What's fair here?

[caitlinbree]

Spouse A is diagnosed with a health issue that can be reoccurring. Best line of defense in preventing the health issue again is to severely limit meat intake.

Should Spouse B also limit their meat intake, basically in solidarity, or should meals be prepared that can be served veg and non-veg for each of them as needed?

I get the feeling that this is about to become WWIII in my house, so I want to see what others think, and if my thinking is way out of line.

[thedutchgirl]

I think Spouse B can eat meat but may want to cut back some as well. I mean, every meal shouldn't be steak, potatoes, salad, and green beans, and Spouse A just has to skip the meat. There should be full vegetarian meals on the regular.

[janiejones]

Spouse B should only be put in the position of cutting back, while having meat served sideways to their meals.

That's how we do vegetarian in my house. Sometimes Dave eats veg with me, sometimes we eat entirely different things (just now he had a BLT, I had french toast) and sometimes we'll have the same but different - bean tacos for me, chicken or beef for him.

[MWOS]

Meals that can be served veg and non-veg. I don't think it's super difficult. It's taco night? Heat up a can of vegetarian refried beans while the meat is cooking. Spaghetti? Reserve half the sauce without meatballs or whatever.

[thebamker]

it would be nice of spouse B to do that, but I don't think it's a "should" type thing.

I'm thinking about if it was coffee and my husband couldn't drink it anymore, I wouldn't stop drinking it.

If it was a meat thing and I couldn't have meat, I would still make meat for my family and eat something else.

[lemonlyme]

I would hope he wouldn't expect me to limit my 'meat intake'lol for him-but when I cooked dinner I would make sure i made things he could eat too. Just like we do with foods one of us doesn't like. I still eat olives all the time and he hates them, he eats seafood and i dont like that.

[snipsnsnails]

Hmm, normally, I'd say that Spouse B should continue to eat meat, but that's typically in a vegetarian household, where one has chosen to go meat-free. This is a little different since Spouse A is not choosing to abstain from meat. I think I'd probably cut back on meat pretty substantially or maybe completely for right now until a balance can be figured out once Spouse A gets used to it, you know?

[-Moe-]

Who's A and who's B. That's my interest!

[flamingeaux]

Did spouse A enjoy meat as much as spouse B before this problem occurred? Meals should generally suit the needs of Spouse A, but A shouldn't expect B to only eat meat when they do. However said preparation and cleaning up after meat dish should be done exclusively by B.

[caitlinbree]

Okay, so I'm not totally out of my mind here.

H is spouse A, and needs to limit his meat intake. He has it in his mind that I should also be cutting out meat, instead of making meals that could be veg and non-veg.

I do the majority of the cooking, and his assumption is really bothering me. I'll be talking to him about it tonight, but I think he's going to get very defensive.

[snipsnsnails]

Is his diagnosis recent? How recent?

[snipsnsnails]

I would be bummed if I loved meat and found out I couldn't have it, but my DW was eating meat at the table with me. At least at first!

[MWOS]

If you've been pregnant, did he also spend that 9 months not drinking alcohol and caffeine or eating sushi, cheeses, lunchmeat, etc?

I wouldn't go around wearing a Lady Gaga meatsuit in front of him, but people, even married people, can have different diets and it's okay.

[caitlinbree]

Sept 9, 2012 9:42:00 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

I would be bummed if I loved meat and found out I couldn't have it, but my DW was eating meat at the table with me. At least at first!

He was diagnosed about 2 months ago.

While I agree with the above sentiment, I also have the added issue that I am a pretty picky eater. There are quite a few vegetables I eat, but the idea of going almost completely veg wigs me out.

He knows that I am a picky eater, and is still expecting this of me, which is probably part of my annoyance.

/cue judgement for me being a picky eater

[snipsnsnails]

Aww, I'd go easy on him - this is all still new to him!

Yeah, married people can have different diets, but it's only been 2 months.

I love meat, so I am feeling for the guy.

[litebright]

I don't think spouse B should have to adhere to spouse A's diet entirely.

I've recently developed a pretty severe lactose intolerance. DH has a much milder one and has had it for a long time. I didn't avoid most dairy-based cooking when he was the only one with an intolerance; I expected him to decide for himself whether he could eat a certain thing. I expect that I'll still keep cooking things that are milk/cheese rich for him and our kids -- I'm certainly not going to cut dairy out of the girls' diet just because I can't eat it. I'll just make something else for myself.

However, it does kind of stink to watch somebody else getting to eat things that you know you can't and you enjoy. I'm mostly okay with it, but I think some people would take the path of thinking "Why are you eating that in front of me, that's hurtful and unsupportive" and getting frustrated/resentful of the other person, rather than realizing they're really angry at the medical condition that is forcing them to change the way they like eat.

[snipsnsnails]

Most people (not all, but most) choose to become pregnant, so they anticipate certain dietary restrictions.

My thinking is based solely on the fact that this is not a choice he made.

