This is making me think of the time that my ex's stepdad had to break my poop in half to get the toilet to flush because he refused to let me do it myself. He was a fancy person who ironed his jeans and made me park my dated car down the street. I used to have sequoia-girth bowel movements that alarmed myself. I'm so glad the next FIL to be only saw a shark attack on my ass during my period.
My friends poop wouldn't go down her toilet at her apartment so she had to break it apart with a plastic fork and knife.
I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck, let the winds of time blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
You've not lived until you've pooped into a plastic bowl, then sporked a little into a vial full of chemicals, shaking it up like shit champagne for the lab.
Post by RamblingRose on Jan 4, 2016 15:58:41 GMT -5
I shipped my iPhone off to get a gift certificate towards a new phone, I chose to ship it in to avoid the "fuck-with-factor" of waiting a the Apple Store on my way out of town last Sunday. Freaking UPS picked it up on the 30th and it sat in San Antonio until 10 am today. Their website says that the 31/1st are holidays, but I am pretty sure they work Saturday & Sunday in large hubs. I am using an old iPhone 4 with a failing battery, it randomly turns off at 30% sometimes, and worst of all, it doesn't talk to my Apple Watch. FWP, I know, but $200 for my old 5C that I got free was worth a little frustration. But I'm beginning to think this is far more than I bargained for. On a slightly brighter note, I can send the 4S in when I finally get my new phone and I'll get $100 for it. That will get me a few small goodies.
I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck, let the winds of time blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
I once went into a conference room bathroom* only to find a pale and giant floating turd. I knew exactly who had used the bathroom last, and I can only imagine he didn't realize that the, uh, floating abilities of his deposit made it more difficult to flush. I had to flush the toilet multiple times before it went down and I had a terrible and panicky moment worrying that I wouldn't be able to and someone would attribute the monstrosity to me.
*thankfully it was a large room and full of people so it was loud and they wouldn't hear the multiple (panicked) flushes.
Last Edit: Jan 4, 2016 16:05:15 GMT -5 by RamblingRose
I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck, let the winds of time blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
All jokes aside Your kids flush, 05heel . That's what was wrong about the story from the weekend. 6 year olds should be able to flush and clean up after themselves after pooping. I see now that the waiting out the stench might be off, but six year olds are expected to flush consistently. Right? Please someone tell me I'm right, and not completely off key with this exception.
Sure, but my experience with 6-year-olds is that if you make a big deal out of it, they'll get that poop concealed by any means necessary. The means often involve an entire roll of toilet paper, a round with the plunger or toilet brush, and a flooded bathroom. If anything I'll make sure she finds an adult if there's an issue. I thought this was a good plan up until today. She might find the wrong person and leave the bathroom in tears! Then I'll have to go to prison.
I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck, let the winds of time blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
Sure, but my experience with 6-year-olds is that if you make a big deal out of it, they'll get that poop concealed by any means necessary. The means often involve an entire roll of toilet paper, a round with the plunger or toilet brush, and a flooded bathroom. If anything I'll make sure she finds an adult if there's an issue. I thought this was a good plan up until today. She might find the wrong person and leave the bathroom in tears! Then I'll have to go to prison.
Good lord, we had to set a four square of TP rule with Kirklette (5.5) . She kept using so much of the thick Costco toilet paper; the plumbing system couldn't keep up. There was a sad incident where I had pooped (in my washroom, not the guest one) right after her. I could tell the toilet was going to overflow if I didn't do something. I panicked. I started tearing up, and screamed for Kirkette to come up, to take care of the toilet situation. He did, and he could tell I was really upset. He tried to make me feel better by saying, "Honey? Did you think I didn't know you pooped?", which didn't work, and made me cry even harder. He hugged me, and promised to never speak of it again. I couldn't even, so I made myself call it a night, and go to bed.
#poopissues
Since you already know you have issues, I won't laugh at you. But why did your H think that would actually make you feel better? If anything he should have acted like this was the first time he'd ever known you to poop in the toilet. You know, make it a big fun deal like you do for a toddler.
"Look at that! Wave bye to the poo poo! Let's go get an M&M!"
I'm growing older but not up. My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck, let the winds of time blow over my head. I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead.
I've got the opposite problem. I rival @tambcat for poop TMI. The first day I moved in with DH (it was supposed to be short term before an international move) I ended up needing an emergency colonoscopy the next day. So I spent most of the night in his 1 bedroom/1 bath 770 square foot apartment in NYC literally pooping my guts out. I'm just glad he had to work late that night and missed some of it.
Then they found out I had a polyp, so my initial 2 week stay turned into a 2+ month stay and he had to call in favors with his dad and his dad's doctor friends. So we discussed my rectum among many a family member and at other gatherings. And I had a few more colonoscopies and my mom stayed over and everything.
That's when I knew it was true love.
I had a colonoscopy last month. My BF and I have lived together since the summer, so he was well aware of my issues. But after the procedure, high-as-a-kite me took things a little too far...
So I was in recovery, just coming to, and the nurse and BF were there. As soon as I woke up, I had to go to the bathroom. Apparently I would only whisper this fact, and no one could hear me. Finally they understood me and I insisted that BF and not the nurse help me across the room. Then I almost fell down in the bathroom so I made him stay. And then I slipped off the toilet. So he had to hold me on the toilet while the remnants of the colonoscopy prep were raging.
I would have completely forgotten this happened had he not reminded me later that evening when I was fully cognizant again.
I want to leave my husband but we have so many debts tied together and I need him to help me pay them so I don't get stuck with his share.
I also am scared because it has been 7 years and it isn't that he sucks as a person, but he sucks as a husband and in a relationship. I mainly just don't want to have sex with him. Ever. Or anyone else.
I've got the opposite problem. I rival @tambcat for poop TMI. The first day I moved in with DH (it was supposed to be short term before an international move) I ended up needing an emergency colonoscopy the next day. So I spent most of the night in his 1 bedroom/1 bath 770 square foot apartment in NYC literally pooping my guts out. I'm just glad he had to work late that night and missed some of it.
Then they found out I had a polyp, so my initial 2 week stay turned into a 2+ month stay and he had to call in favors with his dad and his dad's doctor friends. So we discussed my rectum among many a family member and at other gatherings. And I had a few more colonoscopies and my mom stayed over and everything.
That's when I knew it was true love.
I had a colonoscopy last month. My BF and I have lived together since the summer, so he was well aware of my issues. But after the procedure, high-as-a-kite me took things a little too far...
So I was in recovery, just coming to, and the nurse and BF were there. As soon as I woke up, I had to go to the bathroom. Apparently I would only whisper this fact, and no one could hear me. Finally they understood me and I insisted that BF and not the nurse help me across the room. Then I almost fell down in the bathroom so I made him stay. And then I slipped off the toilet. So he had to hold me on the toilet while the remnants of the colonoscopy prep were raging.
I would have completely forgotten this happened had he not reminded me later that evening when I was fully cognizant again.
I think I misinterpreted what @kirkette was saying about the public bathrooms. I thought that she meant teaching a kid to be sanitary when using said bathrooms, like squatting and not sitting on the toilet/flushing with your foot/etc. I only have a 2 year old so I have no idea if a 6yo can do that on their own and I understand that I have public bathroom issues that I am passing on to my DD.
Squatting is NOT more sanitary! Maybe for the squatter, but not for everyone else who has to sit on pee splatters. Ew.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
TrickyBob If you really feel that way, I would look into it. I am so much happier now than I was in 6 years of marriage. If my only choices were mountains of debt or being in that marriage again, I would take the debt. (((hugs)))