My life changes yet again.

[liubotflittyfud]

I don't even know where to start with this fiasco, but here we go. So my mom, dad, and J have been lobbying for me to move in with him. My mom and dad want me to closer to home and they really like J and trust him in kind of watching over me because of my past erratic behavior in the last couple of months. He wants me to move because he knows I drive a lot, and this will save us money, and because he wants a future with me. I wasn't 100% sure because of everything that happened with xBF and my mental health and if I should rush the moving in thing. I told everyone I would think about it.

Well needless to say as everything tends to pool in my crazy life, I've been struggling hard with money. It has been worse and getting better but I'm kind of stalemating with no profits and barely making it. Some shit came up last week and this week, and I basically bounced my rent check. I am budgeted to the dollar. I sold some things on craigslist to help pay these snafus but I still fell short. This has been trending for a while now on and off but I have never ever bounced a rent check. I'm disgusted and embarassed. I went and assessed my finances and budget and next month's rent is going to barely happen, too. I can't do this anymore.

I discussed matters with my landlord and he was very understanding. He gave me the option of splitting my rent half the beginning of the month, and the second half when I get my second paycheck. I did all of the math but it still won't cut it. He then told me that I have to be out by the end of the month and he will use my security deposit for this month's rent so I can not worry.

So I will be moving in with J by the end of this month and I am shitting my pants scared. I'm so afraid that this will ruin our relationship and its basically the kiss of death. I've lived with two other SOs and the relationships ended. My mother keeps saying that this is a blessing in disguise, and maybe I should just listen to her.

I guess I'm venting, but I do have a question. How can I make sure I don't fall into the codependent obsessed with my bf girl that I've been before? I'm enjoying my freedom and me space, and unfortunately it has to end. I'm thinking about trying to save up some money so I can start taking boot camp classes again. Am I just being stupid and freaking out for no reason or is this warranted?

[blackkitty]

Find another option
You know you shouldn't be moving in with this guy

ETA: And your life isn't really changing. You're just continuing the cycle of bad decisions. Figure out a way to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You don't need a man you have been with for two months watching over you.

[Deleted]

this is the worse thing you can do
what a cluster fuck this will be

[stephbfan]

I remember when Blondnearby commented on your piercing thread that you had mentioned that it was a bad decision but then you came to say that you are not doing that well financially. This just makes me think that you dont have your priorities straight and you dont know how to manage your money.

Also, I dont want to sound like a total bitch but I noticed on MFP that you listed that you were packing so Im guessing you already made you mind on this.

Its a huge mistake.

[turtle1120]

Yeah - you had money for a tattoo and piercings, but you can't afford rent??? You obviously need to prioritize and cut out the frivilous spending.

Moving in with your parents would be a much better option if you really can't make it on your own right now. Moving in with your BF of two months in your current state sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[doriswe]

I tend to believe relationships where people move in together out of convenience don't work out in the long run. I get being in a fucked position financially, but with the levels of instability in your world lately, I just don't see this as being good for you.

ETA: Are there ways to cut costs on your own? Get rid of cable? Pay as you go cell phone? Move into a smaller, more efficient/affordable apartment?

[lookingup]

Aug 14, 2012 21:04:39 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Aug 14, 2012 20:57:17 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

Yeah - you had money for a tattoo and piercings, but you can't afford rent??? You obviously need to prioritize and cut out the frivilous spending.

Moving in with your parents would be a much better option if you really can't make it on your own right now. Moving in with your BF of two months in your current state sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Agreed. I don't get you. You got on my case when I gave you shit for posting about buying area rugs and said you were fine financially. Why the hell were you wasting money on rugs, tattoos and metal in your face when you can't even make rent?! Good luck finding a higher paying job looking like that, which it sounds like you need since you either make squat or just piss away what you make.

Either way, I rescind my previous not snarky post and am jumping on the WTF bandwagon. Get your act together, this is an awful idea. Also, don't even think of going all postal on us again. Yeah, I pulled a word from a 15 year old movie because that's how you're acting-clueless.

MCC, I was actually WTF'ing your first non-snarky response.

Piercings at a clean, reputable boutique run at minimum $30 for the piercing plus the cost of the jewelry, usually at least $10. I would guess that dermals cost even more. Rent would have been a better option for spending that cool $80-$100.

Liu, this is a terrible decision. There are other options. This is not your life changing. Things like this don't just happen to you; these circumstances are the direct result of your bad decision making. I think your parents are crazy too if they think this is a great idea.

