But aside from the bride and groom, you stated you are having a hard time breaking into the group and have previously been excluded from weddings within this social circle. Presumably better friends of your BF than the bride and groom, since they are the ones with whom he has the least interaction?
Anyways, this is part asshole friend problems and part BF problems. Good luck with all that.
I think it's time to share your frustration with your bf. Not that this wedding should be a deal breaker but if this is a continuing pattern of you being excluded he should either stand up to his friends or find new friends.
I think this is where the PMS and my own insecurities come out to make this a real pity party. I feel REALLY socially awkward - I'm not rude or inappropriate or anything like that, but I have a very hard time talking about myself or making general conversation. I usually end up just asking people questions about themselves and letting them do the talking, I'm a really good listener. Otherwise, I'm just kinda quiet and would rather just take in the conversation around me rather than participate. Through my whole life, even amongst my friends I've always kinda been the one that gets forgotten about. For the most part I'm OK with it, but sometimes it really bothers me.
This is kind of bringing out the forgotten about feeling and I don't know how to talk about it with him. Yes, he is going and it is bothering me. Once we found out I wasn't invited, I kinda played it off as I wasn't really interested in going anyway. But guys, I really want to just cry right now.
Look unless these people are crazy religious or super old fashioned and think no one is truly a couple until they're married*, they are in the wrong for not including you, a long time live in girlfriend in the invitation. End of story. Doesn't matter if they don't like you or think you are awkward, this "oversight" is hugely rude. And if your bf is okay with this, well let's just say it's not just his close friends that are assholes.
*and even then I think they're in the wrong but would at least understand it if they were consistent
Stop playing it off and talk to your bf about how you feel. Not about THIS wedding specifically or to make him not go, but the pattern that exists here and how it's making you feel. You should be able to talk to him about this.
If these people aren't good friends, no way in hell should he be going after that slight.
If they were really good friends, it would suck, but even in that case, he would really let a friend walk all over his live-in girlfriend like that?
By not going to this wedding, he is not missing out on anything. I would tell him that you are hurt and feel he should stand up for you by declining the invitation.
As an aside, we got a wedding gift and on the card it said "to Michael and Sarah" and Sarah was crossed out and "Jennifer" written underneath it. From DH's very sweet aunt. Lol
LOLOLOLOL!!!!
Awkward.
So, who is Sarah?
When we were newlyweds we got a "Congratulations" card ... addressed to H and the previous girlfriend.
I think this is where the PMS and my own insecurities come out to make this a real pity party. I feel REALLY socially awkward - I'm not rude or inappropriate or anything like that, but I have a very hard time talking about myself or making general conversation. I usually end up just asking people questions about themselves and letting them do the talking, I'm a really good listener. Otherwise, I'm just kinda quiet and would rather just take in the conversation around me rather than participate. Through my whole life, even amongst my friends I've always kinda been the one that gets forgotten about. For the most part I'm OK with it, but sometimes it really bothers me.
This is kind of bringing out the forgotten about feeling and I don't know how to talk about it with him. Yes, he is going and it is bothering me. Once we found out I wasn't invited, I kinda played it off as I wasn't really interested in going anyway. But guys, I really want to just cry right now.
I get this 100%. This is a really good description to how I act in group settings, even friends. BUT, I think you need to be able to tell your BF how you are feeling. You need to be able to vent and be honest with him. He probably would want to know how you are really feeling about it instead of you keeping it all inside. I get that just starting the conversation and blurting it out can be tough, but you can do it. Don't feel bad or make excuses for your feelings being hurt.
Don't hide hurt feelings from someone you live with. He'll be able to tell sooner or later, and you won't feel better about this situation until he knows. So, time to buck up and tell him. I get feeling awkward in social situations - it sucks. But this isn't really about the social situation, it's about the bride and groom's rudeness. And your bf should know how you feel about it.
So yes, I know I'm probably being stupid in expecting to be invited to a wedding when I have never met the bride and groom, but the bride is aware that we are dating/co-habitating.
I guess I'm not understanding all the outrage here.
The poster has never met either the bride or the groom.
The poster is neither married nor engaged to the invitee.
Why are these people obligated to invite the poster?
Post by vanillacourage on May 24, 2015 21:26:03 GMT -5
If they live together and other people are being invited plus-one, then it's a slight to the OP to not be invited.
OP, this is one of those moments where you calmly tell your BF how this makes you feel (do NOT blame it on PMS!) and sit back and watch what he does. It will be educational, I promise.
This happened to me. H & I had been dating about a year. We assumed I wasn't invited. He rsvp'd for himself. At some point the bride (his friend of 20+ years) called to confirm that I was in fact UNinvited, even though she was aware of our relationship and he had rsvp'd only for 1.
He went to the wedding, but that bitch is definitely not part of our social circle. Not solely because of this. She was a bitch to me in many other ways.
