Long commute?

[noodleskooze]

Has anyone had a long commute (1+ hour) long term and been fine with it? Right now we live in the suburbs and I work downtown; we are trying to decide if we should stay in our area (affordable; have family help) or move closer to my job (expensive by our standards). If we moved closer to work, we'd most likely have to live in an apartment, which would be fine with 1 kid, but probably not with another. Then again, if we have another, I don't really want to be commuting 3 hours a day. We would like to have another kid in 2017/18, but I am feeling like I will have to sacrifice a short commute for that. Riding the bus isn't so bad since I can zone out and watch stuff on my phone, but I can't imagine trying to get out the door early enough or getting home late with a newborn. I am probably over-thinking it and I have been drinking. lol

[ECB]

I did it for a year in my early 20s. No real responsibilities at the time. I HATED it. Now with a kid and a house? Hell no.

[snipsnsnails]

I lasted almost 10 years with a 1hr, 15 minute door-to-door commute into Manhattan. That coupled with a high-pressure job was ultimately too much. I stopped before I had kids.

However, living in the metro area, we know tons of people that do it-some live it, some don't, but make it work.

FWIW, I don't think you're relegated to the suburbs if you're having 2+ kids. My kids share a room, despite having other rooms available and we could definitely thrive in a smaller space. Good luck!

[fuckyourcouch]

I did it for 2 years and it was awful. Right now my commute is 45min-an hour just because of traffic, not distance, and it's fucking miserable. We just bought this house last year and will be moving ASAP.

[namasteak]

DH has a 90min each way commute (stupid traffic) until December (fx the project ends on time) and is pretty miserable so my vote is for you to move closer. But what would that do to your H's commute time?

[whiskeyandwine]

I commute an hour each way. It's not a huge deal. Leave work at 5, home by 6, dinner/play/bedtime and he is down by 7:30.

The hardest part for me is a strict end of day cut off, but I can log in after bed time if I have to.

(DS is 5 months old)

[madringal]

It wasn't everyday, but in one of my previous positions parts of my territory were 1+ hour away each way. It was awful. DD1 was just a baby and I lasted about two years before I took another position. I would never do it again.

[Deleted]

I think it depends on a number of things... Does your DH work downtown or in the burbs? What would you do for child care? Do you drive or are you relying on public transportation? I live in a snowy-crappy-weather climate and driving 1+ hour in nice weather is fine but in a blizzard, no thanks.

[noodleskooze]

namasteak it would be about the same distance; he's actually be going against traffic if we moved ITL. I also think he could find a job down there fairly easily.

I don't know how we'd afford two kids down there though.

[cville]

I did for six months (1.5-2 hours) and it almost killed me. And I had no kids. Like, I hated it.

Our perfectly large enough house has about half or a third of the square footage I could get another 20-30 minutes out. I'd rather not. Sometimes my 20-25 minute commute makes me feel trapped by life. Essentially, I want to be a florist or a realtor or something and live in the apartment above my shop.

[namasteak]

Oct 11, 2015 15:40:18 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

namasteak it would be about the same distance; he's actually be going against traffic if we moved ITL. I also think he could find a job down there fairly easily.

I don't know how we'd afford two kids down there though.

I think if you researched neighborhoods/daycare a it might work. I'm going to pm you the real estate company we used to find our apartment. I bet they could help!

[noodleskooze]

snipsnsnails my only worry about having two kids sharing a room in a two bedroom apartment is the age gap. At the very least, they'll be 4 years apart. I can't picture a one year old and a five/six year old sharing a room, but that could be because my sister and I were at each other's throats when we were kids.

[underwaterrhymes]

When I was temping for nine months when we first moved to Boston my commute was an hour and a half each way.

I will never do that again. I took the train to the subway and then a bus and then I walked fifteen minutes. Awful.

[hungrycaterpillar]

I did it last year for six months for my last rotation. It was awful. The drive exhausted me completely. Like pp my only responsibility was my dog - I had no kids or husband. I can't imagine doing it with a family.

[Deleted]

I have a 45 minute - 1 hour commute each way. The only way I could make the job work for me was to have flexible hours. I only work 30-32 hours a week, have lots of flexibility & have Fridays off all summer.

The extra time off makes the commute more bearable.

[noodleskooze]

I just feel like all I do is commute and work. I leave my house by 6:20a and get home by 6p. I am lucky if I can stay awake past 9p. I just find myself thinking, "What kind of life is this?"

[fuckyourcouch]

Oct 11, 2015 15:47:06 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

I just feel like all I do is commute and work. I leave my house by 6:20a and get home by 6p. I am lucky if I can stay awake past 9p. I just find myself thinking, "What kind of life is this?"

This is exactly how I feel, which is why we will be moving ASAP.  I cannot handle it and I'm so tired of being in the car 2+ hours a day because people cannot drive (seriously, that's the only reason, my drive should be 30 min max). 

I don't care if I have to pay a little bit more for a little less room, I refuse to do this long term. 

[noodleskooze]

Fyc I am lucky that I have park and ride as an option, even if it takes me 20 minutes to get there. I did the whole drive myself for a month and a half before I decided it was too much.

