Post by fortmyersbride on Aug 23, 2012 9:24:27 GMT -5
I hate cleaning, so I love it when my mom or MIL wants to do it- as long as they don't try to reorganize things to the point where I can't find my stuff.
Not really the same, but my mom once rearranged my china cabinet while she was watching SS at our house for a few hours.
I'm way better at cleaning and picking up than she is, but she's better at visually displaying things than I am. I just had the wine glasses in there as storage, but she thought it needed to be pretty and even looked around my house and found leftover wedding decor and "fancied it up."
That same day she put my Christmas tree up and strung the lights for me (which I hate to do). I was a little miffed by that because I thought it was something my family should do, but looking back I was thankful that I just got to do the fun part with them.
Sometimes moms just want to be helpful, and hopefully that's all she's trying to do for you!
To me, spring cleaning is about doing a DEEP clean and getting those areas that you normally wouldn't during your normal housekeeping. I think she is trying to be helpful, and honestly since you are busy taking care of kids I would take her up on it!
Unless accompanied my rude comments or attitude, I don't think offering to clean someone's house is anything but nice. I love it when my mom offers to help clean my house. I have two small kids and a busy life--I need all the help I can get, and I am well aware that my house is usually less than spotless.
Post by iheartbanjos on Aug 23, 2012 10:49:36 GMT -5
Your mom sounds amazing. Seriously, send her my way. I'm home sick and had to cancel my cleaning service today since I'm stuck in bed. Maybe she'd make me some soup while she's here too?
My mom was a SAHM and when my grandma (her mom) would come to visit, my grandma would do some sort of deep clean that didn't normally get done, like clean out and scrub the fridge. I don't think my mom ever took offense since she always kept a clean house.
The first time my mom visited my place, after dinner she told me to go load the dishwasher. My own kitchen!
MiL knows at this point not to offer to clean. I'd take her head off. She likes to come in and start throwing things away that aren't actually trash (ie, cat toys). I was so mad when she "cleaned" DH's car and threw away all my gum. For me, I feel like how I keep my house is a reflection of myself, so I find offers to clean insulting. Like I'm not doing a good enough job.
Okay, maybe you are right. She did offer to clean when I was pregnant and I took her up on it. And when I was 2 weeks pp, She asked how to help, and I asked her to clean my bathtub. But, now that I have been cleaning, I am offended. I think it is more like RbP scenario
I bet it made her really happy to help you by cleaning. Is there anything else you need help with right now? Organizing stuff? Watching LO so you can get some things done?
I think you're overreacting, that it's rude to tell someone you think they have poor manners, and that your response is probably based on far more than just these 2 individual comments.
That said, you have a little sympathy from me anyway because this is something I would probably misinterpret from my mother.
I empathize completely. My mom does that & it freaking drives me nuts. She's totally OCD & I swear can barely stand to exist is a less than pristine environment. My house is tidy & clean by 95% of the populations standards but not good enough for her. She offers to help (well just starts in despite my refusing) & her help is watching me do it while barking orders & telling me how to do everything her way. Which is funny-- it's not like I don't already know as I spent every Sat from 7am-noon scrubbing my house my entire childhood--I know how to do it her way. I am SO grateful she's in another state & only visits 3-4 times a year. It feeds into my not good enough complex but at least I don't cause constant stress in my house like my mom did--cleanliness is not everything. Sorry for the tangent, your mom sounds nice about it. Mine is judgmental & rude
I agree with ijack that you're sending mixed messages. If she's offered to clean before, she's just doing it again, but now you're going to be upset by it?
My mom is really weird about certain off-the-wall things being clean. There cannot be any trace of anything in a bathroom sink or behind the toilet seat, and it drives her nuts when the lid to my kitchen trashcan isn't pristine. I try not to take it personally, it's just her thing. If I forget to clean one of those, she cleans it when she visits.
And my parents are amazing compared to my ILs. My ILs won't take dirty dishes 2 steps from the kitchen table to the counter (though they used to help wash up). My parents clean my whole kitchen.
My sense is that you are pretty sensitive to comments that even touch on your parenting or housekeeping. I think if you gave yourself more permission to not have everything totally together/be the perfect SAHM, these things wouldn't bother you near so much.
You might be right. And the crazy part is that I am not the perfect SAhM bu any means! I just want to give off the air of it. I think it is the kind of person I am. Even at work as the manager, I hated assigning tasks to my staff and just did it all myself. I used to tell myself it was easier just to do it right myself, but it was also about control of all the tasks, too.
And, a little bit, I am sensitive because there are parts of my apartment that are a mess due to my H needing to throw things out. I am sensitive that they will judge my H for being lazy.
Post by matildasun on Aug 23, 2012 13:43:25 GMT -5
I used to have the same concerns, so I started saving jobs for my mom to do when she comes to visit. I have not washed my windows in years, because they are her favorite thing to clean.
If either my mom or my MIL said that to me/us, I know it would be only them trying to lighten our load. Both my IL's are super duper cleaners and have been known to do things like clean my car for me while I was out. I guess I could see being offended, but I know it's their little way of showing that they care.
I am assuming this is one of those things where the source matters more than what was said. If my mom said it, I'd probably accept (well, if she offered when she wasn't sick). If my MIL said it, I'd be beyond annoyed.
This is me. My mom cleans in a way that even my cleaning lady can't seem to achieve. I love it when she cleans for me.
My mother-in-law was at my house one day while I was at work. I came home and she mentioned that she had cleaned my microwave. I took it pretty hard and assumed that she thought I wasn't taking care of my house.
Someone may have said something in the 3(!) pages of replies, but maybe she figures she's helping you get ready to move? Her thought may be that she can do some of the deep cleaning people do before a move so you can focus on your DD.
I can see how this would be irritating coming from the wrong person. Like, my MIL cleans my sink every time she is here babysitting. I am usually irritated rather than thankful b/c from her it's a passive aggressive gesture whereas if my own mom did it I would just say thanks.
My mom watches ds while I work. While she is here she swiffers, wipes down the baby toys, does the laundry, makes the bed & straightens up. I love it so much. I would not be offended & totally take your mom up on it. She's not saying your dirt she is just lending you a hand.
My mom has said this several times. It annoys the shit out of me. Especially since I know that her house is messier (and 1000x more cluttered) than mine.
Last week I visited a friend whose house is a good bit (lot) messier than mine. I so wanted to go clean one of her rooms. Like it took all I had not to offer it bothered me so much. So I kind of get where my mom is coming from. It's a compulsion.