NPR: How schools are handling an 'overparenting' crisis

[rbp]

www.npr.org/sections/ed/2015/08/28/434350484/how-schools-are-handling-an-overparenting-crisis?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20150828

How schools are handling an 'overparenting' crisis

Have you ever done your children's homework for them? Have you driven to school to drop off an assignment that they forgot? Have you done a college student's laundry? What about coming along to Junior's first job interview?

These examples are drawn from two new books — How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims and The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey. Both are by women writing from their experience as parents and as educators. Lahey is a middle school teacher and a writer for The New York Times and The Atlantic; Lythcott-Haims was the longtime freshman dean at Stanford.

The books make strikingly similar claims about today's youth and their parents: Parents are "too worried about [their children's] future achievements to allow [them] to work through the obstacles in their path" (Lahey) and "students who seemed increasingly reliant on their parents in ways that felt, simply, off" (Lythcott-Haims).

I asked them to join me for a conversation about the problem — and what parents and schools can do about it.

What is the core of what's happening with kids and parents today?

Lahey: After three years of research and a lot of soul-searching, here's where I've ended up: Kids are anxious, afraid and risk-averse because parents are more focused on keeping their children safe, content and happy in the moment than on parenting for competence. Furthermore, we as a society so obsessed with learning as a product — grades, scores and other evidence of academic and athletic success — that we have sacrificed learning in favor of these false idols.

Lythcott-Haims: We parents are overprotecting, overdirecting and doing a lot of hand-holding, ostensibly in furtherance of kids' safety — physical, emotional — and security — emotional, academic, reputational, professional, financial. But also in furtherance of our own ego. Our kid becomes chronologically adult but still expects us to tell them what to do and how to do it, and is bewildered by the prospect of having to fend for themselves as an actual independent human. God help them when we are gone.

Lahey: We really need to stop looking to our kids for validation. They are not extensions of us, nor indicators of our performance, and it's unfair to saddle them with that responsibility.

Lythcott-Haims: Yeah. And our need for validation needs to be taken up with a therapist, not imposed on our kids' existence. As Carl Jung said, "The greatest harm to a child is the unlived life of the parent."

How are schools playing into this dynamic?

Lahey: Teachers and administrators complain about parents, but we helped create this frenzy.

One mother told me she was willing to step back, but felt like she could not because the standards have moved for what constitutes an A on a science project. Teachers have come to accept that parents interfere and co-opt school projects, and have begun to take that for granted when grading.

Lythcott-Haims: The other way in which high schools in particular play into the dynamic is during the college admission process, where they feel judged based on the brand names of the colleges their seniors get into, and their incentive is to brag about that.

Can parents help reverse the tide when it comes to their kids' experience in school?

Lahey: Watch what happens when you go to a teacher and say, "I'd like to give my child some increased autonomy this year, so I won't be meddling in his homework and I'd like for you to hold him accountable for the consequences of his mistakes." You will have an admirer for life.

And what can schools (Jessica) and colleges (Julie) do differently to promote a culture of independence and achievement?

Lahey: Schools and parents need to stop blaming each other, and work together to show children that we value learning. We can talk about the importance of education all we want, but our kids are too smart to fall for that hypocrisy. As long as we continue to worship grades over learning, scores over intellectual bravery and testable facts over the application of knowledge, kids will never believe us when we tell them that learning is valuable in and of itself.

Lythcott-Haims: Some schools have an explicit policy against parents doing kids' homework and in favor of kids raising issues and concerns themselves rather than relying on their parents to do so. These schools are part of the solution.

Some colleges kowtow to this overinvolvement of parents in the lives of college students, but they're the exception. Some schools are taking a proactive approach to this problem by trying to normalize struggle, such as the "Resilience Project" at Stanford that shows videos of professors, students and alumni talking about their own failures. Some legitimize these matters further by embedding it into the curriculum through classes and workshops on positive psychology, such as Stanford's course "The Science of Well-Being" or Harvard's mindfulness workshops offered in small groups in the residences.

What are the worst-case scenarios here? What's so bad about a little coddling before our kids hit the cold, cruel world?

