who does the cooking? when my mom was diagnosed with celiac disorder she was like "so, husband, i'm cooking gluten-free from now on. feel free to buy yourself non-gluten free snacks and bread."
ETA: i should've read the follow ups. in your situation, where you're the primary cook, he needs to start taking a larger role in meal prep and planning because, um, it's his health if he doesn't. but there's nothing wrong with you just doing whatever meat and meat-free and him dealing.
If you've been pregnant, did he also spend that 9 months not drinking alcohol and caffeine or eating sushi, cheeses, lunchmeat, etc?
I wouldn't go around wearing a Lady Gaga meatsuit in front of him, but people, even married people, can have different diets and it's okay.
This is exactly my line of thinking on the issue. It's not like he's 5
I think some people are severely underestimating the emotional impact that something like this can have. It's really hard to be told that you have to give up a major part of your diet forever. Food is way more than just food.
Try to be sensitive and reduce the amount of meat that you eat in front of him, especially his favorites, at least for a few months. He'll get used to it before too long and it will start not seeming like a big deal to him anymore.
I'm side-eyeing you for acting like reducing the amount of meat you eat, probably at just one meal per day (you can eat whatever you want for lunch and probably breakfast, right?), to help your husband ease into a medically required diet is some big burden.
I'm side-eyeing you for acting like reducing the amount of meat you eat, probably at just one meal per day (you can eat whatever you want for lunch and probably breakfast, right?), to help your husband ease into a medically required diet is some big burden.
We eat breakfast at home, and also pack leftovers for lunches, so if we go veg, all of our meals will end up being veg.
I understand it sucks for him. I truly do. And I'm more than happy to help transition, as well as cutting back on meat in general.
I'm just not okay with him expecting me to cut out meat because he is.
If you've been pregnant, did he also spend that 9 months not drinking alcohol and caffeine or eating sushi, cheeses, lunchmeat, etc?
I wouldn't go around wearing a Lady Gaga meatsuit in front of him, but people, even married people, can have different diets and it's okay.
Right??
I mean obviously you don't want to sit around and go nom nom nom I love meat, meat is good, don't you wish your food was meaty like mine, doncha?? But dude, I'm not cutting out meat completely. YWIA!
I had to cut carbs and sugars but still eat them within limitation. Is he meat-free or just reduced meat? I generally take one or two bites of whatever I'm craving if he or kiddo has some, just so I'm not doing completely without. (e.g. we went out to dinner last night to a steakhouse. DH ordered steak and I ordered grilled chicken because I'm trying to eliminate red meat (or at least substantially reduce my intake). He offered me a bite or two of his steak, which I refused because I had plenty of chicken. However, I was salivating over his loaded baked potato and the warm bread. I took a piece of the warm bread and had three bites to alleviate my carb craving and didn't touch his baked potato. Instead of a baked potato I had grilled vegetables; not quite as yummy as a loaded baked potato would have been in years past but as long as I was concentrating on what was on my plate it was more than satisfactory.
When I first started this a few weeks ago, DH was on board with following my dietary restrictions. We've not had problems converting from red meats but when we go out, we order what we please, and if I am grilling (or he is) then he can do his steak or burger while I have whatever I can tolerate (chicken, pork, gardenburger...)
The fact that he's not helping with meal-planning when it's his restriction is what would tick me off. He needs to do his own research rather than palming the meal-planning, as well as the dietary restrictions, all on you.
Eh, my sympathy for spouse A is limited especially if he's going to get defensive with his wife instead of compromising with her. We all have issues. You just deal the best way you can and don't expect people to cater to you.
I take pills with breakfast and dinner every day because I have to take said pills with food. Just because I have to eat breakfast doesn't mean my H has to eat breakfast as well. KWIM? I've been taking pills every day since I was 12 years old, so a total of 14 years twice a day. I will continue to do so until I die. I'm not defensive because no one else in my life does the same. I don't expect others to start taking pills to keep me company or make me feel better about my plight.
