I need some hugs

[Deleted]

Hugs, spitforspat motherhood is HARD! Please be gentle on yourself. You had necessary major abdominal surgery and are trying to keep a human alive. Neither of these are easy things! Please call your doctor and let them know how you are feeling. Please, please please. There is no shame in taking any and all help offered.

You know what? I don't care how you birthed your baby. I also don't care how you feed your baby's as long as you feed her. Do the best you can and be gentle with yourself!

[cville]

Listen, nursing is a stressor when everything is going perfect. Your baby is fed, that's what counts. My son was a skinny baby due to reflux and it slayed me, EVEN THOUGH he was just fine. Your baby is also just fine.

Call your doctor. Take care of your mental health.

You can do this. We know you can.

[Deleted]

This may sound weird, but it honestly helped me in the beginning when I felt like a failure. You are trying. You want your child. You are not failing because you are trying.

That got shortened into a mantra of "better than a meth addict."

[spitforspat]

Thank you so much for the advice and commiseration.

I know that part of my drive to breastfeed comes from my feeling like a failure at birth. I want to get something right. Even though I know that's not a realistic way to look at things.

I think I'll see how this next appointment with the LC goes. If it is still completely stressful and difficult I'm open to making the switch to formula.

I called the nurse line about my incision and they said it sounds normal, but to call my OB first thing tomorrow. If I go in I'll also ask about ppd. If not, I have an appointment on Thursday and will discuss it then.

My H has been great about supporting me and not letting me do too much. He's already insisting on handling the feelings tonight and just waking me periodically to pump.

Thank you for helping me believe I can do this, and do this well. <3

[copperboom]

You have failed at nothing. You're doing great and taking great care of your baby. Go to the doctor to have your incision checked and ask to be screened for PPD while you're there. No harm in checking. And while I totally support all breastfeeding efforts, there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding if you decide that's the route you want to take. I had similar feelings of failure after a c-section and breastfeeding struggles, so I can sympathize with that. I promise, you're doing a good job.

[Deleted]

I also ep'ed by day 3. It was easier at the time, which was what I needed.

[nursewife]

((hugs)) You are not failing. Taking care of a baby on top of recovering from a csection is hard! Be kind to yourself.

[spitforspat]

May 17, 2016 20:50:29 GMT -5 @astrid said:

This may sound weird, but it honestly helped me in the beginning when I felt like a failure. You are trying. You want your child. You are not failing because you are trying.

That got shortened into a mantra of "better than a meth addict."

Ha- I love that.

[sailorgray]

May 17, 2016 19:45:50 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

The first thirty days of new motherhood suuuuuuuck. I used to count how old DD was, and subtract that from 30 so I knew how much more suck I had left. Hang in there.

I googled ' when does the newborn phase end?' with my little guy and he is my 3rd! Lol. It is freakin' hard and then you turn that corner and things seem to fall in place. My guy is 4 months and things are soooo much better. 

Spit, I could have written your post about nursing. I felt the exact same and then our pedi point blank said to toss the hand pump, get an electric one and it made all the difference. 

[lilac05]

I know this has been covered, but you ARE NOT failing as a mother. Would you tell a sister or friend who had a c-section or formula fed that SHE is failing as a mom? Absolutely not. Please show yourself the same grace.

This is an incredibly tough time for every new mom. Unfortunately, unless you hang out with really honest people or read lots of baby threads on here, it's not the part of being a new mom that you hear about. Everyone IRL says crap like, "soak up all of those newborn snuggles!" "They grow SO fast!" "I LOVE that newborn smell!" and all kinds of well-meaning things...and it's OK to want to yell, "NO! Time DOES NOT FLY! My baby smells like poop and spit up! I'm not sleeping & Im not sure which way is up! I'm drowning here, people!!" It's what MOST new moms are thinking.

It's never too early to talk to your OB about what you're feeling. He/She will know the right questions to ask to determine if time and/or medication will help you.

Big hugs to you. I've been there. I made it through, my babies don't remember a thing...and you'll make it, too. Just remember you're not alone, and you don't need to do this alone.

[sparkythelawyer]

Oh honey. You are getting everything right. Your baby is fed, clothed and loved. That is the most important thing right now.

[cville]

Also, I had two vaginal, uncomplicated deliveries. I can't understand what you are feeling. But I tell you, I'm 2.5 years out from my most recent childbirth experience and I rarely think about it. I'd think about it way less than I do if I weren't on here where we talk about pregnancy and babies a lot. Right now, this is 11 days ago for you. It looms larger than it ever will. You did NOT fail. You did not. Not even a little bit.

[anlo]

You have not failed at anything. Not at giving birth, not at feeding, nothing. These weeks are so hard. You are doing everything right - your baby is fed, warm, and safe.