Lahey: Absolutely nothing. As I write this, my younger son has been sick for about a week. As an adult, he will have to forge ahead, taking care of his family, work and other aspects of the cold, cruel adult world. But for now, he's 11, so I feed him soup and buy him popsicles, kiss his hot, feverish forehead, and love him up. However, I try to keep in mind that I have an incredibly short period of time to teach him the things he needs to know in order to be a competent, secure and emotionally healthy adult. To steal a line from Julie, I may parent two children, but I'm raising two adults.

Lythcott-Haims: I'm all for love between parent and child from now until forever. What I'm concerned about is when coddling means a kid doesn't acquire the skills they're going to need out in the real world.

Lahey: Just last week, I was sitting in a Department of Motor Vehicles watching my son fill out an application for his learner's permit, while the woman on the other side of me was filling out her 17-year-old daughter's application for her, asking for vital information such as height and weight, while her daughter texted on her phone. It seemed like such a lost opportunity to me.

I get the sense from reading the reactions to your books that parents want to find a way out of this but they don't always know how — and you both have shared that you feel that you yourselves have been implicated in this kind of "overparenting" at times. What do you tell other parents?

Lahey: I simply wrote the book I needed but could not find on bookstore shelves. I read everything — all the books, academic articles, dramatic headlines, and while they all clarified that I was going about this whole parenting thing wrong, no one offered a strategy. I felt called to action but had no way forward. That's the book I wrote, one third research, two thirds strategy, and I hope it gives other parents a way forward, too.

Lythcott-Haims: Look, once upon a time I was a finger-wagging dean tut-tutting parents for being so involved in the lives of their college freshmen. I thought, What's the matter, folks? Don't you trust your kid can do this, just like you were able to do? Then when my own kids were 8 and 10 I realized I was still cutting their meat. I got the connection between overinvolved parenting in childhood and not being able to let go at 18.

Three things parents can do right away:

1. Stop saying "we" when you mean your kid. "We" aren't on the travel soccer team, "we" aren't doing the science project and "we" aren't applying to college. Our kid is. These are their efforts and achievements. We need to go get our own hobbies to brag about.

2. Stop arguing with all of the adults in our kids' lives. As Jess well knows, teachers are under siege from overinvolved parents insistent upon engineering the perfect outcomes for their kids. Principals, coaches and referees see the same thing. If there's an issue that needs to be raised with these folks, we do best for our kids in the long run if we've taught them how to raise concerns on their own.

3. Stop doing their homework. Teachers end up not knowing what their students actually know, it's highly unethical, and worst of all it teaches kids, "Hey kid, you're not actually capable of doing any of this on your own."

Lahey: Julie made me giggle a little there. I'm forever asking parents to stop saying "we" when it comes to the college-application process. I was talking to a former student's mother about her son's essay on the phone (I know, I know, Exhibit A, but I was invested in educating that mother) and I reminded her about adopting a "he" versus "we" and "his" versus "ours" mindset when it came to his college application. Not five minutes later, she told me she "just wanted to double-check our essay one last time before hitting 'send' on our application." Oy vey. I had to concede defeat on that one.

How do you respond to the criticism that the problems you're describing affect only privileged kids?

Lahey: Guilty. ... However, just because some kids are suffering more than others from a particular kind of trauma — whether that's poverty or depression or anxiety — that does not mean that the trauma is not worth our time or our ink. The good news is that the effects of high anxiety and academic pressure are far easier to heal than poverty, violence and childhood trauma. If parents and teachers in high SEL schools would just calm down and value individual autonomy, learning, competence, and personal fulfillment more than grades and wish-fulfillment, we could fix the high-SEL problems pretty darn fast.

Lythcott-Haims: It's a true statement and I don't see it as criticism, actually. If the kids subjected to this type of parenting weren't suffering greater rates of anxiety and depression than the general population, then maybe we could wave this off as not-a-real problem. But they are suffering; there's no way around that fact. I certainly hope we won't divert policy and resources away from those kids in order to help the elite; it doesn't take policy or resources to fix the problem I'm writing about, after all — parents just need to back the hell off.

[rbp]

I'm obviously not qualified to comment on this as a parent. But in my limited experience with teaching college kids, they have A LOT of fear and anxiety. I spoke to our college psychologist about it, and she thinks one of the reasons this is getting worse is that kids don't develop resilience when they're helicoptered.

I realize there is a common refrain of "oh noes, helicopter parenting!" And most MMMers aren't to this stage anyway. But I thought this interview was interesting.

