it was for me, but, I have 2 boys and they're 22 months apart. They were also both terrible sleepers (actually, still are). That said, after the first 2 years, it became relatively easy-peasy. My two have all the same interests and now can play together relatively well for hours on end.
Post by emoflamingo on Sept 3, 2015 10:02:12 GMT -5
0-1 wasn't awful for me (I was in school and he was born so close to a new semester I didn't go back until he was 6 months old). 1-2 wasn't bad either, because #1 was starting kindergarten that year. 2-3 I think I have had the most difficulty with because #2 is young enough that he wants to LOVE his sister, but doesn't really get that he can't pick her up like #1 can (and even that makes me nervous!) and he still desires tons of attention, so I often have a full lap.
The only saving grace to my sanity is that #1 figured out how to make peanut butter sandwiches so he's saved the day a few times with that new skill if I'm tied up with feeding the baby and his brother is freaking out because he's gone from fine to DYING of hunger in 20 seconds.
Post by missmaddie on Sept 3, 2015 10:06:09 GMT -5
For us since DD was born this spring, it has been a breeze. She is the easiest baby ever, and DS was already nearing the ending of the horrid 3s. They are about 3y 10m apart. There are definitely things we don't sweat, simply because you literally cannot be in two rooms at once and so far both seem no worse for wear.
DH is amazing though. And he was very helpful during 0-1 too. This time has been different because I had to EP with DS so he was very hands on while I was struggling to fit in 72 pumps a day. This time DD is addicted to the boob, but he's been great for helping with DS while I'm nursing.
We have best friends who had their daughter two weeks after us, and thei son was not quite 2, and I think it's been more difficult. Two in diapers, two to dress, etc. But they've found their routines and are adjusting well now too.
It wasn't difficult for us at all (you know, except for dealing with diapers and night feelings again), but our kiddos are six years apart. Probably not helpful to you - lol. But as another poster said, I was just easier to deal with the second baby after gaining experience with the first. We weren't worried that each new phase was permanent like we did with Ben.
For us, being a two child family is smoother than being a one child family.
My comment to miso was specifically about high powered lawyers and doctors I know. Kids need time and attention. Two kids means twice as many sick kid days, different stages, etc. Squeezing one kid into the life of two high powered types means everyone can work around one type of kid schedule. Two kids can be the point at which balancing 80 hour weeks and a kid break.
I'm downgraded to occasional probono work so I don't have to make that balance. For actual family life, it has been an upgrade.
I will also add that if you have a super awesome husband who is really involved and helps, you'll be fine.
This is the part I really want to hear about.
I love my husband, but he can be very challenging. And I can be very controlling, wanting to do everything myself, fix all the wounds, smooth things over, etc. I'm much much more easygoing than he is.
My H is super awesome. He has slept on the floor in K's room almost every night since we came home with N. He has been a rockstar around the house and so understanding of what sleep deprivation and hormones have done to my mood. And he is fantastic with both boys.
If he wasn't so great or supportive, it would be a lot harder. He has night meetings several times a month and I've hired a sitter to help me in those nights because parenting alone is fucking hard.
Without the super helpful husband and sitter for nights when H isn't around, I would feel a lot less positive about this transition.
0-1 was so hard. I was so anxious after I had my first DD. I became a SAHM and felt so lonely. My family lives 2hrs away, so I was always alone and I would literally pace around from 4-5 just waiting for my H to get home so I had someone to talk to. 1-2 was so easy! I felt so relaxed and I already had a routine with my first DD and my second DD was so easy and went along with it with no problems. My girls are exactly 2 years apart and it's great. They are the best of friends and love each other so much.
Post by fortnightlily on Sept 3, 2015 10:16:34 GMT -5
I often wonder how much of this also depends on the personality of the mom/parents. Like, I'm a low-energy introvert, and I find balancing one (easy, sleeps well) toddler with housekeeping and my career difficult enough. I'm not scared of taking care of a baby like I was the first go-round, but I *am* worried about my own personal ability to handle any additional workload/stress.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
1-2 was leaps and bounds easier than 0-1 for us, and that was even with them being 13 months apart and DS1 being an easy baby! The learning curve our first time around was really difficult on me and on our relationship. Once we found out we were pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was 5 months, it got better because I think we realized just how much of a team we were going to need to be. DH is amazing with the boys, and so helpful. 2-3 has been the easiest transition yet, I think.
