MOOKS- kids and lack of activities.

[lolalolalola]

My 8.5 year old has tried a number of activities through the years - gymnastics, dance, soccer, swim, skating, golf, skiing, taekwondo, brownies...

She ends up hating them and quitting (or more often finished out the term and doesn't re-enroll). We have always pushed to have one active hobby, she is generally 'lazy' - family bike rides or rounds of golf are just painful for example. She has a big appetite and I worry about her health and weight in the future.

Any advice? Force her to keep trying things? Not much left to try though. Or let her 'do nothing'? She has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and this may be a factor but I know that these activities can often improve self esteem which she does need.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Does she like activities that aren't athletic? Art classes, piano lessons, science club, language classes?

I wouldn't force an athletic activity because I wouldn't want her to have negative associations with exercise. I'd encourage lots of talks about how we need to move to keep our bodies strong and healthy. Will she run around on a playground if you go? Can you encourage her to walk if you guys walk to activities/stores as a family?

ETA: My point was that I'd make her do an activity outside of school, but I wouldn't require it to be a sport.

[jeaniebueller]

I wouldn't force an activity at this age. There will be plenty recreational activities in upper grade levels she may gravitate to.

[cjeanette]

I would tell her she has to pick one activity. Even if that is a 6 week painting class through Parks and Rec.

What does she enjoy going in her free time? Any hobbies at all?

[froggy76]

I was not an athletic kid and would have hated being forced into something like this. I danced, but that was my choice and something I loved. I'm sure she'll find her own things as she gets older- debate team, science olympiad, band, chorus, etc. There are so many other activities that don't require athletic ability.

[lolalolalola]

Thanks - we do things like hike, ski, bike and she is slow with plenty of complaining. it's frustrating for my other daughter and for us!

She doesn't like to hang out with friends who she used to spend a lot of time with - she says they spend the whole time doing cartwheels, or playing soccer.

I've been planning to look into art classes. I really do worry about her health and activity levels as she moves into puberty. I was overweight and still don't feel comfortable playing team sports because I was never exposed to them. So I may be projecting.

[hocus2]

Aside from swimming (safety concern) and religious school I don't require my kids to take specific activities. However I generally think having something enriching is beneficial. My son isn't big on really structured activities so he just takes swim right now. My daughter is more amenable and takes more. She asked to mix her schedule for the fall and we're trying to accommodate that.

I'd try to have your daughter try activities (even non-active ones) that might work out better.

[littlemermaid]

I definitely would not choose the "do nothing" approach. How about revisiting something that she tried when she was much younger. I noticed with my kids that sometimes age and maturity have a lot to do with liking/disliking something. My daughter hated swim lessons when she was a young child, then when she was around 9 she started loving them and she's 13 now and has been on a club competitive swim team for the last 3 years.

My son, who is high school age now, tried some sports when he was younger but we realized he's not athletic so we don't force him to play a sport. But he is involved in school clubs and is on his school's robotics team.

Maybe try revisiting a sport. Have you tried bowling, tennis, playing an instrument, a community drama club. Make sure she is not eating out of boredom. If she is make sure she is only allowed to have "healthy" snacks.

[lolalolalola]

Her interests are primarily minecraft, Netflix, barbies, reading, and drawing.

[cjeanette]

May 13, 2016 11:51:06 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Thanks - we do things like hike, ski, bike and she is slow with plenty of complaining. it's frustrating for my other daughter and for us!

She doesn't like to hang out with friends who she used to spend a lot of time with - she says they spend the whole time doing cartwheels, or playing soccer.

I've been planning to look into art classes. I really do worry about her health and activity levels as she moves into puberty. I was overweight and still don't feel comfortable playing team sports because I was never exposed to them. So I may be projecting.

One of the girls in my Girl Scout troop is like this.  She will also end up on her own at birthday parties.  Not for any drama related reasons, they are all friends.  She just gets tired of being around people and isn't as active as most 2nd grade girls seems to be.

You probably are projecting a bit (we all do I think).  I would not force a sporting activity.  Offer them each season but be ok with the answer no.

I think art classes or other one on one activities could be good to get her doing something.

