Tell Me How to Feel

[kath16]

I just got a BFP. I peed on a stick mostly to tell myself to chill the freak out and it's normal for a PP period to not be regular right away, etc. I literally have no idea how to feel. 

I'm leaving in 2 hours for two nights away without H. I won't see him until Sunday. I have to wait until then to tell him, right? He's at work. 

2u2 is fun, RIGHT EVERYONE THIS WILL BE TOTALLY FINE IF THE PREGNANCY STICKS (I am 1 for 4 overall)

[mannah]

However you feel is the way to feel! It's totally normal to be al over the place especially if this was not expected. Lots of people tell their SOs over the phone so you don't HAVE to wait until Sunday if you don't want to! Congratulations!

[Susie]

omg.  Your baby is 4 days younger than Hobbes, so I am just imagining.  I would have no idea how to feel.  I don't think there's a way you're supposed to feel.  I expect a whole continuum of shifting feels is normal.

I couldn't wait until Sunday.  I would wait til he's not at work, because this is big news, but I'd need to tell him by phone or FaceTime sooner than Sunday.

[smock]

I was super nervous about 2u2, but it has gone amazingly well. The toddler loves the baby, and the baby is fascinated by the toddler. The newborn phase was so much easier the second time, and it really does go by so quickly.

But you are totally allowed to feel nervous, excited, scared, happy--or, more likely, ALL of those things.

[anna7602]

I think I would need the time to myself to process a surprise BFP, so maybe it's good that you will be away? But I might also want to call and process with DH, or, more likely, my therapist!

[raangoli]

You can feel however you want to feel. Hugs. It's a lot to process but you can totally do this.

[kath16]

I am laughing and shaking. And shaking my head. And thinking ALL THE THINGS

[fashionx]

Wow! Congratulations, I think I would be freaking out a bit too though! However you feel is OK, I imagine it would be hard to process initially.

Personally I'd have to call DH, I couldn't wait that long to tell him. But up to you

[rugbywife]

2u2 is hard. There is no denying that. The first year of P's life was difficult for all of us.

When I got my BFP I decided that I was going to live in denial for the length of my pregnancy. I wasn't going to focus on how hard it would be. I focused on how excited I was to be pregnant because we had had a hard time conceiving E. I decided that I would face the hard parts as they came, but not stress about them ahead of time.

[rugbywife]

Oh, I tested at work and took a picture of the stick and texted DH.

[preppy]

It will be fun! DD will be 16mo when #2 arrives, I think it will be insane but fun.

I wouldn't be able to wait two days to tell him.

[pinotgrig]

However you feel is ok. I feel like any bfp is a surprise, even if you were trying. My two are almost exactly 24 months apart and it's been awesome so far. Ds1 adores ds2 and I can't wait to watch them grow up together.

I wouldn't be able to wait to tell H. Can you swing by his work and tell him?

[glitzy07]

tulips Had a similar experience and I know it's worked out well for her! Congrats!

[sporklemotion]

Your feelings are very similar to mine, when I got pregnant with DD2. DD1 was long awaited and I was older with previous losses, so the second pregnancy wasn't something I had counted on. DD1 was about 10 months when we found out (the girls are 18 months apart). I felt like I should be thrilled, and ultimately I was, but it took me a while to get there.

2u2 is tough, but it seems like any age split has its issues. My friends with bigger gaps have a tougher time balancing schedules/drop offs and other issues. Because DD1 was so young, she accepted DD2 pretty quickly; she doesn't really remember being the only one. As the girls have gotten older, it has started to get easier; DD1 is better at waiting her turn than she used to be and DD2 is slightly more independent.


The main challenge I've faced is accepting that there is more crying and whining. Neither girl likes to wait her turn, and both prefer me to my DH most of the time. If one is freaking out because I'm holding the other one or changing the other's diaper, I just have to let them cry, which can fray my nerves. As mentioned above, this is starting to wane now that DD2 is becoming more independent, but it was tough for the first six months or so. Our house is loud, but we do pretty well.

edited to add, because my post seemed negative when I reread it: there are a lot of fun things, too.  The girls are super cute together. DD2 just started to say DD1's name, and it's adorable. And DD1 will sing to and hug DD2.  They are starting to play more together and they had crawling races before DD2 was walking. 

