I need some perspective here, because I'm the first in my immediate family to have kids and didn't have many family kids nearby when I was old enough to pay attention to this kind of stuff.
Would you say it is customary to talk to a parent before buying their child a large gift? Specifically, hypothetically, an electric 4-wheeler.
My mom just spilled the beans that the "little something" my aunt ordered for my ONE YEAR OLD is a 4-wheeler. A different aunt got him a tricycle and I thought "huh, I would've checked with the mom first to make sure they didn't have one already," but a 4-wheeler? My kid doesn't stand up on his own yet. And I specifically told my mom she wasn't allowed to get him one of those little power wheels things because he's not ready for it and I don't want to store it (we're hoping to move in a year or less).
Am I being a bitch toward a very generous gift-giver, or do I have a right to be annoyed? I really want to send it back.
G'head and set me on fire if I need it. I can take it. lol
I would be annoyed. That's not even remotely age appropriate so you're going to have to store it somewhere until it is, assuming you even have the room to store it.
I would be really annoyed. And, I'd accept the gift, sell it, and put the money in his 529. This is ridiculous. The trike would have pissed me off too.
The trike wasn't as bad, because it was at least one of those multi-stage ones that has the handle for us to push him in it to start. So at least it's age-appropriate, but I'd still think you'd check...
I kind of feel like I need her to know that this wasn't okay, though. Plus she will absolutely ask about it and/or want to see pictures.
Can you discuss with your mom so your mom can head her off at the pass? "Mom, please tell Aunt Gertrude to return this gift; it's too large, we don't have room for it and Junior isn't even able to stand yet. We appreciate the sentiment, so much, but really only need small things like books."
It's apparently already on the way. My mom found out because Aunt was asking her if it had arrived yet (my parents were here last weekend). Aunt also told Mom not to tell me about it. Mom did tell her that I wouldn't be happy, which she apparently found hilarious and said something about "wait till they see!"
It's a very generous gift, and I know where she was coming from on another level because I had tons of fun riding their (legit gasoline) quads when I was a kid and they are very fond memories that get brought up every time we see them. HOWEVER. ASK.
Post by illgetthere on Aug 31, 2015 14:18:39 GMT -5
I'd be annoyed, but it's probably one of the small ones for ages 1-3. They're about the size of the trike you have. I don't imagine she bought a 1 year old a full size 4 - wheeler.
Can you discuss with your mom so your mom can head her off at the pass? "Mom, please tell Aunt Gertrude to return this gift; it's too large, we don't have room for it and Junior isn't even able to stand yet. We appreciate the sentiment, so much, but really only need small things like books."
It's apparently already on the way. My mom found out because Aunt was asking her if it had arrived yet (my parents were here last weekend). Aunt also told Mom not to tell me about it. Mom did tell her that I wouldn't be happy, which she apparently found hilarious and said something about "wait till they see!"
It's a very generous gift, and I know where she was coming from on another level because I had tons of fun riding their (legit gasoline) quads when I was a kid and they are very fond memories that get brought up every time we see them. HOWEVER. ASK.
I'm with you. I got annoyed with MIL when she got DS a big train set that's the size of a side table. My home is small!
I wouldn't send it back though. Accept graciously and sell it on CL.
There's no way for it to not come up. I would feel really dishonest for selling or returning it without telling her. This is going to get awkward one way or another, and I feel like it might be better to just tell her now that she needs to check with us before this kind of stuff and we are going to have to send it back but thank you so much for the thought and generosity. Orrr something like that.
I'd be annoyed, but it's probably one of the small ones for ages 1-3. They're about the size of the trike you have. I don't imagine she bought a 1 year old a full size 4 - wheeler.
I told my mom it had better be remote-controlled. heh
So your Aunt thinking that it'll be hilarious to purposefully upset you with this gift is complete fuckery. Since she clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings I don't see why you can't call her and tell her you know about the gift and to return it because it's not appropriate and you aren't storing it until it is.
My MIL had a power wheels type 4 wheeler from bass pro sent when DS was about the same age. Hopefully that's what she sent?
Ethan had one as well that MIL bought him (she asked first). He started riding it around 18 months and outgrew it by 3ish. I could walk faster than this thing drives. I'm going to hope and assume it's something like this, but I would still be annoyed at that purchase without running it by me first.
I'd be annoyed, but it's probably one of the small ones for ages 1-3. They're about the size of the trike you have. I don't imagine she bought a 1 year old a full size 4 - wheeler.
This.
I assume it is something like the below link, not a full own power wheel. My son got one at a year and could easily ride it when he started walking.
If it was your mom who you had told not to buy this then yes, pissed but not an aunt who had no idea? Or did your mom tell your aunt who ignored it? Sorry, I think it's just a very generous gift. I don't get being annoyed by a gift. If it's unwanted then just return it, sell or donate it. Again, if it is your mom who sort of knows your space constraints, desire to move, etc. then I get it.