I would tell you to donate plasma, but you won't be able to since you've been tattooed and pierced recently.

[gozf]

You know this isn't the best idea, because that's what your gut is telling you. Seriously, is there anything else you can do, anywhere else you can go? Family, friends, finding a roommate on Craigslist? I'm not knocking your boyfriend or our relationship, but you must agree that this timing and circumstance isn't ideal.

I'm not going to come down on you about money. Hell, I'm shit at budgeting, and you know you fucked up. I would strongly advise figuring out a budget and sticking with it. Maybe even a part time job, if there isn't already too much on your plate?

To answer your question, because this move sounds like a done deal, continue with therapy. Perhaps even increase your sessions as you go through this transition. Don't let go hobbies; find new ones. Make an effort to see your friends and make new ones. Be sure to carve out physical space in your new home that's just yours. Volunteer. I think that volunteering, whether it's with people or animals, would be good for you. You like to feel needed, and you crave personal interaction. I think finding a positive outlet for that, whether it's at an animal shelter, a soup kitchen, an old folks home, or something else, would be very rewarding for you.

[liubotflittyfud]

I am owning my shit. I did spend money on my tattoo and piercings which I had specifically saved for the occasion. I didn't have a clue this would come up like this. Anyway yeah. For the record, we have been together for 5 months, not two. There is a significant difference. Also my rent is $500 a month plus utilities in which I do not have cable, or internet, or extras. I sold everything except for my bed and most of my clothes. It's all I have left. I cannot move in with my parents. My brother lost his house and he is living in the spare room. My mom is putting her savings into helping him bc he lost his job. I make decent money for one person, but its just hard with the bills I have been paying off from my divorce and the credit cards STBXH ran up as an authorized user. I've been digging myself out financially for a while. I wanted to treat myself with the tattoo which means something very special to me. I'm not fighting or bitching or arguing. I'm just fucking scared. I don't have another option because I need to be out in 2 weeks. If I look for a place with rent any cheaper I will be in the ghetto. I'm close enough as it is. So thanks for the no support and everyone ganging up basically saying how stupid and crazy I am. I know I am. But what would you do if you had nowhere to go?

[lookingup]

If you have nowhere else to go, and you don't want to be codependent, the only thing I know to tell you would be to come to some sort of understanding with this guy as roommates. What is your agreement with regards to rent? Will you be sleeping in his bed, or do you have your own room?

Seriously, it may be possible to find a room for rent in 2 weeks. It would be better to live with someone that you weren't dating and having sex with.

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 14, 2012 21:46:58 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Ok, so options.

Can J spot you the money? Can you get another job? Babysitting even for someone you know?

I have been applying for part time jobs in addition to my full time. No interviews or call backs yet. I can't work extra at my FT job right now bc there is an OT freeze and I work a scheduled mid shift so its tough to pick up a job at night but I have been trying and applying. J doesn't have much extra money right now because his student loans started wage garnishment, I feel uncomfortable asking anyone else for money besides my mom and she can't right now. I know that J will give me a month or two to financially figure shit out before he expects me to help him pay the mortgage.

[heavenly]

I would look into.craigslist and rent a bedroom from a female owner. This is a much cheaper alternative plus as low maintenance way to rent while allowing plenty of time to focus on taking care of yourself. You can even possibly sign up for a budgeting course while going to therapy.

[katietornado]

Aug 14, 2012 21:41:50 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

I am owning my shit. I did spend money on my tattoo and piercings which I had specifically saved for the occasion. I didn't have a clue this would come up like this. Anyway yeah. For the record, we have been together for 5 months, not two. There is a significant difference. Also my rent is $500 a month plus utilities in which I do not have cable, or internet, or extras. I sold everything except for my bed and most of my clothes. It's all I have left. I cannot move in with my parents. My brother lost his house and he is living in the spare room. My mom is putting her savings into helping him bc he lost his job. I make decent money for one person, but its just hard with the bills I have been paying off from my divorce and the credit cards STBXH ran up as an authorized user. I've been digging myself out financially for a while. I wanted to treat myself with the tattoo which means something very special to me. I'm not fighting or bitching or arguing. I'm just fucking scared. I don't have another option because I need to be out in 2 weeks. If I look for a place with rent any cheaper I will be in the ghetto. I'm close enough as it is. So thanks for the no support and everyone ganging up basically saying how stupid and crazy I am. I know I am. But what would you do if you had nowhere to go?

I would move in with friends. Which is what you should do.

