I'm just not sure that all the headaches that come with finding reliable trustworthy childcare that suits your standards and needs is worth it for a 12 week assignment. That's crazy to me.
I'm just not sure that all the headaches that come with finding reliable trustworthy childcare that suits your standards and needs is worth it for a 12 week assignment. That's crazy to me.
I feel like the headaches are much less in a "nanny culture" place like HK. It wouldn't be my first answer for everywhere, but for HK, it is.
Post by penguingrrl on May 6, 2015 11:51:35 GMT -5
She should absolutely go! Whether to look for a nanny over there or leave her baby with her sister here really depends on her comfort level. My sister and I are really close, so I would leave any or all of my kids with her for an extended period of time without hesitation. I would also guess that the company has a relationship with a nanny service that will provide a very well qualified nanny if she prefers to go that route. I can't imagine judging a mother for leaving temporarily in order to gain a very long-term benefit to her family and, especially, a single mother whose career is the only income.
I'm just not sure that all the headaches that come with finding reliable trustworthy childcare that suits your standards and needs is worth it for a 12 week assignment. That's crazy to me.
I feel like the headaches are much less in a "nanny culture" place like HK. It wouldn't be my first answer for everywhere, but for HK, it is.
I need to understand how HK's "nanny culture" is going to make it easy for a woman who isn't even sure she should let her own sister keep her child find childcare. This isn't about how many nannies there are in HK. It's about this mother's feelings about having someone care for her child, in a foreign place no less with no family, friends, or neighbors she can trust to check in.
Doesn't this happen with parents in the military? They get deployments for longer than that and it's done so I don't see much difference except her life may not be at risk as with the military! I say she does it and leaves the child with her sister.
I feel like the headaches are much less in a "nanny culture" place like HK. It wouldn't be my first answer for everywhere, but for HK, it is.
I need to understand how HK's "nanny culture" is going to make it easy for a woman who isn't even sure she should let her own sister keep her child find childcare. This isn't about how many nannies there are in HK. It's about this mother's feelings about having someone care for her child, in a foreign place no less with no family, friends, or neighbors she can trust to check in.
Sure, she should do what she feels comfortable with. If she feels better leaving her kid with her sister for 3 months, she can do that.
I'd feel better seeing my baby every night and hiring someone out of a catalog this afternoon.
They're both valid options. There's just no way I could walk away from my baby for 3 months, no matter what the opportunity was. Me, personally, with my feelings and hormones and babies that still nurse at 11 months.
Post by expatpumpkin on May 6, 2015 12:00:34 GMT -5
No kids here, but she should GO! Leave the baby with sister. Sounds like an amazing opportunity for her career; plus, the kid will be left with loving family and not even remember this. GO!
I feel like the headaches are much less in a "nanny culture" place like HK. It wouldn't be my first answer for everywhere, but for HK, it is.
I need to understand how HK's "nanny culture" is going to make it easy for a woman who isn't even sure she should let her own sister keep her child find childcare. This isn't about how many nannies there are in HK. It's about this mother's feelings about having someone care for her child, in a foreign place no less with no family, friends, or neighbors she can trust to check in.
Was she worried about her sister caring for her daughter or not seeing her at all?
Like I would have no qualms about my either of my sisters watching my kid even 80 hours a week but not seeing him for 3 months is a whole other thing.
I need to understand how HK's "nanny culture" is going to make it easy for a woman who isn't even sure she should let her own sister keep her child find childcare. This isn't about how many nannies there are in HK. It's about this mother's feelings about having someone care for her child, in a foreign place no less with no family, friends, or neighbors she can trust to check in.
Was she worried about her sister caring for her daughter or not seeing her at all?
Like I would have no qualms about my either of my sisters watching my kid even 80 hours a week but not seeing him for 3 months is a whole other thing.
To me it reads like she's worried she'd be seen as a bad mother if she left her child with her sister. I doubt leaving her with a nanny she barely knows in a place she's never lived and liking working most of the time and not seeing her child that often is going to make her feel any better.
I took tokenhoser's comment as an assumption that welp, since there are lots of nannies in Hong Kong it will be easy peasy. If it were, she wouldn't be writing this letter.
I'd go. 3 months is a long time but if it would improve things in the long run then it would be worth it. I don't have a sister but I'll leave dd with my brother and sil if needed. They don't even live in my area and I would still do it.
Team Go. I actually considered taking a YEAR assignment overseas without H or M when M was only a year. I didn't, but it would have been a huge career boost.
