I don't think there's anything wrong with saying something vague that might lead to everyone thinking twice before they post something that could potentially cause hurt feelings.
Sure, but you followed up with saying there are specific people who do this all the time and then reassured the next few "is it me" people that it wasn't. I feel like at that point, just say who you actually mean.
I think if you are offended enough to say something on the board, you should just name names or PM and have it out. I don't think anyone likes the slew of "is it me?" posts that follow.
I'm a relater. I'm very sorry if I've offended anyone or seemed braggy. I try to connect with people through shared experience. I suspect there are lots of us here. And honestly, most of the people here have been together for years at this point. I know not everyone loves everyone else, but I have to think that by now, no one would intentionally do something hurtful to anyone here. Can't we discuss issues like the adults we are supposed to be?
I don't even know why I'm responding since I'm pretty sure I'm not an offender. Just because people don't deal with issues they way you think they should doesn't make them any less adult IMO. Airing a grievance doesn't automatically mean you have to name who you're talking about. I'd prefer it, but I understand why people prefer not to.
And let's be honest issues could be taken to PMs, but when has that ever worked out?
I think if you are offended enough to say something on the board, you should just name names or PM and have it out. I don't think anyone likes the slew of "is it me?" posts that follow.
I'm a relater. I'm very sorry if I've offended anyone or seemed braggy. I try to connect with people through shared experience. I suspect there are lots of us here. And honestly, most of the people here have been together for years at this point. I know not everyone loves everyone else, but I have to think that by now, no one would intentionally do something hurtful to anyone here. Can't we discuss issues like the adults we are supposed to be?
I don't even know why I'm responding since I'm pretty sure I'm not an offender. Just because people don't deal with issues they way you think they should doesn't make them any less adult IMO. Airing a grievance doesn't automatically mean you have to name who you're talking about. I'd prefer it, but I understand why people prefer not to.
And let's be honest issues could be taken to PMs, but when has that ever worked out?
Uh, yeah, that has ended incredibly badly, and publicly in the past. There is no win in this situation.
Is this a UO- I hate how girl shorts are all so short. I was in h&m looking for some cheap shorts to send matilda to daycare in and most of them had like zero inseam. Are we trying to showcase our 3 year old girls butts here?
grrr.
Is this in reference to my BOOTD thread with the boys in tiny shorts?
@skcmw80 I don't think there's any one way to deal with issues, but this approach just seems to cause a lot of drama. Half the board is wondering if they were the cause of the posts and that just seems unnecessary to me. I don't think the way grievances are being aired here is reflective of the years people have spent building relationships. I imagine there are several more sensitive ways to express a problem with someone's posting style.
TrudyCampbell I don't personally need to know names (unless you have a specific problem with me) but I'm just generally a fan of more direct interactions. It's hard to fix something if you don't know you're doing it, kwim? I don't think anyone here is intentionally being insensitive. They might need it pointed out if it's coming across that way.
Is this a UO- I hate how girl shorts are all so short. I was in h&m looking for some cheap shorts to send matilda to daycare in and most of them had like zero inseam. Are we trying to showcase our 3 year old girls butts here?
grrr.
Is this in reference to my BOOTD thread with the boys in tiny shorts?
Look, I just hate that people's feelings are getting hurt. It sucks that people got hurt by insensitive posting in the first place, and it also sucks that people are getting hurt by public call outs. Just trying to point out that there might have been other ways to approach this. I'm totally a sensitive Sally and am all weepy because I'm not articulating this right and I know I'm making it worse. Sorry.
Post by sunshineluv on May 28, 2015 21:09:19 GMT -5
I really hate when threads take a turn like this, mainly bc I hate conflict.
I tend to think most everyone here has the best of intentions. I hate that now for the next few weeks at least, when anyone wants support, some of us are going to be over analyzing what we should say, aside from, hugs.
What if I give a similar experience I had and overcame? Am I a selfish brat who makes everything bout meeeee? If I post a pic am I trying to one up? Am I bragging??
I am an over analyzer, and I almost went back to my post to figure out if it was me being referenced. But I stopped, I do try to provide support, prayers, hugs, or a story when appropriate and think it may help. I don't want to go back to my post and feel guilty about something I wrote in hopes of being in support of another.
I allow (let, force, ignore until it is done) my mom put Wy to bed every night. I hate bedtime.
I don't think it is most peoples intentions to up others in posts. They are just trying to relate in some way or another. Then it comes off as bragging maybe when it isn't meant to be. Not everyone is eloquent with wording you know. And if I have done it, it wasn't meant maliciously. People just want to relate to others. I know this is the millionth time this has been repeated, but here you go.
Look, I just hate that people's feelings are getting hurt. It sucks that people got hurt by insensitive posting in the first place, and it also sucks that people are getting hurt by public call outs. Just trying to point out that there might have been other ways to approach this. I'm totally a sensitive Sally and am all weepy because I'm not articulating this right and I know I'm making it worse. Sorry.
Don't cry! I get what you're trying to say, but it was the acting adult comment that got a side eye from me. We all choose to handle situations differently, and as long as all parties are respectful then we're being adults, kwim? I do apologize if I hurt your feelings, that certainly wasn't my intention.
If I make a post "I'm worried about Ruby not babbling"
Someone responds "my kid babbled so early and had 50 words by then but just had to say she's so cute!"
That is not relating. There is a difference. I'm too tired to explain it better than that dumb example.