[bunch]

Very interesting. I hadn't thought about anxiety as product of the helicoptering, but it makes sense.

I think you'll be surprised by how young it begins. Watching a 4 yr old soccer practice with parents directing their kids (above the coach) from the sidelines is mild blowing.

[ECB]

Aug 29, 2015 7:59:45 GMT -5 rbp said:

Lahey: We really need to stop looking to our kids for validation. They are not extensions of us, nor indicators of our performance, and it's unfair to saddle them with that responsibility.

Lythcott-Haims: Yeah. And our need for validation needs to be taken up with a therapist, not imposed on our kids' existence. As Carl Jung said, "The greatest harm to a child is the unlived life of the parent."

 

A friend sent this to me this morning because we've been talking about this a lot lately. There are a # of parents (moms) that we know that are trying to dictate their kids lives and we're only in FIRST GRADE!

I'm trying to strive to NOT be this parent. I want to put trust in my child that he can navigate his own life.

But that being said - what I quoted above?  That's what I want to be careful of, what I fear I may do.  I want to take pride in the great kid that I feel I"m raising, but I don't want to NEED for people to praise him/ me/ DH for raising such a great kid.  If that makes sense. While I want MORE for DS than I have/had, I also want to make sure I'm not forcing him into a certain path or life to make up for what I feel I didnt' get.

So reading this article and specifically that quote- I need to keep this all in mind and I need to find that balance for myself to make sure I don't push when I need to just "be". 

[curbsideprophet]

I think it will be interesting once school starts. Is there any guidance out there on what is acceptable help vs you just doing it for them? I want them to do their own work but I assume they will have questions and need some assistance.

[mcfelix]

This is so interesting to me. My parents never did my homework - I really can't imagine that scenario. But I definitely see this overparenting with some friends of ours who have older kids. I think it's helpful for DH and I to see their craziness because it's teaching us that we don't want to be that way when our kids get older. The sports thing is what really scares us. We have one friend who is definitely living through his 15 year old son who plays football and baseball. Another friend has a 12 yo son who plays football and he is one of those crazy yelling parents. He told us one time about how he yells at his son when he doesn't make plays and later in the same conversation said his son doesn't seem to be confident on the field. Surprise surprise.

Hopefully DH and I remember this when our kids get older. I know I will struggle if our kids don't like school. DH and I were both very athletic growing up so it will also be sad if our kids don't like participating in any sports.

[Deleted]

ECB I feel that is the crux of the problem too. It's not so much that I want people to praise me for hearing that my kid got into an elite college but more that I know the economy is changing and, as a consequence, it is more difficult and competitive than ever to get yourself on to a path leading to affluence and prosperity. Do these things = happiness? No of course they're not a one to one correlation but they certainly help. I do want more for my children. Everyone does. Can they do it without me steering them and holding the reigns for most of their minority? I want to think yes but the truth is, I don't know and it is a big risk to take.

[water*drop]

I definitely agree with you, rbp, about the level of fear and anxiety that I see in a lot of my students. It makes sense that it could be the result of too much of their parents rescuing them when they were younger.

Personally, I try really hard not to helicopter, but it's HARD when DD is shy and very sensitive. I have to constantly remind myself not to over-prep her for things because that just makes her more anxious. Plus, I have a poor relationship with my mom and always have, and I worry a lot about that happening with DD. I think sometimes I err on the side of too much coddling in an attempt to make sure she knows I care, which is dumb because that has nothing to do with why my mom and I have a poor relationship anyway. Ugh. Parenting is hard.

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2015 8:47:12 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

I think it will be interesting once school starts. Is there any guidance out there on what is acceptable help vs you just doing it for them? I want them to do their own work but I assume they will have questions and need some assistance.

Idk I'll have to remember o ask his teacher this. But I can tell you that in first and second grade he's already been assigned projects that he couldn't possibly do without our help. He hasn't even started second grade yet and we've gotten a letter saying he'll have to teach the class something he's passionate about. He'll have to bring in materials and divide the students into stations just like the teacher does. It's expected to take at least 20 mintues of class time. I don't have enough eye rolls for this. We (his parents) will have to think up a topic, teach it to him first, so that he can teach it to them. He's turning seven in a few weeks. They're too young for this if you really want them doing their own work.

