Thank you and no not creepy at all. It was helpful to have someone somewhat anonymous but still 'known' to reach out to back then. I'm very glad yours does seem to be working out.
::::knocks on wood:::: I won't lie; it hasn't been easy, like, at all. Just the other day, we had a pretty heavy conversation. Some wounds never fully heal.
I'm sure. It's tough work even if there aren't any specific past issues. Keep it up though as the good times you guys have that you've posted here seem great.
Now that you've told him how you feel, what are your expectations? Do you expect him to just figure out how to fix it on his own or did you suggest counseling, books, movies, sex night, date night or anything else?
Now that you've told him how you feel, what are your expectations? Do you expect him to just figure out how to fix it on his own or did you suggest counseling, books, movies, sex night, date night or anything else?
In the discussion I did mention some things - like just touching me and dates that I didn't have to do everything for. But my expectation is that I don't have to do everything. I need to see some effort to change something, even if it's not "right", but I need to see self-motivation.
I haven't read through all the responses, but I have a question for you after reading your posts. Have you ever considered whether you might have depression? This sounds a lot like me - not wanting to make the effort, feeling down about my regular life, etc. I went to a psychologist, and it turned out I have depression and anxiety. I get a prescription, and finally things look a LOT better to me. It's really hard to tell from the outside, you just feel like things are bad and there's nothing you can do. So in addition to what everyone else is saying, maybe consider it? It really helped me a LOT.
Possibly, yes. It's that time of year and darkness does affect me. But this behavior isn't new and I don't know that medicating me to be able to cope with it better is the long term answer. I can get by, the question is do I want to.
I haven't read through all the responses, but I have a question for you after reading your posts. Have you ever considered whether you might have depression? This sounds a lot like me - not wanting to make the effort, feeling down about my regular life, etc. I went to a psychologist, and it turned out I have depression and anxiety. I get a prescription, and finally things look a LOT better to me. It's really hard to tell from the outside, you just feel like things are bad and there's nothing you can do. So in addition to what everyone else is saying, maybe consider it? It really helped me a LOT.
Possibly, yes. It's that time of year and darkness does affect me. But this behavior isn't new and I don't know that medicating me to be able to cope with it better is the long term answer. I can get by, the question is do I want to.
I think the issue is could Depression be interfering with your ability to make a clear headed decision that you will feel confident and positive about. It may be worth checking out to see if it helps you move forward one way or the other.
Possibly, yes. It's that time of year and darkness does affect me. But this behavior isn't new and I don't know that medicating me to be able to cope with it better is the long term answer. I can get by, the question is do I want to.
I think the issue is could Depression be interfering with your ability to make a clear headed decision that you will feel confident and positive about. It may be worth checking out to see if it helps you move forward one way or the other.
I agree with this.
PDQ
A lot of what you have described is eerily similar to some of the things I've thought and said. I've recently started meds depression.
I will say that accepting it as depression did change the dynamic for me...from expecting DH to change and realizing I need to change. And honestly it made me angry and more overwhelmed. But then I finally (took months) made an appointment for meds and things are getting better.
I really want to say so much more but I am going to refrain because right now this hits too close to home for me. I will say that yes you are crazy. If you are unhappy then tell your husband! And then together do something about it!
Some books to read: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love by Willard Harley Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard Harley
I'm all about the meds for depression and anxiety. I take them myself. But I'm cringing at that suggestion to fix this aspect of marriage.
Him not appreciating you has nothing to do with your mental state except as a possible cause. Even if you're depressed, that doesn't excuse him. And you shouldn't medicate because his behavior brings you down.
I'm all about the meds for depression and anxiety. I take them myself. But I'm cringing at that suggestion to fix this aspect of marriage.
Him not appreciating you has nothing to do with your mental state except as a possible cause. Even if you're depressed, that doesn't excuse him. And you shouldn't medicate because his behavior brings you down.
Good points. I don't know OP or her unique situation. But it seems that all the issues stem from her feelings. Which are real, valid, and important, but can also be deceptive and mask more concrete issues. If depression is at play then treating that (via meds or therapy or both) will be helpful in sorting out what needs to change in her marriage.
I'm all about the meds for depression and anxiety. I take them myself. But I'm cringing at that suggestion to fix this aspect of marriage.
Him not appreciating you has nothing to do with your mental state except as a possible cause. Even if you're depressed, that doesn't excuse him. And you shouldn't medicate because his behavior brings you down.
I don't know anything about depression really, so I have no opinion on that. However, the OP has written a couple things that make me question her reaction and whether this is really a personal issue or a husband issue. I think her holding what he said in counseling against him years later is unfair. I also think it's unfair that she was sad/annoyed with him for not reacting to her in the bathtub. If I knew my husband was feeling something negative toward me because I saw him nude in the shower and didn't react (even though I've literally seen him nude 100k+ times), I'd be thinking, "Wtf, I can't win here." Some complaints are legitimate and her husband can modify his behavior, but there are some things that I think have more to do with how OP feels either about herself, her marriage or a combination of the above. Whether or not that's depression, I have no clue, but I do think individual counseling could prove useful in addition to marital counseling.