Then again, I don't know why anyone is surprised, or why anyone is trying to talk sense into you. This is at least the third time you've made a disastrous/stupid decision like this. It certainly won't be the last.

I wonder what the next screenname will be.

[gozf]

Aug 14, 2012 21:53:35 GMT -5 heavenly said:

I would look into.craigslist and rent a bedroom from a female owner. This is a much cheaper alternative plus as low maintenance way to rent while allowing plenty of time to focus on taking care of yourself. You can even possibly sign up for a budgeting course while going to therapy.

These are very good ideas, too.

[lookingup]

Aug 14, 2012 21:52:39 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

Aug 14, 2012 21:46:58 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Ok, so options.

Can J spot you the money? Can you get another job? Babysitting even for someone you know?

I have been applying for part time jobs in addition to my full time. No interviews or call backs yet. I can't work extra at my FT job right now bc there is an OT freeze and I work a scheduled mid shift so its tough to pick up a job at night but I have been trying and applying. J doesn't have much extra money right now because his student loans started wage garnishment, I feel uncomfortable asking anyone else for money besides my mom and she can't right now. I know that J will give me a month or two to financially figure shit out before he expects me to help him pay the mortgage.

Whoa, hold the phone. Dude let his student loans go to collections?

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 14, 2012 21:51:50 GMT -5 lookingup said:

If you have nowhere else to go, and you don't want to be codependent, the only thing I know to tell you would be to come to some sort of understanding with this guy as roommates. What is your agreement with regards to rent? Will you be sleeping in his bed, or do you have your own room?

Seriously, it may be possible to find a room for rent in 2 weeks. It would be better to live with someone that you weren't dating and having sex with.

I have terrible anxiety issues and I cannot live with someone I don't know. I have so many irrational fears that I would be having panic attacks left and right. I told J that I'm scared and I'm unsure of this. He has a spare bedroom set up for me incase I want to get away and not sleep in bed with him. If you know me well, you know my oddities, and he seems to understand my psychotic problems bc his brother has similar issues and he has been acting as his brother's legal guardian for a while.

[gozf]

Also, your therapist might be able to let you know about services/housing programs/etc. that could help. There are probably county agencies that could advise you.

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 14, 2012 21:54:18 GMT -5 katietornado said:

Aug 14, 2012 21:41:50 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

I am owning my shit. I did spend money on my tattoo and piercings which I had specifically saved for the occasion. I didn't have a clue this would come up like this. Anyway yeah. For the record, we have been together for 5 months, not two. There is a significant difference. Also my rent is $500 a month plus utilities in which I do not have cable, or internet, or extras. I sold everything except for my bed and most of my clothes. It's all I have left. I cannot move in with my parents. My brother lost his house and he is living in the spare room. My mom is putting her savings into helping him bc he lost his job. I make decent money for one person, but its just hard with the bills I have been paying off from my divorce and the credit cards STBXH ran up as an authorized user. I've been digging myself out financially for a while. I wanted to treat myself with the tattoo which means something very special to me. I'm not fighting or bitching or arguing. I'm just fucking scared. I don't have another option because I need to be out in 2 weeks. If I look for a place with rent any cheaper I will be in the ghetto. I'm close enough as it is. So thanks for the no support and everyone ganging up basically saying how stupid and crazy I am. I know I am. But what would you do if you had nowhere to go?

I would move in with friends. Which is what you should do.

Then again, I don't know why anyone is surprised, or why anyone is trying to talk sense into you. This is at least the third time you've made a disastrous/stupid decision like this. It certainly won't be the last.

I wonder what the next screenname will be.

Please, since you are deciding to be condescending instead of helpful, riddle me this: how do I move in with friends when all of my friends are A. married with children, or B. Living with SOs in small apartments that don't have room for me. Let me just become that 4th wheel of a marriage. Does that make sense? If it were an option, it would have been addressed. And dude, make fun of me and call me crazy and make fun of my prior actions. It's cool because you know me so well.

[heavenly]

Aug 14, 2012 21:57:29 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

Aug 14, 2012 21:51:50 GMT -5 lookingup said:

If you have nowhere else to go, and you don't want to be codependent, the only thing I know to tell you would be to come to some sort of understanding with this guy as roommates. What is your agreement with regards to rent? Will you be sleeping in his bed, or do you have your own room?

Seriously, it may be possible to find a room for rent in 2 weeks. It would be better to live with someone that you weren't dating and having sex with.

