Help with bedtime tantrums

[Brie]

C has started freaking out at bedtime for hours, wailing and yelling that he needs to go potty. (He doesn't.) We tell him he can go once before bed, remind him that this is it, he says he's done. We leave the room and the wailing begins. He is very persistent and we've given in lately.

We are going crazy and this needs to stop. Help.

(There is a safety latch on the outside of his door because of the way our house is set up, so he can't get out on his own. He won't use the small potties so putting one in his room is out too.)

[ssmjlm]

Sticker chart? Bribery?

Beer?

[VillainV]

Someone posted last week about a "Bedtime Pass" -- basically it's one free pass to use a stalling technique, once per week. Extra glass of water, extra story, extra trip to the potty -- ONCE. They get to choose when to use it, and once they've used it, it's gone. I guess it was supposed to give the kid some control over the bedtime process without it getting ridiculous. I wish I could remember who posted it, but they had success with this technique.

If it was the potty, and he was actually able to go again, then I probably wouldn't use the pass for that. Only if he claimed he had to go and then couldn't. Or, well, I don't know....obviously my C isn't anywhere close to PT'ed yet, so I would defer to moms of PT'ed kids on that one.

[MamaMaui24]

Sept 29, 2015 20:00:03 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Someone posted last week about a "Bedtime Pass" -- basically it's one free pass to use a stalling technique, once per week. Extra glass of water, extra story, extra trip to the potty -- ONCE. They get to choose when to use it, and once they've used it, it's gone. I guess it was supposed to give the kid some control over the bedtime process without it getting ridiculous. I wish I could remember who posted it, but they had success with this technique.

If it was the potty, and he was actually able to go again, then I probably wouldn't use the pass for that. Only if he claimed he had to go and then couldn't. Or, well, I don't know....obviously my C isn't anywhere close to PT'ed yet, so I would defer to moms of PT'ed kids on that one.

I saw that on FB:

www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/09/18/441492810/the-bedtime-pass-helps-parents-and-kids-skip-the-sleep-struggles

[water*drop]

I posted the bedtime pass article. @lauralynne suggested it to me when we were having a similar issue with bedtime stalling and fit-throwing, and we've used it with great success. Here's my post about it: pandce.proboards.com/thread/478457/bedtime-pass-npr-article

[Pilsy]

No advice, but I'm following in case this is what happens next.

How old are children when they first understand something like a pass? E is 17 mos. and seems to understand a whole lot, but I don't think she'd get that concept yet.

[noodleskooze]

Following for us too. We'll have a few good nights then it's back to fits.

[bunch]

This is when I put my kids together because neither would sleep. :/ My answer depends on your kid. I could go into dd1's room 100x and nothing was going to shut her up. I'd finally let her cry until she fell asleep and then carry her to bed. DD2 can usually be placated after the 5th tuck in. She needs hugs, bear needs hugs, baby susan needs kisses and then I convince her that any more snuggles needed can be given by bear and baby susan and she zonks out.


Just remember that everything is a phase.

And don't put them in a room together. That was a baaaaad idea on my part. Says the broken collarbone and $987 ER bill. I hear 5 and 7 are good ages for that.

[Brie]

I don't think he'd understand the pass yet. He's not quite there with big bribes or delayed gratification yet.

Relatedly, we are assholes. We went up after half an hour and he had pooped in his diaper and was legit upset about it.

[Brie]

Sept 29, 2015 21:07:36 GMT -5 @mrswindycity said:

When you give in, is it the one time and then he's fine? Or does he scream again after you give in?

If it's just the once I'd be inclined to give in which is probably not the correct response but with the whole PT thing, I just did it. I mean, my kid was playing me a lot of the time but I felt like I couldn't tell him no to the bathroom after I had spent all that time telling him he should be going to the bathroom. It was a phase and it sucked, but it ended soon enough.

Is he...empathetic? Sometimes when DS2 is pulling his stall tactics I tell him some reason I need to rest (which is usually true but sometimes I lie because I am raising a serial killer or whatever) and he is actually really nice about it. Like, "my ankle is really hurting today and I want to rest it in my bed; can you please be quiet in bed so I can rest it instead of having to walk back in here?"

It's over and over usually. Like last night he ended up going to the potty four times.

If I try the empathy tactic then he just yells for H instead of me, lol.

[water*drop]

Sept 29, 2015 20:27:01 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

No advice, but I'm following in case this is what happens next.

How old are children when they first understand something like a pass? E is 17 mos. and seems to understand a whole lot, but I don't think she'd get that concept yet.

DD had just turned 3 when we started using them. I don't know if she would have gotten them before that. Frankly, she still uses her pass immediately every single time, so I don't think she really gets the nuances of having a pass to use, but she DOES get that once she hands it over, it's gone and we will not be responding to any further attempts at stalling. We do have to stick firm to that - if we give in and start conversing with her over the monitor one night, she tries again the next night, but as long as we treat it as a hard rule, she does well with it. 

[docholly]

Try leaving his door open, so he has control over when he can get out to go to the bathroom. How is your house set up that he shouldn't sleep this way? How independent is he with it? Other than wiping, can he navigate his pjs/pull up etc? The bathroom would be the only place he was allowed to go, and when he was done, you guys could walk him back and tuck him in. The tantrums are probably due to potty training (the change) and might pass if he feels more control to pee/poop when he needs to during the night.

Disclaimer I have only potty trained one kid so far, and he always slept with the door open, so this may not work. Haha

[Deleted]

DD did this for awhile and it's because she wanted the attention from us/see how far she could push.

H and I finally told her "We will help you use the bathroom once. After that you need to do it yourself."

Sometimes she does it herself, but rarely. The novelty wears off all alone.