Asked to Leave Women's Empowerment Sem 4 Bringing Daughter

[IIOY]

I'm the person who used to hide in my office with the door shut when someone would bring their baby or grandkids into the office to show off, so :-# .

[jeaniebueller]

Well, she wasn't asked to leave. She was asked to leave the baby with her sitter in the babysitting room, soooo.....

[Deleted]

Oct 14, 2015 13:11:56 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Well, she wasn't asked to leave. She was asked to leave the baby with her sitter in the babysitting room, soooo.....

This is what I thought. That doesn't seem so onerous to me. I do get the argument that not everyone can afford a babysitter* but, I don't know, I can still see why some people consider it unprofessional to bring your baby to work. It's distracting and divides your attention. I don't think that is an inherently anti-feminist position.

* To me it makes more sense to argue for public subsidies for childcare than to bring your children to work. 

[Deleted]

She says in the article:

"My job as a writer, editor, and university adjunct allowed me to work mostly alone (and now, with Olivia) in a room or café, taking assignments remotely. I’d been naïve to the finer calculations; I’d thought I could, rather than drastically altering my career or lifestyle, bring baby along for the ride. Now I questioned my decision to have a former student babysit Olivia while I taught, to breastfeed in my office between classes, to speak at two more conferences that fall and spring."

There's nothing wrong with any of that. I think people just don't want her bringing the baby into the classroom or the conferences. But the baby can be nearby with a sitter.

[heyjude]

This was a lot of words and I got confused somewhere along the way.

Was it specifically a baby free event? No baby.

Was it not labeled as such? Back off the lady with a baby!

[elleblue]

I want to know exactly what she means by "two baby peeps".

[heyjude]

She was also a panel presenter was she not? (This was seriously 1000 words too long and her thrust got lost in all her verbiage). Generally conferneces go out of their way
to accommodate panel presenters.

[marriedfilingjoint]

I think she's being weird about this. I would have been elated to be able to bring a babysitter and my baby to professional conferences and have access to a breastfeeding room. I would not expect or want to have my baby inside the conference room during presentations. They could have maybe been more polite about correcting her misunderstanding that it was ok to have the baby inside during other presentations.

[heyjude]

For a writer she is not a great writer. She needs an editor!!!

[ttt]

I have trouble formulating an opinion about this because I can't quite figure out what actually happened.

[Deleted]

I missed the part where she was asked to leave. She wasn't planning on bringing the baby on stage during the panel so... I'm confused. She wasn't really asked to do anything different from how she had originally planned. No one told her the baby and babysitter couldn't leave the separate room all day.

This is a whole lot of nothing.

[wawa]

Oct 14, 2015 13:21:56 GMT -5 elleblue said:

I want to know exactly what she means by "two baby peeps".

I'm tired of this.  We have this sidebar every freakin' time there is a "OMG BABIES MAKE NOISE" news story and for some reason it's just really started to grate on me. 

Because what's the damn point?  we weren't there.  We don't know.  So we either take the story at face value or get into the nitty gritty of just how loud a baby can be AGAIN.  

[heyjude]

The issue is that they wanted her to sit on the old furniture storage closet/"breastfeeding room" during the whole conference.

But again. Too many fucking words to make heads or tails.

And her friend who invited her to speak and offered babysitting help then became Brutus to her Julius Caesar?! That was just glossed over or did I get that wrong?!

[wawa]

Now for the actual OP - I dunno man, I'm still stuck on being glad there was a breastfeeding room since I'm attending a one-day training next week and trying to decide if it's worth asking about a space for pumping or just planning to head to my car... I pumped in a closet at the last conference I attended while lactating.

Her friend spazzed and reacted badly to the idea of a baby in the room during her panel discussion. *shrug* ok. Then new mom got her feelbads all riled because she felt like her baby was being rejected and new moms have a lot of feels. ok. And this is...interesting? I'm not there.

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 13:41:53 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

As an audience member or someone running the conference, I would have expected a panel presenter not to have a baby on her while she presented or sat on the dais.

As an audience member, I would have expected to be able to bring a quiet baby into the room where presentations were taking place, and to get the fuck out instantly if the baby fussed even a little and get myself into one of the breastfeeding rooms supplied.

The kid was going to be with the baby "et tu Brutus" sitter during her panel.

[wawa]

Oct 14, 2015 13:45:13 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The issue is that they wanted her to sit on the old furniture storage closet/"breastfeeding room" during the whole conference.

But again. Too many fucking words to make heads or tails.

And her friend who invited her to speak and offered babysitting help then became Brutus to her Julius Caesar?! That was just glossed over or did I get that wrong?!

I thought it was Angela the babyminder friend and the baby who were expected to hang out in the BFing room (or outside, or wherever their hearts desired expect in the panel discussion room)

[kadams767]

Oct 14, 2015 13:21:25 GMT -5 heyjude said:

This was a lot of words and I got confused somewhere along the way.

