I've been pondering this. Because I totally avoided addressing most adults by name unless I had some middle ground between FirstName and Mr/Ms. LastName. Both felt weird to me, regardless of what the adult in question requested.
Turns out that what I ACTUALLY think is that everybody should just go with Mr./Ms. FirstName unless you're close enough for Auntie/Uncle/Special Nickname and people who think otherwise are just wrong. I want it to spread north in case we were move back.
So there.
But really, unless I'm going to be hanging out with your kid on a regular basis, I don't actually give a flying fuck. I just think in concept, generally the person who's name it is should get first choice.
(also I've been wracking my brain, and I can't think of a single adult I ever addressed by just their actual legal first name until I was in my late teens. I didn't call any of my mom's friends by Ms. LastName though. And Ms. FirstName wasn't a thing in PA. We had nicknames for everybody, there were a few people that went by their last names and were introduced to me as such, or for reasons I can't explain, I called them by their full name. Like SaraJones. All squished together like that. NO EXPLANATION. And given my mom's social circle (almost all gay, most of them several years younger than her) my sister and I were usually the only kids these people interacted with on a regular basis. I'm curious now if any of them ever wanted us to call them Ms. Lastname and just didn't say anything. )
It was for black people. I'm from PA lol.
@sarajones. That sounds awkward.
In theory, I agree that people should be called what they want to be called, but in practice, I just can't let a child of mine go around calling adults by their first names. It just doesn't sit right with me and I understand that some people can't respect it, but in fact, I've never had a friend ask him to call them by their first name, so I guess it all worked out.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Sept 21, 2015 10:33:58 GMT -5
I'm not a dick. If a kid insists on calling me Mrs. Freckle despite me wanting to be called Strawberry, I won't like chastise the kid. I will, however, make it known to said child's parents that their kid should call me Strawberry. And if they continue to insist otherwise, that's where my issue would be.
I don't know; I guess I just don't get the identity crisis incurred by a child calling you Ms. Lastname that requires you to make an issue of it with their parents or etc.
Not identity crisis. I just think teaching kids that you are supposed to contradict someone's wishes on what to call them is rude.
I don't know; I guess I just don't get the identity crisis incurred by a child calling you Ms. Lastname that requires you to make an issue of it with their parents or etc.
I guess I just don't get the authoritarian need to control your child via the naming rights of others that requires you to make issue with those others.
If I introduce a friend to my kid as Mrs. lastname and she says "oh, please call me Alice" and i said "NO. Call her Mrs. lastname" that would be very weird I think.
I don't think it is disrespectful to call a person by the name they ask you to call them by, that seems like the more respectful option to me. Calling somebody by a name that they don't like to be called seems more disrespectful to me.
I have never been called Mrs. Lastname that I can recall and it would make me uncomfortable. My name is Laura. My kids (well, one of them that can talk) call our friends by their first names and their teachers by Miss. firstname, as that's the schools choice. I mean, if somebody wanted to be addressed as Mrs. Lastname I would respect that and instruct my children to do so also.
Not identity crisis. I just think teaching kids that you are supposed to contradict someone's wishes on what to call them is rude.
*shrug*
I think we're playing semantics here though. The parents are not teaching the child to be rude intentionally; they're teaching the child to call adults by a title that is generally thought to convey respect and authority.
And they're not teaching children, necessarily, to deliberately contradict the adult's wishes. They're saying to default to Mr. or Ms. Lastname. If you speak to the parents and tell them you're uncomfortable with this and want to be called Firstname, reasonable people would convey this to the child and allow it. I just don't understand the impetus behind even speaking to the parents. It hardly seems to matter when these are children you presumably don't see every day, and who would rarely have reason to address you by name at all.
As I said in an earlier post up thread, I was thinking about situations like my bffs and i growing up. We were at each other's houses basically every single day until we graduates high school. So several of these moms, at age 10, I'd known well for 5+ years. If at that point, I was calling my bff's mom anything other than how she wanted to be referred to, I would've expected her to talk to my parents and have them tell me "you know, she'd really rather you call her X" because clearly I wasn't taking the hint on my own.
I don't see an issue with telling your child by default to use Mr. or Ms. when speaking to a new adult. But, if the adult says "I'd rather be called firstname", I feel they should respect that
If a kid calls me Mrs. Jude I'm going to be uncomfortable but I'm not going to say anything.
