Shared hotel money situation...WWYD?

[sfy]

Sept 24, 2015 15:16:12 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Sept 24, 2015 15:11:25 GMT -5 sfy said:

I am just curious whether the people who think your husband shouldn't have given any of the money back would think if the facts were slightly different. That is, what if the friend had not yet paid for his part of the room and then decided he wasn't going. Would people still be saying that he should pay up the $220?

We were in a slightly similar situation a couple months ago. Our group of friends rented a house for an extended weekend. I took care of the money and paid. DH and I ended up going there but ending up leaving the same day because I was sick. I did NOT ask NOR did any of my friends offer to give my money back (meaning they would have had to pay  more money themselves). I am still a little bit upset about them not offering....and have distanced myself from them since then (this was kind of like of the last straw for me). 

Also, I feel differently since I was sick, and it wasn't because I didn't pay some parking tickets. 

And this is what I meant when I said I think a situation like this can potentially do damage to a friendship, especially when someone is asking for the money and also needs the money. I'm sorry, I think your friends suck for that.

I do not, however, think the reason for not going is relevant. In fact, one could argue that you were sick but could have attended if you wanted, but that this friend will physically be unable to attend if he wants (although, again, I don't understand why he doesn't just get an ID). I'm not saying you should have at all, just playing devil's advocate.

[aurora]

I voted SS because if I were Friend A I wouldn't expect my money back, but if I were your DH I would offer it back (and hope Friend A wouldn't accept).

I guess fundamentally it depends on how much your DH wants to maintain the friendship.

[starryfish]

Sept 24, 2015 15:54:23 GMT -5 aurora said:

I voted SS because if I were Friend A I wouldn't expect my money back, but if I were your DH I would offer it back (and hope Friend A wouldn't accept).

I guess fundamentally it depends on how much your DH wants to maintain the friendship.

To be honest....I am not sure if Friend A asked or if my DH was just planning on offering....Probably DH was planning on offering bc he is nicer than me ;-) 

[ECB]

Sept 24, 2015 14:28:20 GMT -5 starryfish said:

He did and he said he was only paying $10 more....which still isn't the full amount. I will let my DH deal with that

Friend B sounds like a dick. Your DH needs to not front stuff like this again.

Sept 24, 2015 15:16:12 GMT -5 starryfish said:

 Our group of friends rented a house for an extended weekend. I took care of the money and paid. DH and I ended up going there but ending up leaving the same day because I was sick. I did NOT ask NOR did any of my friends offer to give my money back (meaning they would have had to pay  more money themselves). I am still a little bit upset about them not offering....and have distanced myself from them since then (this was kind of like of the last straw for me). 

Also, I feel differently since I was sick, and it wasn't because I didn't pay some parking tickets. 

Well, again, I think the questions already asked apply here too:

Did people agree to go based on it costing X amount?
If the others had known it would cost more, would they have still gone?

While you getting sick isn't your fault, it's also not your friends' fault either.  I've done a lot of group trips - weekend trips and weeklong trips - and for the most part, the rule ended up being "once final payment is made, you're out the money even if you can't go".  It wasn't necessarily a hard and fast rule.  But we put the rule out there so that people wouldn't bail at the last minute and put the rest of us on the hook.  We had friends who did back out one year and we still gave them their money back. 

But I don't know that it's really fair to expect your friends to offer to give you your money back and hold it against them that they didn't.  Clearly there was more going on and as you said, this was the final straw.  But as a stand alone issue?  I don't know that I blame your friends.  YOU made a financial commitment.

 

 

[WOT?*]

He can't just get a valid state ID (not a driver's license) and use it to get on the plane? That would have been a quick fix. I assume he can't use a suspended license even though it's a picture ID because of the suspension?  (I don't know. I've never tried to board a plane with a suspended anything.)

Friend A needs to take responsibility for some pretty poor choices. I like the "give him back $70 as a gesture and have him try to get the rest from Friend B" option.

[Deleted]

You're license doesn't need to be valid to fly. It's for identification purposes. I've flown with a suspended license, which was the result of unpaid speeding tickets. Sounds like there's more to the story there.

