Post by juliachild on Sept 3, 2015 15:43:55 GMT -5
Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish. Do what you need to do to feel better, whether that be the ER or talking to a professional on the phone. You need support. You are very important to your kids, pup, and family.
Post by miniroller on Sept 3, 2015 15:45:53 GMT -5
brokenae please know that you can decide whether or not you're around your h tonight. It isn't up to him & whether or not he's home. Will you please let us know if you have friends or family around? You can take the kids to someone close, maybe have a short fill in about the emotional crisis-ish you're currently experiencing. Then head to the ER to get some help. You will NOT regret this! Please.
Ignore him and please help yourself. He is not being supportive, any husband who cares about his wife would support her.
When I opened up to my husband about my depression a few years ago, with the help of ladies here, he held me as I cried and helped me find a therapist ad he worked overtime to help pay for it. We figured it out.
Your husband is using the dog and now your depression as a scape goat, he wants you to be the "bad one" and end this.
Your husband sounds overbearing and dominating at best, but possibly emotionally abusive. It sounds like your boundaries are being broken down - you live to please him, rather than your lives together being a partnership. If this is true, of course life is exhausting. I know, I was in your place once.
Get help for yourself. Go get what YOU need. You will be amazed how the fog will lift once you get some time to regain perspective.
Big hugs. Please get yourself to the ER if you haven't already. You need to take care of YOU. You are important. You need to see a doctor ASAP and get the care you need and deserve. You don't deserve the way he's treating you. He has no right to belittle your feelings or minimize and mental Health issues that you are experiencing. Mental health is very real. If you had symptoms of a heart attack, you'd go to the ER. This need is not different. Do not be ashamed. You are not the first and will not be the last person that has been through this. You are not alone. Please find help.
I delayed going on ad/anxiety meds because I felt ashamed and embarrassed. After a year I realized that there was nothing to be ashamed of and I should have done it sooner and the only reason I thought there was something to be embarrassed about was mind was sick and playing tricks on me.
That is what is happening to you. Please talk to someone who is not your husband. They'll tell you the same and actually help you.
Please go to the ER. Everything else--husband, dog, etc--can be dealt with with once you have the support and meds you need. Nothing else matters right now but your well being. Please take care of yourself.
My STBXH belittled me when he found out that I took AD and saw a therapist. When I left him, I lost 100 kilos of weight and misplaced guilt off my shoulders. Without the meds/therapy I would have gone crazy. You are not selfish! There is no shame in taking medication to help you get better. None
brokenae -- I'm a lurker here, but I wanted to voice my support. I've been thinking of you since yesterday and hope that you took yourself to the ER. It's not being selfish to look after yourself, to admit that you're suffering and need to turn to someone else for help. That's being brave, humble even.
I haven't gone through depression myself, but my husband has suffered with it for years. I almost lost him this year, and I begged him to go to the ER or to at least call his doc and tell him it was an emergency. He ended up going back to his regular doc (I also called and voiced the urgency, so he got a faster response), but if he had been willing to go into inpatient treatment, I would have supported him 100%. Not resented him for having an illness that forced me to solo parent our infant for that week.
I hope that all makes sense. In the midst of a 5 am wake here.
I too am mainly a lurker, but I wanted to mention that I understand the dog being so important. I am on ADs for anxiety and depression and my dogs do just as much if not more to relieve symptoms as the medication. My husband and I were just on a wonderful trip to celebrate an anniversary and I had a panic attack when I started thinking of my dogs being home without us (despite having a dog sitter and two other friends who look in on them and send me updates) and that I couldn't reach out and simply touch one of them while I was trying to sleep. I had to use my emergency anxiety meds.
Do not let anyone make you feel as if something you love is unworthy of that emotion or is a reason to leave you. Your ability to love that deeply is a reason I would want you in my life rather than use it as an ultimatum. As others have said, the dog may be being used by your husband as an excuse to act this way, but regardless of that, it has shown his true colours and you have been shown yours. There are lives in this world that need and depend on you- your dog and children alike- and those are the things you should try to focus on.
Get the dog to a friend- I would help immediately if I was local, but I am international- and the kids settled as well. Again- the ability to love and care for someone, pets included, is something we need more of in this world.