Helping friends move

[dana2006]

There should be an age limit at which you stop asking friends to help you move, no? A couple we're friends with is upgrading to a bigger house and has asked everyone in our circle to help them move their family of four. Sure, back when everyone was single or childless we all pitched in whenever someone was moving. It was actually fun. But now everyone is married with children, it's just not the norm anymore. Money is not the issue here and they could more than afford a moving company. Both H and I are peeved b/c it will take away part of our weekend and eat into our family time. But H feels obligated to go b/c all the other dads in the group are going. Just need to vent. 

[pantsparty]

Yes, I think so. Especially when you're upgrading to a bigger house and could afford a moving company. It's just being cheap in that case.

[orangello]

Um, hell no will I help friends move any more, unless there are extreme circumstances. Moving sucks.

[redheadk]

Say no. NO. That is completely unacceptable. Your DH should be "sick" on move day.

[gummy]

I don't know I think it's different in some circles. We hired movers for our move simply because we didn't want to have to move anything. That's not the normal in our group and everyone still offered and actually came over even with movers. They just did things like unpacking, setting up beds, putting together our new grill etc.

[So_Fetch]

I saw your post and immediately thought, at some point you just have to grow up about moving. So, definitely think there is an age gap. I think early 20s; not established family, then maybe. With the caveats being that you are completely packed and ready when your helpers arrive and that you provide pizza and alcohol.

My biggest pet peeve was always someone who wasn't completely packed and expected their friends to load the truck while they packed their crap. nope.

[1confused1]

I agree on the age thing. After my divorce, I still hired movers even though I couldn't really afford it but I didn't want to burden my friends.

[candreco]

Yeah, that's not cool. It's one thing to buy pizza and beer for friends to help you move when you've got like six pieces of furniture and a small apartment's worth of stuff, but once you're talking houses, especially with kid stuff thrown in, it's time to grow up and get movers.

[compassrose]

In my 20s and post-divorce, friends helped me move twice. I also had a 1 bedroom apt's worth of stuff and everything packed up. I was also in grad school or a postdoc.

Now that I have an actual job, I have paid for movers twice (once to move to Ohio, once to move into the house we bought). My moms and my aunt did come on moving day and help us unpack, though, which was amazing (they volunteered).

[underwaterrhymes]

In my twenties, a big group of us always hung around together. For the most part we were all single and childless at the time, and we all pitched in when one of us moved because there were usually pizza and beer and good times involved.

But once we started getting married and having kids and buying houses, we started hiring movers and stopped relying on our friends to do the dirty work.

[dana2006]

Oct 9, 2015 10:24:44 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

anything past college is out of bounds, in my book.

We're an enabling group. We helped one another move, in some cases multiple times, until everyone has become a homeowner, which is well into our 30s. So we're all part of the problem.

But the unwritten rule is, you don't ask friends to help you move when you have nice furniture and/or it's your 2nd home.

[kirra]

Yes. Say no.

When you're upgrading to a larger house you should add a moving company to your budget.

[gozf]

Eh, I have helped multiple friends move and paint and all that jazz. And having people help me when exh and I separated was incredibly helpful.

We're generally poor, artsy, childless dirtbags, though.

[verycontrary247]

Yeah, not cool.

That's what family is for, lol. The last 2 times I moved I just did it with the help of my dad or brother in law. Granted, I don't have a ton of stuff, but there were still some heavy pieces. Before that, exH and I had movers.

I think it's one thing if your friends offer to pitch in, but it's super ballsy for them to be soliciting allllll their friends for help when they can afford movers.

[verycontrary247]

Oct 9, 2015 10:37:33 GMT -5 gozf said:

Eh, I have helped multiple friends move and paint and all that jazz. And having people help me when exh and I separated was incredibly helpful.

We're generally poor, artsy, childless dirtbags, though.

Here's the important question though- did you offer or did they ask?