Spouse B can help him acclimate by limiting her intake of meat for 2 weeks to a month at the most. Spouse A is just going to have to deal with having his issue without people catering to him. If that means he eats different meals than his family or researches restaurants beforehand so he knows for sure they have a veggie only option that he'll like, so be it.
He needs to put his big boy pants on and hit the ground running in his new normal way of life. It's okay to whine and complain and air his feelings, of course. In the end though he needs to make the best of it.
signed, dealt with medical and physical health issues my entire life
The thing is, if you've never had to eat all veg then your vision of what a vegetarian lifestyle looks like is very limited. My H is like this, he literally thought a vegetarian lifestyle was basically just salad. Now that we're much more regimented about our meal planning I've challenged him to do a veg night and he was let down at first but now he loves it because it literally ever occurred to him that eggs are dinner foods too.
If someone told my H to cut out meat he would be a little pissy and childish about it too because he'd be like "well, I guess life just sucks now". Until I cooked a few interesting and delicious meals to help him see that it's not so bad, then I think he'd get on board with menu planning. But right now, OPs H is probably just like "I guess I just eat broccoli now, that sucks" and can't even see past that.
If someone told my H to cut out meat he would be a little pissy and childish about it too because he'd be like "well, I guess life just sucks now". Until I cooked a few interesting and delicious meals to help him see that it's not so bad, then I think he'd get on board with menu planning. But right now, OPs H is probably just like "I guess I just eat broccoli now, that sucks" and can't even see past that.
Yep. He's having a hard time dealing with something new. Cut him a little slack and try to be supportive.
I need to know, does he need to cut back or stop completely? What do the doctors mean by cut back? Is it just red meat or poultry too?
I think the early adjustment would be rough, but honestly, I would not expect my spouse to adhere to my health restrictions. My friend eat gluten free with her H, who has Celiacs, because I think in some ways it is just easier and he is so sensitive, I think there is a fear of contamination. But, she made that choice, I don't think he demanded it of her.
This is exactly my line of thinking on the issue. It's not like he's 5
I think some people are severely underestimating the emotional impact that something like this can have. It's really hard to be told that you have to give up a major part of your diet forever. Food is way more than just food.
Try to be sensitive and reduce the amount of meat that you eat in front of him, especially his favorites, at least for a few months. He'll get used to it before too long and it will start not seeming like a big deal to him anymore.
I'm side-eyeing you for acting like reducing the amount of meat you eat, probably at just one meal per day (you can eat whatever you want for lunch and probably breakfast, right?), to help your husband ease into a medically required diet is some big burden.
Ok, but if it's hard for him, then it's hard for her, too. It's a burden for both of them.
He's an adult. It's been two months. Stop the temper tantrum bull crap, be an adult and deal with life as it is handed to you.
I would have no patience for this OP. none at all.
Ditto.
I can't eat cake. Does that mean that my kid didn't get a birthday cake this year? I can't eat greasy foods. Does that mean my H can't eat french fries?
If I were in this situation, I would probably cook like normal, and make him a big old bowl of broccoli every night until he got over himself.
I think some people are severely underestimating the emotional impact that something like this can have. It's really hard to be told that you have to give up a major part of your diet forever. Food is way more than just food.
Try to be sensitive and reduce the amount of meat that you eat in front of him, especially his favorites, at least for a few months. He'll get used to it before too long and it will start not seeming like a big deal to him anymore.
I'm side-eyeing you for acting like reducing the amount of meat you eat, probably at just one meal per day (you can eat whatever you want for lunch and probably breakfast, right?), to help your husband ease into a medically required diet is some big burden.
Ok, but if it's hard for him, then it's hard for her, too. It's a burden for both of them.
But she can go order a giant steak at a restaurant. It is just a bit of support going through a difficult time. And I am happy my h was not all "well sucks to be you" when I was pregnant and drinking wine to my face at home.
