This strikes a nerve for me. As a new therapist I was SO excited to move from observing sessions to leading them. The firm owner usually just liked to have me watch him lecture (yep!) to group counseling clients. I worked with my favorite grad school professor to prepare my day's activity and discussion, practiced like 4 times, bought a new suit to wear, and ended my first session knowing that I'd done a great job. The feedback from him? "I'm sure you did a great job, but I was too busy staring at your legs to give you any specifics." I was devistated. Realizing now that he was on his 5th wife by age 45 and had plenty of other issues, and having transitioned into a mentor role myself, I'd just like to say, "Fuck You, Dude. You weren't shit."
I can imagine how crushed you must have been. So dismissive and awful!
Thank you. I was, for sure. A few good things came of it, though (although I was too scared/couldn't afford to quit/didn't know who to report it to.) 1., he gave me the opportunity to hire the next secretary- one of my "attractive friends." I chose my little brother, at the time a muscular college athlete and attractive friend, for sure. 2., It gives me a good example to use now when teaching about how most sexual harassment really harms people but doesn't necessarily fit the Lifetime movie definition and 3., when I look back on it, I'm sad by how disempowered I was, but feel strong and powerful today by comparing our two career trajectories.
Oh! I forgot about the boss (female) who told me that my pregnancy boobs were amazing. And then she grabbed them, just so she could give a thorough review.
Post by ellipses84 on Mar 17, 2016 20:54:03 GMT -5
Yes, it never blatantly impacted my career until I became a mother though. Even though I told my work many times that I was coming back after maternity leave, they didn't believe me, expected me to quit and treated me deplorably because they thought I wouldn't be able to do my job as well with an infant at home. Nothing I did should have made them think this. I was just as dedicated and worked even more hours. I certainly proved them wrong, but it was several months of hell and they did things that were illegal and discriminatory, per the lawyer I consulted with, but I decided not to sue for a variety of reasons.
Post by EllieArroway on Mar 17, 2016 23:30:18 GMT -5
Daily. I am a software engineer turned manager.
Everyone in the meeting automatically expecting me to take notes/send out the minutes. Or people asking me to schedule meetings for them, as if I am their assistant.
Everyone expecting me to plan the office parties. Bring the food. Clean up the kitchen.
Comments in my eval about how I need to smile more.
Wage gap.
Things like how our admins, HR, and BAs are almost all women, while the tech experts, leadership, executives are almost all men.
There are hundreds of big and small things. So much that I didn't notice when I was younger. The older and higher up I get, the worse it is.
I HATED being the one expected to organize birthday stuff, parties, etc... at my old job because I was female.
When I worked at a newspaper, I worked with my boss to let me work from home 2 1/2 days a week so I could spend more time with Hart. They were extremely flexible and I busted butt working late nights to stay on top of things. But I had a younger female coworker that resented it. Honestly, I did some of my best work during that period.
But, when I told her and some other colleagues I was taking another job, she said "yeah, we need someone that's actually dedicated to the job." It forced me to tears. I was so hurt that she thought, now that I had a kid, I couldn't do my job. She has a kid now and is still in the same field, so I often wonder how she copes with it.
I also left a previous government job due in part because of sexual harassment. Then my old boss was up for re-election against harasser and he tried to pressure me to go public with the story. I declined and then found out recently that he went to the local paper (that I used to work for) with the story anyway. But the editor refused to do anything with it. Really, really pissed and hurt that he tried to use me as a pawn like that.