I need some help with N and food (longish, pdq)

[DotAndBuzz]

she is thin.  her dr visit was this past friday, and we always seem to be on the border of "ok" and "not concerned yet, but lets definitely encourage her to eat more."

She's 45 lbs, 51 inches.  H and I are both thinner (H especially, and he's tall), so I know genetics plays a part, but she's 8, and I can see that her controlling the situation is starting to come into play.  She never wants to eat breakfast.  Ever.  And I don't even mean just half a piece of toast.  I had a pile of apple streusel french toast in the fridge that I offered to warm up for her today, and she told me "I just don't want to eat, OK?!" 

Um, ok?  Not ok? I am willing to make her literally anything she wants to just get her to eat something.  I've tried it all.  She doesn't like yogurt, will only eat hard boiled egg whites (not the yolk), scrambled eggs, cereal, toast, bagel, piece of ham - she'll eat like 3-4 bites, and only because I'm in the kitchen reminding her to eat.  She doesn't like cheese, any fruit, or oatmeal. 

I'm not looking for breakfast or food ideas, because there are foods she likes, she just won't eat.  Most of her lunch comes home.  Dinner is hit or miss.  Doctor told us to focus on quality over quantity, which I'm ok with, but I am nervous that this is turning into something more.  I've been very conscious from the beginning to never talk about dieting or losing weight, don't talk about bodies as thin or fat, we talk about following your when it says you're hungry or full, don't make them clean their plates, etc.  

I've been thinking about going back to her therapist because of a few things she's said to me about her self worth lately, and her moods (omfg, her moods).  Am I reading too much into it?  Do I really just let her skip breakfast with not even one bite of food?  I'm at a loss here. 

I have to post and run, but will be back to check in a bit.  pdq.

[luckyval]

I mean, you can't force her to eat. I think a check in with a therapist could be a good start.

Directly on the nutrition front, though, can you supplement with Pediasure or something like that?

[Deleted]

I don't think a few therapy sessions would hurt, right? And might confirm or calm your concerns.

I'm sorry it's so hard to get her to eat. And FWIW, I'm one cranky bitch if I can't eat so that could be causing her bad moods/swings.

I wonder if there's something more going on that is causing her to have food issues like post nasal drip / sinus problems or something only Dr. House can dx.

Will she drink? Can you get her Ensure or something like that to get some nutrients or calories into her?

[tellmesomethingood]

Would she drink a smoothie? I feel her on breakfast. It takes me hours after waking up to feel hungry in the morning. If I eat because you're supposed to, I get sick.

I don't have any advice, though. Big hugs.

[shamrockshake]

I am certainly no expert or anything but I might stop fighting it. you are right- she might be turning it in a battle for control now. I would have food she likes on hand, higher healthy fat content things as much as possible and just let her eat when she's hungry and see how that goes for a week or so.

if she's really not hungry then she's not hungry. my DD1 never wants to eat breakfast either, I usually say I think you should but if you're not hungry ok. I don't like to eat breakfast so I don't want to force her to if she's really not hungry

[TR]

Hmm...I was really small in my pre-teens and didn't eat much. I started HS at just under 5' tall and 90 lbs. My mom actually took me to specialists to see if anything was wrong. X-rays showed I had the bone structure of a 10 year old at 13 or 14. I actually had hypo-metabolism because my body wasn't getting enough calories. I got stomachaches a lot which I think contributed, but they never found a cause for them and it was attributed to just having a "nervous stomach". The doctors told my mom I'd be about 5'2" fully grown. I had some sessions with a nutritionist and I had to drink these high calorie chocolate shakes, I remember those being really good, haha.

So I don't have a lot of answers here, exactly, but all of that to say I was a later bloomer (didn't get my period until I was almost 16), continued to grow in college and am now totally average at 5'7" and 135 lbs.

[badgergrl]

Could it be more a texture or sensory issue?. I know occupational therapiats work with kids who have issues with food. Having an assessment might be a good start.

[thebuddhagouda]

Will she drink milkshakes/smoothies? That was always my go to when I needed to push weight gain with Ethan. Full Fat yogurt. Whole Milk. Peanut Butter and then some fruits and veggies. You can get a lot of healthy calories in one.

Food suggestions aside, I do think a few therapy sessions cannot hurt. Maybe they can find an underlying reason or help her through the control issues (that may not necessarily be about weight)

[katandkevin]

My kids have mornings where they only eat a bite or two of breakfast, but it isn't every day. I could understand not eating breakfast or not a lot if she isn't awake or hungry yet, but it sounds like she isn't eating most meals. That would concern me. Did the doctor have any ideas? Have you asked her why she doesn't eat?

[fluffernutter]

I'm sorry, that is tough. She sounds a lot like my sister was at that age. I think it's good to catch this early and consult with a therapist.

[nightandday]

I've never wanted to eat breakfast, even as a kid. I have always felt full or even slightly nauseous when I first wake up. Has your daughter said why she doesn't feel like eating?
I feel like the more concerning part is that she doesn't eat all of her lunch. If she rarely feels hungry or doesn't want to eat, I would bring her back to the doctor. How are her energy levels?