[jeaniebueller]

May 13, 2016 11:55:00 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Her interests are primarily minecraft, Netflix, barbies, reading, and drawing.

This doesn't sound abnormal to me. I was *that* kid and hated athletics at that age but eventually participated in band and that became my thing as I got older. Fwiw, as an adult, I am more athletic and love the outdoors. Has her ped mentioned her weight? If she isn't overweight I wouldn't worry about her athletic endeavors.

[Deleted]

I'd encourage an activity, but not necessarily a physical one. Art, music, math/science etc.

Then as far as physical activity I'd encourage it in other ways. Maybe she doesn't enjoy organized sports - either team or individual. But I would keep discussing the importance of physical activity and moving our bodies and then ensure she is doing so somehow whether it's walking, swimming, climbing a tree, whatever.

[imojoebunny]

I hate sports and physical activity. The only thing I like to do is hike and walk. No fast movement, thank you very much. My mom forced me to do physical stuff, until high school. Then I was involved in many non-physical things, and she quit.

Honestly, I loved to play outside, in the woods, at the park. Is walking to school or parking and walking an option? We have had decent luck with that. Going to the playground before or after dinner (a lot of aftercares do this). Get her a fit bit. That has helped both my kids like to walk with me. We plan to walk a 5K this summer.

DD doesn't like to move fast either, but she does ice skating once a week. Two other thing we tried were a gym fitness class for kids. It has an element of social interaction, and is not competitive, all about personal best, so even the worst kid can improve the most in an area and be celebrated, rather than just the most athletic. The other was circus class, which also helps is she struggles with cross body task or sensory "where am I in space", which a lot of un-athletic people do. It is fun, and builds core body strength. If it is available, both my kids like horseback riding, though we can only do it in the summer. That is what I did growing up.

DD loves crafts and sewing. Both like swimming in the pool, but not competitive swim, so maybe just go to the pool and let them play this summer.

[jeaniebueller]

May 13, 2016 12:08:36 GMT -5 fn2187 said:

I would try more sports.  I think quite often kids don't want to do sports because of their low self esteem (they don't think they are good at it) or anxiety (scared to try new things).  At that age, I think they need adults to make those decisions.  I would make a list of sports and ask her to pick one.  If you can try and find a friend her age who participates who you know she loves, that may encourage her more.  Personally I will not let my DD make the decision to do no sports.  I prefer she be involved with team sports but I'll let her choose anything.  When she first started teams around age 6, she was very reluctant and said no to everything.  Now almost 2 years later, sports is her passion.  I'd widen her options to include dance, track, baseball, bowling, anything.  GL!

Yeah, but this is an 8.5 year old and it sounds like they have tried numerous sports and those haven't interested her. I did not like sports as a child and i would have been extremely unhappy if my parents forced me to do one.

[MDmomof2]

My daughter is 8 and in second grade and sounds a bit like your daughter. She loves taking yoga and tolerates swim class, so we figure that's enough exercise for her. She also does Brownies and really enjoys it, but I think she prefers being by herself and doing solitary things most of the time. I can see why your concerned - your daughter doesn't seem to like any organized activity - but I'm not so sure it's a terrible thing. I'd keep offering classes and/or sports to her and see if something sticks.

[devonpow]

We have a rule that DS1 needs to do one active activity a season. I don't care what that activity is. He has done swimming, soccer, ice skating, archery, etc etc. If he doesn't like it he is allowed to stop after the season is done and pick something new. This has worked well so far because he has a lot of options and knows there isn't pressure to ALWAYS do it. He did 1 term and then quit for a lot of things and finally figured out he really likes soccer.

We also don't require a sport in the summer because he goes to day camp and is really active there.

I don't think there is anything wrong with requiring something physical each season. I also don't think there is anything wrong with letting them stop after a season and try different things.

[anna7602]

Girl Scouts? DD's troop does a nice combo of volunteering, learning necessary skills like first aid, group outings to the ballet or a play and then the occasional hiking or fishing or other outdoor activities. So it's not always the same thing, but you do get some exercise, and more importantly, social connections and general life skills.

[lolalolalola]

Thanks everyone.