I think people are combining the photo one upping thing with the concerned posts. I have never noticed one upping on photos but have noticed things like you just mentioned.
Can't we just go back to the days of talking about which board babies we think are cute? Lol.
I've definitely seen a fair share of bragging but I never got the feeling that it was completely intentional. I am nosy so I am of course in favor of naming names but hurt feelings and all that. I am sure I am guilty of unintentionally bragging and I know for a fact I am guilty of having hurt feelings. It's life, it happens.
I have a weird feeling about the board lately and I am afraid that it's going to be one big shit fest one of these days. Just group hug it out.
Everyone in this thread is sensitive about something, whether it's your kid, your weight, your education, your religion, your financial status, whatever. Every last one of you has something that makes you feel irked when someone else has something to say about it. I know you all don't have to subscribe to my belief system. Free country and free will and all that jazz, but you should at the very least know what you are sensitive about and perhaps take a step back, take a breather and recognize that, more than likely, no one was purposely trying to offend you. I am sure there are exceptions and I do 100% believe that more people should think and then think again before opening their mouths, but honestly believing that after almost 2 - 4 years, unless written with blatant disrespect, someone has purposely set out to offend you or disrespect you? I just don't get it.
Can we all agree to practice more senitivity while simultaneously practicing a more realistic approach to comments? Cheers? Let's drink wine and ponder our commune instead.
Yeah, I'm more sensitive than people probably realize and I feel like shit right now. Boo.
I personally don't think you do anything to try to up anyone. I think you are always trying to relate. You have worked hard with A and it is your way to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are misunderstood! Don't feel like shit.
This is a PERSONAL opinion people! I love @starbound as well and totally get where she is coming from as well. It may have been poorly worded but musiclover wouldn't hurt a fly, let a lone try to be a braggy miss braggerson.
See this is what happens! You start the call outs and feelings get hurt. We all need to face the moment in the moment. Not bring it up later. We have amazing women on this board. And crazy women on this board. And I am sure there is someone on this board who is a man pretending all these years as well!!!! But thats what makes this board this board.
Lets all hug it out. OR start a grievances thread and get it ALL out there. OR hug it out
I do already sometimes (like a story I hesitated in posting on ML today because I wasn't sure if it would seem like I was looking for attention (I wasn't), or if it would show how angry I was and could relate to the OP).
I know that I am guilty IRL of trying to find examples of things I/the boys/H do that relates to what someone is saying to me so I should be more careful here too.
I hope I don't come across as one upping. If I ever do in the future, please anyone feel free to kick me off my horse.
Yeah, I'm more sensitive than people probably realize and I feel like shit right now. Boo.
I personally don't think you do anything to try to up anyone. I think you are always trying to relate. You have worked hard with A and it is your way to show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are misunderstood! Don't feel like shit.
This is a PERSONAL opinion people! I love @starbound as well and totally get where she is coming from as well. It may have been poorly worded but musiclover wouldn't hurt a fly, let a lone try to be a braggy miss braggerson.
See this is what happens! You start the call outs and feelings get hurt. We all need to face the moment in the moment. Not bring it up later. We have amazing women on this board. And crazy women on this board. And I am sure there is someone on this board who is a man pretending all these years as well!!!! But thats what makes this board this board.
Lets all hug it out. OR start a grievances thread and get it ALL out there. OR hug it out
Thank you, smudgee, you are always so sweet and level headed. I think I am a "relater", and I'm not honestly trying to brag in threads (unless it's a aw thread ). I often chime in to share stories in hopes it sheds some light or gives hope. I'm also human though and make my share of mistakes. I'm not an asshole though, and I personally would not call someone out like that. But that's just me.
Eta; not implying starbound is an asshole. Lol, I do like her and her hot neighbor stories
Post by breezy8407 on May 28, 2015 21:27:33 GMT -5
FFTC....I am a relater and want to be liked. I connect with shared experiences, too. When I see that or learn that someone else has twins, I want to be their friend because we share an experience.
I think 85% of the reason people think I should "name names" is because they are nosy. nosey? How do you spell that?
I'll admit to being nosy as I'm still learning how different dynamics work around here. But I don't like it when people's feelings are undeservedly hurt, so it'd be a rare occasion on which I'd voice that curiosity.
FFTC....I am a relater and want to be liked. I connect with shared experiences, too. When I see that or learn that someone else has twins, I want to be their friend because we share an experience.
I like you, and I'm so glad you came over. But we can agree to share the running thing only?
Sometimes in real life (Ok, a lot of the time) I feel like I am a know it all. And I try to catch myself, but I let it slip. Mainly toward my mom and DH. Sometimes to my family friend with the new twins (She asks for my opinion and I give her my FULL opinion... so it is her fault). But I am a total know it all. I am one of those people that annoy me. They annoy me because they are me.
If I make a post "I'm worried about Ruby not babbling"
Someone responds "my kid babbled so early and had 50 words by then but just had to say she's so cute!"
That is not relating. There is a difference. I'm too tired to explain it better than that dumb example.
Well when I was saying the stuff about relating, it wouldn't be this as an example but like "My kid also didn't babble either at that age" because saying yours did when someone is making a post about their child not, is obviously not relating. I was meaning more along the lines of when people post pictures in other peoples posts.
Eta- and I was also rambling in general about how some people may view someone relating a shared experience in a conversation, to them trying to take the spotlight off that person or make it about themselves. I wasn't meaning when people chime in to add their two cents about their child who didnt have whatever problem or concern.