B....they now go 50/50.

[starryfish]

Sept 24, 2015 16:42:48 GMT -5 ECB said:

Sept 24, 2015 14:28:20 GMT -5 starryfish said:

He did and he said he was only paying $10 more....which still isn't the full amount. I will let my DH deal with that

Friend B sounds like a dick. Your DH needs to not front stuff like this again.

Sept 24, 2015 15:16:12 GMT -5 starryfish said:

 Our group of friends rented a house for an extended weekend. I took care of the money and paid. DH and I ended up going there but ending up leaving the same day because I was sick. I did NOT ask NOR did any of my friends offer to give my money back (meaning they would have had to pay  more money themselves). I am still a little bit upset about them not offering....and have distanced myself from them since then (this was kind of like of the last straw for me). 

Also, I feel differently since I was sick, and it wasn't because I didn't pay some parking tickets. 

Well, again, I think the questions already asked apply here too:

Did people agree to go based on it costing X amount?
If the others had known it would cost more, would they have still gone?

While you getting sick isn't your fault, it's also not your friends' fault either.  I've done a lot of group trips - weekend trips and weeklong trips - and for the most part, the rule ended up being "once final payment is made, you're out the money even if you can't go".  It wasn't necessarily a hard and fast rule.  But we put the rule out there so that people wouldn't bail at the last minute and put the rest of us on the hook.  We had friends who did back out one year and we still gave them their money back. 

But I don't know that it's really fair to expect your friends to offer to give you your money back and hold it against them that they didn't.  Clearly there was more going on and as you said, this was the final straw.  But as a stand alone issue?  I don't know that I blame your friends.  YOU made a financial commitment.

 

 

Yes they would have still gone if it had cost more. We had just added 3 people last minute so everyone paid less then expected. So they just would have paid the original amount.

Me being sick was related to the kidney biopsy I just had done. So it wasn't like I was just sick with a cold or virus.

I did not ask for the money back. I didn't quite expect them to offer, it would have been nice if they did but oh well. If the roles were reversed I would have offered.

There is more backstory with this group of friends...mostly they are just notorious for being cheap, especially one of them (they under tip a lot), if she owes you money she doesn't pay the full amount, etc. which is why we are stepping back from them. I need less stress in my life in regards to my health.

I am glad we went home as I was more comfortable at home, and don't really care that I blew that $.

[starryfish]

Sept 24, 2015 16:58:12 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

You're license doesn't need to be valid to fly. It's for identification purposes. I've flown with a suspended license, which was the result of unpaid speeding tickets. Sounds like there's more to the story there.

B....they now go 50/50.

Like I said, I am not sure the specifics on his situation

[Deleted]

Sept 24, 2015 17:14:45 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Sept 24, 2015 16:58:12 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

You're license doesn't need to be valid to fly. It's for identification purposes. I've flown with a suspended license, which was the result of unpaid speeding tickets. Sounds like there's more to the story there.

B....they now go 50/50.

Like I said, I am not sure the specifics on his situation

Well then perhaps you (and others in this thread) shouldn't be so damn judgey.

[orangeblossom]

In my head, I'd want to say #3, but reality is, I'd do #2. However, it would be duly noted that parking ticket guy is unreliable, and I'd be hard-pressed to plan any more trips with him.

[scout8]

I was A in this situation a few years ago. I could only go for one night of a three night trip due to a medical issue. When I left, I paid my portion for all three nights. I didn't think my friends should have to pay extra because of me leaving early. A couple weeks later, they sent me a check for the two nights that I wasn't there. I did not expect them to do this, but I thought it was a very nice gesture.

[fallriverjenn]

I just leaned that you can fly on an expired drivers license..up to one month or a year I believe after it expires. He might be able to go after all.

[krystee]

Because they would have needed the room anyway, friend A gets money back and your H and B split the total.

[starryfish]

Sept 24, 2015 19:19:11 GMT -5 fallriverjenn said:

I just leaned that you can fly on an expired drivers license..up to one month or a year I believe after it expires. He might be able to go after all.

