Ugh I feel like an ass. I apologize if I've bragged in a post where someone was concerned and looking for support. I know I've made posts meaning to be reassuring, but I will be more mindful in the future. I think the world of all you ladies and feel awful if I've made anyone feel worse.
You know what annoys me? Trying to one up someone with pics. I do not have a Rolodex of pics to show off for different post or something. Like hey my kid broke their face by falling and this is how bad the bruise or cut is and someone chimes in with a pic of their kid and what happened. At least say oh no poor kid. I hope they're ok. But no let me one up you instead.
I was really annoyed with myself for being such an AW and posting a pic of Ruby in lolaburns's thread yesterday! Because yes, this annoys me very much too.
It's a weird line because this board is kind of meant for people to talk about themselves and/or their kids, but some people take it way too far.
I never said 3 year olds should wipe their own ass - just 5+ !!!! and hey, E's ability to wipe is one of the few things he has going for him. LET ME OWN IT
The next time someone mentions a brag in a "concerned" post, I'm going to call them out on it. That shit makes me so mad. If someone is posting "I'm concerned my kid isn't talking" etc that is NOT THE TIME to say "my kids were early talkers and had 500 words at that point, but hugs!!!"
Stop doing that.
You know what annoys me? Trying to one up someone with pics. I do not have a Rolodex of pics to show off for different post or something. Like hey my kid broke their face by falling and this is how bad the bruise or cut is and someone chimes in with a pic of their kid and what happened. At least say oh no poor kid. I hope they're ok. But no let me one up you instead.
Well I've done this before, I think when Cara's son Calvin fell and had a knot, and Jane had just gotten a similar knot (and it was something I had never seen before, I was freaked out when it happened and didnt have any other references myself when it happened to her so I was looking online to find similar situations, since I didn't know a knot could look like that) so I showed her a pic but the point was because I was telling her that next day it looked totally different and she barely had a mark. It was only to be helpful like, this is what Jane's looked like and it freaked me out too, but five minutes later she was fine and it was way better the next day. Like when Rose had the MMR rash and when Devon showed me the pic of her child and said how he was totally fine and the Dr's didn't need to do anything, even though the rash reaction he had was severe. Sometimes I think pictures of similar events are helpful because that person has been through something similar and they're giving you insight or closure. I don't think it's about one uping, although I'm sure it could be at times. I generally don't feel that it is meant that way though.
(Sorry for my run on sentences and huge paragraph.)
I feel there's a lot of "rules" and it's hard to remember them all.
I don't think these are rules as much as it is a reminder to be mindful of your audience.
For the majority of the stuff, I completely agree. But saying it's annoying to post a picture in someone else's post doesn't fall into that category, IMO. Seeing pictures in certain situations is helpful to me rather than just reading about it. Like in jnoellee's example. I don't think that's always being an AW or one upping.
Well I've done this before, I think when Cara's son Calvin fell and had a knot, and Jane had just gotten a similar knot (and it was something I had never seen before, I was freaked out when it happened and didnt have any other references myself when it happened to her so I was looking online to find similar situations, since I didn't know a knot could look like that) so I showed her a pic but the point was because I was telling her that next day it looked totally different and she barely had a mark. It was only to be helpful like, this is what Jane's looked like and it freaked me out too, but five minutes later she was fine and it was way better the next day. Like when Rose had the MMR rash and when Devon showed me the pic of her child and said how he was totally fine and the Dr's didn't need to do anything, even though the rash reaction he had was severe. Sometimes I think pictures of similar events are helpful because that person has been through something similar and they're giving you insight or closure. I don't think it's about one uping, although I'm sure it could be at times. I generally don't feel that it is meant that way though.
(Sorry for my run on sentences and huge paragraph.)
It wasn't directed toward you and I understand where you are coming from. And the bruised face was the only example I could think of at the moment.
I didn't actually think it was directed at me but since I had done it before I thought I'd respond
I am sure there has been a different situation where it was more like one upping but for the most part I think everyone believes they're being helpful in some way, or at least trying to.
