Can I clean your house? Rude Mom

[hannamaren]

My Mother has said this to me twice in the last couple months.
"i would love to help you by coming over and spring cleaning for you"
The first time I just laughed it off with "thanks for saying my house is dirty" in a sarcastic way.
Yesterday, she said it again. I turned to her and said, "hey, that is rude. I dont come to your house and say that it is dirty, do I?"
She backpedaled fast and insisted she just wanted to help.

I clean my house regularly (well, the parts that they see) so I was offended. And some people might say "hey, let her come clean your house" but I am a SAHM for now. It is insulting.
Our apt is messy because we have too much stuff, but she cant fix that. We are moving soon, fingers crossed.
I was so annoyed.

[Deleted]

^o)

[ijack]

Maybe I just own that I'm messy, but that wouldn't bother me. I'd totally let my mom clean (and have)

[mrssandro]

Some people really like to clean. Like my MIL. She is darn good at it. She helped me clean my entire house before the baby came. It was so nice of her.

[80sjunkie]

I cant wait for my mom to move to this area so she can help me with stuff, including cleaning.

[winnied]

I think you're being a little sensitive because it's something that seems to bother you, too. What she said isn't mean or offensive. Actually saying something like, "Your place is so dirty! Do you want me to help clean? I can't believe you live this way!"

I'm also not sure what being a SAHM mom has to do with having a perfectly clean house. You're busy with your kid. There's no rule saying SAHMs have to be perfect house keepers.

[Susie]

I am assuming this is one of those things where the source matters more than what was said. If my mom said it, I'd probably accept (well, if she offered when she wasn't sick). If my MIL said it, I'd be beyond annoyed.

[ECB]

Aug 23, 2012 8:34:52 GMT -5 ijack said:

Maybe I just own that I'm messy, but that wouldn't bother me. I'd totally let my mom clean (and have)

I'd have no problem either and maybe even wish she'd offer. She's good at DEEP cleaning! I'm not.

[countthestars]

That wouldn't bother me. If my mom said it to me when I had a baby at home, I would assume that she is offering because she thinks it would be helpful to me.

People help in the ways that they know best and the ways they would appreciate the most. I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

[jennistarr1]

I would have to see your house to know, but my BIL and SIL's house (before they divorced) was filthy...literally every room was piled with crap, there was uncleaned spills, laundry everywhere, food/cups with rotting food everywhere (on the floor and on furniture)...you couldn't get to the sink, the washing machine, or anything to help clean these messes. They were in such denial. They would have parties and clean one section of the basement for the party. My MIL, it took a while for her to get this point...would offer to clean, to hire a cleaner, or to watch the kids while they took a day to clean. They only took them up on watching the kids...but when they would ask "how did it go, did you get a lot done" my SIL would reply "I took a nap, it was so nice to be able to rest with out the kids around". She was EXTREMELY offended every time these offers were made, but clearly, an intervention was needed. When they had kid 2, a friend of their who had a key to watch their cats cleaned their entire house and they were livid, didn't speak to her for months.

Point being, not that your home is any where near the condition I described...but maybe she does see a problem and you need to open your eyes. Again, I have no way of knowing that since I don't know you

[Deleted]

That IS rude and I would be annoyed. But by the 2nd time she brought it up I would have handed her the key, took my baby out for a walk and told her go ahead, knock your self out with the cleaning, and left.

[Ashley&Scott]

She's just trying to help & not trying to offend. It is hard to get things done when you're caring for a baby 24/7, she knows that. I don't SAH but many of our home projects have been put on the back burner since DS has been born.

If my mom offered I would take her up on it.

[Deleted]

Maybe she things you are overloaded because of the baby?

My mom organizes my cabinets everytime she comes over. lol

[sweetnsour]

I would love this offer!

[liveintheville]

My parents are here right now. And hell yeah they cleaned. It's awesome.