If a kid calls me Ms. Hey I'm still uncomfortable but less so and I still won't say anything.
If a kid calls me Auntie Hey, I'm not comfortable unless it's my nephews. But I'm not going to say anything. On some level though it's kinda sweet.
If a kid calls me Hey, I'm most comfortable.
In neither situation am I having an identity crisis such that I need to have a convo with the parents. If a kid calls me Mrs. Jude though I may say "feel free to call me Hey." This is moot because every kid I know uses first names for adults, even the teachers at preschool go by first names. Shrugs. Nor Cal. One set of friends tried the auntie/uncle thing and one set tried the Mr./Miss first name thing but it didn't stick.
I guess I just don't get the authoritarian need to control your child via the naming rights of others that requires you to make issue with those others.
Whaaaaaat? Telling my children they should call adults by Mr. and Ms. is an "authoritarian need to control my child"?
Just trying to go toe to toe on inflammatory language. "Identity crisis" is equally over the top.
I've been pondering this. Because I totally avoided addressing most adults by name unless I had some middle ground between FirstName and Mr/Ms. LastName. Both felt weird to me, regardless of what the adult in question requested.
Turns out that what I ACTUALLY think is that everybody should just go with Mr./Ms. FirstName unless you're close enough for Auntie/Uncle/Special Nickname and people who think otherwise are just wrong. I want it to spread north in case we were move back.
So there.
But really, unless I'm going to be hanging out with your kid on a regular basis, I don't actually give a flying fuck. I just think in concept, generally the person who's name it is should get first choice.
(also I've been wracking my brain, and I can't think of a single adult I ever addressed by just their actual legal first name until I was in my late teens. I didn't call any of my mom's friends by Ms. LastName though. And Ms. FirstName wasn't a thing in PA. We had nicknames for everybody, there were a few people that went by their last names and were introduced to me as such, or for reasons I can't explain, I called them by their full name. Like SaraJones. All squished together like that. NO EXPLANATION. And given my mom's social circle (almost all gay, most of them several years younger than her) my sister and I were usually the only kids these people interacted with on a regular basis. I'm curious now if any of them ever wanted us to call them Ms. Lastname and just didn't say anything. )
It was for black people. I'm from PA lol.
@sarajones. That sounds awkward.
In theory, I agree that people should be called what they want to be called, but in practice, I just can't let a child of mine go around calling adults by their first names. It just doesn't sit right with me and I understand that some people can't respect it, but in fact, I've never had a friend ask him to call them by their first name, so I guess it all worked out.
I cant' believe I'm about to say this in all seriousness - but...my mom had black friends! Most of them had nicknames. One was one of the full name people. Though that friend lived in our spare room for a while, and she and I have the same first (legal) name so that one was more complicated. Her full name flowed easily - only three syllables. She would have said something for sure if she preferred that we call her something else. She wasn't shy.
In theory, I agree that people should be called what they want to be called, but in practice, I just can't let a child of mine go around calling adults by their first names. It just doesn't sit right with me and I understand that some people can't respect it, but in fact, I've never had a friend ask him to call them by their first name, so I guess it all worked out.
I cant' believe I'm about to say this in all seriousness - but...my mom had black friends! Most of them had nicknames. One was one of the full name people. Though that friend lived in our spare room for a while, and she and I have the same first (legal) name so that one was more complicated. Her full name flowed easily - only three syllables. She would have said something for sure if she preferred that we call her something else. She wasn't shy.
I already know the friend in the spare room, Ms. Barbara, the one who received the phone call you thought was for you. Listen, I don't know why Ms. Barbara was going for the foolishness, but she probably was low-key side eyeing your mom for that .
I cant' believe I'm about to say this in all seriousness - but...my mom had black friends! Most of them had nicknames. One was one of the full name people. Though that friend lived in our spare room for a while, and she and I have the same first (legal) name so that one was more complicated. Her full name flowed easily - only three syllables. She would have said something for sure if she preferred that we call her something else. She wasn't shy.
I already know the friend in the spare room, Ms. Barbara, the one who received the phone call you thought was for you. Listen, I don't know why Ms. Barbara was going for the foolishness, but she probably was low-key side eyeing your mom for that .
LOL! right. I forget that I've told that story often enough that you all know that. It's too bad she and my mama had a falling out a few years ago so I can't ask her. But totally could be. Imma ask mama if it ever came up not in front of me.