I will agree with the concerned posts that it's best to not go in detail about your child strengths when the topic is about another child and their difficulty in that area, because while you might feel it's relevant or in some way helpful, it might be being taken differently. I think people will be more mindful of this now though since it's been brought up.
Some people think when others try to relate to them, it is their way of making the topic ABOUT them. I really don't think anyone who relates to someone and what they're going through has that intention.
I personally like when people relate to me. Some people, like my best friend actually, gets annoyed and feels like the topic is changing to someone else. I think that is annoying sometimes because it makes me feel like I'm on eggshells like I can never talk about an instance I went through too. Like conversations have to stay solely on that one person and all you're allowed to say is "Oh yeah, that sucks" or whatever, rather than "Omg I feel your pain, my kid also does that" because now you're making it about yourself. Or that's how the other person will take it.
Okay, then just say that. Don't beat around the bush. Do I do it intentionally? No. Am I aware of it now? Yes. I apologize.
Oh ok then. While I'm at it. If I do something on fb can you ask me there and not bring it to the board? I really don't know what you were aiming for with leias pic a few weeks ago.
Yes, I'm sorry. I wasn't aiming for anything. I saw that no one had liked it or commented it so I was wondering if everyone was aware that it was a joke. That's all.
And I guess my UO is this - I honestly don't get why people still wipe the butts of their 5/6 year old, whatever. By that point you kid just needs to figures it out and wipe their own butt.
Because my kid can't fully clean himself that well. I much rather help him wipe than do a ton of laundry. I'm just happy he's potty trained. I really wish it would be something as simple and easy as him just figuring it out but sadly nothing will come easy to him.
I've been offended by bragging posts too, in my post about being concerned about my kid. I remember when my DS1 was learning to read and I was worried he had no interest in it, musiclover came in and carried about how awesome her DS was with his reading of chapter books and whatnot. That really hurt, especially as so many other MOOKs were supportive and made me feel like it was ok he wasn't interested in reading yet.
I'm not afraid to call someone out. It's rude to do that kind of bragging, and make someone else feel bad about their kid by comparisons.
I've been offended by bragging posts too, in my post about being concerned about my kid. I remember when my DS1 was learning to read and I was worried he had no interest in it, musiclover came in and carried about how awesome her DS was with his reading of chapter books and whatnot. That really hurt, especially as so many other MOOKs were supportive and made me feel like it was ok he wasn't interested in reading yet.
I'm not afraid to call someone out. It's rude to do that kind of bragging, and make someone else feel bad about their kid by comparisons.
I think if you are offended enough to say something on the board, you should just name names or PM and have it out. I don't think anyone likes the slew of "is it me?" posts that follow.
I'm a relater. I'm very sorry if I've offended anyone or seemed braggy. I try to connect with people through shared experience. I suspect there are lots of us here.
And honestly, most of the people here have been together for years at this point. I know not everyone loves everyone else, but I have to think that by now, no one would intentionally do something hurtful to anyone here. Can't we discuss issues like the adults we are supposed to be?
Post by TrudyCampbell on May 28, 2015 20:36:51 GMT -5
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying something vague that might lead to everyone thinking twice before they post something that could potentially cause hurt feelings.
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying something vague that might lead to everyone thinking twice before they post something that could potentially cause hurt feelings.
Sure, but you followed up with saying there are specific people who do this all the time and then reassured the next few "is it me" people that it wasn't. I feel like at that point, just say who you actually mean.
I've been offended by bragging posts too, in my post about being concerned about my kid. I remember when my DS1 was learning to read and I was worried he had no interest in it, musiclover came in and carried about how awesome her DS was with his reading of chapter books and whatnot. That really hurt, especially as so many other MOOKs were supportive and made me feel like it was ok he wasn't interested in reading yet.
I'm not afraid to call someone out. It's rude to do that kind of bragging, and make someone else feel bad about their kid by comparisons.
Oh wow, I'm truly sorry if I upset you, that is never my intention. I wish you would have PMd me privately to share your feelings on me and that situation, but I understand that I hurt you. I was not trying to brag, I was just sharing my experience with my child as a MOOK. Trust me, you all know that I've been to hell and back with A, so I really don't intend to come off that my child is perfect.