She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
So interesting to hear from someone with actual experience w/ the HK situation - I didn't realize this at all. Given that, I would also prefer what rupertpenny mentioned; bringing someone over from the U.S, if possible.
And re missing milestones - I was not bothered By missing DD's "first steps" (I was at an office Christmas brunch and she was home with DH) but I would be upset about missing the whole progress for 3 months. I totally count the first steps that I witnessed as her "first steps with me" - and it's not like she was suddenly prancing around just bc I wasn't there the very first time.
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
I guess it really depends on her company. Do they often send people to Hong Kong for temporary assignments? Can they contract with a nanny for 2 years for multiple employees to use? Can they help subsidize childcare through an agency or use an agency enough that it's affordable? I wouldn't count on any of that, but at the very least she should be lobbing those questions.
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
She should definitely go, but it would actually be near impossible to find a nanny in HK for only 3 months. It is very easy to hire help here, but it has to be on a 2 year contract and it is highly illegal to basically subcontract someone. She could hire a Western nanny through an agency and that would be legal, but it would be upwards of $30USD an hour. She should leave the baby with her sister.
I guess it really depends on her company. Do they often send people to Hong Kong for temporary assignments? Can they contract with a nanny for 2 years for multiple employees to use? Can they help subsidize childcare through an agency or use an agency enough that it's affordable? I wouldn't count on any of that, but at the very least she should be lobbing those questions.
I'm almost positive it would not be possible for her company to legally supply her with a foreign domestic helper, which is really what people are talking about when they talk about "nannies" in HK, because they can only be sponsored by individuals. But yes, I'm sure her company could figure out something for her if they really wanted to and she should definitely ask.
Leaving an 11 month old for 3 months means missing a lot of firsts....first steps, first words, first birthday...they change so fast at that age. Find a nanny in HK for sure.
If she's working a ton she's going to miss all of that too. I assume she's not taking the kid to the office with her.
I think there is a difference in missing your kid's technical first step while he/she is at daycare and then being able to witness the milestone yourself later that evening versus not being in the same time zone.
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
Post by stephreloaded on May 7, 2015 8:35:36 GMT -5
I would do it. While it would suck FOR ME, to miss my baby's first steps and other milestones, I think she would be in a more stable environment staying with my sister. I would make sure that kid has a camera on her the whole time so I can see everything in video.
Maybe I am jaded because DD has a long distance relationship with her dad and when she sees him after like 3 months she acts like she just saw him yesterday.
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
Is your kid also prone to slipping out of doors and taking off into the neighborhood? Do you presume that your sister gives the same level of attention to a cat as she would to an infant?
I mean...maybe. My sister was a runner. And maybe your sister is just an awful flake.
Otherwise, really with the cat comparison? REALLY? Because you sound like this:
I mean, I know I totes knew what parenting was like before I had a child because my cats are really needy first thing in the AM....
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
Is your kid also prone to slipping out of doors and taking off into the neighborhood? Do you presume that your sister gives the same level of attention to a cat as she would to an infant?
I mean...maybe. My sister was a runner. And maybe your sister is just an awful flake.
Otherwise, really with the cat comparison? REALLY? Because you sound like this:
I mean, I know I totes knew what parenting was like before I had a child because my cats are really needy first thing in the AM....
If my sister can't be trusted with my cat she can't be trusted with my kid. And she let her out. When I told her not to do she can't be trusted to follow my instructions
Is your kid also prone to slipping out of doors and taking off into the neighborhood? Do you presume that your sister gives the same level of attention to a cat as she would to an infant?
I mean...maybe. My sister was a runner. And maybe your sister is just an awful flake.
Otherwise, really with the cat comparison? REALLY? Because you sound like this:
I mean, I know I totes knew what parenting was like before I had a child because my cats are really needy first thing in the AM....
If my sister can't be trusted with my cat she can't be trusted with my kid. And she let her out. When I told her not to do she can't be trusted to follow my instructions
ooooook. We are discussing the OP's circumstances and what we would do in her shoes. The OP's sister is apparently responsible and capable. At least, of watching humans. I guess it didn't mention felines.
Is your kid also prone to slipping out of doors and taking off into the neighborhood? Do you presume that your sister gives the same level of attention to a cat as she would to an infant?
I mean...maybe. My sister was a runner. And maybe your sister is just an awful flake.
Otherwise, really with the cat comparison? REALLY? Because you sound like this:
I mean, I know I totes knew what parenting was like before I had a child because my cats are really needy first thing in the AM....
If my sister can't be trusted with my cat she can't be trusted with my kid. And she let her out. When I told her not to do she can't be trusted to follow my instructions
Ok...so yes, your sister is a total flake. So what you meant is "my sister is an idiot and I don't trust her, so this wouldn't be an option for me."
You do see why the cat comparison got you the "stop talking" from HBC though, right?
There is no way in hell I would do it personally. I had a similar situation except it was my cat that my sister watched for 3 months while I went away on a business trip. The cat ran away (she wasn't supposed to let her outside). So no I would not trust her to watch my kid.
Look, I don't like cats. meshaliuknits is going to kill me but it's the truth. I am not a cat person. I do not have cat. I do not wish to cat sit anyone else's cat. I had a cat once and she bit the shit out of me. At the risk of adding pixy0stix's wrath to the mix, I put that asshole cat outside after she chomped on my finger. By the time I cooled down and cleaned out my war wound and realized I was being shitty and reactive, the cat was gone. Haven't seen her since. But she got her revenge. I got cat scratch disease (literally, it's a thing) from the bite and there you go. I haven't had a cat since because no. I don't like fucking cats and I'm not a good cat caretaker.