Interesting....im guessing there is more to the story that he is not telling my DH

And he already missed his flight


Oh well, we will prob do option 2

[starryfish]

Sept 24, 2015 18:48:16 GMT -5 scout8 said:

I was A in this situation a few years ago. I could only go for one night of a three night trip due to a medical issue. When I left, I paid my portion for all three nights. I didn't think my friends should have to pay extra because of me leaving early. A couple weeks later, they sent me a check for the two nights that I wasn't there. I did not expect them to do this, but I thought it was a very nice gesture.

For a medical issue, I would give him all his money back no question

[v]

I suspect @blissoff is absolutely right that you can fly on a suspended license. You're using it as ID, not as your proof of being allowed to drive.

[AAM2012]

Sept 25, 2015 2:31:34 GMT -5 v said:

I suspect @blissoff is absolutely right that you can fly on a suspended license. You're using it as ID, not as your proof of being allowed to drive.

I think it depends on the TSA agent. Last time we traveled with a friend he got through fine and then a week later the TSA agent gave him a hard time and said he doesn't have to let him through since his license was expired and he had no other proper ID (I.e a passport). After a long convo he let him through.

We had to have his passport mailed because he was afraid he wouldn't be so lucky on our way back. He didn't even realize it had expired.

[chimera]

You can actually fly without an ID, there is extra security and questions.

www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/identification

"In the event you arrive at the airport without proper ID, because it is lost or at home, you may still be allowed to fly. By providing additional information, TSA has other ways to confirm your identity, like using publicly available databases, so you can reach your flight.

If your identity cannot be verified, you will not be allowed to enter the screening checkpoint."

It's a pet peeve so this will sound overly bitchy.
Lack of organization of his (friend) part =\= your DH problem. He is an adult with adult responsibilities. I wouldn't plan shared travel with this person again.
(A medical or family emergency would be a different story. )
With few exceptions the airline is probably charging him a change fee. Is the booked hotel rate a refundable rate?

[sfy]

Sept 25, 2015 4:32:04 GMT -5 AAM2012 said:

Sept 25, 2015 2:31:34 GMT -5 v said:

I suspect @blissoff is absolutely right that you can fly on a suspended license. You're using it as ID, not as your proof of being allowed to drive.

I think it depends on the TSA agent. Last time we traveled with a friend he got through fine and then a week later the TSA agent gave him a hard time and said he doesn't have to let him through since his license was expired and he had no other proper ID (I.e a passport). After a long convo he let him through.

We had to have his passport mailed because he was afraid he wouldn't be so lucky on our way back. He didn't even realize it had expired.

But this is not expired (which, I consider the same as no longer valid), it's suspended. TSA has no interaction with thw DMV, that's not even something they would ever know. I assumed he had to turn his license in, but if that is not the case, then it shouldn't matter. The whole story about that precluding him from flying never made sense to me anyway.

[starryfish]

Sept 25, 2015 6:05:30 GMT -5 chimera said:

You can actually fly without an ID, there is extra security and questions.

www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/identification

"In the event you arrive at the airport without proper ID, because it is lost or at home, you may still be allowed to fly. By providing additional information, TSA has other ways to confirm your identity, like using publicly available databases, so you can reach your flight.

If your identity cannot be verified, you will not be allowed to enter the screening checkpoint."

It's a pet peeve so this will sound overly bitchy.
Lack of organization of his (friend) part =\= your DH problem. He is an adult with adult responsibilities. I wouldn't plan shared travel with this person again.
(A medical or family emergency would be a different story. )
With few exceptions the airline is probably charging him a change fee. Is the booked hotel rate a refundable rate?

The trip is already in progress and he didn't go. His flight can be used later bc it was booked on southwest


All I know from the story is what my DH told me. I'm assuming there is more to it as he really wanted to go

[mrshandy]

I agree with the $70 back.