[curbsideprophet]

Aug 29, 2015 8:53:13 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Aug 29, 2015 8:47:12 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

I think it will be interesting once school starts. Is there any guidance out there on what is acceptable help vs you just doing it for them? I want them to do their own work but I assume they will have questions and need some assistance.

Idk I'll have to remember o ask his teacher this. But I can tell you that in first and second grade he's already been assigned projects that he couldn't possibly do without our help. He hasn't even started second grade yet and we've gotten a letter saying he'll have to teach the class something he's passionate about. He'll have to bring in materials and divide the students into stations just like the teacher does. It's expected to take at least 20 mintues of class time. I don't have enough eye rolls for this. We (his parents) will have to think up a topic, teach it to him first, so that he can teach it to them. He's turning seven in a few weeks. They're too young for this if you really want them doing their own work.

Does it need to be educational? Can he teach the class about his favorite movie or something like that?

[magpie]

I see a lot of this type of helicopter parenting at the school where I work (very small private middle and high school). It can be very frustrating to deal with. Sometimes, I see it less as kids being anxious or afraid and more of them being incapable of any type of self directed behavior. We try to build in a lot of free time/choices in learning that increase as students get older to encourage their independence and autonomy. I have no idea if it works, especially when they are used to having their parents hold their hands every step of the way.

It's also interesting to see how parents deal with the way technology allows them to tighten the leash, so to speak. I have some parents who text their kids regularly all through the school day and FREAK OUT and call the school if they don't get a response in .05 seconds. I can't imagine being put under that kind of pressure as a teenager.

[ECB]

Aug 29, 2015 8:53:13 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

  He hasn't even started second grade yet and we've gotten a letter saying he'll have to teach the class something he's passionate about. He'll have to bring in materials and divide the students into stations just like the teacher does. It's expected to take at least 20 mintues of class time. I don't have enough eye rolls for this. We (his parents) will have to think up a topic, teach it to him first, so that he can teach it to them. He's turning seven in a few weeks. They're too young for this if you really want them doing their own work.

^o)  I had to do this in MIDDLE SCHOOL. And that was in Home Ec and it was teaching a recipe.  Easy peasy.

2nd grade?!?!  WTF.  I have eye-rolls too.  And especially because you're right - YOU'LL be the one doing most of the work.  Right now, at 6, DS is passionate about Ninjago and Minecraft.  LOL. 

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2015 9:18:08 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

Aug 29, 2015 8:53:13 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Idk I'll have to remember o ask his teacher this. But I can tell you that in first and second grade he's already been assigned projects that he couldn't possibly do without our help. He hasn't even started second grade yet and we've gotten a letter saying he'll have to teach the class something he's passionate about. He'll have to bring in materials and divide the students into stations just like the teacher does. It's expected to take at least 20 mintues of class time. I don't have enough eye rolls for this. We (his parents) will have to think up a topic, teach it to him first, so that he can teach it to them. He's turning seven in a few weeks. They're too young for this if you really want them doing their own work.

Does it need to be educational? Can he teach the class about his favorite movie or something like that?

Maybe? The examples she gives are computers, cooking, seasons, plants, choose an animal

I guess we will choose an animal? That sounds easiest to me. I will still have to give him quite a bit of help though. They're supposed to present in Oct so it's not even like she can say she is teaching them how to look things up on the Internet and do research and tie the project to that at the end of the year.

[redheadk]

As a teacher, I absolutely saw the effects of both extremes of parenting. I had students that were very bright yet had zero confidence in themselves, down to asking "is this how you want my name on the paper?" frequently. They had a constant need for validation and no confidence that their choices were the correct ones. They had pushy, though very nice, parents that were super involved in every aspect of their lives. On the other end of the spectrum, I had students with parents who did not care at all about school, had no idea what was going on in their lives, and neglected their children. They floundered without support.

And then, one year, I had the perfect student with the perfect parents. The best way to describe them was that mom facilitated but did not participate. She encouraged but she allowed her child to take the lead on projects for school, outside interests (running). She was not at all checked out but she didn't do the project for her kid. No, her kid did not make the best grades in the class but she did make excellent grades. More importantly, she was the most well-rounded child I have ever encountered. She had that magic blend of self-confidence and humility.

