Post by spitforspat on May 17, 2016 19:37:13 GMT -5
PDQ- Sorry for the baby-centered posts, but I could use some hugs/hair pats.
I am having a hard time. Baby is 11 days old. We're having serious issues breastfeeding. She lost too much weight and had to supplement with formula. Then she completely lost interest in nursing. Went for a lactation consultation and she was tongue tied. Got tongue tie clipped yesterday- still no luck. We have another appointment with the lactation consultant on thurs. I feel like a failure. I've been pumping after every feeding, but have been using a hand pump because my electric one didn't get here until today. My nipples are so painful and every feeding stresses me out.
I cry so much every day. More and more each day it feels like. I think I might have ppd, but it also feels so early to make that call. I just feel like I failed in birth (had c section after not progressing from induction) and now I'm failing in motherhood. Every day feels harder instead of easier.
Tonight my incision started leaking and I just broke down. I feel like I cannot take one more thing. But, I also feel like i just need to buck up and handle stuff, because it's not really that bad. I just want to enjoy my sweet, precious baby. But I'm too busy being sad and worried.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry, that's a lot on your plate in such a short amount of time. Any sane person would feel like you do now. O had her tongue and lip tie clipped at 10 days old, and it took a bit for her to adjust feeding wise. Maybe a nipple shield?
You're a good mom. I promise. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go
Not a mom yet but I don't think it's too early to contact your doctor about PPD, at least to let them know you're suspecting it and they can advise you from there. I hope you feel better soon.
Post by sparkythelawyer on May 17, 2016 19:45:50 GMT -5
The first thirty days of new motherhood suuuuuuuck. I used to count how old DD was, and subtract that from 30 so I knew how much more suck I had left. Hang in there.
It is so rough. You are a great mom and the fact you recognize this makes you a super mom!
I would definitely talk to your doctor. I had a really rough time after my second and my dr put me on something just to get through the fourth tri (I could have taken it longer if needed)
You will find your groove.
And you did NOT fail at delivery. You got her here safe and healthy and that's the end game, no?
You are NOT failing as a mother. Please, please, PLEASE take a look at that beautiful daughter you grew and KNOW that you are not failing.
Babies don't have Ph.D's so it takes them a while to figure things out. She just got her tongue untied, and it might take a bit for her to figure out her new normal and how to do this.
There is NOTHING that you are doing that is failing. That first month is so exhausting, let alone any of the meds that you might have had that might make you MORE emotional. I didn't have a c-section but I was given a med for dangerously high blood pressure during labor. For about 2 weeks after our son was born I couldn't even THINK about talking to my (lovely, wonderful, best-ever, super helpful) mom because the mere thought of her had me bursting into hot, streaming tears. TEARS!
Come to read about a year or so after the birth that one of the side effects of just that one med is being highly emotional (let alone the fact that your hormones are all out of whack post-partum anyway).
((((((spitforspat))))) You WILL get through this first month (she's already 11 days! Hooray for you and your DD!) but it can be brutal from the exhaustion, the learning curve (both of you), the laundry, any of life's other stuff, the hormones, everything has changed....so many things.
Please know that I think you're doing great, and being a fabulous mom by taking care of your daughter's needs and seeking help for her when she might need it. Advocating for your child is Motherhood 101, and unfortunately not all moms learn the lesson -- and here you learned it by Day 11! YOU ARE DOING SO GREAT!
Hugs and love from another mom. (heart) (heart) (heart)
I am so sorry you are struggling. This is almost exactly how things went with my first (not nursing, tongue tie, crying alone in a bathroom) and honestly the best thing I ever did for myself was letting go and deciding to formula feed. I felt more of a connection to my son when I took all that stress and struggle away. Him having a happy and healthy mom was more important to me than him being BF. I did go on to BF my second child without issue. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you and your daughter.
Post by sallywalker on May 17, 2016 19:53:32 GMT -5
Oh that's so much to deal with! 1. Feeding your kid is most important. It doesn't matter how. Trust your gut and continue working with the LC if it's something you want to continue. They can help! 2. Take care of your body. Do not try to do things around the house. Just take care of yourself and the baby. Ask for help for the rest.
Huge hugs. You are not failing, and it is not too soon to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling emotionally. I'm sorry nursing isn't working right now, but please be kind to yourself and, from someone who BTDT, please don't torture yourself - if formula will make things easier, there is nothing wrong with going that route.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you've got this. It's going to be OK.
You are not failing! The first two weeks were so bad for me. We also had to supplement with formula after C lost too much weight and she was a lazy nurser. It took me a long time to be at peace with formula. Be kind to yourself.
Post by noodleskooze on May 17, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5
I had a ton of bfing issues, and man, even three years later, I can remember how emotional and defeating it can feel. I wish I could give you a huge hug, but I will just tell you the same thing many MLers and MMMers told me at the time though I couldn't believe it...someday it will not matter how you fed your baby. It feels like such a big thing right now, but if she is getting fed and you are showing her the love and care she needs, that's what matters. I promise.
Post by lilafowler on May 17, 2016 20:03:09 GMT -5
Big hugs. I had a seroma that developed under my scar and eventually burst (ew) so I can relate how demoralizing it is after everything else you've gone through.