[hubes]

My MIL loads the dishwasher every time she walks in the house. It took me a while to realize that it wasn't because I was inadequate, it was because that's how she shows me she loves and appreciates me.

[honey987]

I wish my mom (or anyone) would come clean my house.

[Deleted]

I can see where you're coming from. My mom has always been a better and more attentive housekeeper than I am. One time I cleaned my apartment thoroughly (including vacuuming the whole place) in preparation for her visit. I had to go to class one morning and left her alone. When I got back, she was vacuuming. LOL. I was totally miffed.

Now I just laugh it off and let her help. She is coming next week for my defense, and H was like "you are going to let her clean the house, right?"

You are a SAHM, not a SAH housekeeper. You are busy! Let your mom help.

[satama]

I am a SAHM and regularly let my mom help me with cleaning when she offers. When I was pregnant we actually paid her to do it instead of hiring someone. She also watches my kids so DH and I can go out and usually does the laundry when.she is here watching them. She also does random things like cleaning my medicine cabinet or organizing my linen closet if left here alone. None of this bother me. Lol.

Now, if my MIL were to do the same things, I would freaking hate it.

[ECB]

Aug 23, 2012 8:58:59 GMT -5 hubes said:

It took me a while to realize that it wasn't because I was inadequate, it was because that's how she shows me she loves and appreciates me.

There is always mention of "different love languages" between married couples. I think it applies to moms as well!

[doctorsbaby]

My mom used to clean my kitchen everytime she came over. She finally told me she liked cleaning my house because it stayed clean. She still had 2 teenagers at home & her house was the local hangout for all their friends.

I learned to accept it was something she liked to do, not something that she felt was gross & had to be done.

[sunny]

it doesn't necessarily mean your house is messy. maybe she likes to clean and wants to do you a favor.

personally I would loooooooove for my mom to clean my house

[hannamaren]

Okay, maybe you are right.
She did offer to clean when I was pregnant and I took her up on it. And when I was 2 weeks pp, She asked how to help, and I asked her to clean my bathtub.
But, now that I have been cleaning, I am offended. I think it is more like RbP scenario

[ijack]

You've asked her to clean in the past and now you're offended that she's offering? You're sending her mixed messages.
My mom likes to help - when she babysits she cleans too. I have never asked her to clean, but she does it because she knows that it helps me out and she loves me and wants to help me out.

[aspentosh]

This wouldn't bother me at all. I wish my mom would say something like that to me.

[Deleted]

My mom and I have a great relationship regarding her cleaning habits now. I provide her a bed, a dog to play with, and wine to drink, and she cleans my house. Happiness all around!

[cajunmom]

My mom will clean my sister's house when she goes over there because BIL can be a major slob. I wish she would do the same over here. We're not ones to leave dirty dishes all over like BIL does, though, so I guess she feels like I don't "need" the help.

[bunnysmom]

I don't know, maybe she was trying to be nice.

In my case, my MIL always complains about how tired she is, how her back aches when she cleans, how much work she has at the house, so every time I go visit I offer to do something to help. Sometimes I iron, others I make dinner, other I do dishes, etc... It's not that I'm implying that her house is filthy, but I'm genuinely wanting to help so she isn't so overwhelmed with chores.

[anna7602]

Aug 23, 2012 8:37:42 GMT -5 winnied said:

I think you're being a little sensitive because it's something that seems to bother you, too. What she said isn't mean or offensive. Actually saying something like, "Your place is so dirty! Do you want me to help clean? I can't believe you live this way!"

I'm also not sure what being a SAHM mom has to do with having a perfectly clean house. You're busy with your kid. There's no rule saying SAHMs have to be perfect house keepers.

Ditto all of this. I've been SAH with DD all summer and my house is a mess. It was easier to keep on top of stuff when I had set times of day that I had to be working.

[ECB]

Aug 23, 2012 9:14:22 GMT -5 ijack said:

You've asked her to clean in the past and now you're offended that she's offering? You're sending her mixed messages.

Yeah, this!