But seriously don't let your H go on trips with these people again. They are flaky, shitty friends.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2015 4:32:04 GMT -5 AAM2012 said:

Sept 25, 2015 2:31:34 GMT -5 v said:

I suspect @blissoff is absolutely right that you can fly on a suspended license. You're using it as ID, not as your proof of being allowed to drive.

I think it depends on the TSA agent. Last time we traveled with a friend he got through fine and then a week later the TSA agent gave him a hard time and said he doesn't have to let him through since his license was expired and he had no other proper ID (I.e a passport). After a long convo he let him through.

We had to have his passport mailed because he was afraid he wouldn't be so lucky on our way back. He didn't even realize it had expired.

An expired license is different than it being suspended. That's apples and oranges.

TSA shouldn't let anyone through with am expired ID.

TSA can't tell if it's suspended. They don't run the license number, it's for identification.

[msmerymac]

It didn't sound if it was suspended. But if your license is suspended, it is confiscated. So you can't physically present it. I was under the impression that the DMV won't let him renew his license (or probably his car registration) until he pays them what he owes.

[AAM2012]

Sept 25, 2015 7:15:59 GMT -5 sfy said:

Sept 25, 2015 4:32:04 GMT -5 AAM2012 said:

I think it depends on the TSA agent. Last time we traveled with a friend he got through fine and then a week later the TSA agent gave him a hard time and said he doesn't have to let him through since his license was expired and he had no other proper ID (I.e a passport). After a long convo he let him through.

We had to have his passport mailed because he was afraid he wouldn't be so lucky on our way back. He didn't even realize it had expired.

But this is not expired (which, I consider the same as no longer valid), it's suspended. TSA has no interaction with thw DMV, that's not even something they would ever know. I assumed he had to turn his license in, but if that is not the case, then it shouldn't matter. The whole story about that precluding him from flying never made sense to me anyway.

Ah ok I wasn't thinking clearly. But I have seen them scan the card on some reader but I'm not sure if that's just to check and make sure it's not a fake license.

[starryfish]

I think his license was expired and the parking tickets prevented him from renewing it until he paid them. It was his only form of ID

[10nille]

Sept 24, 2015 21:52:11 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Sept 24, 2015 19:19:11 GMT -5 fallriverjenn said:

I just leaned that you can fly on an expired drivers license..up to one month or a year I believe after it expires. He might be able to go after all.

Interesting....im guessing there is more to the story that he is not telling my DH

And he already missed his flight


Oh well, we will prob do option 2

Just know you are never going to get the additional money from B, he already isn't paying a third, he darn sure isn't going to pony up more $$$. If you're both good with paying it back then being nice is more important than being right. I would just be right and call it a day, lol.

[shell403b]

Was it answered why B didn't pay the full amount? He's a dick.

A doesn't get his money back. Period. Because, shenanigans.

I guess I'm an asshole.

[starryfish]

Sept 26, 2015 12:16:43 GMT -5 shell403b said:

Was it answered why B didn't pay the full amount? He's a dick.

A doesn't get his money back. Period. Because, shenanigans.

I guess I'm an asshole.

Nope
I don't know why he thinks that is ok

I talked to my DH and he said A hasn't asked for his money back

[v]

Sept 25, 2015 9:19:08 GMT -5 starryfish said:

I think his license was expired and the parking tickets prevented him from renewing it until he paid them. It was his only form of ID

Jesus fucking Christ to this guy. Pay your fucking parking tickets before signing up for a trip -- or if you choose not to, don't screw your friends over with your fuckitude. Being a bit adultish isn't that hard.

[irishbride2]

Sept 24, 2015 15:11:25 GMT -5 sfy said:

I am just curious whether the people who think your husband shouldn't have given any of the money back would think if the facts were slightly different. That is, what if the friend had not yet paid for his part of the room and then decided he wasn't going. Would people still be saying that he should pay up the $220?

Yes.

We've canceled a trip to a football game and had someone buy us tickets we had yet to pay for. We still sent the money for the tickets. Not exactly the same but similar. It wasn't their fault we canceled. It was ours. 

It's not treating them like a business. It's just being polite. If I cancel, it's on me. Not the people I'm leaving in the lurch.