I'm pretty sure I'd be a bad mom, but I would definitely do this. And while I'd consider taking the kid, I probably wouldn't because often you have evening requirements when traveling for business and I'd feel guilty about not running back to my kid at 5, but also aware that people would judge me for not being available for dinner/drinks/whatever.
And no one would ever judge a father for making that decision.
I need to understand how HK's "nanny culture" is going to make it easy for a woman who isn't even sure she should let her own sister keep her child find childcare. This isn't about how many nannies there are in HK. It's about this mother's feelings about having someone care for her child, in a foreign place no less with no family, friends, or neighbors she can trust to check in.
How would you get references or do background checks? Presumably you'd need to ask around, make phone calls, find the local care.com equivalent, etc. Do you want to do that from the US with the time zone or wait until you get there and presumably lose focus on day 1? Interviews?
None of that seems worth it to me for 12 weeks, and I don't see how having tons of nannies to choose from helps.
I would assume my company has a relationship with a nanny agency over there that has taken care of all of that honestly.
I'll say it. I would judge her for leaving her baby that long, since she's a single parent. (Meaning I would not judge her if she had a co-parent to leave the kid with.) And I would judge a single dad too. The difference with a dad is that, in the back of my mind, I would question when he would come back. A woman I would have more certainty would try to end the assignment on time. I'm sure that's flammable and I agree in advance it sucks and is unfair to SPs.
This is a total no brainer for me. Hire a nanny in HK.
Absolutely. I am sure the baby would be in excellent care with her sister, but not seeing your child for three months would be super tough - and I know lots of parents do it, with deployments, etc, but as has been mentioned before, HK has a nanny culture and there are tons of great agencies that could set up care on very short notice.
I think it depends, though - as a pp mentioned, leaving baby with sister COULD allow the mother to immerse herself in the project and work around the clock. However, if the assignment allows for some free time, I think it could be distracting for some people to be that far away for so long.
It all depends on what feels more comfortable with I think - for me, it would be a nanny in HK.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
This is very true. But heck i left my kid for a week at 3 and had withdrawals LOL. I am not a good person to ask about leaving your kid.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
This is very true. But heck i left my kid for a week at 3 and had withdrawals LOL. I am not a good person to ask about leaving your kid.
Me too for 3 days. It was awful. I'm not a good judge either of this.
Post by rupertpenny on May 6, 2015 19:28:51 GMT -5
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
Post by rupertpenny on May 6, 2015 19:32:03 GMT -5
Hiring my nanny here actually took me almost 3 months. And she could not do it if she didn't have HK residency, which she probably wouldn't have for a 12 week assignment.
I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't judge someone else for doing it. It's mostly because it's hard for me to see how my job could require that (I'm a teacher - not much upward mobility...). I think I would think differently in a different position.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
Oh that sucks. Is daycare a possibility? If not I change my mind then. I think she should bring a nanny with her and if that's impossible she should defer international assignments until her kid is school age.
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
Oh that sucks. Is daycare a possibility? If not I change my mind then. I think she should bring a nanny with her and if that's impossible she should defer international assignments until her kid is school age.
No, daycare doesn't exist. The assumption here is that everyone has a helper and if you don't you are kind of screwed.
If it were me I'd probably try and find someone at home I could bring with me. Not an actual nanny probably, but a younger cousin or my mom or something. I know that is easier said than done and not everyone has someone like that in their life, but it would be legal since US citizens get 90 day visas. I guess maybe it wouldn't be technically legal to "employ" them in HK, but it would be legal for them to remain in HK for that period of time.
Another option, but one that would be very difficult, is to hire a local person. The likelyhood of finding a local person who has any kind of experience in childcare, is willing to take a short term assignment, and who can communicate in English is pretty much zero though.
I couldn't do it personally, but MH does it all the damn time, so no judgement here.
This. I couldn't, but many servicemembers do it quite a bit. My exH was gone a lot for 6-12 month tours throughout my kids' lives. However, in this woman's situation I would think or hope she can find a nanny in Hong Kong.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
If she's working a ton she's going to miss all of that too. I assume she's not taking the kid to the office with her.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
If she's working a ton she's going to miss all of that too. I assume she's not taking the kid to the office with her.
Well she is guaranteed to miss it if they are living on separate continents.
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
I'm glad someone with experience has weighed in. I was wondering about this when everyone was chiming in with making it sound so easy to hire a nanny in Hong Kong.
As someone who has lived overseas, often things that seem simple, aren't so simple once you get to a foreign country.
For a 12 week assignment it sounds like leaving the kid at home and utilizing FaceTime would be the best option. I wonder what the person who wrote the article will do. It'd be nice to have follow up.