I'd say 0-1 was much harder for us than 1-2. I think a lot of it had to do with my eldest being 4.5 when my second arrived, so she was in preschool full-time and spent the first year and a half or so thinking DD2 was an adorable novelty. I bet it would've been a lot of different if I'd had them both home with me full time. My husband was also very hands on with the eldest while I was dealing with the newborn, which helped.
Post by prettyinpearls on Sept 3, 2015 11:14:46 GMT -5
In the beginning, going from 1 to 2 was smooth sailing. It wasn't until DS2 got older (mobile) that things got harder. Right now my biggest complaint is the non-stop refereeing I feel like I'm doing between the two of them. By the end of the night, I don't want to talk to anyone. Both boys are in bed and I don't want to utter another word or "don't do that!" or "leave your brother alone!". I just want sit in silence.
Put it this way, in the first 6 months of having 2 kids I was all set to have #3. Now that they're 5 and (almost) 2 years old? Hell no. I can't imagine adding a 3rd to the mix.
I will also add that if you have a super awesome husband who is really involved and helps, you'll be fine.
This is the part I really want to hear about.
I love my husband, but he can be very challenging. And I can be very controlling, wanting to do everything myself, fix all the wounds, smooth things over, etc. I'm much much more easygoing than he is.
For us, 1-2 was exponentially easier than 0-1. That said, we decided to stop at 2, because it was still hard on our marriage. In regards to the husband aspect though, I was really surprised. H has a hard time with babies. He doesn't know what to do with them, finds it hard to feel like he can participate with anything because I nursed both of ours. With N he was blindsided by everything, and E was SUPER clingy to me for about 2 years. BUT - after E was born, he realized just how much he could actually do with N, on their own.
This makes him sound like a shitty dad when they were babies, but I promise he wasn't. He just didn't see how relatively independent a nearly 3 year old is in comparison to a newborn. He realized just how much he's capable of, and stepped up. He took E off my hands and tried to hang with her when she'd allow it, and even if she wasn't having it (and screaming her head off), he'd still push me out the door to go be by myself for a couple hours.
The second kid helped him see how much he could really do with the kids. It still left him frazzled sometimes, but with kid2, he was kind of like "welp, this is how it is. Crying happens, here we go!" And interestingly, even though E wanted nothing to do with him as a baby, he seems to "get" her more now. He doesn't understand N at all, but he and E are on the same wavelength.
MrsAxilla & lucyhoneychurch just made me feel so much better about my decision to space 5 years apart. We are planning on TTC this fall & I was freaking out about having 2 ( if I got pregnant right away that would put them at 4 years and 11 months apart).
It's really great! He's old enough to understand why the baby needs more attention and they can play together now. Although you'd be surprised at how much a toddler and an eight year old can fight - lol. DH said I was probably looking forward to school starting so I only have kiddo during the day, but Ben really helped keep her entertained and watched he while I peed alone, and now it's all on me! Boo!!
Two kids is hard for me because I feel like I am over stimulated all the time. Someone is always talking or they are both talking. Someone always needs something and then once the other catches wind they want it too. I just feel like I am in motion all the time.
My kids are 3 years 10 months apart. I lost one in between and I was devastated that my kids wouldn't be one in the "perfect" age spans (you know, 18m to 3 years) so they would not be close.
For us, it was easy and seamless. Having two makes me a better mother. My older one was able to help, she was already involved in a a lot of activities and school so I got a lot of one-on-one time with her sister. They are close and wonderful to each other now and I would not have it any other way.
Also, and I just started admitting this, it was cathartic for me - I had A LOT of trouble with my first and dealing with her probably from 2.5-4. She was a tough kid. I always felt a lot of guilt inside about it and how I was not enjoying parenting at that time. So, her her sister comes along, and she is about as different in personality from #1 as you can get. Yet, I STILL did not enjoy the ages from 2.5-4(ish). Before, I was riddled with anxiety that I did not like my child very much. But now, I know I just don't like the age, if that makes sense. I am better able to deal with it mentally because I'm not feeling so bad about myself and my relationship with my kid.
Post by chickenlittle on Sept 3, 2015 11:49:45 GMT -5
For me, 1-2 was a much harder transition. At seven months out, I'm feeling like I'm finding a new normal, but it's still rough going.
I will say that it was much easier to actually "parent" the second kid--there was a lot less second guessing, anxiety, obsessing, etc. I also enjoyed my second baby a lot more, probably because of this.
Right? I'm going to throat punch anyone who exults that her husband "babysits."
Anyway, for us, going from 1 to 2 was a breeze. Our kids are three years apart, and our first was by far the more difficult child (still is), but the adjustment was easy.
How's kinder going?? Lu spent some time in the "better choices chair" on Tuesday. :-#
Oh no! I think I need one of those chairs in our house.
It's going well. Naturally, it's a half day all week (WTF, working parents?). He's been in EDP for the afternoons and has informed me that he much prefers that to class. Oh well. Yesterday I watched from a fourth floor window as he scaled the fence into the parking lot. He seemed to reconsider once he got one leg over the top, though, so that's good... And today, he blew me a kiss in the hallway when they were visiting the library. I'll take it.
