12 GMT -5
I hear you. I think that 6 is a tough, tough age. My DS has tons of testing boundaries, acting out and not listening. Does your DS have a currency? I have had luck with doing rewards of sorts or taking away one of the few things that motivate him (Xbox, kindle or computer access).
I have my fingers in my ears. My child is 3 and this is her. So well behaved for everyone but not for us. And the worst for me. If this continues, I will ....... And you have 2 other kids? I cannot imagine.
My child is so stubborn that Monday I said. 'We're going to make pizza. ' (fun for. Kid, right ?). She said 'I want spaghetti ' and finally came to make it. She would not give in to having fun. She held her grumpy face for spreading sauce And cheese. Finally she smiled.
She is so stubborn, she peed her pants today rather than give in to go try to pee. I bribed her with chocolate to sit on the toilet but she didn't pee. It had been 14 hours since her last pee. She wouldn't give me the satisfaction of peeing she sat on the freaking toilet and held it?
My 6 year old is a frequent asshole. I'm hoping it's a phase or I might sell her.
If it makes you feel any better, I've always heard that kids are the worst for their parents to whom they feel attached; he can be an asshole and he knows you'll still love him. So...good job, mama.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by redpenmama on Apr 22, 2015 23:02:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry. I have these moments/feelings with my daughter as well (almost 4). She has been a strong-willed spitfire since the second she was born, and I get the brunt of the drama/defiance. Like your son, her teachers say she always follows directions and is sweet with her friends. She is adorable with her dad like 95% of the time. But the child just goes at it with me all day long. I have literally gone into the bathroom and cried on bad days when H gets home -- she is so damn sweet with him, even after a horrendous day.
Her behavior fluctuates, so we have a bad stretch and then a good stretch, and that is really all that saves us. Otherwise, I would really lose it. The child is the best thing that has ever happened to me, truly, be damned if she doesn't make life impossible sometimes.
(We are having a good week -- if I wrote this last week, it would be much more vitriolic!)
:::hugs::: I get it. I have a kid that's been rough to take most of her life --and yes starting with colic. My feelings are very complicated & I wish I "got" her more but I don't.