My boss at my first job out of college had his often right next to the women's bathroom. The bathroom was tiny - just a toilet and a pedestal sink - and every time he would drink a cup of tea, he could put the mug with the tea bag still inside on top of the back of the toilet. The entire top would be filled, stacked two high, with mold inside of them. He never put any mugs in the men's room. He said to me "hey, make sure you take of those mugs in there" and I said "Jack, I'm not cleaning your dirty dishes. Why do you never put them in the men's room?". He was not happy, but he never asked me again. He ended up getting a high school student to work a few hours a day to take care of miscellaneous stuff, and they got stuck washing them, but the bathroom was always full of moldy cups.
Often. Sometimes overt and sexual. Sometimes just being a "strong woman who doesn't know her place." Sometimes the assumption that I have a child and therefore am not leaning in.
A lot of expectations of how I look and my facial expressions. I tend to furrow my brow and look "angry" or "negative" when I'm just thinking. One reason I get Botox (you know, beside my girlish vanity) is so I don't have to deal with people's reactions to that. I'm pretty sure no man ever has even thought about that.
Oh yeah. I've been sexually harassed and discriminated against, and even wrongfully terminated for complaining about the harassment and discrimination.
Often. Sometimes overt and sexual. Sometimes just being a "strong woman who doesn't know her place." Sometimes the assumption that I have a child and therefore am not leaning in.
A lot of expectations of how I look and my facial expressions. I tend to furrow my brow and look "angry" or "negative" when I'm just thinking. One reason I get Botox (you know, beside my girlish vanity) is so I don't have to deal with people's reactions to that. I'm pretty sure no man ever has even thought about that.
I was once told - in writing in my annual review, no less - that I often looked like I was "sucking lemons". Paradoxically, I was also "too friendly".
I was also grabbed and kissed against my will at a job when I was 16.
This happened to me at 17. I worked as a waitress. The MAILMAN did it. It was just before graduation, we had several senior girls working there. I learned later he did this with all of us. He would say he had a graduation gift and wanted to give it to me/them in the breakroom. Trusting this man - we went to school with his kids, knew his wife... he told each of us he would give us $20 if we'd let him kiss us. I said no, I know 1 or 2 others also said no but a couple of them did it. When I said no he still tried to force himself on me and it wasn't a kiss on the check. This man was going for the whole shebang.
I didn't know about the others for a couple months and none of us told. We should have. I know, without a doubt, had I told my dad that my dad would have killed him. I do mean killed him dead. No doubt at all.
The man died earlier this year, I still read my hometown paper, and I'm still revolted by it. I have never really been able to talk to his kids in all these years because I'm still so nauseated. I know I didn't do anything to bring this on, it was a disgusting creep but even now I'm just grossed out.
Most are unconscious bias things but yeah, on a daily basis. Welcome to tech.
Yep, I am in IT and a very male dominated office. yay tech.
Same here. We were growing in women in my division but we got a new director about a year ago and it's been downhill again since. All his hires have been men, most from his previous place of employment. They only hang out together, are seen for hours at a time in one of our lounge or casual areas without a laptop among them. I've had people ask me what the GOBs (as we refer to them "good old boys") are doing for so many hours and not a computer or pad of paper anywhere. It is noticed by others in the company but no one has done anything. They've already cost us one really smart, really talented woman and they are going to cost us more.
Mine was this creepy, older married manager. The worst part is that my Mom asked me what I'd done to make him think it was okay to do that. Assholes, both of them.
My girlfriend and I found this adorable house to rent. Filled out all the paperwork, landlord said he would be in touch regarding when it was ready so we could sign lease. A couple weeks he called us and told us he changed his mind and didn't feel comfortable renting to girls. Liability and all that bullshit.
Interesting, I had the same experience except, they preferred to rent to females. They said they were relieved to rent to girls because they are more responsible. lol
I ended up burning their white leather couch on accident (bumped it up against the radiator). They weren't happy.
When I became partner in my firm, I became part of the decision making team in new hires. I was told once, by our female OM mind you, that she wanted to us try and find a male associate rather than female because the female would probably want to have kids and take time off. I almost punched her in the face. Obviously, I told her it was illegal and pointed out that I was the youngest person promoted to partner in the history of our firm despite me having 3 small children. She looked at me blankly.
I've only supported women candidates, and though I don't think I'm doing it on purpose, maybe I am still just THAT mad about it.
And I'm going to go ahead and pat myself on the back because every hire I've ever backed has turned out to be awesome. The ones I didn't support, well they're generally idiots.
As a law firm administrator, this is killing me. Good grief!!