Honestly, my goal is to pretty much raise my kid the way that mom did. I'm not going to worry about it if her science fair project does not look professional. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to oversee her doing it, but I'm not going to do it for her. If she doesn't win because it's not some overblown project that looks like it was done by a graphic designer and a career scientist, then so be it.

It's hard, though, and I do have to constantly remind myself to let her figure things out, work things out, etc on her own.

[redheadk]

Aug 29, 2015 9:30:04 GMT -5 magpie said:

Sometimes, I see it less as kids being anxious or afraid and more of them being incapable of any type of self directed behavior.  

I agree completely and I taught an entirely different population of kids than you.

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2015 9:31:19 GMT -5 ECB said:

Aug 29, 2015 8:53:13 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

  He hasn't even started second grade yet and we've gotten a letter saying he'll have to teach the class something he's passionate about. He'll have to bring in materials and divide the students into stations just like the teacher does. It's expected to take at least 20 mintues of class time. I don't have enough eye rolls for this. We (his parents) will have to think up a topic, teach it to him first, so that he can teach it to them. He's turning seven in a few weeks. They're too young for this if you really want them doing their own work.

  I had to do this in MIDDLE SCHOOL. And that was in Home Ec and it was teaching a recipe.  Easy peasy.

2nd grade?!?!  WTF.  I have eye-rolls too.  And especially because you're right - YOU'LL be the one doing most of the work.  Right now, at 6, DS is passionate about Ninjago and Minecraft.  LOL. 

Exactly! Choose your passion? The examples she gives are computers, cooking, seasons, plants, or animals. What 6 or 7 yo is interested in those things let alone so passionate that they have learned about it on their own and have so much to share they can teach a class for 20 minutes? I was thinking about home doing karate but unfortunately he quit over the summer so that's out. He does like tennis but I don't know how that would work. You can't really have the kids practicing swings or serves in the tiny classroom, lol.

[ECB]

CheeringCharm The best of luck!  I do not envy you....

[Deleted]

I was just thinking too, look at the way I'm talking about this project. "I was thinking of doing this..." "This will be easiest for me to look up...". It's crazy. I don't understand how this is a project meant for kids and not their parents. I don't mind showing him how to do things like look topics up on the Internet if that is the purpose of this but...I don't know. This is a pretty involved project. We'll have to do research, we'll have to make a poster. We'll have to think up some type of activity for the class and then create materials for that. How is this something that a 7 year old can possibly handle on his own? What is the point of this make work for parents??? lol

[laurack]

I feel like when parents get an assignment that seems unreasonable they could just talk to the teacher? Get clarification and if it still seems unreasonable say "he's six. I don't think he can do that without a considerable amount of our help. Are you suggesting we help him a lot?"

I mean if people keep doing the projects and homework for kids that is unreasonable for their age without questioning it the problem will never go away?

My kids are very young though so I'm not sure how I'll deal with any of this. I enjoyed reading that though, it seemed to make a lot of sense to me.

I'm also kind of (very) lazy and I don't really want to be doing children's homework and projects for them lol

[sent]

Aug 29, 2015 9:38:14 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Honestly, my goal is to pretty much raise my kid the way that mom did. I'm not going to worry about it if her science fair project does not look professional. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to oversee her doing it, but I'm not going to do it for her. If she doesn't win because it's not some overblown project that looks like it was done by a graphic designer and a career scientist, then so be it.

So when the science fair winners are being chosen, do the ones done by the graphic designer/career scientist parents win?  Do the ones very obviously done by the kid with minimal parent input even stand a chance?

[jsillyfun]

When I was in 4th grade we were given the ridiculous assignment of building a replica of a California mission all at home with our own supplies (including furniture and plants in the courtyard.) we were 8-9 yrs old. Everyone's parents did it for them. My mom helped me use an xacto knife to cut foam core and hot glue it together for walls and then we bought dollhouse furniture. We did it together but she necessarily did most of it. My friends sad was a dentist and he made stucco on the outside of hers with dental plaster. One boy had no help. He built his with cardboard and Easter grass. It looked shitty compared to ours but was way better than I could have done in my own. We all got As and he got a C and started crying bc he said his dad was going to spank him. I'm still upset over it. I never let my mom do my work again and I think our parents had a responsibility to let us do it ourselves and let the teacher see that it was not an appropriate assignment.

[krystee]

I was actually going to post about the book mentioned in the article (How to Raise an Adult) and suggest a MMM book club reading of it for anyone who is interested! Anyone want to do a book club?