I have terrible anxiety issues and I cannot live with someone I don't know. I have so many irrational fears that I would be having panic attacks left and right. I told J that I'm scared and I'm unsure of this. He has a spare bedroom set up for me incase I want to get away and not sleep in bed with him. If you know me well, you know my oddities, and he seems to understand my psychotic problems bc his brother has similar issues and he has been acting as his brother's legal guardian for a while.

You do have choices but you refuse to aknowledge that.

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 14, 2012 22:02:07 GMT -5 gozf said:

Also, your therapist might be able to let you know about services/housing programs/etc. that could help. There are probably county agencies that could advise you.

I've tried this. The only option is section 8 and I make too much money. I'm in one of the lowest priced apartments I could find. I'm fucked.

[Deleted]

why cant you move in with your parents?

[gozf]

Can you really put out the feelers? Would you be more comfortable living with a friend or family member of a friend? Would that produce less anxiety than a stranger? Can you squat with your folks for a month while you save up and sort things out? Are there hotels/motels with extended stays? A friend of mine did this when he left his wife, and it worked great. For around $400/month, he had a place to land until he could figure out what was next. And he had free cable, use of the pool and no utilities. I was a little jealous!

I realize that none of these options sound good, but they're options nevertheless.

[gozf]

Aug 14, 2012 22:13:34 GMT -5 mags said:

why cant you move in with your parents?

I thought I read that her brother had moved home, and there's no room at the inn, do to speak.

[Deleted]

Ok we get it. Your only option is to move in with your bf. 8-D

I would move in with a female roommate. That would be very good for you. I still don't understand how you can have panick attack about moving in with a female roommate but yet it sounds better to move in with a bf given your past. What will you do when J and you don't get along anymore?

[explorer2001]

If this is a purely financial issue like you imply, have you consulted charities? There are several in my area that help people make rent if they are struggling. If you tell the about being in the hospital, medical bills, recovering financially from divorce/hard times, they may get you the difference on rent for a little while over cover one month so you can basically hit reset.

I'm trying to be constructive, but reading this post it sounds like you are dismissing alternatives albeit not the most fun things but roommates are a fact of life for a lot of people. Please try to keep an open mind and explore all of tour options. Even if all you do is defer this for several months you'll have that much more healing and therapy and be better able to navigate if it comes to that.

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 14, 2012 23:05:57 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

If this is a purely financial issue like you imply, have you consulted charities? There are several in my area that help people make rent if they are struggling. If you tell the about being in the hospital, medical bills, recovering financially from divorce/hard times, they may get you the difference on rent for a little while over cover one month so you can basically hit reset.

I'm trying to be constructive, but reading this post it sounds like you are dismissing alternatives albeit not the most fun things but roommates are a fact of life for a lot of people. Please try to keep an open mind and explore all of tour options. Even if all you do is defer this for several months you'll have that much more healing and therapy and be better able to navigate if it comes to that.

I'm not trying to dismiss anything except for condescending tone from some posters. I didn't realize the hotel/motel situation was even an option and I looked into it a little tonight. I'm not thrilled with a roommate scenario and I'm looking. I'm not 100% opposed but I'm not happy about it either. I just need a place fast and I'm freaking out and panicking. I can't squat at mom and dad's because there is literally no space for me. I'm still looking for options. It's really just slim pickings. Thank you all for your suggestions. I'm going to spend the next day or two trying to figure this out.

[lookingup]

Liu, let's be real here. You've already made up your mind.

[idahome]

I know it's been said before, but I'm going to say it again, don't do this. Look into renting a room or talk to a friend and see if they know of anyone who needs a roommate. Moving in with J puts you at a huge disadvantage because it's his place and if things go south (and I'm not saying they will) you are at his mercy. If moving in with him is the only option then do NOT move into his bedroom. Become a real roommate with a written agreement rather than a girlfriend who lives there. Five months is a drop in the bucket when it comes to time and your gut is already telling you to not do this. Good luck.

[Deleted]

Moving in with a guy because you can't afford to pay your bills is a really really really bad idea. Find a roommate to share your bills or even move back in with your parents until you can get your feet on the ground. Make a budget and cut unnecessary expenses.

[MixedBerryJam]

... J doesn't have much extra money right now because his student loans started wage garnishment ... [/quote]

You keep saying this is a good idea for you financially. How will moving in with a guy whose wages are being garnished for student loans fix things financially? You're coming up with lots of reasons why you can't (but let's be real, it's really "don't want to") come up with another option.

Pp's have suggested at least 10 other options for you, and you've shot them all down. You're going to do this, and it's going to be a disaster for you.