[isabel]

Agree with others re trying to get her to drink a smoothie, chocolate ensure, anything that would get some calories into her.

Does she actually like to eat anything? This seems to be more than just pickiness. Does it seem like more an issue of control than not wanting to eat because she doesn't want to take the time or doesn't care for the choices offered?

I think going back to the therapist is a good idea. That all sounds really stressful as a parent, so hugs to you.

[konapoppy]

I am sorry you are going through this. My friend's son has some similar behaviors. Ensure helped a bit. It turned out he has bad stomach aches from anxiety and never wanted to eat. He was also more sensitive to dairy.

[thebuddhagouda]

I will ditto others that I'm not a big breakfast person and never have been. My go to in high school/college was always a protein bar, but I ate full meals at lunch/dinner and snacks throughout the day. Since she's not doing that, refusing to eat anything makes me more concerned.

[karenj]

Do you think you could get her to drink the carnation instant breakfast? When my youngest dd was having this problem the doctor told me to make it with milk and it would be the same a pedisure.

And, I swear they get these ideas about weight from school. My oldest (is much older than your dd) has always been in a healthy weight range but suddenly thought she needed to lose 10 lbs. Because someone mentioned she looked chubby. Some kid. I don't want to make it a battle either but mine is taking it to far.

[Pom]

My great niece was very tiny always and now at age 17 is finally more than a size 0. She has always been tall for her age, lanky but didn't refuse food in a combative way, just not interested. As a 2/3 year old, she loved salads, spicy foods. She had eating habits where she would barely eat anything for a day or two and then eat more normally on day 3 or 4. The first time I saw her eat a steak and it was almost the whole thing, I got kind of choked up. I felt better knowing she could enjoy food and maybe it could hold some interest for her. It seems that she never really cared, so I am not sure it was ever an emotional issue for her.

ETA: This is also a kid that loves Boudin and haggis.  I was reading the texture comments and it occurred to me that this totally wasn't the issue in niece's situation.  

[cleo29]

Are there other things going on in her life that could be manifesting itself this way? Not saying she has an eating disorder, but for many they can start not having to do with body image, but a control issue. Something or things are happening in their lives, which they cannot control, but they can control what goes into their body.

I am so sorry, I can imagine your frustration and even feeling helpless. I second offering her breakfast drinks or maybe smoothies?

[rex]

i was skin & bones until i finally hit 100 lbs at age 18, so while i do agree part of this could certainly be body type, i think a check in with a therapist and probably her dr to rule out anything physical is a good idea. food issues and girls are so tricky and i wouldn't want to encourage any body or control issues that could be at play. it's sad how young these things start. at 5 my niece was happy she could finally see her ribs

[sparkythelawyer]

Is it a texture thing? Any chance she has some sensory issues?

[lilac05]

I'm sorry you guys are struggling with this. It sounds like your gut/mother's intuition is telling you there's more to it than being a picky eater or not liking breakfast. Follow your gut. It's really rare that it will lead you astray.

[tulip]

I have never been a breakfast eater and never really will eat lunch. I just kind of graze through my days and dinner is my big meal. I weighed 90 pounds when I got PG with DD and am 5foot tall. I love food but just couldn't eat a lot during the day. I wasn't purposely doing this at all. When I got PG I was an eating machine and it changed how I eat, lol. I was always considered underweight and my Mom always had food, snacks and candy in the house. I just wasn't that interested or felt I had the time. How long are the lunches at school? Maybe pack foods she can eat fast and doesn't have to put together so doesn't feel out of time to finish. I'm sure you are but I know that my anxiety always made me feel NO TIME to finish.

[jennistarr1]

Some people are saying "full fat" which I agree with ...but if it's a stomach, digestion thing wouldn't that make her feel worse?

I am thinking that there are lots of things to explore, sensory issues, digestion problems, anxiety? I think maybe if you start to explore some of these and make sure she is clued into "You are not eating and that is a serious problem we are taking seriously and trying to figure out what is wrong"... that might give her the message that eating is important and work on it some.

Does she ever weigh herself?

[Deleted]

Had the doctor tested her for allergies, celiacs, other digestive issues? I ask because after my sil was diagnosed with celiacs (at age 25) and went gluten free she realized feeling sick after eating wasn't normal. She said she never questioned it because for as long as she can remember she would eat and feel nauseous so for her that's just normal.

I wonder too because of her list of "don't like" if maybe its instinctive or learned to avoid those foods.

[hopecounts]

I agree get a full check up for any possible causes.
But I would strongly recommend looking into DOR*, with her age and her comment I wonder if it's a control issue.
I would give DOR a try and see if her having control over her eating gets her to eat more.
It's worked wonders for DD.

*divison of responsibility: your responsibility as a parent is to prepare food she can eat her responsibility is to choose what to eat.
For example you fix an acceptable option for breakfast and she chooses to eat or not but has to sit at the table as in a meal for a reasonable time.