[gretchenindisguise]

I think this is intertwined with CPS being called on 11-year olds at the park or their house by themselves.

I still think about the eye opening moment when I was reading L Ramona and in it, Ramona is left at home to get herself off to school by herself. In Kindergarten. I couldn't imagine L doing that last year, and the reflection from what used to be normal to what is normal now was kind of jarring.

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2015 10:41:01 GMT -5 krystee said:

I was actually going to post about the book mentioned in the article (How to Raise an Adult) and suggest a MMM book club reading of it for anyone who is interested! Anyone want to do a book club?

I am interested. I'd like to read the other one too, the one about failure. 

[drloretta]

Aug 29, 2015 10:18:16 GMT -5 sent said:

Aug 29, 2015 9:38:14 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Honestly, my goal is to pretty much raise my kid the way that mom did. I'm not going to worry about it if her science fair project does not look professional. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to oversee her doing it, but I'm not going to do it for her. If she doesn't win because it's not some overblown project that looks like it was done by a graphic designer and a career scientist, then so be it.

So when the science fair winners are being chosen, do the ones done by the graphic designer/career scientist parents win?  Do the ones very obviously done by the kid with minimal parent input even stand a chance?

To me, I wouldn't care. I'd be happier my kid did it themselves than winning the science fair

[drloretta]

Aug 29, 2015 10:41:01 GMT -5 krystee said:

I was actually going to post about the book mentioned in the article (How to Raise an Adult) and suggest a MMM book club reading of it for anyone who is interested! Anyone want to do a book club?

Interested!

[gretchenindisguise]

I've been continuing to think. It's also connected to the fear of "how bad the world is today!" And "back in the good ole days" mentality. Which is what is causing the CPS calls on 11 year olds in the park.

With the 24 hour news stations and people just accepting their perspective that the world is a dangerous place, it increases the fear and anxiety of parents so that they feel they have to helicopter.

Crime is down. It's been falling for 20 years years. But you'd never know that by turning on the tv.

I think the connected interconnected world has done a lot of amazing things for us, but it's also complicated a lot of things.

[holly116]

Aug 29, 2015 8:52:43 GMT -5 water*drop said:

Plus, I have a poor relationship with my mom and always have, and I worry a lot about that happening with DD. I think sometimes I err on the side of too much coddling in an attempt to make sure she knows I care, which is dumb because that has nothing to do with why my mom and I have a poor relationship anyway. Ugh. Parenting is hard.

Oh hugs, I feel this way too.

[redheadk]

Aug 29, 2015 10:18:16 GMT -5 sent said:

Aug 29, 2015 9:38:14 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Honestly, my goal is to pretty much raise my kid the way that mom did. I'm not going to worry about it if her science fair project does not look professional. That doesn't mean that I'm not going to oversee her doing it, but I'm not going to do it for her. If she doesn't win because it's not some overblown project that looks like it was done by a graphic designer and a career scientist, then so be it.

So when the science fair winners are being chosen, do the ones done by the graphic designer/career scientist parents win?  Do the ones very obviously done by the kid with minimal parent input even stand a chance?

Depends on the school. Honestly, it sucks that projects that are clearly not done by the child without significant help win sometimes but I've also seen efforts to combat that. It's just something I will deal with as it comes because ultimately my child benefits more from the process than she does by winning. I also have no issue going in and speaking to the principal about it if it proves to be an issue not just for my child but in general. But I'm not going to do it just so she can win. That said, there is very much a way to guide students so that they are doing the work but produce something that doesn't look terrible and is full of mistakes.

ETA: I worked in a very low income school so most students did not get significant help at home with projects. We did most of the work in school. We also had showcases rather than fairs. The students had to stand by their projects and answer any questions from the attendees (including people that would have acted as judges if we had been judging and did provide some written feedback to the kids, which we discussed in class).

[laurack]

What's the point of a kid winning a science fair if they didn't even do the project? Is it like a parents competition then?

This doesn't make any sense. Would I be proud of my kid winning a race that id run for him while he stood on the sidelines watching? Would I tell people how my kid won that race? They'd be like ... Umm I just saw you running it, he didn't even run?

How is it different!

It's so weird to me. It's one thing to help the kids a little but doing the stuff for them so they'll win competitions?!