Post by melodramatic26 on Mar 17, 2016 15:48:28 GMT -5
When I was in banking, there were 3 female personal bankers and 1 male. We all had desk out in the lobby.
When they remodeled our lobby, they had it so that 4 main cubes were front and center and then there was a cube that would be set further in the back.
Our bank manager told us that the girls would all have the front cubes because "it's friendlier to see a female when you walk in". Because the male didn't have to get up to constantly help customers, he got to focus mostly on loan volume and that's where the bulk of our bonus came from- so yeah, his numbers were constantly higher than ours on loans but way lower on the customer service items.
and loan volume was the #1 aspect they look at for promotions....
Harassment for sure. I was given a vibrator as a gift once...big joke in the office. A boss of mine was pretty inappropriate (he was like 20yrs older too) and I remember getting something off his desk when I was working late and found a photo of my face cut out & pinned (semi out of sight) so he could look at it all day I guess? It was so creepy. I was a 22yr old female in an all male (outside of 1 admin) office in a male dominated field (construction)...the inappropriate/sexual/off hand comments and actions are so numerous, I couldn't begin to cite or remember them all.
Post by phdprocrastinator on Mar 17, 2016 16:22:20 GMT -5
I feel like I'm lucky to not have much overt sexual discrimination/harassment to deal with. In my first job, at DQ, I did realize that I could never stand around when the (male) manager was around because I would get yelled out. Meanwhile, he'd shoot the shit with my male coworkers all day long. But I quit and moved on to bigger/better things.
Meanwhile, I'm in education, and I don't experience overt discrimination, but one of the major reasons we are paid less as a field is that it is a feminine profession. So, my coworkers are great, but my earning potential is significantly lower due to societies expectations for what women need to make.
I'd be shocked to learn that many women haven't been harassed in some way - at the very least through "jokes". That has definitely happened.
When I was in college, I worked for this disgusting guy that owned a couple of lumber companies. On my first day, he showed me where my desk was and left me to get situated. I opened the center drawer (one of those long ones that pull out into your lap), and found a Penthouse magazine opened to the centerfold. I didn't know what to do, so I just closed the drawer and hoped it'd disappear by the next morning. It didn't. Eventually I just threw it away.
The same guy also always had issues with his computer, so he'd ask me to help him. He didn't even try to hide the incredibly graphic porn he was watching.
I wish I would have said something. I blame it on being young and really needing the job, but OMG I wish I'd have said something.
There a book by Jon Krakouer about the rape cases in Missoula. Seems sort of along these lines. It's very interesting and horribly sad/upsetting.
The worst part of that true story is the sexual discrimination perpetuated by the lead prosecutor for sexual violence. SHE wouldn't press charges unless she was sure she could win in court because she had a 92% win average. She persisted in slut shaming rape victims, despite the fact that she'd been a victim of domestic violence.
Then in the middle of the case she stepped down and worked for the defendant, who was acquitted. THEN, she ran for County prosecutor AND WAS FUCKING ELECTED.
my discrimination on the basis of sex was at the hands of a terrible female boss. She mommy tracked me and rode all of her female employees hard about "tone" in emails. She also once promoted men.
Every single female in the department has quit in the 3byears she's been there.
So many things. Two really stand out from the crowd of dismissals (general sexual harassment and having my ideas/suggestions ignored by men).
The biggest was sexual harassment at my job in college from a CW twice my age with a daughter my age. I had been in a bad place my freshman year and let things go/took the attention. After the first semester, I got better and was in a much healthier personal frame of mind (though still extremely stressed out) and started rebuffing all of his advances and complaining to my supervisors, but they refused to do anything about it. This guy even said he hoped bad things would happen to me when I went on my spring break. I still refuse to step back into that place just in case that guy is there.
At my first job from HS (overlapped during breaks with college) - which I was at for 4-5 years I got paid less than my male CWs. I had been asking for a raise for awhile at this point and my manager kept dragging her feet. My breaking point was when I found out from another CW that this new guy (who could do half of what I did) was getting paid more than I was. I'm not proud of how I handled it, but I essentially cornered her in her office and demanded to get paid more because NG was and I had more experience, better work ethic, etc and so they had to. After that they finally got me my raise.
Post by sapphireblue on Mar 17, 2016 17:49:04 GMT -5
I have definitely faced sexual harassment. One boss in particular would actually feel my ass sometimes when I would be standing by his desk, and once he actually came in, walked right over to me, and kissed me on the lips and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I was young and needed the job (and for the most part it was a great job) so I sat down with him and told him it had to stop. It did, after that. But looking back, I should have been much harder on him.
