I am just curious whether the people who think your husband shouldn't have given any of the money back would think if the facts were slightly different. That is, what if the friend had not yet paid for his part of the room and then decided he wasn't going. Would people still be saying that he should pay up the $220?
Yes.
We've canceled a trip to a football game and had someone buy us tickets we had yet to pay for. We still sent the money for the tickets. Not exactly the same but similar. It wasn't their fault we canceled. It was ours.Â
It's not treating them like a business. It's just being polite. If I cancel, it's on me. Not the people I'm leaving in the lurch.Â
Tickets aren't even close to the same thing, because they purchased two extra tickets specifically for you. This is the same room they would have booked whether this guy was going or not.
We've canceled a trip to a football game and had someone buy us tickets we had yet to pay for. We still sent the money for the tickets. Not exactly the same but similar. It wasn't their fault we canceled. It was ours.Â
It's not treating them like a business. It's just being polite. If I cancel, it's on me. Not the people I'm leaving in the lurch.Â
Tickets aren't even close to the same thing, because they purchased two extra tickets specifically for you. This is the same room they would have booked whether this guy was going or not.
And if I were guy a and canceled the day before I would still pay my share. I would feel like a jerk if I didn't.
If I were the op I would probably give the money back if they asked but I can't imagine demanding my money back for something that was my fault.
It's just a different POV. You can't imagine not giving the money back to a friend but I can't imagine asking in the first place.
Tickets aren't even close to the same thing, because they purchased two extra tickets specifically for you. This is the same room they would have booked whether this guy was going or not.
And if I were guy a and canceled the day before I would still pay my share. I would feel like a jerk if I didn't.
If I were the op I would probably give the money back if they asked but I can't imagine demanding my money back for something that was my fault.
It's just a different POV. You can't imagine not giving the money back to a friend but I can't imagine asking in the first place.
It's only partially a different view because I both can't imagine asking a friend for my money back nor can I imagine not offering the money back to a friend. But I don't get why you're explaining this like you're exasperated with my POV when you quoted me lol.
Tickets aren't even close to the same thing, because they purchased two extra tickets specifically for you. This is the same room they would have booked whether this guy was going or not.
But it was booked with the intent of being split 3 ways, and it sounds like B can't even afford it in a 3 way split.
We don't know this, obviously, but if it had just been the OP and friend B, perhaps friend B would have said from the start "I can't afford it". The fact that B is being a dick about paying the original split tells me that he can't afford to pay 1/2. And of nothing else in all of this, I absolutely don't think the OP should be on the hook for 2/3's the cost of the room.
With the group vacation I mentioned earlier - we had to put a rule in place about what people were committed to because we couldn't take a chance that we book a $7000 house where we were expecting it to be about (let's say) $300 per adult (we had about 16 adults/ 8 kids). One year one family had to bail. We gave them their money back because it maybe increased each of our costs by $50. No biggie. But what if 1/2 the people ended up bailing? We couldn't afford $600 per person! That would have been a big problem for us.
The point- it's not black and white. Being friends, we all WANTED to be able to give $$ back. That's what felt right to us. But we all also agreed to the financial commitment of this trip and had to take responsibility for that too. Luckily we never had to deal w/ more than one family bailing so it wasn't fully put to the test. But situations like this are a 2 way street and not black and white.
Tickets aren't even close to the same thing, because they purchased two extra tickets specifically for you. This is the same room they would have booked whether this guy was going or not.
But it was booked with the intent of being split 3 ways, and it sounds like B can't even afford it in a 3 way split.
In my opinion, none of them needed to be going when it required 3 grown men to stay in one room anyway. That said, regardless of what the intent was, OP said they would have booked the room whether he was going or not. So whether he backed out shouldn't matter, because the two of them would have booked the same room, per the OP, and that's all I can go on since I don't know any of these people. That's my point.
In my opinion, none of them needed to be going when it required 3 grown men to stay in one room anyway. That said, regardless of what the intent was, OP said they would have booked the room whether he was going or not. So whether he backed out shouldn't matter, because the two of them would have booked the same room, per the OP, and that's all I can go on since I don't know any of these people. That's my point.
This doesn't change the fact that I don't feel OPs H should end up paying for more than 2/3 of the total cost.
Post by gibbinator on Sept 27, 2015 11:17:55 GMT -5
If they were going regardless (since it's a work thing?), and would have to spend the same on the room anyway, yeah I'd give friend A back his money and tell friend B he owes more.
Girl. At this point, I'm ready to argue whatever side that keeps this thread out of my notifications. I never gave my thoughts on the evolution of the question, only the original question. Friend B and his issue was some shit that came up later that is really too dumb for me to address (you're supposed to share the costs of the room with a friend, he says he's only paying X and you're still going on vacation with him? Come on, I can't deal with that nonsense.), so I didn't. I only addressed the initial question, which is what I would do, and if I was going away, with two friends, and one friend could no longer go, and we booked the same room we would have booked with or without him, then yes, I would offer my friend his/her money back. That is what *I* would do. In a situation where my friend clearly needs the money, I feel even more compelled to do so, regardless of the reason for needing the money because this person is my friend. All of the friends I travel with are people I've been close to for 15-30 years so maybe that is coloring my impression, I don't know. If this doesn't clarify what I think, I don't know what to tell you.
And if I were guy a and canceled the day before I would still pay my share. I would feel like a jerk if I didn't.
If I were the op I would probably give the money back if they asked but I can't imagine demanding my money back for something that was my fault.
It's just a different POV. You can't imagine not giving the money back to a friend but I can't imagine asking in the first place.
It's only partially a different view because I both can't imagine asking a friend for my money back nor can I imagine not offering the money back to a friend. But I don't get why you're explaining this like you're exasperated with my POV when you quoted me lol.
Huh? I wasn't exasperated at all! There is zero tone lol. I thought I very clearly was saying we just are seeing it from a slighly different side. I was focusing on what I would do I was the friend and you were focusing on what you would do as the OP. That's all
It's only partially a different view because I both can't imagine asking a friend for my money back nor can I imagine not offering the money back to a friend. But I don't get why you're explaining this like you're exasperated with my POV when you quoted me lol.
Huh? I wasn't exasperated at all! There is zero tone lol. I thought I very clearly was saying we just are seeing it from a slighly different side. I was focusing on what I would do I was the friend and you were focusing on what you would do as the OP. That's all
Oh lol. I'm sorry. We are on the same page on what the friend should do (and thankfully, did do), however.