So, so far, so good [insert fingers-crossed emoticon].
MrsAxilla & lucyhoneychurch just made me feel so much better about my decision to space 5 years apart. We are planning on TTC this fall & I was freaking out about having 2 ( if I got pregnant right away that would put them at 4 years and 11 months apart).
We wanted about 4-5 years, and built in a buffer based on past losses, but had a viable pregnancy the first month and ended up 6 weeks shy of 4.
He's small enough that they'll still be kids together, but, DS can: -sleep all night in his bed -play in the bath for 30 mins while chatting and letting me know he's fine while I nurse in the adjoining room -walk/ride-bike and not require double stroller -pass along all baby gear that he's been long-finished with, plus car seats before expiry -PLAY! ALONE! A huge change from a year ago. -Attend school and have his own routine -be a huge helper/fetcher -get that he's not being replaced, and seems to understand she needs gentle touch and quiet...he forgets ALL the time, but he gets it at least -wipe his own bum when I'm stuck nursing! -open "his" drawer in the fridge to get yogurt drinks, apple sauce, fruits, etc. when my hands are full/nursing
I wouldn't trade the way it worked out for anything.
I will also add that if you have a super awesome husband who is really involved and helps, you'll be fine.
Disclaimer: I am cranky this morning.
But a husband is not "super awesome" because he's really involved and "helps" (helps? They're his kids too!)
Argh!
Fair. But for me, the fact that I have a year mat leave and he's still equally involved still is very appreciated. God knows I want to point our that I was "at work all day!" when he's been on holidays and home with DS in the past. He's also offered to take part of this year with DD as he gets more $ than I do from his employer, but I declined.
DH also works shifts and DS was PT in daycare and home with him one day a week or more for the last 3 years, and would never call it babysitting.
it was harder for us,but I have heard people say the opposite. Honestly, the worst thing I can admit is that I was a better mom to just one. Two, at these ages, just has me pushed to my limits most days. it is really hard to say that out loud. It's not that I don't love K, but I know how I was with just C and how I am now and it is just not good.
Exactly this for me as well. It's been better from 1-2 in some ways, because H and I have gotten closer and DD1 has always been a happy kid, but is over-the-moon happy having DD2.
it was harder for us,but I have heard people say the opposite. Honestly, the worst thing I can admit is that I was a better mom to just one. Two, at these ages, just has me pushed to my limits most days. it is really hard to say that out loud. It's not that I don't love K, but I know how I was with just C and how I am now and it is just not good.
Exactly this for me as well. It's been better from 1-2 in some ways, because H and I have gotten closer and DD1 has always been a happy kid, but is over-the-moon happy having DD2.
I know I appreciate both of your honesty, because I know myself and this affirms it's not a crazy reservation to have about having more kids.
1-2 was pretty easy for us, DD was old enough to understand that things were different and that the baby's needs weren't more important than hers, but were often more immediate. DS was also a very easygoing baby, and just slid into our routine.
Well it's more work obviously. You do have to take care of another person But I would say the transition itself is easier since you already know what you're doing. It is always going to be a lot more work though.
For me, 1-2 was a much harder transition. At seven months out, I'm feeling like I'm finding a new normal, but it's still rough going.
I will say that it was much easier to actually "parent" the second kid--there was a lot less second guessing, anxiety, obsessing, etc. I also enjoyed my second baby a lot more, probably because of this.
Same here, and my 2nd baby had colic, while the first was super chill. I had much more confidence even though she was difficult and never slept. I really fell in love with her hard, even though, objectively, she was the worst, lol.
If your marriage is in a good place (because it might get rough there for a while), you should decide based on what you ultimately want, not on how miserable that first year might make you. It's over pretty fast.
It was definitely an adjustment, but not as much as going from 0-1. You just have to readjust some of your expectations once again. A big one for me was cloth diapering. As much as I wanted to do it again, I was just too tired to deal with washing diapers and then having them all stuffed and packed for day care, so we mostly use disposables with DS2. Also, DS1 is such an easy going kid and didn't need my attention 24/7, which made it easier. He was content to play by himself or snuggle on the couch with a movie while I nursed DS2.
Exactly this for me as well. It's been better from 1-2 in some ways, because H and I have gotten closer and DD1 has always been a happy kid, but is over-the-moon happy having DD2.
I know I appreciate both of your honesty, because I know myself and this affirms it's not a crazy reservation to have about having more kids.
I'm a SAHM, so I had DD1 all to myself until DD2 was born, we had our little routines, inside "jokes," and it was just easier to pick up and go out with her; she was my homegirl! Now, I do adore DD2 but I'm not a fan of the infant stage; I think once she's a little older I'll be much happier.
That being said I work full time and I continued sending my daughter to daycare while on maternity leave with my son. So my ML with #2 was much more pleasant for me than with #1 because I was more relaxed and being home all day with a sweet infant while sending my needy 2 year old to daycare was awesome
Yeah 2 is harder than 1, and daycare is astonomical but I thought it would be way more stressful than it actually is.