Lost and Found etiquette question

[cricketwife]

Jun 22, 2015 11:26:15 GMT -5 minniemouse said:

There is no way I would ask for it back. Way too awkward. I would take dd shopping for a new backpack, explaining they don't make that one anymore.

This is where I am. I would consider it as gone as if it had been donated.  And the thing that kills me about your story, OP, is that she didn't  know it was missing until you asked her about it.    I think I would have looked around myself and if I realized it was gone, not mentioned it, hoping she would forget about it. Hindsight. Not helpful, I know. 

[Ashley&Scott]

Jun 22, 2015 11:37:04 GMT -5 swizz said:

Why not just mention that you think you lost it and see if anyone noticed it. Then if she doesn't fess up, let it go and buy a new one.

This.

And label the stuff you take to the gym so you're more likely to get it back.

[Ashley&Scott]

Label the bag you take to the gym & then keep all of your stuff in the bag. Does your gym have lockers?

[gibbinator]

Jun 22, 2015 11:37:04 GMT -5 swizz said:

Why not just mention that you think you lost it and see if anyone noticed it. Then if she doesn't fess up, let it go and buy a new one.

This is exactly how I'd handle it. No mention of seeing the lady with it. Just generic description of the pack.
Eta : nm I saw your update.

[6fsn]

I'd take this as a learning opportunity for everyone. Label things and check before you leave. If my 6 and 4 yo want to take things places they are responsible for it. If they lose it I'm not buying them another and I'm certainly not emailing someone about it.

[vanillacourage]

"If you are done with it we'd love to have it back" is weird and makes it even more awkward.

Either ask for it back directly or just buy another one.

[Deleted]

Better option:

My daughter is desperate for the backpack in that color--can I buy you one of the other colors in trade?

[redwino]

I'll be honest, this whole thing screams spoiled brat entitlement to me. You lost something, didn't even miss it until you saw it, then decided you had to have it back because your precious baby is now upset about it. I just don't believe that's how things should work.

If the worker obtained it through legitimate means then she should get to keep it. Take your dd shopping for a new backpack and tell her she'll have to pick a new color because they don't make blue anymore. You should probably start checking the lost and found daily/a few times a week to make sure your family hasn't left anything.

Eta: I don't think OP or her daughter are spoiled brats, I just think this situations sounds like something a spoiled and entitled person would do. I know OP is just trying to find a solution but asking for the bag back isn't it.

[redwino]

Will labeling really help though if you're not checking the lost and found regularly. Labeled or not it all gets donated at the end of the week right? You've got to get into the habit of checking L&F just in case.

[CloudBee]

Do not say a thing. Let this serve as a reminder, every time you see that bag and are wondering if it's yours, to label your junk.

[6fsn]

There is no way to approach this without it feeling awkward and making the employee feel like they have to give it back. No matter how many times you say they don't they will feel it or the manager will make the feel it.

How is getting it back when the employee is done with it going to help your daughter now?

Just leave it.

[Deleted]

This is a learning opportunity for your DD. "I'm so sorry sweetie, but when you left your backpack at the gym and we did not come back to claim it, it was given away. That is the rule. It's gone now and we can't get it back. I am happy to buy you a different backpack or a backpack in another color (if you want to do that, I am not sure that I would if she doesn't use it/didn't even realize it was missing). We can also work together to make a plan so that we don't leave things behind at the gym. I left my favorite sweatshirt there once and it was given away too, so I know exactly how sad and frustrated you feel."

Then work with her to come up with a reminder plan. Maybe you label everything, maybe you come up with a secret word to say to each other before leaving the gym to remind each other to make sure you have everything you came in with, etc. Definitely make her a part of the effort and hold her accountable; she's still learning, but she is definitely old enough to have some personal responsibility for her own items.

[ilikedonuts]

Jun 22, 2015 14:08:48 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I will say I think it's a little weird of her to wear around the gym. If I kept items from lost and found, I probably wouldn't wear it around the lost and found in case of a situation like this.

I was thinking this too. its supposed to be donated to whatever place not picked over by the staff and then worn around. that's just weird.

[v]

Jun 22, 2015 14:08:48 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I will say I think it's a little weird of her to wear around the gym. If I kept items from lost and found, I probably wouldn't wear it around the lost and found in case of a situation like this.

Also weird -- for an adult to wear a backpack that is cute for someone in pre-k?

[CloudBee]

I really can't picture myself saying, with a straight face, "that backpack looks like the one I lost", and holding it together.

It's JUST a backpack.

Chances are she just happens to own the same one.

[lurknomore]

Jun 22, 2015 14:16:22 GMT -5 incogneato said:

Jun 22, 2015 13:35:18 GMT -5 redwino said:

I'll be honest, this whole thing screams spoiled brat entitlement to me. You lost something, didn't even miss it until you saw it, then decided you had to have it back because your precious baby is now upset about it. I just don't believe that's how things should work.