I think it totally depends on the kids. 0-1 was hell bc my baby sucked hard core and I was ill prepared (despite having a live in pediatrician). I expected 1-2 to be hard but it really wasn't. Easier baby, more parenting experience, and my oldest had just turned 2 and was really well behaved at that point.
Post by liverandonions on Sept 3, 2015 10:24:27 GMT -5
Ditto farmer. We're only a few days in, Julia's behavior goes between nasty then sweet then super emotional. The baby is good but was up allll night last night so today was a rough start.
MrsAxilla & lucyhoneychurch just made me feel so much better about my decision to space 5 years apart. We are planning on TTC this fall & I was freaking out about having 2 ( if I got pregnant right away that would put them at 4 years and 11 months apart).
I can only speak to my own experience, and yes, it was rough. Really, really rough. The excitement of the first baby, having one parent able to sleep while the other takes care of the baby, or being able to sleep while the baby sleeps, carried us through the first one. Those days were gone when our daughter was born (19 months after our first, so factor that in), and coupled with severe PPD, I can honestly say that going from 1-2 was miles harder.
I often wonder how much of this also depends on the personality of the mom/parents. Like, I'm a low-energy introvert, and I find balancing one (easy, sleeps well) toddler with housekeeping and my career difficult enough. I'm not scared of taking care of a baby like I was the first go-round, but I *am* worried about my own personal ability to handle any additional workload/stress.
Juggling everything is hard. And the auditory stimulation. lol. OH the noise. It is stressful. But also so rewarding.
I'm sure it's rewarding on the inside, but I also worry about how that additional stress will manifest in me as a pleasant-to-be-around wife and parent. My mom (who, granted, I am fairly different in some ways) gets really snappish and sharp-toned whenever she is stressed. And I know she's completely oblivious to it. She talked to her aging mother that way, you hear her talking to my sister and me that way in our old baby videos. I don't want that to be me.
But I also have *zero* desire for a second child, only some guilt about my DS missing out on siblings and my DH's desire for more, so there's that.
I often wonder how much of this also depends on the personality of the mom/parents. Like, I'm a low-energy introvert, and I find balancing one (easy, sleeps well) toddler with housekeeping and my career difficult enough. I'm not scared of taking care of a baby like I was the first go-round, but I *am* worried about my own personal ability to handle any additional workload/stress.
I *think* I'm good under pressure, however DH is not...at all. It's something he's working on, and something I'm working on.
I think when/if I get PG with #2, I would want to go to therapy with DH to work on the stress of a new baby *before* it happens, so we are a stronger united front when it happens. Something I wish we did the the first time.
Although, to be fair, the first time, there was a whole lotta things that were working against us: moving to a different country, new, stressful, long hour job for DH, no job for me, not knowing anyone in our immediate area, and having a preemie.
Post by thatgirl2478 on Sept 3, 2015 10:34:44 GMT -5
It depends on the kid.
I don't know if your first was super easy or super hard - just expect that #2 will be the polar opposite and you should be good to go.
DD1 slept 8 hrs consistently starting at about 6 wks old. DD2 still doesn't at almost 11 mo old. DD1 could easily entertain herself if I was in the same room with her. DD2 wants to be touching me allllll the time. DD1 was a very non physical child - she didn't try stuff out (she didn't pull up to walk until a year old, etc). DD2 is a daredevil - she's pulling up to walk at 10 mo old, she's trying to climb stairs already, if she sees the gate at the top of the stairs is open she immediately crawls over to the stairs and puts her head over the edge. DD2 has fallen off the bed 3 times already just because she was interested in something that fell on the floor & didn't worry about the physics of getting down.
Etc etc etc etc.
So, if you can handle a child that's the complete opposite of your first, go for it.
It's not been hard for me, other than the occasional pangs of guilt about not spending as much time as I'd like with my daughter. My son is a really easy baby though and likes to nap/sleep at night.
My husband has had a harder time with our second. With our first he did wonderfully, but he got used to our routine (our daughter was 4 when we had our son) and resented the change at first. It's been ten months now and he says he's over it, but the feelings surprised him.
I will also add that if you have a super awesome husband who is really involved and helps, you'll be fine.
Disclaimer: I am cranky this morning.
But a husband is not "super awesome" because he's really involved and "helps" (helps? They're his kids too!)
Argh!
Right? I'm going to throat punch anyone who exults that her husband "babysits."
