No, what I meant by "default" life, I mean is anyone else living in close proximity to their spouse's culture/family/etc and away from theirs? When I ask DD about her family, in her mind it's our nuclear family and my in-laws. My family is an afterthought, if I'm lucky. And I totally get it because she has little to do with my family and they aren't nearly as functional as my H's family, but it still bugs. Yesterday we were talking about how expensive it is to go to the States every 2 years and SIL's husband was all, "why do you have to go?" and I wanted to punch him in the face
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
Is anyone else's default life their husband's, or is it just me? I'm all up in my feelings today, largely due I think to my introvert tendencies. We're on day 3 at SIL's and it's starting to get to me. My H may be currently upset because I used the word "suffering" today to describe my being here. Introvers unite!
No, what I meant by "default" life, I mean is anyone else living in close proximity to their spouse's culture/family/etc and away from theirs? When I ask DD about her family, in her mind it's our nuclear family and my in-laws. My family is an afterthought, if I'm lucky. And I totally get it because she has little to do with my family and they aren't nearly as functional as my H's family, but it still bugs. Yesterday we were talking about how expensive it is to go to the States every 2 years and SIL's husband was all, "why do you have to go?" and I wanted to punch him in the face
I am the default family. My DH's parents live in the same town as us, but we see my sisters, their kids (the cousins), and my parents FAR more than his parents. I feel bad about it and would never imagine asking, "why do you have to go?" It's our default b/c I'm the planner in the family and his family is hard to pin down to plans, so sometimes I get frustrated and DH doesn't step-up to make it happen. But now, I'm thinking we need a dinner tomorrow night or Wednesday b/c I am a jerk by default.
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
No, you're not. I'm in a similar situation. My mom and grandparents died years before I even met my DH and I'm not close to my dad at all. I like my in-laws, but they are not my family.
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
Eh, I don't really consider H's family my family either. Mostly nice people, but not my family.
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
I don't think so. I've said similar things to DH, and for the most part I like my ILs just fine.
Kids are just literal, that's all, and don't understand the nuances of adult relationships, and that sometimes, in fact, you do just want to spend time with your family or origin, without your spouse/SO.
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
No. I love my IL's. And MH seems to genuinely enjoy spending time with my mother and to a lesser extent my sister and BIL. (let's not talk about my brother) But my mom is still my mom and hils family is still his family first.
My mom actually just spent the past weekend with my brother without his wife or another SO for the first time since he was in college. It was actually a little awkward - my mom was giving my brother her old car. Her plan for how said car would get dlievered was that she'd come visit, take my brother back to her side of the state with her so they could hang out a little and then he'd drive back home in his new car/her old car. She pitched this plan to my brother and he liked it, then told his wife and she was all, "but, ok - so and so can watch the kids and it needs to be on this day so I can get off work, etc etc." and they ahd to be like, No...you stay here with the kids. It'll be easier! And she didn't understand at first and then suddenly it clicked and she was all, "OH! I'm not invited. Oh. huh. Ok."
Mom and brother felt bad, but at the same time - dude, sometimes you just want to talk to your blood family that you've known your whole damn life without other people around. also, no really, it would be easier if you just stayed home.
I hate "the public". I hate dealing with our regulator sometimes because everything is extra difficult because it has to be published and time allowed for public comment, which never results in anything useful. I guess it makes us deliver a higher standard to start with, but ugh. So, please, when this current request goes out for comment, someone add something of value.
I know some people don't like Vicky Secrets but I need a new bra. I bought a bunch of new tops and my bras are too padded to fit properly through the bust area of the tops. Went to VS and got a fitting, and apparently I'm a 36DD, whoda knew it. Any way I spent $$ on two bras, but they are soooooooooo comfortable. $$ caredontcare.
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
My hubs and I have been all said (dating/married) for 12yrs, I still refer to his family as his family. My bil and sil have a little girl together and I still refer to her as my hubs niece. It's not because we don't get along, they are family, but for some reason I separate them into his family. Well, I do know the reason, but it's not something I want to get into.
No word about the neighbor. We're going to take her two little yappy dogs until they figure things out over there. My dogs are going to be thrilled (no sarcasm).