Post by dianecourt on May 24, 2015 21:26:28 GMT -5
I'm sorry this is making you feel bad. These are really awful people. I can't imagine having a conversation where someone calls me to clarify about an invitation and I respond with an affirmative "no". At least not without giving further reasons, like "we have a really tight number, and blah blah". Actually, I can't think of a really good reason, unless it's a child free wedding and you are actually a child.
So yes, I know I'm probably being stupid in expecting to be invited to a wedding when I have never met the bride and groom, but the bride is aware that we are dating/co-habitating.
I guess I'm not understanding all the outrage here.
The poster has never met either the bride or the groom.
The poster is neither married nor engaged to the invitee.
Why are these people obligated to invite the poster?
Because inviting one half of a serious couple is rude as hell.
This happened to me. H & I had been dating about a year. We assumed I wasn't invited. At some point the bride (his friend) called to confirm that I was in fact UNinvited, even though she was aware of our relationship.
He went to the wedding, but that bitch is definitely not part of our social circle.
I'm wtf'ing all over the place at this post. UNinvited? What?! Omg, I just can't at this rudeness. I'd rather be hung by my fingernails for a week straight than uninvite someone. Well unless they killed my dog or something completely heinous. That would probably warrant an uninvite.
This instance is BEC, although the fact that you live together should've meant an invite. The general feelings of lack of inclusion with his high school friends are something you should address with him. Not so he can go yell at people or whatever, but so he can help you to get in on conversations, know what you have in common, etc.
This happened to me. H & I had been dating about a year. We assumed I wasn't invited. He rsvp'd for himself. At some point the bride (his friend of 20+ years) called to confirm that I was in fact UNinvited, even though she was aware of our relationship and he had rsvp'd only for 1.
He went to the wedding, but that bitch is definitely not part of our social circle. Not solely because of this. She was a bitch to me in many other ways.
OMG do you have any idea why she did this?
Thanks for all the opinions. It felt good to type this out and realize I wasn't off base. I need to work on speaking up I don't know why it is so hard for me. I really have a difficult time opening up about some things and this feeling of being left out is probably the hardest for me
This happened to me. H & I had been dating about a year. We assumed I wasn't invited. At some point the bride (his friend) called to confirm that I was in fact UNinvited, even though she was aware of our relationship.
He went to the wedding, but that bitch is definitely not part of our social circle.
I'm wtf'ing all over the place at this post. UNinvited? What?! Omg, I just can't at this rudeness. I'd rather be hung by my fingernails for a week straight than uninvite someone. Well unless they killed my dog or something completely heinous. That would probably warrant an uninvite.
Oh we were totally WTF too, but I guess "not invited" is a more accurate phrasing. I don't know why she felt the need to go out of her way to make that clear since he responded for only himself.
And the kicker? She tried to bring a random +1 to our wedding, claiming I had written "and guest" on her invite (she and her H were separated by then), which I totally hadn't because The Knot taught me better than that.
This happened to me. H & I had been dating about a year. We assumed I wasn't invited. He rsvp'd for himself. At some point the bride (his friend of 20+ years) called to confirm that I was in fact UNinvited, even though she was aware of our relationship and he had rsvp'd only for 1.
He went to the wedding, but that bitch is definitely not part of our social circle. Not solely because of this. She was a bitch to me in many other ways.
OMG do you have any idea why she did this?
Thanks for all the opinions. It felt good to type this out and realize I wasn't off base. I need to work on speaking up I don't know why it is so hard for me. I really have a difficult time opening up about some things and this feeling of being left out is probably the hardest for me
She was kind of crazycakes, and more of her weirdness surfaced near and during our wedding. My best guess is that she had some sort of unrequited crush on H (her brother was his BFF in high school/college), or they used to be FWB back then. Don't ask, don't tell policy in full effect on the latter.
I'm wtf'ing all over the place at this post. UNinvited? What?! Omg, I just can't at this rudeness. I'd rather be hung by my fingernails for a week straight than uninvite someone. Well unless they killed my dog or something completely heinous. That would probably warrant an uninvite.
Oh we were totally WTF too, but I guess "not invited" is a more accurate phrasing. I don't know why she felt the need to go out of her way to make that clear since he responded for only himself.
And the kicker? She tried to bring a random +1 to our wedding, claiming I had written "and guest" on her invite (she and her H were separated by then), which I totally hadn't because The Knot taught me better than that.
I'm wtf'ing all over the place at this post. UNinvited? What?! Omg, I just can't at this rudeness. I'd rather be hung by my fingernails for a week straight than uninvite someone. Well unless they killed my dog or something completely heinous. That would probably warrant an uninvite.
Oh we were totally WTF too, but I guess "not invited" is a more accurate phrasing. I don't know why she felt the need to go out of her way to make that clear since he responded for only himself.
And the kicker? She tried to bring a random +1 to our wedding, claiming I had written "and guest" on her invite (she and her H were separated by then), which I totally hadn't because The Knot taught me better than that.
She was crazycakes.
Wow. Just wow. We're they friends since grade/high school or something? I suspect a crush...and subsequent drop off the deep end.
Eta: I see from your latter post that it was a former FWB thing going on. The fremdschämen is strong. lol