I also feel that I recently faced discrimination but I can't be sure. I had a baby in July. The week after I returned from maternity leave last fall, someone in my department quit and my female coworker was made the department head. Despite the fact that I performed most of the duties of the department head, not her. I think it was because I had a baby and it was known that she was not going to be having children. But I can't be sure that was why.
ETA: Maybe that isn't discrimination because we were both female? But I do think that the thinking was that I had a baby so I wouldn't be focused on the job as much.
I have definitely faced sexual harassment. One boss in particular would actually feel my ass sometimes when I would be standing by his desk, and once he actually came in, walked right over to me, and kissed me on the lips and stuck his tongue in my mouth. I was young and needed the job (and for the most part it was a great job) so I sat down with him and told him it had to stop. It did, after that. But looking back, I should have been much harder on him.
I also feel that I recently faced discrimination but I can't be sure. I had a baby in July. The week after I returned from maternity leave last fall, someone in my department quit and my female coworker was made the department head. Despite the fact that I performed most of the duties of the department head, not her. I think it was because I had a baby and it was known that she was not going to be having children. But I can't be sure that was why.
ETA: Maybe that isn't discrimination because we were both female? But I do think that the thinking was that I had a baby so I wouldn't be focused on the job as much.
I think parent vs non parent that is definitely discriminatory.
This was sort of indirect, but I worked a temp job in HR recruiting for about 8 months. I was hired in as basically an administrative assistant, with promises that there would be a job a couple of steps up available in a few months. When more jobs became available, I found it interesting that basically everyone on the recruiting staff was female EXCEPT the top manager, 3 of the 4 middle managers, and someone else I'm forgetting. Of all the leadership roles there was exactly 1 female. Of all the supporting roles, there were exactly 0 males. I wasn't up for a leadership role anyway, but I thought the culture of women being in supporting roles and men being in leading roles probably didn't help my case for being hired into a more appropriate role for my experience.
I've otherwise mostly worked in female dominated areas so thankfully I haven't noticed it much.
This strikes a nerve for me. As a new therapist I was SO excited to move from observing sessions to leading them. The firm owner usually just liked to have me watch him lecture (yep!) to group counseling clients. I worked with my favorite grad school professor to prepare my day's activity and discussion, practiced like 4 times, bought a new suit to wear, and ended my first session knowing that I'd done a great job. The feedback from him? "I'm sure you did a great job, but I was too busy staring at your legs to give you any specifics." I was devistated. Realizing now that he was on his 5th wife by age 45 and had plenty of other issues, and having transitioned into a mentor role myself, I'd just like to say, "Fuck You, Dude. You weren't shit."
Post by Captain Serious on Mar 17, 2016 19:06:01 GMT -5
I was working at a fast food place and was told by a male coworker that he could wash the dishes faster if I "got under the sink and relieved his tension."
I found out the only females who were ever promoted at the same place has slept with the district manager. I refused his advances, but that didn't stop his pregnant girlfriend from showing up when I was working the register and accusing me of sleeping with him. I never did, nor did I ever get promoted, despite being repeatedly told by all my other managers that they were recommending me.
At my first professional job, I was told I would be making significantly less that a middle-aged man who started about the same time, "because he has a family to support." Never mind that he didn't even meet the minimum requirements of having a Master's (which I, of course, did).
This strikes a nerve for me. As a new therapist I was SO excited to move from observing sessions to leading them. The firm owner usually just liked to have me watch him lecture (yep!) to group counseling clients. I worked with my favorite grad school professor to prepare my day's activity and discussion, practiced like 4 times, bought a new suit to wear, and ended my first session knowing that I'd done a great job. The feedback from him? "I'm sure you did a great job, but I was too busy staring at your legs to give you any specifics." I was devistated. Realizing now that he was on his 5th wife by age 45 and had plenty of other issues, and having transitioned into a mentor role myself, I'd just like to say, "Fuck You, Dude. You weren't shit."
I can imagine how crushed you must have been. So dismissive and awful!
Post by somersault72 on Mar 17, 2016 19:13:31 GMT -5
After college, about the only job ex-h and I could get with our biology degrees were research assistant jobs at the University. I did ex-h's resume for him as well as my own and he got a job almost immediately. I never even got called for an interview. Come to find out the guy running the lab wouldn't hire female research assistants. When he let ex-h choose the undergrad interns, he made sure to pick women.
Post by Captain Serious on Mar 17, 2016 19:25:19 GMT -5
Oh, another: after maternity leave, I worked part time for three months before returning full time. My director called me into his office and asked "if I was overwhelmed by motherhood" because my project numbers had declined. Of course they had--I was only putting in 2/3 days!