I had a ton of bfing issues, and man, even three years later, I can remember how emotional and defeating it can feel. I wish I could give you a huge hug, but I will just tell you the same thing many MLers and MMMers told me at the time though I couldn't believe it...someday it will not matter how you fed your baby. It feels like such a big thing right now, but if she is getting fed and you are showing her the love and care she needs, that's what matters. I promise.
This. Huge hugs spitforspat. J had a tongue tie too and I apparently have super flat nipples that made it difficult for him to latch. BFin was/is such a mindfuck. I drove myself crazy and was not very kind to myself over bfing (I too felt like I failed at birth because of having to be induced 3 weeks early.) I think I probably had PPA (untreated) due to my stressing about BFing like to the point I may not even attempt BFing my next kid.
I just want to echo what Noodleskooze said, it's not important how she gets fed, it's just important that she gets fed. The fact that you are worried about failing shows how much you care for sweet girl. Hugs friend.
You're doing great. Your baby is being fed. Keep working with the LC. This immediate post partum part is so, so hard. Unbearably so at times. You're not alone, and you've done nothing "wrong". This part does not define you as a mother, but even if it did, you'd pass with flying colors. You're loving and caring. And if you aren't enjoying every second or even don't like your baby at times, that's ok too.
You are not failing as a mom, your doing a great job. Keep working with a lactation consultant but don't feel bad because your formula feeding for now. I don't think is ever to early for PPD, call you Dr. Is all going to be ok.
((Hug)) you're not failing and yes it is harder than fuck. I broke down more times than I can count. However, there is no harm in talking to your doctor. Can you have someone do night feedings for a night (and just pump once or twice) so you can get a few hours of straight sleep?
Hugs hugs hugs hugs. You are doing great. Give yourself a lot of breathing space and try to relax a lot. Really really slow down your thinking and breathing when things get too hard. It will help. Hum to yourself or sing something. It's such a carefree gesture that it kind of relaxes your mind and body automatically.
Those first weeks are so hard. Just take one thing at a time and remember you are creating your new normal together. You'll figure it out eventually. It will and should take time. The best thing that helped me feel better when i got to a breaking point was a longish stretch of sleep. Can someone help you get that? And talking to your ob is also a great idea. I never did and I know I should have. Hugs mama.
Hugs, mama. Those first few weeks are so hard. Be gentle on yourself. You grew and birthed a tiny person. It doesn't matter at all how she came into the world - you are not a failure.
You're getting a huge hormone rush right now, which is probably what's causing those feelings, but if they don't go away in the next week, call your OB and ask about PPD.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by ElizabethBennet on May 17, 2016 20:29:08 GMT -5
You don't need to "buck up and handle" anything. Your body has just been through a major physical trauma- not to mention the hormone crash, sleep deprivation, and emotional upheaval that a baby brings. This is all hard on its own, adding in nursing troubles and trying to heal it is 100% normal and understandable that you are feeling this way. It is never too early to call your doctor if you feel that's what you need. You are not a failure. So many women go through this after childbirth, it is a normal response and it doesn't make you any less of a person or a mother.
I cried for the first two weeks after my second was born. Like literally, just sat on the couch and cried for no "real" reason. The hormone crash that happens is seriously no joke. If you feel you need to call your doctor then do it. Again, you are anything but a failure.
Post by hopecounts on May 17, 2016 20:30:25 GMT -5
Baby is being fed that is priority #1, FF or BF she is going to be just fine. I had major supply issues that I was able to work out with an LC's help but I supplemented for the first 7ish weeks before transitioning successfully to EBF, went on to BF for 13 months. That said formula is great so if you decide to take that route there is nothing to feel bad about.
As for PPD you just had major surgery on top of a major life change PPD or not Zoloft might make the next couple months easier and is perfectly safe, talk to your doctor and see if it is appropriate for you right now.
The only 2 things you need to worry about right now is feeding baby and taking care of yourself so you can recover farm out as much of the rest of day to day stuff to your DH, family members, or friends.
Post by coribelle26 on May 17, 2016 20:34:47 GMT -5
I tell everyone that week 3, which you're heading into, is when I really started to panic that I was not going to be ok. It got better for me after that, but it doesn't for everyone, so please don't worry that it's too soon to ask for help. If it gets better on its own, you haven't lost anything by asking early.
Regarding the feeding. So no single thing in my life has resulted in so much anxiety as being responsible for my child's nutrition. From his time in utero to 15 minutes ago sharing my antipasto salad with him worrying about salt content and preservatives. I had a tiny baby who was not good at nursing, and I made the decision to pump, exclusively for the first 4 months and paired with formula for the next 3 when I finally stopped altogether. All of that pumping took time away from my baby, and usually resulted in someone else actually feeding him - holding him and looking into his eyes and making him feel safe while I was somewhere else doing what I know I felt was the right choice at the time, but I regret now.
How hard you push the breastfeeding is 100% your decision and I think pursuing help from LCs is great. If you reach a point, though, where you feel like trying to BF is adversely affecting the quantity or quality of your time with your baby, please try to to give yourself permission to try something else.