Was it specifically a baby free event? No baby.

Was it not labeled as such? Back off the lady with a baby!

I really think it's a bit crazy that events need to be specifically labeled "baby free."  This isn't a trivia night at TGIFridays, it's a professional conference.  It's not anti-feminist to have the POV that babies and kids can't come everywhere.   

[wawa]

Oct 14, 2015 13:47:05 GMT -5 heyjude said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:41:53 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

As an audience member or someone running the conference, I would have expected a panel presenter not to have a baby on her while she presented or sat on the dais.

As an audience member, I would have expected to be able to bring a quiet baby into the room where presentations were taking place, and to get the fuck out instantly if the baby fussed even a little and get myself into one of the breastfeeding rooms supplied.

The kid was going to be with the baby "et tu Brutus" sitter during her panel.

Ok, yeah, this piece officially sucks because I'm pretty sure that Brutus (referred to here only as "my friend") and Angela the babyminder are two different people.

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 13:54:53 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I just can't get wound up about this. I don't see any real issue here, maybe I'm just not getting the point of her article? She brought a new baby to a conference where she was to be presenting. The people who invited her thought the baby was going to be with a sitter all day while mom popped in and out to nurse but was otherwise baby free. Mom thought she could have the baby with her the whole time unless the baby was actively crying. These are misunderstandings, not feminist revolt material.

You just explained the whole issue 100 times better than she did! Ha!!!!!!!

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 13:53:52 GMT -5 wawa said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:47:05 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The kid was going to be with the baby "et tu Brutus" sitter during her panel.

Ok, yeah, this piece officially sucks because I'm pretty sure that Brutus (referred to here only as "my friend") and Angela the babyminder are two different people.

Angela is NOT Brutus!!!

Dun dun duuuuuuun.

Like sands through an hour glass.,..

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 13:54:12 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:21:25 GMT -5 heyjude said:

This was a lot of words and I got confused somewhere along the way.

Was it specifically a baby free event? No baby.

Was it not labeled as such? Back off the lady with a baby!

I really think it's a bit crazy that events need to be specifically labeled "baby free."  This isn't a trivia night at TGIFridays, it's a professional conference.  It's not anti-feminist to have the POV that babies and kids can't come everywhere.   

Meh. I think people need to cool their precious jets for the under 6 month crowd. We aren't talking about a 3 year old obnoxious toddler here. And we are not saying babies should go everywhere.

[elleblue]

Oct 14, 2015 13:41:01 GMT -5 wawa said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:21:56 GMT -5 elleblue said:

I want to know exactly what she means by "two baby peeps".

I'm tired of this.  We have this sidebar every freakin' time there is a "OMG BABIES MAKE NOISE" news story and for some reason it's just really started to grate on me. 

Because what's the damn point?  we weren't there.  We don't know.  So we either take the story at face value or get into the nitty gritty of just how loud a baby can be AGAIN.  

That's just it. We weren't there. In the article, the author appears shocked that her friend thought her baby was disrupting Linda Grey's presentation and reiterated that her baby only made two baby peeps. Her whole article centers around her being incredulous that her baby was disturbing anyone, which very well may be the case. Maybe her friend is just an asshole when it comes to babies. 

I get that this might be tiring to you, but in all fairness, we discuss these types of articles/blogger stories all the time and never just take the author's word for it. I thought it was board consensus that they tend to be exaggerated for the purpose of generating outrage and clicks. Maybe this one is an exception and isn't exaggerated at all. Or maybe she wasn't being as conscientious as she thought of those around her. Again, we don't know because we weren't there and we only have her word for it. 

I don't know whether it was appropriate or not to take her baby to the conference. I feel like I need more information to make that decision, because on the surface I don't see why having a baby there, when you have someone to assist you with it is necessarily a bad thing. But even listening in the back to someone else's talk can be potentially disruptive with a baby. 

[wawa]

Oct 14, 2015 13:56:26 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

And yes, I have children. I never thought I could bring an awake not crying baby to client meetings or the courthouse. Babies don't belong everywhere.

I do think that client meetings and courthouses are very different from a conference.  I'd be surprised but not taken aback by somebody with a baby at a conference.  I'd side-eye the SHIT out of somebody rolling into a client meeting with a baby.  But I still totally agree with your other post.

[msmerymac]

Oct 14, 2015 13:45:13 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The issue is that they wanted her to sit on the old furniture storage closet/"breastfeeding room" during the whole conference.

But again. Too many fucking words to make heads or tails.

And her friend who invited her to speak and offered babysitting help then became Brutus to her Julius Caesar?! That was just glossed over or did I get that wrong?!