[pandorica]

I've had a 45-60 minute commute twice, and both times I was pretty over it after a couple months and glad they were short term positions. I have no kids or real responsibilities either. I would not be able to do it long term.

However, if you're commute is mostly public transit, I think that would be a little better.

[fuckyourcouch]

Oct 11, 2015 15:51:28 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

Fyc I am lucky that I have park and ride as an option, even if it takes me 20 minutes to get there. I did the whole drive myself for a month and a half before I decided it was too much.

I wish I could take public transit because my job is super accessible for that. But if I did, it would take over 3 hours 

[noodleskooze]

Oct 11, 2015 16:08:26 GMT -5 fuckyourcouch said:

Oct 11, 2015 15:51:28 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

Fyc I am lucky that I have park and ride as an option, even if it takes me 20 minutes to get there. I did the whole drive myself for a month and a half before I decided it was too much.

I wish I could take public transit because my job is super accessible for that. But if I did, it would take over 3 hours 

Yeah, being at the mercy of the schedule stinks, but at least I don't have to concentrate in traffic. It only adds about 15-25 minutes to my commute, so zoning out is worth it for now.

[1confused1]

I have a 1 1/2 - 2 hour commute each way and have been doing it for 7 plus years. It's not ideal but I can't afford to live in the city where I work.

I'm a single mom and have 2 kids. When my kids were younger, they commuted with me (their daycare/preschool was next to my office). Now that they are school age, they go to the local school and there is a before and after school program there.

My job is pretty flexible so if I need to leave early, I can.

[walterismydog]

On the weekends, my commute is 15 min each way. On weekdays, it can be up to an hour and a half each way. I am lucky that I get two days of good driving, but the other two days make me want to cry. I usually end up taking some crazy way just to avoid the highways. My second job takes about 30-45 to get to and 15-20 to get home.

Sometimes I really miss working from home.

[chimera]

My about an hour one I did with either a buddy or DH. That was fine. With DH - if we wanted dinner or needed something we stopped.

My current one is 1:30 - 2 hours and I want to pass out most nights. It is an hour to the train. Parking, walking into the station, seeing what schedule the stupid thing is now following today, supposed to be 23 mins - its at least 30, and then walking to my building.

If I drive it is a 1:20 (if traffic is moving), walking the same distance as the metro to my building, and playing for parking.


It sucks

[walterismydog]

Oct 11, 2015 16:08:26 GMT -5 fuckyourcouch said:

Oct 11, 2015 15:51:28 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

Fyc I am lucky that I have park and ride as an option, even if it takes me 20 minutes to get there. I did the whole drive myself for a month and a half before I decided it was too much.

I wish I could take public transit because my job is super accessible for that. But if I did, it would take over 3 hours 

Denver is just set up in such a strange way. I looked into public transit as well and to go eight miles it would take me two hours.

[charley]

Mine is not that long, about 45 min, but I love it so. It's my time and I switch between 2 local shows and about 4 Sirius channels. I have had several coworkers move to be in the area though, I just don't think I could ever do it. I love having the 2 major aspects of my life separated.

[noodleskooze]

I'm really not afraid of downsizing; we plan to do that either way. I just don't foresee us being able to afford two kids in the city.

I'm scared to miss events in my kids' lives if we stay in the suburbs, though. My job is not really flexible. I cannot leave earlier than 3 because I have to be there while the market is open, and I cannot really get there earlier than I already do.

[House4Me]

I commuted across the country every week It sucked getting on a plane and being home for a mere 36 hrs before I had to return to the east coast. I was married but had no kids then. I could never do it with kids. 

Now, I could only do a 1 hr commute if my hours were more flexible and I had kids. 

[macmars45]

I did it for 18 months and it was soul sucking. I told H never again. My commute currently is 30 (40-50 if traffic sucks) minutes to work and 25-30 home. That sucks too but not as badly.

Two weeks ago H started a new job that's 1 hour15 minutes on a good day IF he makes his bus connections. Usually it's more like 1.5-almost 2 hours each way. Ugh. He's not adjusting well. Eventually once he's fully trained he hopes to work from home a few days a week and adjust his schedule to go in earlier and leave earlier. Because they're training him he's strictly 9-5 but even 8/8:30-4/4:30 is better traffic/bus schedule-wise. So we'll see. Fortunately they're super flexible and family friendly... so it should work out.

FWIW: I'm currently pregnant with our first so I don't know how this will all shake out once baby is here. I do know that us both working 8:30/9-5 and having not short commutes isn't sustainable for us/our family. So I'll be looking into finding a job with more flexible hours in the future.... and hopefully H will find a good groove at his new job.

[trafficgirl]

I've got roughly an hour commute each way (depending on daily traffic). While I don't like it, I've found that since I've had kids I enjoy the time since I listen to audiobooks. But I would still prefer a shorter commute. And I work 4 days a week with Fridays off so that made it better than when I worked full time.

Moving for us is not an option - my H works in the opposite direction of me and we live about 10 minutes from my parents and 15 minutes from two of my best friends. No way I'm giving that up.