[lolalolalola]

May 13, 2016 11:54:14 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

May 13, 2016 11:51:06 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Thanks - we do things like hike, ski, bike and she is slow with plenty of complaining. it's frustrating for my other daughter and for us!

She doesn't like to hang out with friends who she used to spend a lot of time with - she says they spend the whole time doing cartwheels, or playing soccer.

I've been planning to look into art classes.

This just makes me sad.

Is it possible she has difficulty with balance and coordination, or strength and stamina maybe? I was never athletic, but I can't imagine not wanting to hang out with friends because they did cartwheels.  I know, it just makes me wonder if something else is going on.

It makes me sad too! She just says she doesn't want to do those things.

[quesyrah]

I don't think I would force it. If getting enough exercise is a concern perhaps a family walk every night would be good? Combined with making good choices with food that should help.

Maybe she would like something arts related?

[devonpow]

May 13, 2016 12:57:02 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

May 13, 2016 11:54:14 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

This just makes me sad.

Is it possible she has difficulty with balance and coordination, or strength and stamina maybe? I was never athletic, but I can't imagine not wanting to hang out with friends because they did cartwheels.  I know, it just makes me wonder if something else is going on.

It makes me sad too! She just says she doesn't want to do those things.

. Is she in 3rd grade this year? DS1 is (he just turned 9) and I've noticed a lot of fluctuation with peer groups this year - for him and the other boys and girls in his class. Some of his best friends from previous years he doesn't want to hang out with anymore because they only want to play football or do other things he isn't interested in. I feel like it's kind of a transitional age - he's moving away from things like Legos, etc and trying to find a place with more "big kid" things. A few times this year I really had to focus on things like play dates to keep up individual friendships and that in turn made some of the group situation easier. I feel like it's kind of an age where kids can be at loose ends sometimes.

[Deleted]

May 13, 2016 12:08:36 GMT -5 fn2187 said:

I would try more sports.  I think quite often kids don't want to do sports because of their low self esteem (they don't think they are good at it) or anxiety (scared to try new things).  At that age, I think they need adults to make those decisions.  I would make a list of sports and ask her to pick one.  If you can try and find a friend her age who participates who you know she loves, that may encourage her more.  Personally I will not let my DD make the decision to do no sports.  I prefer she be involved with team sports but I'll let her choose anything.  When she first started teams around age 6, she was very reluctant and said no to everything.  Now almost 2 years later, sports is her passion.  I'd widen her options to include dance, track, baseball, bowling, anything.  GL!

You happen to have a child who ended up loving sports but I don't think that's true for everyone. Continuously forcing the issue does not guarantee that she will become a sports fanatic and could potentially backfire and create a negative connotation with physical activity. Some kids just don't like sports. I firmly believe in teaching kids the importance of physical activity and even encouraging organized physical activities to a certain extent. But if the child has tried a dozen different ones and doesn't like it then maybe she just doesn't like organized sports. Better to start encouraging physical activity through another way IMO. Daily walks to the park, jumping on a trampoline, made up games in the backyard. I don't know, I just don't think organized sports are the only way to get physical activity.

[Deleted]

I don't know if I'd force something physical or not (my kids aren't that age yet) but I did do really neat art classes as a kid. We did drawing, painting, ceramics, and even paper making. So I would try an art class. Or maybe start a musical instrument? I think it's important to find something she enjoys so I would keep trying different things and maybe something not physical for now.

[KKD]

I agree with those who suggested trying a non-sport activity. Of course physical activity is important, but it's possible to stay active without a group activity. If it's a concern as she gets older, perhaps you could make it something the two of you could do together, like going for walks or bike rides.

I wouldn't force the extracurricular issue, because I know at this age even a full day of school can be exhausting enough, but I would try to come up with a list of activities based on her interests and see if she would be willing to try any of them. I really like devonpow's approach of trying something new without the pressure to continue it. Does her school offer any clubs that interest her? I know ours has a drawing club that's popular.