Take care of yourself. ❤️

[anlo]

May 17, 2016 20:59:11 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Unfortunately, unless you hang out with really honest people or read lots of baby threads on here, it's not the part of being a new mom that you hear about. Everyone IRL says crap like, "soak up all of those newborn snuggles!" "They grow SO fast!" "I LOVE that newborn smell!" and all kinds of well-meaning things...and it's OK to want to yell, "NO! Time DOES NOT FLY! My baby smells like poop and spit up! I'm not sleeping & Im not sure which way is up! I'm drowning here, people!!"

Also, this is so true. No one talks about this part of it. Or we block it out, which explains why so many people have more than one kid.

[sugarbear]

So, so many hugs. You are doing great.
You've had major abdominal surgery that resulted in an entire human being that is so,let dependent upon you. A complete mindfuck.

Do not be afraid to talk to your doc-- when is your next check up?

[mskitkat]

Lots of hugs. DD is 2 months old and things are finally better. Take time for yourself and cry in the shower. I did that so many times. DD had a terrible latch. It was seriously a wrestling match to get her on while she would be screaming in hunger. Omg baby, the boob you want is RIGHT THERE! Take it!

Breathe. It gets better. I keep repeating to myself that a screaming baby is a breathing baby. She's still alive and that's a win.

[Deleted]

Big hugs.  You are not a failure at anything.  You're doing the best that you can for you and baby.  There's nothing wrong with using formula so don't be so hard on yourself.  Definitely address the PPD with your doctor.  Take a deep breath and know that you're going to get through this.

[sapphireblue]

Oh I am so sorry.

I feel like I was where you are at now last summer when I had my son. It is a difficult time, I didn't even realize it when I was in it, but you are so sleep deprived and hormonal and stressed and it's just a fucking LOT.

I'm glad you are seeing your doctor on Thursday, and calling tomorrow.

I had a c section. As my coworker who had 4 kids vaginally said to me about it--"do you have a healthy baby? You don't get a medal at the end if you deliver vaginally. You get a baby, just like YOU did with your c section." For me, that helped put it into perspective.

I hope sharing this doesn't bother you--for me, it helped, but I can see how it might seem dismissive of what you are feeling.

About the breastfeeding--I cried and yelled at my boyfriend and was so stressed out about not being able to breast feed. I rented a hospital grade pump from the hospital where I delivered. I HATED pumping but I did it and eked out @ 4-8 ounces a day for him until I stopped after about two months. But when I finally accepted formula feeding and stopped letting it make me feel inadequate, it was so great, such a relief.

You're doing a great job. It's going to get better, a LOT better. This is an incredibly rough time though.

[gretchenindisguise]

You are not failing. You will survive. It will get better.

Ask for and accept help. Pass that little bag o screaming flour over. Turn up the radio and just be for a bit. If you can shower, do that.

[litebright]

Dude. Dude. You are NOT failing. This is one of the hardest things that anyone goes through. Seriously. C/s recovery can be a bitch in and of itself, a newborn is a massive task and responsibility and there is only so much that you can actually DO to make things easier -- so, so much of it is just sticking things out and staying afloat until things get easier (and they do, they really, truly do get easier). You can be doing absolutely everything RIGHT (and most of us don't!) still have a shitty time of it, because so much about this time period just plain sucks.

I had nipple pain until six weeks. I went to a BFing support group, saw multiple LCs, and occasionally nursed with tears running down my cheeks because my nips were so raw. Things did get better, thank God, and I went on to have a great nursing relationship with both my DDs for a year+ -- sometimes BFing just hurts for awhile, and you've been dealing with a tongue-tie on top of that. Cut both yourself and your baby some slack, BFing is hard. It sucks beyond belief to have to go back to something every few hours when it hurts so much, and you don't really have the option to let yourself fully heal like you would with nearly any other injury -- damn, I will never forget just how bad that sucked. Even with my second baby, when I knew I was doing BFing correctly, it still hurt as my nipples re-adjusted. And it is also PERFECTLY OKAY if you don't want to put yourself through that. As long as your baby is being fed, you are doing right by her. Don't forget to do right by yourself, too, whatever that means for you.

It is definitely not too early to get help for PPD. Don't hesitate to ask for help -- with the emotional stuff, with the BFing, with help from your DH, with everything. It's really the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.

[mrsjrd23]

You are a good mom.  Don't doubt that.
I could have written this almost exact post after both my kids
I'm sorry you are struggling - I knew right away after DD (my 2nd child) that I had an issue with PPA and immediately went back on meds after having a panic attack our first night home from the hospital so PPD symptoms aren't too far of a stretch - please reach out to your provider.