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
Eh, I don't really consider H's family my family either. Mostly nice people, but not my family.
My sister-in-law shows she feels this way and has said things like what summer said. It does hurt. And I don't understand it.
If the sentiment was simply that it IS the kids' family but not yours, and your family is the kids' family but not DH's, I guess that is ok. Different, but at least one family isn't preferred over the other.
But my SIL makes it clear that her and my brother's kids' primary grandparents are her parents, and the other grandparents (my brother's family) are peripheral. And their primary aunt is her sister and the other aunts (me and my sis) are peripheral. And her parents are loaded so they can pay for them to travel to see them and they go see my SIL for like a month at a time and my family members cannot afford to do that. But it sucks.
My daughter sees that I love my ILs to the moon and back, and that my mom and husband are fond of each other. He is not as close with my mom as I am with his, but it could also be awkward because my mom is hotter than I am and he is halfway between us in age, lol. Kinda glad there is a little distance, ha!!
If anything my dad, his wife, and my sister that is their daughter are the peripheral family members and that is definitely due to distance.
But I take DD to see her grandparents as often as DH does, if we don't all go together. We are all family as far as I'm concerned.
Eh, I don't really consider H's family my family either. Mostly nice people, but not my family.
My sister-in-law shows she feels this way and has said things like what summer said. It does hurt. And I don't understand it.
If the sentiment was simply that it IS the kids' family but not yours, and your family is the kids' family but not DH's, I guess that is ok. Different, but at least one family isn't preferred over the other.
But my SIL makes it clear that her and my brother's kids' primary grandparents are her parents, and the other grandparents (my brother's family) are peripheral. And their primary aunt is her sister and the other aunts (me and my sis) are peripheral. And her parents are loaded so they can pay for them to travel to see them and they go see my SIL for like a month at a time and my family members cannot afford to do that. But it sucks.
My daughter sees that I love my ILs to the moon and back, and that my mom and husband are fond of each other. He is not as close with my mom as I am with his, but it could also be awkward because my mom is hotter than I am and he is halfway between us in age, lol. Kinda glad there is a little distance, ha!!
If anything my dad, his wife, and my sister that is their daughter are the peripheral family members and that is definitely due to distance.
But I take DD to see her grandparents as often as DH does, if we don't all go together. We are all family as far as I'm concerned.
My ILs are my kids family. Theyre just not mine. They dont come to see me & I dont visit to see them. Its all about the kids visiting their family. They barely even visit with H. After 30 some years so I guess theyre over him. lol
Yup. Get you. I go to the States every two years as well (this year we had a surprise visit due to H having a work trip). I talk to my mom once a week, email my dad every so often (and facebook all the time). We live with my MIL right now, so I REALLY get you.
I think I effed up. We are all having dinner together and I was going to put the youngest to bed when H offered to do it. I said "No, I'll do it. Spend some time with your family" Then DD1 says, "No, they are your family, too" And then I felt like an asshole because it was painfully obvious to all that I don't think of them as my family. They are my H's and my children's family. Nice, like them, but not mine. I'm an asshole, right?
Nah. I like DH's family fine (except his dad and sometimes his sister) but they can't be assed to get to know my kid. She's almost 16 months and FIL has seen her twice, MIL is at about 4 times. SIL is at about 3. All of these people live within 10 miles of us.
My parents come to visit about once every 4-6 weeks. They live 3 hrs away.
Post by shanbrite2 on Jul 20, 2015 20:33:39 GMT -5
I was thinking over my experience in the wig store today and just realized something that's kind of pissing me off. The (unhelpful) saleslady told me that 80% of their customers were cancer patients, which makes sense. They are by far the nicest wig store in the area, and people with cancer and alopecia need wigs most often and would be willing to pay $$$ for nice ones. Fine. They also sold scarves and hats, and all the scarves I saw were like $70, I shit you not, for a motherfucking piece of FABRIC. Not even silk or nice fabric. Some of the hats were really nice and soft, but all insanely expensive. I know this store is not a charity, but it totally felt like they were ripping people off. (The wigs were $$$, but that's comparable to what I've seen online).