He's an adult. It's been two months. Stop the temper tantrum bull crap, be an adult and deal with life as it is handed to you.
I would have no patience for this OP. none at all.
Ditto.
I can't eat cake. Does that mean that my kid didn't get a birthday cake this year? I can't eat greasy foods. Does that mean my H can't eat french fries?
If I were in this situation, I would probably cook like normal, and make him a big old bowl of broccoli every night until he got over himself.
But this is totally different than eating meat, no? Cake and greasy foods are once in awhile type things. When my H and I first moved in together he told me he literally could not think of a meat free dinner. And if his dinner didn't involve meat somehow, he feels like he didn't eat at all. Of course, he's over that now but that didn't happen overnight.
But yeah, I was all pro support your H until I caught the 2 month bit. You guys need to talk this out! And it is time for the big boy pants.
I'm with you. I just think that if you're going to highlight how hard it is to give up a beloved food, then she should get the same deference for doing the same thing. If she's acting like it's a burden, it's because it is. Doc was arguing that food isn't just food for him...I was just noting that the same is true for her.
I would be supportive until my grown ass adult H was basically like "it's your job to figure out what I can eat. I don't want to be bothered with the logistics". I feel like a lot of people are missing this fact. It's not like he's sitting there are all sad faced wide eyed and she's saying "fuck you... I have to have mah meetz!". It sounds like she WAS supportive until he decided to be a lazy man child.
I can't eat cake. Does that mean that my kid didn't get a birthday cake this year? I can't eat greasy foods. Does that mean my H can't eat french fries?
If I were in this situation, I would probably cook like normal, and make him a big old bowl of broccoli every night until he got over himself.
But this is totally different than eating meat, no? Cake and greasy foods are once in awhile type things. When my H and I first moved in together he told me he literally could not think of a meat free dinner. And if his dinner didn't involve meat somehow, he feels like he didn't eat at all. Of course, he's over that now but that didn't happen overnight.
But yeah, I was all pro support your H until I caught the 2 month bit. You guys need to talk this out! And it is time for the big boy pants.
I posted before that I can't eat dairy either. Absolutely no dairy. That is a huge thing for me. I'm from Wisconsin. I worked in a cheese factory, I want to be a dairy farmer. There are days that I would kill for a piece of sharp cheddar.
My family still eats dairy every day. I just can't. If I want to be healthy, I need to avoid it. It sucks, but I'm a big girl, and if I want to be healthy its what I need to do.
I still even cook with dairy. Okay, let's have pizza, Mommy gets her own cheese-free pizza. Okay, let's have scrambled eggs, Mommy gets hers over easy...
Post by Doc_Lobster on Sept 9, 2012 14:45:47 GMT -5
Yeah. A change like this, that no one wanted to make, is hard on both people. And the attitude of, "Why should I have to change? It's HIS problem, not mine!" is completely counterproductive and will absolutely not lead to him seeing the light and getting over it.
They both need an attitude adjustment, but digging in because she feels like he isn't handling it the right way isn't helping. He's not the enemy here. Find a way to work together on this.
CB, does he care if you eat meat when you are not with him?
I think you need to just talk to him and tell him that this is not something to solve on your own, he needs to now be active in meal planning. I don't think you should have to give up meat entirely and if you are a picky eater, he needs to seriously consider that, but it's not fair that he putting all of this on you. If you two work together, I am sure you can work something out.
And again, when you say he needs to cut back, what does that really mean?
CB, does he care if you eat meat when you are not with him?
I think you need to just talk to him and tell him that this is not something to solve on your own, he needs to now be active in meal planning. I don't think you should have to give up meat entirely and if you are a picky eater, he needs to seriously consider that, but it's not fair that he putting all of this on you. If you two work together, I am sure you can work something out.
And again, when you say he needs to cut back, what does that really mean?
He is having a problem with reoccurring gout. It seems that meat is the biggest trigger for him, so it needs to be cut way back, like 1-2x per week tops.