If the worker obtained it through legitimate means then she should get to keep it. Take your dd shopping for a new backpack and tell her she'll have to pick a new color because they don't make blue anymore. You should probably start checking the lost and found daily/a few times a week to make sure your family hasn't left anything.

Eta: I don't think OP or her daughter are spoiled brats, I just think this situations sounds like something a spoiled and entitled person would do. I know OP is just trying to find a solution but asking for the bag back isn't it.

Except I'm not asking for it back. I'm basically saying, hey I think that's ours and you don't have to give it back, but if you decide you want to, that would be cool, and then planning on paying her back with a gift card or cash gift. It's also not like she's a stranger on the street and I'm pulling it out of her hands. She plays with my daughters all the time, she knows them and cares about them, and if she did in fact find the backpack in the lost and found, she knows it belongs to one of the kids that attend the child care there. I can't imagine she would be totally shocked if my kid actually spotted her with it (she hasn't yet due to the layout) and said, "Hey! That's my backpack!" 

My child is four. Four years old. She leaves her toys around the house and then two weeks later she's hunting all over the place for her toy again. She randomly remembers her "favorite" book that she hasn't read in weeks and spends hours searching through every bookshelf for it. This is pretty typical four year old, IMO, and the fact that she lost something, then realized it and was upset about it doesn't make her a spoiled brat. She's sad because she lost it and she feels guilty for losing something that was given to her as a gift. 

I mean, I take your point, but "that's way harsh, Tai." 

This is asking for it back.  No matter how you frame it.  This wording, any wording you've proposed, is asking for it back.  If you're going to ask, just ask.  Don't make it uncomfortable and awkward for both of you.  This is just...weird.

And at 4, your daughter is old enough to be told shit happens.  Look hun, it's ok that you've misplaced the backpack.  This is a good reminder for both of us to make sure when we leave someplace we make sure we have all the stuff we came with.  Not the end of the world.  Hell, I don't even think you need to replace it just for the sake of replacing it.  I wouldn't with my kid. 

[redwino]

Jun 22, 2015 14:16:22 GMT -5 incogneato said:

Jun 22, 2015 13:35:18 GMT -5 redwino said:

I'll be honest, this whole thing screams spoiled brat entitlement to me. You lost something, didn't even miss it until you saw it, then decided you had to have it back because your precious baby is now upset about it. I just don't believe that's how things should work.

If the worker obtained it through legitimate means then she should get to keep it. Take your dd shopping for a new backpack and tell her she'll have to pick a new color because they don't make blue anymore. You should probably start checking the lost and found daily/a few times a week to make sure your family hasn't left anything.

Eta: I don't think OP or her daughter are spoiled brats, I just think this situations sounds like something a spoiled and entitled person would do. I know OP is just trying to find a solution but asking for the bag back isn't it.

Except I'm not asking for it back. I'm basically saying, hey I think that's ours and you don't have to give it back, but if you decide you want to, that would be cool, and then planning on paying her back with a gift card or cash gift. It's also not like she's a stranger on the street and I'm pulling it out of her hands. She plays with my daughters all the time, she knows them and cares about them, and if she did in fact find the backpack in the lost and found, she knows it belongs to one of the kids that attend the child care there. I can't imagine she would be totally shocked if my kid actually spotted her with it (she hasn't yet due to the layout) and said, "Hey! That's my backpack!" 

My child is four. Four years old. She leaves her toys around the house and then two weeks later she's hunting all over the place for her toy again. She randomly remembers her "favorite" book that she hasn't read in weeks and spends hours searching through every bookshelf for it. This is pretty typical four year old, IMO, and the fact that she lost something, then realized it and was upset about it doesn't make her a spoiled brat. She's sad because she lost it and she feels guilty for losing something that was given to her as a gift. 

I mean, I take your point, but "that's way harsh, Tai." 

You are asking for it back. You can't really slice it any other way. I understand 4 year olds lose things and get upset about them. But she has to Learn that sometimes when you lose things those things are gone forever. I can't imagine she'll be broken up forever about this particular backpack. Go and buy her a new one.

[redwino]

Jun 22, 2015 14:10:40 GMT -5 ilikedonuts said:

Jun 22, 2015 14:08:48 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I will say I think it's a little weird of her to wear around the gym. If I kept items from lost and found, I probably wouldn't wear it around the lost and found in case of a situation like this.

I was thinking this too. its supposed to be donated to whatever place not picked over by the staff and then worn around. that's just weird.

I agree that's it's weird for an adult to wear a child's backpack but I don't have a problem with staff going through the donate pile before it hits the truck.

[6fsn]

Two things making me laugh: doesn't Land's End offer free monogramming so a label isn't even needed?

What if it isn't even the kid's backpack?