[holly116]

Oh I know all those feels! It will be okay, it is totally normal to be shocked. I cried and called Delta about postponing a booked trip to Europe before I told DH about our third baby lol. We had just had 2u2 and our second was 10 months old when I got a BFP for our third, I knew exactly what was coming and I was so scared. But it's okay! Now that baby is nearly 3 and we survived!

I told DH over the phone, he was in Canada for work and I needed his support. I vote tell your DH as soon as you're ready. And congrats! It will be okay, we're all here for you and you have nine months to get used to the idea.

[Deleted]

Wow, that must be quite a shock. I think it's okay to feel however you're feeling, like the others said. Take as long as you need to process. I would probably tell H right away, but I am impatient with big news.

[rugbywife]

How far apart would the kids be? Mine are 13 months (actually, a year and 5 weeks, to the day). It is doable.

[AlpineSlide]

hugs and congrats!
take some time to process. all of your feelings are valid.

[motzie]

I would be feeling like, what have I done?!? But I'm 30 weeks with #3 and I feel that way pretty much every day. I think even with perfect spacing (whatever that means!) it's just as hard for everyone for the first few months. And then it gets gradually easier and before you know it you've got it under control just as much as anyone does.

I wouldn't be able to wait two days to tell my H. It would eat me up too much and he'd want to know right away anyway.

[kath16]

Aug 26, 2016 9:39:47 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

How far apart would the kids be? Mine are 13 months (actually, a year and 5 weeks, to the day). It is doable.

About 18 months. Which actually is what my brother and I are and my Mom survived

[Yankees21]

Both congrats and hugs to you! It's ok to feel however you want to feel. I'm sure it's a big shock but you've got this!

[kdubs923]

You've got this! I mean, it will be insane for a while, but also awesome. I would not be able to wait to tell DH.

[awick14]

Congrats and hugs.

Getting a surprise BFP would be hard. But it's going to be ok. And no you don't have to tell him in person, unless you want to, that's up to you. I would call dh tonight, after work, and tell him if it were me. Sending so many sticky thoughts your way.

[hopecounts]

Anyway you feel is totally understandable.
It will be fine, I have a couple friends with kids with that spacing and while the early days were understandably crazy it turned out great and the kids love playing with each other and they are really happy with the spacing.

[Deleted]

You can feel however you want about this! All of it is valid. I wouldn't be able to wait to tell H, I'd need to process with him.

And like rugbywife said, I focused on trying to be excited and not how hard or crazy it will be. You can't fully prepare for what it will be like anyways! I had about a week where all I thought was "I'll have 3 under 2, I'll have 3 kids under 2yo" but then I realized obsessing about it or how hard it may be still wouldn't prepare me to actually do it. So, we just got excited and went with it.

[Deleted]

Congratulations! Feel however you want. What you are feeling will probably change every 15 minutes or so so try not to stress too much. I wouldn't be able to not tell DH but that is just me. Not because I felt that I owed him anything but just because I wouldn't be able to keep it in.

My last two are 22 months apart. It was a struggle but I feel like it was always a struggle at first because you are trying to establish your routine, you are sleep-deprived, and you are dealing with the physical/mental/emotional changes of having a baby. It is done all the time and you will be just fine.

[toutsuite]

My two are one year three days apart. I thought that it would be much worse - they are already best friends though. Now there have been difficult periods, but it hasnt been bad overall.

[Koala]

Congratulations and it's ok to feel however you want! I wouldn't be able to wait to tell DH, so I'd probably call.

[qcinoct]

Congratulations! I had 2u2 but my oldest was a bit older (22 mo). The first year was incredibly hard but now it's really good. They are each other's best friend.

[pennylane]

Congrats!