Yesterday I was in the office, and as I was coming into the main office, I heard a voice say "I love otters! They are my favorite because they are so cute!" I only heard, not saw the person, so as I walked in, I said "Otters are horrible, disgusting creatures."
Yeah. It was my boss's 8 year old daughter. Everyone there was like "Why?" and I had to stammer out some bullshit about them being horrible because they are so cute but wouldn't let you pet them. Because I figured my boss wasn't going to be down with me explaining otter rape to her 8 year old.
MH. I swear to go, he is the biggest drama queen ever.
He's trying to take care of paperwork to buy his boss's boat today. (anybody want to buy our old boat?) So he had me sign a bunch of shit ahead of time and then went to a tag and title place this morning. Apparently we missed a signature. So he started calling my phone and literally called me 12 times. 12 missed calls. And then called my main office number and had me paged.
I WAS IN A FUCKING MEETING.
So I get called out of my meeting to take this SUPER URGENT CALL that turns out to just be him saying, "hey, I need you to sign this thing, I'm on my way to your office."
And! AND! AFTER HAVING ME PAGED OUT OF MY MEETING he had the fucking balls to be pissy with me. "where were you!? why ddint' you answer your phone???"
I thought something happened to the kid or the house was on fire or he was hurt.
Dude just sign that shit on ny behalf.
right? I forged his signature on our fucking TAX RETURNS (I mean...I would. In theory. *cough*) I'm pretty sure he could pull off signing mine on a goddamn title for a BOAT TRAILER.
I took today off as a mental health day (so very needed). But I'm dreading Monday when my snooty, nosy cw asks what I did on my day off, because she will. She'd judge "ran errands, wandered through the school supply section (I love new pens), went to the library...." so I'm thinking about just saying I did "things and stuff" which will make her head explode, lol. But I'm enjoying my day.
Tell her you did something naughty and leave it at that.
That might work. She's the nosiest person I've ever met. I may try that though.
right? I forged his signature on our fucking TAX RETURNS (I mean...I would. In theory. *cough*) I'm pretty sure he could pull off signing mine on a goddamn title for a BOAT TRAILER.
I worked at the dmv during summers in college, it was very common that the person who needed to sign the title form that was missing a signature just so happened to be sitting out in the car. I'm sure they were. But no body cared and would just go "ok, great!" and the person would go outside, sign the form themselves, and come in to finish the process. I'm shocked your dh didn't do that lol.
To give you an idea of the level of nosiness from this cw - she once walked around the office trying to look at people's shoes to determine who stunk up the bathroom. Seriously.
We talked about getting her a copy of Everybody Poops and telling her to calm down.
I took today off as a mental health day (so very needed). But I'm dreading Monday when my snooty, nosy cw asks what I did on my day off, because she will. She'd judge "ran errands, wandered through the school supply section (I love new pens), went to the library...." so I'm thinking about just saying I did "things and stuff" which will make her head explode, lol. But I'm enjoying my day.
Say something like masturbated.
"Oh, I watched Fifty Shades of Grey on repeat like 5 times, by myself."
Today, as I was driving, I was imagining my daily routine as if i were someone from hundreds of years ago looking at it. I wake up in the morning, then I press a button to choose what temperature I want the room to be. I go downstairs, and press a button that puts clean, fresh water into my cup, and I take a tiny pill that lets me have sex as much as I want without ever getting pregnant. I pour myself cereal that I chose from one of the 110 varieties available at the store, a huge building where I can purchase virtually any kind of food I might want, at any time of year, and it never ever runs out of food. Then I pull out a small device from my pocket that allows me to call anyone, anywhere in the world as long as I have their personal code. I use my device to read news of things that happened just five minutes ago, 5,000 miles away, chat with friends literally on the other side of the globe, and flip through some cute pictures of cats. Then later I strap myself into a vehicle that lets me travel several miles away in just a few minutes.
Our lives are kind of amazing when you look at it that way.
Today, as I was driving, I was imagining my daily routine as if i were someone from hundreds of years ago looking at it. I wake up in the morning, then I press a button to choose what temperature I want the room to be. I go downstairs, and press a button that puts clean, fresh water into my cup, and I take a tiny pill that lets me have sex as much as I want without ever getting pregnant. I pour myself cereal that I chose from one of the 110 varieties available at the store, a huge building where I can purchase virtually any kind of food I might want, at any time of year, and it never ever runs out of food. Then I pull out a small device from my pocket that allows me to call anyone, anywhere in the world as long as I have their personal code. I use my device to read news of things that happened just five minutes ago, 5,000 miles away, chat with friends literally on the other side of the globe, and flip through some cute pictures of cats. Then later I strap myself into a vehicle that lets me travel several miles away in just a few minutes.
Our lives are kind of amazing when you look at it that way.
MH. I swear to go, he is the biggest drama queen ever.
He's trying to take care of paperwork to buy his boss's boat today. (anybody want to buy our old boat?) So he had me sign a bunch of shit ahead of time and then went to a tag and title place this morning. Apparently we missed a signature. So he started calling my phone and literally called me 12 times. 12 missed calls. And then called my main office number and had me paged.
I WAS IN A FUCKING MEETING.
So I get called out of my meeting to take this SUPER URGENT CALL that turns out to just be him saying, "hey, I need you to sign this thing, I'm on my way to your office."
And! AND! AFTER HAVING ME PAGED OUT OF MY MEETING he had the fucking balls to be pissy with me. "where were you!? why ddint' you answer your phone???"
I thought something happened to the kid or the house was on fire or he was hurt.
Dude just sign that shit on ny behalf.
Right? In high school it got to the point where my mom would tell me to just forge her signature if she forgot to sign my permission slip or something.
I took today off as a mental health day (so very needed). But I'm dreading Monday when my snooty, nosy cw asks what I did on my day off, because she will. She'd judge "ran errands, wandered through the school supply section (I love new pens), went to the library...." so I'm thinking about just saying I did "things and stuff" which will make her head explode, lol. But I'm enjoying my day.
"Oh man, Friday, I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those.' So Saturday, I went out and got, like, a dozen eggs and then I boiled them all and I just, I spent, I dunno, probably three hours, like three and a half hours making, you know, the mayonnaise, and the onions and paprika and, you know, the necessary accoutrement. And then, by the time I was done, I didn't really feel like like eating it. And I didn't have any bread."
Right? In high school it got to the point where my mom would tell me to just forge her signature if she forgot to sign my permission slip or something.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I totally forgot to call him (honestly, Vegas and all). Turns out that's fine, because he didn't call me on my birthday either (on purpose).
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."