If you want to keep breastfeeding, get a prescription for APNO - it will heal your nipples quick!  and don't be afraid to park yourself at the lactation clinic a lot.  I spent at least once a week of my entire ML at lactation, and even just went back for issue and my DD is 10 months old.  If breastfeeding is too much for you, it is definitely ok to stop.  Your sanity is important.

and your healing is important! you just had a major abdominal surgery 11 days ago. I work with patients after abdominal surgeries that aren't child birth related and there is no way any of them are doing what is expected of a mother immediately after a c-section. Snuggle with your baby on the couch, take some deep breaths, binge some netflix, drink lots of water, and have someone else take care of everything else. 

Hang in there, mama. Sending big hugs.

[kaybee85]

Hugs hugs hugs. The first couple of weeks are so hard. You are NOT a failure. You care and are trying your best. You are feeding your child. More hugs.

[Deleted]

You are not failing, not even close.

I think any time you suspect depression you should talk to a doctor. It just isn't worth it (from experience) to try to struggle through on your own.

I hope you can have some peaceful moments where you and your baby can just cuddle. Those were what got me through the hard parts.

[geppiegirl]

A fellow "motherhood failure" signing in.

Seriously, our birth and lactation stories are SOOO similar. DS was 41 weeks+ and nothing. Induction for 24 hours, never got beyond a 6. Move to the C section on day 2. Then jaundice and billirubin light for 2 more days. DS nursed well in the hospital, but still needed formula supplentation due to weight loss. When I got home he cried all the time. He was so hungry. I kept trying to pump, and supply kept going down. Lactation consultant every day. Finally after a week, when I had diligently pumped the whole day to get only 1 ounce! I said enough. I stopped pumping. I stopped nursing. I switched to only formula. I gave away all the new pumping stuff and pump I had purchased. I could not have felt like more of a failure. Like DS was cursed or harmed by getting stuck with me as a mother. He was only days old and I was already failing and couldnt' keep him fed on my own. I cried all the time. Like I literally couldnt stop. I felt like I had forced DS into existence (he was a product of IVF after 5 years of trying), and I and DS was being punished for bending the universe improperly to get him here. In short, I was a GD mess.

I'll be honest, it took about 4 weeks for me to level out. Then I realized, DS was doing fine. He was doing normal baby things. He was exclusively formula fed and there were some awesome things about that. I never worried about supply. I didnt have to adjust my food. Other people could feed him. He didnt freak out around me due to "smelling" milk. all the time. Yeah, would I have rather nursed him? Yes. But was he harmed in any way because I didnt. Hell no. Hes now a happy, healthy, awesome 1 year old.

I now see that without the C-section, he might not have ever been born. Ive also learned that a C section (and all the medications) can have an adverse effect on milk supply. And some women, like me, have less mammory tissue. All of these things combined to create a perfect storm. And also a perfect little baby.

I know how rought this is. Just know that you are doing nothing wrong. You did not fail, even if your brain and every fiber of your being is telling you that you are. You can do this and you would do anyting for your baby - even have a less than optimal birth, go through the shittiness of C section and scar issues, and provide formula to keep baby fed if necessary. All of these things are signs of a good mother. You are one of the good ones.

[WOT?*]

((((spitforspat)))

Another vote for keep your doctor advised, if you have any worries, particularly about PPD. I'm sorry it's been rough. It will get better.

[Waffles]

You are not failing at anything!

Baby is out and being fed and being loved. Don't forget yourself in this: you need time to recover. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor, help is available.

Sending hugs.

[mekia]

Newborn period is no joke. Don't hesitate to call!

[thebreakfastclub]

I had an unplanned c/section and the emotional struggle is real. It takes time to process what happened, and it is definitely raw when you are hurting physically too.

You should start to turn the corner soon with that. I didn't really try to breastfeed, I just couldn't handle it. Formula helped me focus on resting and recovering. And now I have a wonderful 3yo!

I promise you won't feel this sad about the c/s in a few weeks. Hugs.

[happyholiday]

I'm sorry you're struggling. I, too, would call the dr. Please don't think you're failing; your baby is being taken care of! Big hugs.

[nachos]

((spitforspat)), you are doing so well - even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I'm on team "feed the baby." It doesn't matter how. I have three kids: one combo fed, one that I EPed for, and I'm currently BFing with the help of a nipple shield. All of them are healthy, and aside from teenage hormones, happy as well.

Taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of your LO right now. It sounds like you have a great support system in your H. Talk to your doctor when you can, and use the services of a LC if you choose to continue with BFing.

Right now, you're in the hormonal crash part that no one tells you about. Totally normal, and does not make you a failure. Not at all.