It was literally the worst two and a half years of my life. I was so stressed all the time. I couldn't think clearly at work because I was so preoccupied with making sure I left on time to get home on time.
This is part of the reason I'm still in an academic setting making peanuts instead of in industry and making what I'm worth. All the industry jobs are a commute away while I can walk to my academic job. No amount of money would make living that commute again okay.
59 and bw8 on the north side. Really nice community. Very racially diverse schools (not very economically diverse for elementary) with lots of active parents. My sis lives there and they love it. Best suburb commute to downtown, easily. It's 15 minutes without traffic. More with, of course, but still much better than what you do now. It is very quick access to old town spring and to my dads in spring (20 minutes, he lives near falvel and 2920).
Mine is an hour to an hour and a half. I hate it. Unfortunately I do not see it getting any better. I do not want to move into the city in an apartment and my job is really great. I'm at the mercy of public transportation (subway and bus) and it sucks a lot of the time.
I did it for years pre kid and when she was a newborn - toddler. I had to adjust my work schedule to a 6 hour day and made less to do the daycare drop off and pick up. In some ways, it was worth it. But when I got divorced and moved here, I looked for something with a 30 minute commute max.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Oct 11, 2015 19:27:37 GMT -5
Three years with a commute that could be anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours each way. It made me insane and so unhappy. My husband does 45 to an hour now and he doesn't love it but it doesn't effect him as much.
Mine is about 90 min each way (nj to NYC) (not counting daycare dropoff in the morning). It's rough, but not miserable or anything. It's mostly public transportation, so I read gbcn, listen to podcasts, watch amazon prime. But it just makes the day so much longer and makes doing anything during the week near impossible
Post by rupertpenny on Oct 11, 2015 19:34:44 GMT -5
There is almost nothing that would make that kind of commute worth it to me. I would rather have two kids in an apartment a million times over (I also don't think having two kids in an apartment is a big deal at all, and it's what we will do if we ever have a second kid).
I did it for 9 years and was fine with it. The past year I've had a 15 minute commute and I could never go back to the long one. I didn't know what I was missing.
Post by IrishBelle on Oct 11, 2015 19:37:47 GMT -5
I had an hour commute for 3 years - 50 miles each way. I hated it. We didn't have kids when I started and I quit that job when I was 3 months pregnant. There was no way I would have been able to do it with kids.
I've had a 90 min commute for almost 7 years now. I would love those 3 hours back, but really can't switch jobs right now. One of my commute friends has been doing it for 30 years. :/
Post by Velar Fricative on Oct 11, 2015 19:51:08 GMT -5
I commuted ~1.5 hours each way (mass transit) for a total of 7.5 years (there was a 2.5-year stint in between positions where I had a glorious 30-minute commute, so it wasn't consecutive). For the most part, I didn't mind it. After having DD, it got annoying, but I wouldn't call it soul-crushing or anything. I have a 50-60-minute drive now and while it saves me time, I miss being able to read and fuck around on GBCN during my long commutes!
Post by janetplanet20 on Oct 11, 2015 19:51:14 GMT -5
I commute an hour plus each way and have been doing so for the past 8 years. I didn't mind it much in the beginning, but now I hate it. It's s lot of time driving and traffic has been really bad the past few weeks, pushing my commute more toward an hour and a half. I especially hate driving home Fridays after work because everyone is headed out to Vegas, making my commute that much worse.
I'm planning to look for a job closer to home at the end of this school year.
Post by noodleskooze on Oct 11, 2015 19:51:41 GMT -5
Catlawdy That has been our plan--rent in the area near my job for a year or so and then decide if we think it will be doable with a second kid. But I don't want to keep uprooting L if I can avoid it. Life is fine for him and for DH where we are, so I feel selfish thinking of changing everything just for me.
Post by moopoint17 on Oct 11, 2015 19:53:36 GMT -5
I'm on 14 years with a 1.5hr commute one way (NJ burbs to Manhattan). I've never known a smaller commute plus my parents help watch the kids everyday while I'm gone from 7am-7pm. H has a similar commute but in the opposite direction.
It sucks, but it's the best we can do. We both get paid decently which makes it more bearable but there's no way in hell we could make it work without my parents helping out. They feed the baby 3 meals a day. They pick up my older son from preschool and also feed him dinner. Not only do they do all this but they also refuse to be paid, which is super helpful considering we live in a VHCOL.
I think it's incredibly difficult to make the switch if you've experienced better commutes. Most of the people I know that have worked in NJ then switched to working in the city usually end up going back to working on NJ in 3-5 years. Even without kids, it's brutal.
Catlawdy That has been our plan--rent in the area near my job for a year or so and then decide if we think it will be doable with a second kid. But I don't want to keep uprooting L if I can avoid it. Life is fine for him and for DH where we are, so I feel selfish thinking of changing everything just for me.
But life could possibly be fine for ALL of you in a different location. It isn't like things will automatically suck for them if you are closer to your job. And I'm sure that both of them would enjoy more time with you. You are not selfish for not wanting to spend 3 hours of your day commuting.
Also, I don't think moving across town really counts as uprooting a child, but I'm sure I have a very different threshold for that than most people, haha.
Post by noodleskooze on Oct 11, 2015 20:03:51 GMT -5
rupertpenny I know L would be fine, I just feel bad moving him away from the daycare and friends he loves and away from family (we see some of them at least once a week; that probably wouldn't happen).
I commute an hour each way and it's the primary reason I want to move; I feel like I spend 10 hours a week in a traffic-induced rage and it's become a serious quality of life issue.
I did a 2 hour each way commute for almost two years and it was really draining. And I don't even have kids and my H is in business school part time, so I was home alone at least 2 nights a week. It was the primary reason we moved an hour and a half closer a year ago. I love my commute of 30 minutes now.
Post by CrazyLucky on Oct 12, 2015 10:07:50 GMT -5
We have a 45 minute commute. It's not that bad, pre-kid or preschool kid. But now we have two kids in soccer, and I know the extracurricular activities will multiply. On soccer nights, we have to leave work early to get to the field in time. Then the evenings are a crazy rush. Also, our daycare doesn't open til 7, so if one of us has an early meeting, it's difficult. If both of us have an early meeting, someone has to miss theirs. I wish we had a shorter commute.
My husband's commute is 1 hour door to door - but he takes commuter train + subway and a teeny walk each way. He loves it. He's been there 3+ years. He came from an hour+ driving commute and HATED that. My commute is less than 30 minutes, all local roads. I love it.
I will say we have 3 kids, and he is never home before 7.
I lasted about 6 weeks traveling 75 minutes to school. I was at home with my parents at the time and that mixed with the distance got me out looking for a room to rent.
I've been working at the same place for 9 years. I'm in NYC--queens to Brooklyn. My commute is an hour and 15 min due to traffic. It's only 13 miles away. It makes me rage, gives me anxiety and I hate it. It's gotten worse over the years. It was about 45 minutes 9 years ago when I lived about 2 miles closer to work. Most mornings by the time I get to work I'm on edge and ready to rip apart the first person that looks at me crooked. I'm a mean bitch to my coworkers for at least an hour or two.
Don't do it! I have an hour and a half commute and it drives me insane. Been doing it for two years and it's about to make me snap. You lose flexibility and so much of your valuable time.