[vamoose]

I'm surprised at all the responses. If I was the worker with the backpack, I would certainly want to give it back! I imagine that using a backpack from the lost and found in the place where the item was lost means that she is open to somebody approaching her about the item. I'm not sure that *i* would say anything because I would probably be awkward, but if you say something to her casually and directly (not through her boss), ten I think it's fine.

[jeaniebueller]

Jun 22, 2015 14:39:40 GMT -5 @marshmallows said:

I'm with @applesauce on this one, and also think that a week is a pretty short time span to donate L&F items. It seems as if the supervisor thinks that if it's actually the DD's backpack, that she should get it back. Doesn't that count for anything?

This is a P&R because chickens987 is on her way to meet me for the concert, so don't flame me too much in my absence, y'all!

That is true, but it took several months for the OP to notice that the backpack was missing.

[Deleted]

Go to the gym and announce that you're going to cut the backpack in two.

Its TRUE owner won't want to see it harmed.

It worked in the Bible so I am pretty sure it's solid advice here too.

[redwino]

Jun 22, 2015 14:37:11 GMT -5 incogneato said:

Jun 22, 2015 14:34:28 GMT -5 @applesauce said:

incogneato I think people are being ridiculous, especially now that I see the pic of the backpack. The employee is WEARING IT AROUND THE PLACE WHERE SHE LIKELY GOT IT FROM THE LOST & FOUND. Just ask the employee if she happened to get it from the lost & found because your dd lost one just like it. If she says no, leave it alone. If she says yes, she will likely offer to give it back and if she doesn't, you can offer to buy it from her or something. I don't care if that's weird or whatever. It's what I would probably do.

Self-entitled brat? For wanting something back that you lost? That an adult childcare worker wears around?

I feel like I'm in crazy town here. Am I really the only one besides OP who sees it this way???

Thank you. I appreciate that. I think that's exactly what I'll do. If she says, "Oh yeah, I found it in the L&F? Does L want it back?" then I'll buy her a gift card and have my (entitled brat) four year old write her a thank you note. Or at least have her sign it with her name, because she isn't old enough to know how to write yet!

just be clear. I thought you sounded like the entitled brat not your 4 year old.

[redwino]

Jun 22, 2015 15:27:32 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Is there some backstory with redwino & OP? Bc... you seem like you really need her to know how much of a brat you think she is...

none at all and I only mentioned it in my first post. She brought it up several me times so I just wanted to be clear that I was not talking about her daughter. I don't think OP is an entitled person in general, I just think she's being ridiculous in this instance.

[undecidedowl]

I don't get the outrage. I think you are fine to ask if it came from the L&F and if you could buy a replacement. If my kids were "finders keepers" with someones lost object, I would hope they would return it if the original owner was found.

But don't make this a habit. They have an annoyingly short L&F turnaround so either check it every week or start creating better habits for you and your daughter.

[cherry1111]

I am with the side who thinks it is super weird to claim a pretty descript item from lost and found then use it in that very same place. You would not be weird or bratty asking if she happened to get it from the lost and found.

If you saw a random person wearing it around town because they bought it from Goodwill after it has been donated and you expected it back, that would be entitled. Not the same.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2015 14:34:28 GMT -5 @applesauce said:

incogneato I think people are being ridiculous, especially now that I see the pic of the backpack. The employee is WEARING IT AROUND THE PLACE WHERE SHE LIKELY GOT IT FROM THE LOST & FOUND. Just ask the employee if she happened to get it from the lost & found because your dd lost one just like it. If she says no, leave it alone. If she says yes, she will likely offer to give it back and if she doesn't, you can offer to buy it from her or something. I don't care if that's weird or whatever. It's what I would probably do.

Self-entitled brat? For wanting something back that you lost? That an adult childcare worker wears around?

I feel like I'm in crazy town here. Am I really the only one besides OP who sees it this way???

Team you. OP, I get it and I don't think this is ridiculous. Although honestly after seeing the picture of the backpack I'm honestly wondering if the worker is all there?

Also, regarding the nature vs nurture debate - organization CAN BE learned but being "scatterbrained" or generally not inclined to attention to detail it is HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE. I'm not saying that my naturally conscientious husband doesn't work at being tidy and organized but his brain is just wired differently. No matter how many classes I take or books I read I will always be less detail oriented than him. I have many other good qualities though so. 

[polarbearfans]

After all this time it is weird to even ask. You already had a window to ask the worker when the manager asked if it might be your daughters. Let it go.

[bugandbibs]

This thread is cracking me up, mostly because WE HAVE THIS SAME BACKPACK! We got it on clearance.

[bugandbibs]

Jun 22, 2015 18:17:48 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

Jun 22, 2015 18:05:51 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

This thread is cracking me up, mostly because WE HAVE THIS SAME BACKPACK! We got it on clearance.

***CLEARANCE*** (aka Lost and Found at OP's gym - you aren't fooling us.)

We call it the lost and TAKE at my work for a reason. You caught me!