My oldest is also 8.5 and much more interested in the arts than sports. She does ballet and gymnastics, but soccer was a bust, and she has no interest in trying any other sports. She does glee club at school, and in the fall, she wants to try voice lessons and maybe even piano or guitar, since she loves performing and wants to be Taylor Swift when she grows up. Aside from dance and gymnastics, I know she still gets plenty of physical activity since she especially loves riding her bike and swimming on her own.

As for the friend issue, my DD is dealing with some friendship changes in school this year too. I think it's mostly normal since they change classes every year, but she's having a particularly hard time over one friend. Apparently it's all about what they want to play at recess -- she likes to play one pretend game with her current classmates while her old friends like to play other games -- so it sounds similar to your daughter's friends doing cartwheels and playing soccer while she prefers to do other things. When my DD has complained about it, I've told her she should remember to invite her old friends to join in her game or try playing the other games every once in a while. I've also encouraged her to invite her old friends for playdates as a way to maintain those friendships (as long as that's what she wants), because they'll likely be back in class together again.

[chedifuen]

I actively hate the emphasis on organized sports being the only way to get enough movement and be healthy. Maybe she's just not a person that is going to enjoy organized activities. That's completely okay!

If you're worried about her health, cut her screen time significantly. She may get bored enough to try something new

[rootbeerfloat]

She sounds like DS. He has never liked sports (we tried soccer and flag football when he was younger), though he stuck with karate for a few years. We finally let him quit, though, because he hated it and the more we forced him to go, the more it killed his self-esteem. He is not very coordinated and athletic, and as he progressed, it got harder for him. He has anxiety, and this is something therapy helped us all to decide. In case it's not clear, I really disagree with pp that you should be forcing her to do a sport or physical activity. It may only make things worse.

My nephew, who is the same age and he is very close to, loves sports. But it's hard when they get together because nephew wants to run around and throw balls, and DS doesn't. DS will sit off to the side if this is what's happening. He will walk and run around (in the right circumstances), he likes to swim, and he's not overweight, so I'm not overly concerned about him needing more physical activity for his health.

He likes art and video games, so he takes drawing classes. We've also been looking for robotics or programming type classes, too.

[livinitup]

I got some good advice from a Phys-Ed professional that I thought was really spot-on. She encouraged us to re-think some of the traditional way we help kids get/stay active - from skills that require coordination (like hitting a ball with a bat, or kicking a ball while running with your foot) and to focus on movement and self-determination. For some kids, the frustration of mastering the skills, or the frustration to be as good as your peers often kills the motivation to do it. For these kids, yoga, running (track and field in general), Pilates, martial arts, strength training or dance may work well. I know she didn't like Taekwondo, but that my be the instructor or program - I also find the right "fit" very important, and the right coach is a big part of that.

I know this is a tall task to find for a 8 1/2 year old, but it may help as you are encouraging "activity" as she gets older. Even yoga is getting younger children, around her age, involved. I've seen a few programs for kids at the Y and around town. I hope you find success.

[formerlyak]

May 13, 2016 11:55:00 GMT -5 lolalolalola said:

Her interests are primarily minecraft, Netflix, barbies, reading, and drawing.

Look into classes through Youth Digital. Online classes in coding and game production/design that relate to Minecraft. She may enjoy that.

I know it's not an "active" activity, but it would be something.

[InBetweenDays]

May 13, 2016 13:20:46 GMT -5 chedifuen said:

I actively hate the emphasis on organized sports being the only way to get enough movement and be healthy. Maybe she's just not a person that is going to enjoy organized activities. That's completely okay!

If you're worried about her health, cut her screen time significantly. She may get bored enough to try something new

I completely agree with this. Our kids (7 and almost 10) actually love sports, but structured sports shouldn't be the only way to encourage activity. For me being active doesn't necessarily mean running around - but more that they're not just sitting around. And I think it can be more important to let them learn how to incorporate activity/movement into their unstructured play or everyday routine.

Can you walk/bike more places instead of drive? Take evening walks after dinner? Go the park and play four square or hide and seek? Play tag? Climb trees? Jump on a pogo stick? Ride a scooter? Unicyle? Help out in the yard? 

[CheeringCharm]

Maybe an art class since she likes drawing? I don't think the actual activity matters so much as just having a hobby you are interested in.