I had to read that twice, but I think her older friend asked her to speak, she mentioned nothing about not getting a babysitter, and instead invited another friend to come help her with the baby.

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 13:54:12 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:21:25 GMT -5 heyjude said:

This was a lot of words and I got confused somewhere along the way.

Was it specifically a baby free event? No baby.

Was it not labeled as such? Back off the lady with a baby!

I really think it's a bit crazy that events need to be specifically labeled "baby free."  This isn't a trivia night at TGIFridays, it's a professional conference.  It's not anti-feminist to have the POV that babies and kids can't come everywhere.   

And just a MINUTE now. The author says that the woman told her that the event was a "chance to get away from kids for the day"!!! Kid free is basically how they sold it to her at the conference. But is this how it was originally presented? If so, bringing the baby was clearly more in the wrong territory than not.

Your point is not well taken.

[downtoearth]

Since I can't quite follow the op, I'm boiling this all down to the fact that she's an adjunct. If she were in the tenure track, she'd have more benefits, more professional clout, more money, and could have had time to edit this to make it more clear what the problem was. (That and changing the discussion to university reliance on adjuncts and women being pushed into adjunct roles is easier than reading the OP.)

[kadams767]

Oct 14, 2015 14:08:09 GMT -5 heyjude said:

Oct 14, 2015 13:54:12 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

I really think it's a bit crazy that events need to be specifically labeled "baby free."  This isn't a trivia night at TGIFridays, it's a professional conference.  It's not anti-feminist to have the POV that babies and kids can't come everywhere.   

And just a MINUTE now. The author says that the woman told her that the event was a "chance to get away from kids for the day"!!! Kid free is basically how they sold it to her at the conference. But is this how it was originally presented? If so, bringing the baby was clearly more in the wrong territory than not.

Your point is not well taken.

My point is that there should not be a need to tell someone that a professional conference, at which you are an invited presenter nonetheless, is a kid-free day.  I have no idea why you think my point is not well taken.  I go to several conferences every year, all of which are attended by mothers and fathers alike, and I've not once ever in the past 10 years, seen a baby at any of them.  Every person I know with a baby somehow manages to know enough to either attend without said newborn, or decline to attend.  It's not that hard.

[wawa]

I'll just randomly share here that there was a local professional seminar that looked very interesting to me that happened during my maternity leave, and I briefly entertained the thought of attending with Sizzli in tow. 

And then I decided that 1. That would require me to get dressed in something other than yoga pants and 2. I didn't want to take the chance of being "that woman who brought the BABY that time"  

But it doesn't seem like a totally outlandish idea.  I swear I spied a few non-infant kids in common areas at the last big SWE conference I attended.  (society of women engineers)  But that was a few  years ago, so maybe I'm misremembering.

[Deleted]

Oct 14, 2015 13:54:53 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I just can't get wound up about this. I don't see any real issue here, maybe I'm just not getting the point of her article? She brought a new baby to a conference where she was to be presenting. The people who invited her thought the baby was going to be with a sitter all day while mom popped in and out to nurse but was otherwise baby free. Mom thought she could have the baby with her the whole time unless the baby was actively crying. These are misunderstandings, not feminist revolt material.

The issue, in her mind, is that "old feminists" don't understand that "new feminists" want the bring their babies everywhere. She's making it about second vs third wave feminism.

[heyjude]

Oct 14, 2015 14:19:38 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Oct 14, 2015 14:08:09 GMT -5 heyjude said:

And just a MINUTE now. The author says that the woman told her that the event was a "chance to get away from kids for the day"!!! Kid free is basically how they sold it to her at the conference. But is this how it was originally presented? If so, bringing the baby was clearly more in the wrong territory than not.

Your point is not well taken.

My point is that there should not be a need to tell someone that a professional conference, at which you are an invited presenter nonetheless, is a kid-free day.  I have no idea why you think my point is not well taken.  I go to several conferences every year, all of which are attended by mothers and fathers alike, and I've not once ever in the past 10 years, seen a baby at any of them.  Every person I know with a baby somehow manages to know enough to either attend without said newborn, or decline to attend.  It's not that hard.

Your point is not well taken because they opened the door to the idea that this was a "kid free event." Whether they should have to do this or not is irrelevant to the fact that they called this a "chance to get away from kids for the day." If that's the way it was billed then yes, no breastfeeding babies allowed. I'm guessing though they didn't call the event anything regarding kids, that is it was kid neutral. And she thought it would be fine to bring her breastfeeding young baby with her because, generally that's what women do with new babies and hell, the baby was sleeping and to the extent she needed assistance, she brought another person along with her too. I'm guessing she thought that because she was a presenter she had some additional leverage.

Suggesting that no kids should ever go to an event unless specially authorized is just as silly as suggesting that kids should be free to attend any event at anytime.