I'm in awe of anyone who TTC'd #2 before #1 was 2 years old. We toyed with it for 3 days, then I chickened out and cancelled my IUD removal appointment. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for #2 and I'm 13 weeks pregnant.
We started trying when DS1 was 22 months. We got pregnant our second month trying, and DS1 and DS2 wound up being 32 months apart. DS2 and DS3 are 3 years apart.
I was not ready until DS1 was close to 2, but I know plenty of people who have closely spaced kids and like it. I think there are pros and cons to all spacing and find judging the spacing someone chooses (or doesn't choose, as people often have no control over it) or feeling sorry for their kids to be just as bad as judging or feeling sorry for only children, kids with lots of siblings, etc. Do what works for your family.
I thought that ages 0-3 were most important for personality and cognitive development? This is where I thought the "4 year age gap is best" thing comes from. If your kid is 3 before you're pregnant then you give them your full attention before you're too tired/exhausted/bed ridden whatever. Then, as the kid is a bit older and naturally more able to control impulses and less needy, they won't have to be rushed into acting like a "big boy/girl" when the baby arrives.
Then you are able to give the second kid more attention since the first doesn't require as much care. Obviously the second kid will never get as much attention as the first, but I can see how this will get them the most possible, considering you've already got one.
If you take into account schooling, if you send your kid to a different preschool or pre-K program from daycare, each kid would get to be their own kid without being in their sibling's shadow or have as many comparisons.
For instance, if we have #2, by the time he/she is born DS will have been potty trained, moved into a big boy bed, and be in a new school - and all these choices were driven solely by what felt right for DS, not to make space for baby 2. Then, when baby 2 is old enough for daycare, it would get the one on one time that DS got when I was taking him to daycare every morning and be the only one there for the parades, fall festivals, etc. that they do at daycare. Meanwhile, DS would get individual time at pre-school and by the time #2 shows up at the same school, #2 had a few years to develop a bit more independently of his/her sibling.
This seems like the ideal way for each kid to develop independently for those crucial first 3 years. I've always thought that the large age gap between my brother and I (5 years) is partially what lead to us not following the normal older/younger sibling personality traits. Obviously, I'm aware it could be a coincidence. But maybe it did help that he my mom didn't need to reinforce the big boy thing and didn't need to compare or redirect from whatever baby thing I was doing?
I get this doesn't work out for everyone, nor does everyone want this. But I can see why in a vacuum, it seems ideal.
Anyway, that's the conclusion of random thoughts I've had on this topic.
This is basically my thinking as well. Obviously closer spacing works well for many people, and that's great, but I do think there are definite downsides to extremely close spacing and don't personally understanding wanting two under one year, barring multiples.
Post by whitemerlot on Nov 7, 2015 16:52:48 GMT -5
We pretty much only used pull out after my ds was born, but were open to a pregnancy, especially after he was one. I got pregnant when my ds was 12 months and miscarried a twin pregnancy. Then we used pull out and contraceptive film until we wanted to get pregnant timing it due to my h's work schedule. My kids are 27 months apart.
I asked DH about it at 2am after he got home from Dallas and he said "go home you're drunk". Then I asked again at lunch today and he said we can talk about it more seriously after we move. Realistically we will prob start at 9-12 months I think.
Post by dulcemariamar on Nov 7, 2015 17:06:13 GMT -5
I don't think you are crazy but having one was such a huge adjustment that there has never been plans to TTC #2 and my DD is about to turn 3.
I think you should choose what works best for your family. There is no perfect age gap and a lot of it boils down to luck and personality when it comes to siblings. Some sibling relationships work great while other relationships can be difficult. Plus, relationships change over time. The relationship that kids have when they are young is not an indication of what the relationship is going to be like in the future.
So basically, choose what is best for you and your DH.
I got preganant when DD1 was 6 months old. The first two or three months is sooo hard. We have turned a corner and DD2 is almost 5 months, things are much easier. I actually love having them this close now, I never thought I would say that with how hard it was in the beginning.
is this 6 pages of people answering the title question?
DS was 1 yr 3 months when we started trying. Of course, that was 18 months ago and we're still not pregnant. Assuming we do manage to have a second one, I might try to talk DH into starting for a third at 6 months. So I don't think you're entirely crazy preppy. But it could just be the TTTC talking, or I might be crazy too.
I got pregnant when my oldest was about 19 months. They are 28 months apart, and I don't regret the decision. It has been a good spread for me. A potty trained a couple months after W was born. My oldest is unusually "easy" though.
I started thinking about having another in the HOSPITAL with A, but I am pretty sure that was hormone related. I knew I wanted them to be about 2.5 years apart.
Post by teatimefor2 on Nov 7, 2015 22:37:21 GMT -5
We wants kids close together and it took a year for me to get pregnant with DS1. Nursing for a year was important to me, but our plan was to start when I got my period back. That didn't happen until I cut my nursing sessions at a year. It took us four months. My children are 25 months apart.
Post by AlpineSlide on Nov 7, 2015 22:41:25 GMT -5
we ttc when ds was 19 months and got pregnant that month. They'll be 28 months apart and I personally would not want them any closer together. Up to 36 months apart would have been fine with me.
It took us years to conceive ds1 so it was quite surprising to get pregnant on the first try for ds2.
We started TTC when dd was 15 months and it took 4 months so they are 2y4m apart (It only took one try with DD but I was still nursing and never got my period back before getting pregnant with DS)
I would a third (DH does not) but I cannot imagine trying right now (DS is 15m so the same age as dd we started TTC) but if we were to try I would want to start after he was 2-2.5
I'm pretty sure I want to start trying when DS is about 15 months. We'll see how I end up feeling about that when we get there though. I definitely want a smaller age gap and I really like the idea of getting the baby stage out of the way - it was not my favorite. We won't have more than two.
We started ttc when dd1 was 3.5. I could not entertain the idea of that same exhaustion for awhile. Then, I signed up for the same Ironman as chw57, so I waited until that was over. They are 4 years & 2 months apart.
H and I both have 4 year gaps with our siblings, so I think it seemed like the default for us.
And as I'm awake AGAIN tonight with my 8 month old, I have no desire to start ttc #3 in the near future. That changes depending upon her sleep patterns .