[caitlinbree]

Maybe I'm not being as understanding because I've been working on losing weight, and he still eats all sorts of sweet things in front of me. lol

[saraandmichael]

I need to know which of the spouses does the cooking before I answer.

[saraandmichael]

I see you answered before I posted.

I think you can cut meat and make meals that can easily have a sub for your husband that needs to cut meat.

I don't eat most meat (I say that because I still eat fish) but I cook meat for my family. I just sub out the meat for something that accommodates my needs. Like, if I make tacos I use black beans instead of chicken or beef.

Since you are the cook in the house maybe you could do some research on good substitutes for meat and continue to cook like you normally would but do some extra prep for your husband to have the meatless option.

Also, maybe buy a vegetarian cookbook and throw some new stuff into your rotation.

[luvvy]

Sept 9, 2012 9:29:31 GMT -5 MWOS said:

Meals that can be served veg and non-veg. I don't think it's super difficult. It's taco night? Heat up a can of vegetarian refried beans while the meat is cooking. Spaghetti? Reserve half the sauce without meatballs or whatever.

it is possible to meat (lol) in the middle. We do something like this when SS is in town. (He is vegetarian.). It's takes a little more thought to meals, but it is possible to serve the meat as a side to the main meal.

[caitlinbree]

Sept 9, 2012 10:10:51 GMT -5 Que? said:

Sept 9, 2012 10:06:23 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Divorce him. Nobody stands between me and my bacon.

Oh shiiit, I forgot about bacon. Deal breaker.

Seriously though, he's asking a lot of you considering that you do the cooking. Is he doing any research on what his alternatives are or are you expected to figure this out?

Basically he's leaving it up to me. I do the meal planning and grocery shopping, so he's just kinda dropping this at my feet for me to deal with. I've tried to engage him in helping me come up with ideas for veg meals we would both like, but he's not really being helpful in that arena, which is an entirely separate issue all together.

[thedutchgirl]

If he won't help you come up with meals he's allowed to eat, and is just expecting you to do it all, I think I'd say fuck you and tell him he's on his own for meals.

[imoan]

Sept 9, 2012 9:53:40 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Most people (not all, but most) choose to become pregnant, so they anticipate certain dietary restrictions.

Yeah, but that's usually a mutual decision made by two parties.

[hubes]

I haven't been able to eat dairy in months and this house still manages to go through 6 gallons of milk a week and eat a shit ton of cheese.

If I make pizza, I still put cheese on it for everyone else (and make my own without cheese). I don't even really expect DH to cook dairy free. It's my issue, not his.

[peekay]

I would start in total solidarity with H, and then let a natural "drifting" occur as the weeks went by to settle into something sustainable for us both.

But I would def cut out the awesome meats, like no "hey, here's your spinach frittata next to my bacon cheeseburger". Especially because it's for health reasons.

modiefied to add.... I would totally still eat the awesome meats, just outside of the home or when H isn' around.

[magpie]

I guess my first response to all these posts, as a mostly vegetarian, is that most good vegetarian food is not a regular, meat-centered meal with the meat removed. Like standard spaghetti and meatballs with sauce, sans meatballs would be really lame and probably not really that healthy or fulfilling. When I make pastas, I make sure it has lots and lots of sauteed veggies in the sauce and maybe even fake meat meatballs, but you have to make sure that the yummy flavors/textures come from somewhere. I don't know, I guess I'm thinking that if it is going to be hard for your H to give up a lot of meat, it might help him to learn how to cook so that he can make himself some veggie deliciousness that doesn't make him feel deprived. I don't think you should have to go out of your way to cook for his special needs diet though you might find, with experimentation, some meatless meals that you both like.

In our house, I do all the cooking (H does dishes), so almost everything we eat is veg. H, who loves his meat, eats meat when we go out or when he grabs lunches out at work. We do cook meat at home when we bbq or something like that and he is in charge of cooking his steak. He has no complaints on the situation though because my cooking is pretty good. I wouldn't cook him meaty meals if he did have complaints though--he'd have to fend for himself, so I guess I'm like you in that I won't cook stuff that I'm not going to eat, just the opposite

[iamgrace]

Sept 9, 2012 9:46:04 GMT -5 MWOS said:

If you've been pregnant, did he also spend that 9 months not drinking alcohol and caffeine or eating sushi, cheeses, lunchmeat, etc?

I wouldn't go around wearing a Lady Gaga meatsuit in front of him, but people, even married people, can have different diets and it's okay.

This is exactly my line of thinking on the issue. It's not like he's 5

[mskitkat]

I occasionally have to go lactose-free for health reasons. When I do, all of our dinners are lactose-free, but that has a lot to do with being too lazy to cook multiple dinners. Far easier to just eat the same thing. When we go out, he is free to eat whatever, and I don't prevent him from keeping cheese and such in the house. It sucks, because I really love cheese and butter.

[Jermys]

If I were Spouse B, I would limit myself about half the time, but not always.