[dana2006]

Oct 9, 2015 10:37:33 GMT -5 gozf said:

Eh, I have helped multiple friends move and paint and all that jazz. And having people help me when exh and I separated was incredibly helpful.

We're generally poor, artsy, childless dirtbags, though.

I'd help you move! We are not heartless, just taken aback by our affluent friend's cheapness.

[gozf]

Oct 9, 2015 10:41:54 GMT -5 dana2006 said:

Oct 9, 2015 10:37:33 GMT -5 gozf said:

Eh, I have helped multiple friends move and paint and all that jazz. And having people help me when exh and I separated was incredibly helpful.

We're generally poor, artsy, childless dirtbags, though.

I'd help you move! We are not heartless, just taken aback by our affluent friend's cheapness.

I tried to type hearts, but it turned into dismayed faced, which is not what I was gong for.

Lol.

[Buttercup]

Every time I've moved I've hired movers and when friends asked if I needed help I always said "No thanks, I don't want to owe anyone down the road" lol

Y'all should skip it and not feel bad!

[WOUNDTIGHT]

"No." is a complete sentence.

[gozf]

And for the record, I'd be too "busy" to help these friends too.

[gozf]

Oct 9, 2015 10:41:05 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Oct 9, 2015 10:37:33 GMT -5 gozf said:

Eh, I have helped multiple friends move and paint and all that jazz. And having people help me when exh and I separated was incredibly helpful.

We're generally poor, artsy, childless dirtbags, though.

Here's the important question though- did you offer or did they ask?

Both, I think.

And I generally only ask the people who I've moved in the past. Quid pro quo, motherfuckers!

[Deleted]

We (late 30s/early 40s) helped our friends move out of their condo to their new home. That really consisted more of helping do some unpacking their kitchen and doing some adjusting of furniture (eg, does this couch look better here or there?). We put a couple things in our SUV for them (like a box of breakables) but nothing more. That's not to ally what you're talking about here, but we'd definitely help someone do this. Anything more...ugh.

[trafficgirl]

I saw the title and immediately thought "NEWP".

I agree there is an age limit. Or maybe not an age limit but a stuff limit. Or both, because the older I get the more it hurts to lift heavy things, which is why I don't do it anymore.

[mrsukyankee]

I think it's fine to ask but not to expect. And I think you should very easily say no. You have a family and want to spend your personal time with them. That's your choice and anyone who gives you shit deserves shit back.

[Deleted]

There is definitely a limit. It may be based on life circumstances more than age, but regardless, upgrading houses qualifies.

[yourmother]

Oct 9, 2015 10:59:36 GMT -5 pandora89 said:

Just pay for movers, its easier for everyone. Our friend's recently asked us to help them move back in April, for whatever reason we said we would. H ended up having to take the day off of work (unpaid), but they said that they would "return the favour" when we move. Now that we are moving, not a single peep from them to offer to help us. Of course.

But this same couple always have H fixing something, moving something, lifting something, or putting something together for them everytime he is over there because he is super handy. It drives me insane. A few years ago they asked him to do their taxes and said they would pay him back with "food and beer". I was out with the girl and H was going golfing with the guy after so he did it. But he definitely never got the "beer and food" he was promised.

Drop these users, STAT!!!

[ECB]

Yup, there is a limit. Once you're a "family of 4" and can move into a bigger house, it's time to hire movers.

I will confess- for our last move, we hired movers to move all the big stuff but handled the small stuff ourselves. We didn't ask, but 2 friends offered to help. It was nice and we appreciated it.

[mom2twoboys]

Movers all the way!

[gault]

I'm 31 and single and living in a 450 square foot apartment, and cannot afford movers. Friends and family it is.

[lilac05]

Upgrading houses = Spend the money to hire movers.

I have no problem telling people no. We have a truck. I'll let them borrow it, and I'll offer to bring food over for people to eat, but that's it. My H has had 5 knee surgeries and 2 back procedures. They may save $600 by not hiring movers, but it's going to cost me a whole lot more if he ends up getting hurt.