So your Aunt thinking that it'll be hilarious to purposefully upset you with this gift is complete fuckery. Since she clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings I don't see why you can't call her and tell her you know about the gift and to return it because it's not appropriate and you aren't storing it until it is.
(& Lucy Honeychurch) Nooo she's not purposefully upsetting me with the gift. I think she didn't really believe my mom that I wouldn't be happy. [ETA: And she didn't ask my mom beforehand -- she told my mom she had ordered it, and my mom told her "uhm, she's not going to be happy."] And knowing my mom, she probably wasn't really strong in her wording (she is beyond unconfrontational, and they were there visiting Aunt's husband in the hospital, so she definitely wouldn't have wanted to cause an issue at that particular moment).
I'm not going to call my aunt now, because I don't want my mom to be in the middle of it.
I do believe she just didn't consider that someone might not think this was the Best Gift Everrr. But it sounds like I'm not crazy for thinking that she should have checked with me first. Depending on what it actually is when it gets up, I think I will return and call her to let her know that it was very generous of her, but she really literally shouldn't have (lol), because we just don't have the room for it. And maybe I'll throw something in about how I can't wait until DS is old enough to ride real quads and we can all go camping like the Old Days.
You're not being shitty. I don't have kids and have no idea what is or is not age appropriate so I ASK the parents what the child would like for his or her birthday. Although I have to say, even I know that a 4 wheeler for a 1 year old is not appropriate.
If I were in your position, I would call Aunt when it arrives (or write her a nice thank you card) and let her know that we received and really appreciated the gift. Unfortunately baby is unable to use it and we have no space for such a large gift so we exchanged it for some wonderful books which baby loves!
The trike wasn't as bad, because it was at least one of those multi-stage ones that has the handle for us to push him in it to start. So at least it's age-appropriate, but I'd still think you'd check...
this is my thought, that it's not as 'huge' as a four wheeler (for a 1 yo? Jesus) but that it's one of those things that is a parent's gift; one of those I get to give my kid this neat thing for his developmental stage etc. I'd check on this and I'd still probably not get it.
I do agree with this and would have done so if I was the gift buyer.
But I just don't get getting pissed about it. A puppy or a hamster or something potentially dangerous like a bb gun? Yes, but it's a gift. Say thank you for the spirit it was delivered in and if you don't like it get rid of it for the cash or what have you. If it's something that you would rather have as a parents gift then throw it in the closet and say you gave it to them...the kid isn't even old enough to throw a fit over getting to keep the gift lol.
I think I'm jaded. My closest aunt who spoiled my kids passed away 3 years ago. My parents still spoil them, but those are the only people in the family they get gifts from (well ILs got my son an $10 sticker book for his 3rd birthday last year.) I know people hate when this gets thrown out there, but just be thankful that you have people in your life that love your kids enough to give them big beautiful gifts. If they knowingly disrespect your wishes that is one thing, but just not asking...enh...life is too short.
But I just don't get getting pissed about it. A puppy or a hamster or something potentially dangerous like a bb gun? Yes, but it's a gift. Say thank you for the spirit it was delivered in and if you don't like it get rid of it for the cash or what have you. If it's something that you would rather have as a parents gift then throw it in the closet and say you gave it to them...the kid isn't even old enough to throw a fit over getting to keep the gift lol.
The spirit of gift giving is to bring joy to the recipient, not to burden them with something useless that they have no room for. In this case, the aunt's gift is thoughtless and quite frankly an imposition.
But I just don't get getting pissed about it. A puppy or a hamster or something potentially dangerous like a bb gun? Yes, but it's a gift. Say thank you for the spirit it was delivered in and if you don't like it get rid of it for the cash or what have you. If it's something that you would rather have as a parents gift then throw it in the closet and say you gave it to them...the kid isn't even old enough to throw a fit over getting to keep the gift lol.
The spirit of gift giving is to bring joy to the recipient, not to burden them with something useless that they have no room for. In this case, the aunt's gift is thoughtless and quite frankly an imposition.
But based upon the PP's update the aunt seems to have no prior knowledge of that. I mean, maybe laughing when the mom said something maybe wasn't right, but again based on the update it looks like the gift was ordered already so what would you expect? The aunt was sending something that she thought the child would love. Provided it's like the one that I linked, it's not like this huge thing someone would think would be an imposition. If it is a huge power wheels type thing then I understand.
This exact thing happened with us, too, for his first Christmas, so not even one yet. H and I discussed it, and ended up thanking my aunt, but we returned it and told her it was just too old for him, and he could not safely sit on it, let alone ride it. We returned it and got him an age appropriate rocking giraffe and toddler snacks.
I know my aunt was just excited, but it was not appropriate for DS or the family as a whole. If he's going to be outside we want him using his feet and all the energy he can!