Anyway, for us, going from 1 to 2 was a breeze. Our kids are three years apart, and our first was by far the more difficult child (still is), but the adjustment was easy.
I'm sure it's rewarding on the inside, but I also worry about how that additional stress will manifest in me as a pleasant-to-be-around wife and parent. My mom (who, granted, I am fairly different in some ways) gets really snappish and sharp-toned whenever she is stressed. And I know she's completely oblivious to it. She talked to her aging mother that way, you hear her talking to my sister and me that way in our old baby videos. I don't want that to be me.
But I also have *zero* desire for a second child, only some guilt about my DS missing out on siblings and my DH's desire for more, so there's that.
Oh yeah, I'm medicated. ha. I can't do it without my drugs. And my wine.
Seriously, though, I had a small meltdown last week over the fact I was starting to get snippy with Elizabeth. I feel guilt over it. I think I would be like that even if I just had one, though. One three year old. lol. I'm an asshole. (wilted)
Dude, been there, and my DS is only 2 and not *that* difficult. I am just terrible at seeing past the short-term for the long-term reward, I suppose.
Post by njohnson1972 on Sept 3, 2015 10:51:37 GMT -5
1 to 2 was much harder for me. #1 was an easy child. #2 has a lot of spunk. I also work full time and I am in my 40's. All that adds to it. Plus I think the child's personality makes a difference. I definitely never, ever want to be outnumbered by kids.
Juggling everything is hard. And the auditory stimulation. lol. OH the noise. It is stressful. But also so rewarding.
I'm sure it's rewarding on the inside, but I also worry about how that additional stress will manifest in me as a pleasant-to-be-around wife and parent. My mom (who, granted, I am fairly different in some ways) gets really snappish and sharp-toned whenever she is stressed. And I know she's completely oblivious to it. She talked to her aging mother that way, you hear her talking to my sister and me that way in our old baby videos. I don't want that to be me.
But I also have *zero* desire for a second child, only some guilt about my DS missing out on siblings and my DH's desire for more, so there's that.
I can relate to a lot of what you said. If we were younger and could space kids 5 years apart, maybe I would be willing. But due to age, I couldn't do that.
I am the snapper too. I struggle sometimes with having patience with one. I need the ability to tag out and be alone. I think I would not be a great mom to 2.
I do feel sad for DS that he will not have a brother or a sister. I think about the fact that I never had grandparents growing up. I didn't miss it at the time, because I didn't know what I was missing. I think DS will feel wistful for a sibling someday, but hopefully he'll have great friends and a full life growing up.
it was harder for us,but I have heard people say the opposite. Honestly, the worst thing I can admit is that I was a better mom to just one. Two, at these ages, just has me pushed to my limits most days. it is really hard to say that out loud. It's not that I don't love K, but I know how I was with just C and how I am now and it is just not good.
Post by kellykapowski on Sept 3, 2015 10:55:32 GMT -5
0-1 absolutely rocked my whole world. I found it so incredibly difficult and there was a lot of darkness in my life that first year and I absolutely thought I'd have zero semblance of my previous childless life ever again. Turns out, that's not true but I just couldn't see it at the time. Which is why I waited so long to have #2. They are 4 years apart. 1-2 has been so incredibly easy for us. Maybe because I felt way more comfortable in knowing that I was capable of keeping children alive and I had finally come to terms with the fact that they aren't needy and that drastically life altering after the first year or two.
I have a lot of residual guilt over my attitude during DD1's first couple years of life because I have fully embraced and loved DD2's first few years so very much.
For the record both my children were planned. Which is why there's so much guilt.
Anyway, 1-2 was really easy for me. I wish I could have a third, but I've been vetoed.
it was harder for us,but I have heard people say the opposite. Honestly, the worst thing I can admit is that I was a better mom to just one. Two, at these ages, just has me pushed to my limits most days. it is really hard to say that out loud. It's not that I don't love K, but I know how I was with just C and how I am now and it is just not good.
Ditto all of this. Sorry. I know how it sucks to feel this.
it was harder for us,but I have heard people say the opposite. Honestly, the worst thing I can admit is that I was a better mom to just one. Two, at these ages, just has me pushed to my limits most days. it is really hard to say that out loud. It's not that I don't love K, but I know how I was with just C and how I am now and it is just not good.
Ditto all of this. Sorry. I know how it sucks to feel this.