I'm so sorry you are struggling. The first 2-3 weeks are so hard, and you and a ton of issues god dal with on top of the normal learning to have a newborn issue. You are doing GREAT. You are a great mom. Hang in there and get as much help as possible. Don't be proud, don't be scared to ask, use your friends and family as much as you can. It will all get better soon, I promise. (((hugs)))
See your doctor, ask for all the help you need. You are not a failure. You have kept a baby alive for 11 days. That's what the newborn phase is - keeping everyone alive. There will be enjoyment. There will! Can you look and see if there is a breastfeeding support group near you? It was a lifesaver for me. Not just for feeding issues but to be able to say and hear other women say "this is really hard and it kind of sucks". Because the newborn phase is hard, so hard.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The first 5 weeks of breastfeeding were so challenging and painful for me. I swear she just needed time to grow a little because her mouth was so small in the beginning that a bad latch at first ruined my nipples for weeks. I hope you are able find comfort in these posts and feel like you aren't alone! Just know that you are not failing your baby in any way.
Right now, you're in the hormonal crash part that no one tells you about. Totally normal, and does not make you a failure. Not at all.
I know! No one mentioned this to us. Not at the hospital classes we took beforehand, none of my friends and coworkers that loved sharing their birth stories.
The only people that said anything about a hormonal crash were the nurses at the hospital after my son was born. Weird, because it is a doozy.
My cousin's girlfriend is having their baby this week and I texted him to warn him about the hormonal crash. Just wanted them both to be prepared.
So you are in the thick of that too. It's all going to get better and easier! Hugs to you, OP.
You delivered a healthy baby. You are providing nutrients. The "how" isn't what defines success. You are doing a great job.
Something people didn't tell me - you can take a day off the feeding madness. If you stop for an hour or a day, it doesn't mean it's over. Give you both a break. Still pump but it's double abuse when you are pumping and feeding and not sleeping and stressing - come back to it tomorrow. Rest. Snuggle. Give a bottle. Then see what happens. It is totally ok. A nap will work wonders when you aren't in full on panic mode nonstop wondering how to feed next. I was there, exactly where you are.
You are a wonderful mother. Be kind to yourself. xo
You are NOT failing as a mother. Please, please, PLEASE take a look at that beautiful daughter you grew and KNOW that you are not failing.
Babies don't have Ph.D's so it takes them a while to figure things out. She just got her tongue untied, and it might take a bit for her to figure out her new normal and how to do this.
There is NOTHING that you are doing that is failing. That first month is so exhausting, let alone any of the meds that you might have had that might make you MORE emotional. I didn't have a c-section but I was given a med for dangerously high blood pressure during labor. For about 2 weeks after our son was born I couldn't even THINK about talking to my (lovely, wonderful, best-ever, super helpful) mom because the mere thought of her had me bursting into hot, streaming tears. TEARS!
Come to read about a year or so after the birth that one of the side effects of just that one med is being highly emotional (let alone the fact that your hormones are all out of whack post-partum anyway).
((((((spitforspat))))) You WILL get through this first month (she's already 11 days! Hooray for you and your DD!) but it can be brutal from the exhaustion, the learning curve (both of you), the laundry, any of life's other stuff, the hormones, everything has changed....so many things.
Please know that I think you're doing great, and being a fabulous mom by taking care of your daughter's needs and seeking help for her when she might need it. Advocating for your child is Motherhood 101, and unfortunately not all moms learn the lesson -- and here you learned it by Day 11! YOU ARE DOING SO GREAT!
Hugs and love from another mom. (heart) (heart) (heart)
Something to keep in the back of your mind, just in case you can't resolve it for yourself, a friend of mine was so upset by having a c-section that she eventually sought therapy. And she now wishes she had tried sooner. Because she completely lost sight of the fact that she had tried but the c-section was medically necessary for a safe outcome for her and her baby. And that because of his size, positioning and her smaller size it just was never going to happen naturally, it had nothing to do with how hard she tried / didn't try.
I think sometimes we forget that a hundred years ago women died giving birth because they didn't have the medical care we have now.
And there's a reason cultures all over the world have nurse maids and have had them as long as women have had babies. Because another woman breastfeeding your child used to be the only way for a baby to eat and survive when it's mother couldn't. We've forgotten that because we're lucky to have formula that's easily accessible. But then somewhere along the way it was decided to shame people for using an option that had a very valid purpose and place in raising a healthy baby.
I say all that not trying to diminish your feelings, but to offer some other perspectives that (hopefully) will be helpful.
And again, formula now doesn't mean you can't keep trying to increase your supply or breastfeeding (if you want to. If you don't, that is great too). Formula now just means you can focus on what you need to do without the pressure of being the only nutrition source. It's another tool you can use while you figure things out.
Although, all that said, welcome to your new life of worrying about everything you do or don't do and if your baby will be ok. I just had my heart stop when I turned around to see my 3 year old standing on the back of the couch waving with a huge grin. Yay!!!!
She also ate air with the smallest bite of toast ever after tossing aside a plate of fruit for breakfast. And then asked for chocolate. Some days feeding them feels like a waste of my time.
Post by spitforspat on May 18, 2016 11:26:38 GMT -5
I saw my on this morning. I have a seroma behind my incision. Got a prescription for antibiotics and another for Zoloft. My dr said she suffered from ppd with her children and was glad I didn't wait to bring it up.
Thank you all for the support and encouragement. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.