And yet I have three kids who I manage to care for just fine.
It's not at all the same thing. Presumably one loves their niece and would care for her and love her better than a cat. Also, even cat lovers agree that cats are dicks and trying to make one behave is often a losing battle.
At the end of the day though, accidents do happen and having a cat slip out of the door doesn't mean one would be terrible at caring for a child any more than having a child skin their knee on your watch means you aren't fit to care for a child at all.
In any case, this was more words than you deserve. Maybe I'm bored. My original comment stands.
I should have mentioned this yesterday but I'm a bit more than biased on this topic. When I was short, I lived with my greatgrandmother for two years when my mother first joined the navy. I stayed with my aunt for two months when I was 12 for funsies and it was fun, trust lol. My father was in the navy and deployed for weeks/months fairly regularly. I also know I stayed with relatives off and on when I was really young.
So basically, as long as your kid is safe and well cared for and you figure out a way to maintain a presence in their life and leave them with loving, caring people who make sure your child knows they are loved, then meh, you do you, boo.
I haven't read anything here that would make me not leave my hypothetical child if I were a single mom. As a single mom without the luxury of a husband with an income in the household (this is in an ideal situation), I would not feel inclined to let my career take a backseat or to be potentially mommytracked because I am the sole provider and I need that income to provide for my kid.
honestly my biggest reason for being Team Take the Kid is that I don't think she needs to leave the kid in order to make this work. Why would someone leave their kid when they didn't have to? That's where I'm coming from. Now maybe it is impossible for her to take the kid, and maybe it would be awful for her career if she stayed home. In that case, by all means go. But, mostly because of my own biases, I don't think that's the case so I'm still Team Take Yo Kid.
Ironically, I think a permanent assignment in Hong Kong would possibly be wonderful for a single mother. She would be able to have a level of domestic help and support here that is just not available in the U.S. except to the super rich. So I think she should take the temp assignment and ask to make it permanent. I may be biased though, haha.
honestly my biggest reason for being Team Take the Kid is that I don't think she needs to leave the kid in order to make this work. Why would someone leave their kid when they didn't have to? That's where I'm coming from. Now maybe it is impossible for her to take the kid, and maybe it would be awful for her career if she stayed home. In that case, by all means go. But, mostly because of my own biases, I don't think that's the case so I'm still Team Take Yo Kid.
I'm going to assume that she was asked to take on a high profile international assignment as some sort of test/evaluation in her company. They don't do this for funsies. Being able to dedicate yourself to the job, work long hours, network, etc. could make a big difference in her career trajectory. So sure, she doesn't "have to" - no one is holding a gun to her head - but let's not pretend that there may not be some long term consequences to her going and half assing it because she's trying to single parent in a new country with little support, just when she is supposed to be "on". Prove yourself first, then you can take your foot off the gas.
I also think "make this work" =/= kick ass and take names. She should be aiming for the latter.
I'm well aware that companies don't send people abroad for funsies. The OP called this assignment a "feather in the cap" not "critical to avoid a negative career trajectory." The benefit she mentioned was the money. So this strikes me as a bonus opportunity type of assignment. Not a "must do" business trip. If she's not half-assing it now why would you think she would half ass it in HK? That's a strange comment. No one thinks she should take her kid without support or a solid plan for care taking. ETA: and the only reservation she mentioned about taking the kid was her inability to find a sitter/nanny on short notice. Not working slave hours 6 days a week and partying every 3rd night.
Look, I don't like cats.meshaliuknits is going to kill me but it's the truth. I am not a cat person. I do not have cat. I do not wish to cat sit anyone else's cat. I had a cat once and she bit the shit out of me. At the risk of adding pixy0stix's wrath to the mix, I put that asshole cat outside after she chomped on my finger. By the time I cooled down and cleaned out my war wound and realized I was being shitty and reactive, the cat was gone. Haven't seen her since. But she got her revenge. I got cat scratch disease (literally, it's a thing) from the bite and there you go. I haven't had a cat since because no. I don't like fucking cats and I'm not a good cat caretaker.
You like me. And if you don't, lie. It will be better for both of us.
I think she should definitely go. My bigger dilemma would be should i leave the baby with my sister who I trust, but I would not see my child for months, or a sitter who I don't know watching my child all day and get to see my baby.
I guess it really depends on her company. Do they often send people to Hong Kong for temporary assignments? Can they contract with a nanny for 2 years for multiple employees to use? Can they help subsidize childcare through an agency or use an agency enough that it's affordable? I wouldn't count on any of that, but at the very least she should be lobbing those questions.
I'm not sure she should be asking. I guess it depends on whether any sort of relo package is involved vs. being a long business trip, but I certainly don't get my employer that involved in my child care (and I say this using an onsite daycare).
Yeah, from talking to other expats and comparing notes our relocation policy, benefits, and support are top of the line. They don't get involved with childcare for long term assignees. They definitely wouldn't for a short-term assignee. Bringing family with you on what is essentially an extended business trip is ok but looked at as industrial tourism--like your family is on a holiday on the company's dime. Asking for any sort of benefit for a family member coming with you would not go over well.
There are too many situations that could arise that I can't say I would never do it. In the situation I am in right now? No, I wouldn't do it. But I won't judge someone who is trying to better her life with a great job opportunity. It's not like she's going to leave her kids on someone's doorstep and run for it.
And WTAF at whoever compared leaving kids with family members to leaving a fucking cat. A cat is not a baby, as much as people like to believe.