[gretchenindisguise]

L doesn't eat much in the mornings either, it's just not her thing. For a long time we did carnation instant breakfast because it was like chocolate milk for her. We got the reduced sugar kind, and at least I knew she was getting some of what she needed. Would she be open to something like that or pediasure in the morning?

[Mrs. ChanandlerBong]

My tall and thin dd is just not hungry in the mornings. I pack her a Luna bar for the morning snack at school, just so she has *something* to get her to lunch.

She doesn't eat meat. Her main protein sources are cheese, yogurt, peanut butter. None of those are fantastic choices, but j was worn down from her refusals to eat and the shit we were getting from the dcotor about her weight.

Will she sit with you and give you ideas of what she dies like/will eat? Will she have a shake as a treat at night? I make them with full fat greek yogurt, a fruit, half a container of puréed baby food (either sweet potato or carrots) a drizzle of light tasting olive oil and chocolate sauce. I've also done strawberry ice cream in the vitamix (milk, berries, ice and sugar)

You don't want to force her...trust me I k ow that doesn't aork. Maybe have her speak with a nutritionist to understand that she needs to fuel her body?

[LLL]

N almost always refuses to eat in the morning but he usually catches up by lunch or dinner time. I would talk to her therapist about it, sounds like it could be a control thing? 

[lust2hart]

Have you been able to ascertain if she's actually not hungry, or she's hungry but is refusing to eat for a different reason?

[ijack]

Ugh. I'm right here with you. My DD just turned 8 yesterday and is 44lbs. My concern is more that she didn't gain a pound this year. Not one. She's always been small - she was a preemie and FTT and we've struggled with her weight for a very long time, but this is bad. Her well check is next week and I'm already dreading it. I am going to have them run a variety of blood tests just because I want to make sure we have everything covered. And I really get annoyed when people say "don't worry, she'll eat if she's hungry, she's just tiny!" because it's not always as simple as that.
I've always been told not to stress about meals, but to look at the day as a whole. My kids love to eat breakfast, but aren't huge lunch eaters. Have you tracked her calories (hard when she's at school) to see if she's getting enough? For a long time I just let DD eat whatever she wanted as long as she was eating, but now I do require her to eat what we're having for dinner (she has to taste it, if she doesn't like it there are "friendly" options available to her - yogurt, pb, cheese). She's pretty open to trying most things, she just isn't a very hungry person and I'm worried I'm going to start having to force her to consume more calories and I'm so worried about doing that with an 8yo (seems like it causes less issues with a toddler). Like you we've always tried to focus on how food makes our body feel and never use thin/fat/etc, but she has to f-ing eat something!! My plan is to talk to her about making sure she has enough protein to fuel her body and possibly even show her how many calories she's getting and how many she needs (I'm going to talk to her doc about this, I'm really hesitant to do it because I don't want to make her weight an issue).
I don't really have any advice because I'm in the same spot, but I wanted you to know how frustrating it is and I'd love to hear more about what you guys decide to do and what works and doesn't.
Hugs!

[lust2hart]

Mar 15, 2016 11:38:53 GMT -5 ijack said:

Ugh. I'm right here with you. My DD just turned 8 yesterday and is 44lbs. My concern is more that she didn't gain a pound this year. Not one. She's always been small - she was a preemie and FTT and we've struggled with her weight for a very long time, but this is bad. Her well check is next week and I'm already dreading it. I am going to have them run a variety of blood tests just because I want to make sure we have everything covered. And I really get annoyed when people say "don't worry, she'll eat if she's hungry, she's just tiny!" because it's not always as simple as that.
I've always been told not to stress about meals, but to look at the day as a whole. My kids love to eat breakfast, but aren't huge lunch eaters. Have you tracked her calories (hard when she's at school) to see if she's getting enough? For a long time I just let DD eat whatever she wanted as long as she was eating, but now I do require her to eat what we're having for dinner (she has to taste it, if she doesn't like it there are "friendly" options available to her - yogurt, pb, cheese). She's pretty open to trying most things, she just isn't a very hungry person and I'm worried I'm going to start having to force her to consume more calories and I'm so worried about doing that with an 8yo (seems like it causes less issues with a toddler). Like you we've always tried to focus on how food makes our body feel and never use thin/fat/etc, but she has to f-ing eat something!! My plan is to talk to her about making sure she has enough protein to fuel her body and possibly even show her how many calories she's getting and how many she needs (I'm going to talk to her doc about this, I'm really hesitant to do it because I don't want to make her weight an issue).
I don't really have any advice because I'm in the same spot, but I wanted you to know how frustrating it is and I'd love to hear more about what you guys decide to do and what works and doesn't.
Hugs!

Do you think you could talk about calories as in, "This is what we need to make our bodies work," and not really talk about the relationship between calories and weight? And talk about how for a lot of people, when they're under on calories, they're sleepy, grouchy, fuzzy-minded, etc.