I agree about working together, and we will be having a come to Jesus talk about it tonight. As I stated before, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being unreasonable in not wanting to give up meat because he is.
I totally disagree she should alter what she eats and will go one step further and say if the situation were reversed (he cooked and wanted to eat meat, though he made her vegetarian options) no one would think he was out of line.
I totally disagree she should alter what she eats and will go one step further and say if the situation were reversed (he cooked and wanted to eat meat, though he made her vegetarian options) no one would think he was out of line.
I would! People, I made my husband quit wine during my pregnancies. I am THAT wife, lol. Well, he was allowed outside the home, regardless of me being there or not. But still. This was huge in our house, lol.
I totally disagree she should alter what she eats and will go one step further and say if the situation were reversed (he cooked and wanted to eat meat, though he made her vegetarian options) no one would think he was out of line.
I would too. Marriage is teamwork, if she were having a hard time cutting it out then I would totally say he should cut it back for her.
My H wanted to cut calories way back and he asked me to do it with him so that he isn't eating steamed veggies while I chow down on lasagna. He does take an active interest in our meal planning though so I guess that's the difference.
And yes, OPs H is being a brat. But being a brat in reverse and refusing to come to a sustainable balance that works for them both is childish and doesn't do your marriage any favors.
I totally disagree she should alter what she eats and will go one step further and say if the situation were reversed (he cooked and wanted to eat meat, though he made her vegetarian options) no one would think he was out of line.
I would! People, I made my husband quit wine during my pregnancies. I am THAT wife, lol. Well, he was allowed outside the home, regardless of me being there or not. But still. This was huge in our house, lol.
:Y: LIKE :Y:
It would honestly not even occur to me to give something up because DH did. I certainly didn't quit drinking when he had to (though I am good about reminding him to get edibles if we are having a party or going out and I know he will not want to be sober). I'm all about offering an alternative but I am not a sacrificer.
But this is totally different than eating meat, no? Cake and greasy foods are once in awhile type things. When my H and I first moved in together he told me he literally could not think of a meat free dinner. And if his dinner didn't involve meat somehow, he feels like he didn't eat at all. Of course, he's over that now but that didn't happen overnight.
But yeah, I was all pro support your H until I caught the 2 month bit. You guys need to talk this out! And it is time for the big boy pants.
I posted before that I can't eat dairy either. Absolutely no dairy. That is a huge thing for me. I'm from Wisconsin. I worked in a cheese factory, I want to be a dairy farmer. There are days that I would kill for a piece of sharp cheddar.
My family still eats dairy every day. I just can't. If I want to be healthy, I need to avoid it. It sucks, but I'm a big girl, and if I want to be healthy its what I need to do.
I still even cook with dairy. Okay, let's have pizza, Mommy gets her own cheese-free pizza. Okay, let's have scrambled eggs, Mommy gets hers over easy...
Sure, you're doing your thing and adjusting. Sound like the mature approach. But if you were struggling with it and asked your family to cut back and they refused, then I think that stinks.
And it's a totally different scenario when it's kids vs H. Your husband is your life partner, it's pretty much your job to support each other. If you needed him to, wouldn't he do it?
Post by pantsparty on Sept 9, 2012 15:54:09 GMT -5
I don't think OP should have to change what she eats when she is the one doing all the cooking and planning. Add more meat-free meals to the rotation? Sure! But I think it's crappy the spouse expects her to change everything.
My H has recently said he wants to eat healthier meals, so I plan on cooking accordingly. It's good for us. But no way am I giving up pizza night!
Spouse A is diagnosed with a health issue that can be reoccurring. Best line of defense in preventing the health issue again is to severely limit meat intake.
Should Spouse B also limit their meat intake, basically in solidarity, or should meals be prepared that can be served veg and non-veg for each of them as needed?
I get the feeling that this is about to become WWIII in my house, so I want to see what others think, and if my thinking is way out of line.
In general, the solidarity argument is bullshit. But spouse B should not expect spouse a to make two meals.