Sorry, I just don't do lying. You're not really sparing their feelings, you're avoiding your own consequences. And actively adding stress to your life. Nope. Not worth it. Let her deal with the truth. It's a THING.
Is there any remote chance of finding it? Like do you think it's somewhere lost in your house? That's the only way I would continue the lie. Otherwise, I think I would come clean and be HUGELY apologetic. Like a PP said, she may be hurt and sad, but she'll love you the same. I don't think it will be worth the hassle of recreating a ring in hopes she will be tricked into believing it's the original. I mean, would she even fall for that?
I recall the last time I had it, it was on my bathroom shelf that is over a garbage can. My DD often would pick stuff up from that shelf to look at it while I got ready in the morning. I remember once, she dropped a few things on the floor and I had to fish out something in the trash...I thought I got everything that dropped. Now I don't think that was the case.
I can check two more places, but I'm 99% sure that is where I last left it.
Is there any possibility your DD has the ring in her room? Not sure if you checked yet, but it's worth looking.
I recall the last time I had it, it was on my bathroom shelf that is over a garbage can. My DD often would pick stuff up from that shelf to look at it while I got ready in the morning. I remember once, she dropped a few things on the floor and I had to fish out something in the trash...I thought I got everything that dropped. Now I don't think that was the case.
I can check two more places, but I'm 99% sure that is where I last left it.
Is there any possibility your DD has the ring in her room? Not sure if you checked yet, but it's worth looking.
no, she was maybe 4-5 at the time, but I'll check.
See I am a classic avoider and if I know it means something special to someone, I will totally stress myself and lie to them about it rather than feel like I hurt their feelings. I feel like if they felt like I was important enough to give it me, I should have valued it more and I hate for someone to think I didn't do that. So I lie.
COME ON, you're not lying to spare someone's feelings. You're lying because you're an "avoider" like you said. That's on you.
OP, I would come clean. Shit happens and jewelry get lost. I bet you'll feel terrible if you have a replica made and your mom can't keep talking about it. Because you'll know it's just a replica and has no sentimental value.
Really? You guys think if silva's mom is already checking up on the whereabouts of this ring that she's just going to take the fact that it's lost on the chin and move on? I may be wrong, but I'm getting vibes that this would then transfer to the yearly-check-in-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-losing-the-ring.
DING DING DING!
I still get comments from her about things I have done wrong when I was younger.
So then that's on her for her poor behavior.
My mom would mention things I've done wrong as a kid. So what? The past is past. lol
AND like a PP said: this ring is a THING. You or your mom can't take it to the grave with you. What's more important is loving someone, and ignoring the character flaws. Life goes on without "things", KWIM?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Well, I must have a different relationship with my mom than some of you do, because I would not only come clean, but I would tell my mom to knock it the fuck off with the guilt over losing a THING. Shit happens. OP didn't throw it away on purpose, but shit fucking happens.
And my mom is a guilt-queen, Jewish mom. But I tell her to STFU when she's being ridiculous.
Is there any possibility your DD has the ring in her room? Not sure if you checked yet, but it's worth looking.
no, she was maybe 4-5 at the time, but I'll check.
Just to leave no stone unturned before the big fess-up to your mom.
When I was in 8th grade my little brother was 5 or 6. The morning of my last day of school I couldn't find my other uniform shoe which turned into my mom yelling at me for not keeping my room clean, misplacing things, etc etc. Turns out, my younger brother had taken it the day before and hidden it in his closest in some weird little kid rationale that it would be funny to take my shoe. Kids can be so quick and sneaky!
My mom would mention things I've done wrong as a kid. So what? The past is past. lol
AND like a PP said: this ring is a THING. You or your mom can't take it to the grave with you. What's more important is loving someone, and ignoring the character flaws. Life goes on without "things", KWIM?
Right, but does her mom know that?
If she didn't, I would certainly bring it up in the conversation. : )
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
BTW: I found a pearl ring of mine SEVEN YEARS after I had lost it. I had packed it in my suitcase when I was traveling in a jewelry bag. Somehow it worked its way loose and was stuck in those fabric pockets. I looked and looked for that damn ring to no avail, so I just gave up.
Seven years later it worked its way out of that pocket and walla! There it was--lying inside the suitcase when I was packing for a trip.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Man, I am not about to get punished by my mom as an adult because I lost a ring. I would say getting nagged in perpetuity by my mom because I lost something that she clearly didn't want to let go of in the first place would add a hell of a lot more stress to my life than a casual, "Eh, I just don't wear jewelry that much, Mom, but thank you for the ring," once in a while. If that's shirking consequences, so be it. Either way, it's a shitty situation her mom is putting her in, and I have sympathy for her. On one hand, she checks in and asks where a gift is, which is inappropriate. On the other, she makes you feel guilty over and over again for losing a gift. No thanks on the second option.
For the record, I would not have a replica made. That's too much for me.
I don't understand this. You're an adult. Set your boundaries. I've had people do this to me and I ask them kindly but firmly to drop it. Over and over again. And trust me, if you don't engage, they'll eventually drop it.
Man, I am not about to get punished by my mom as an adult because I lost a ring. I would say getting nagged in perpetuity by my mom because I lost something that she clearly didn't want to let go of in the first place would add a hell of a lot more stress to my life than a casual, "Eh, I just don't wear jewelry that much, Mom, but thank you for the ring," once in a while. If that's shirking consequences, so be it. Either way, it's a shitty situation her mom is putting her in, and I have sympathy for her. On one hand, she checks in and asks where a gift is, which is inappropriate. On the other, she makes you feel guilty over and over again for losing a gift. No thanks on the second option.
For the record, I would not have a replica made. That's too much for me.
I don't understand this. You're an adult. Set your boundaries. I've had people do this to me and I ask them kindly but firmly to drop it. Over and over again. And trust me, if you don't engage, they'll eventually drop it.
QFT.
SO MUCH YES TO THE BOLDED.
YOU ARE BOTH ADULTS. You both need to act like it.
It wasn't like the OP was walking down the street and dropped the ring down the storm drain . It was lost in the house somewhere and chances are the DD did something with it. Accidents happen. Admit to it and move on. End of replies. lol
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Stop causing yourself stress to spare someone else's momentary disappointment.
I do this too. It's codependent behavior. Don't put other people's feelings above your own. Tell your mom the truth, let her be disappointed, and then move the fuck on with your life.
I feel like that needs to be repeated.
You can't control other people's reactions -- emotions or actions -- only your own.
So you have a choice here; lie or tell the truth.
Ignoring your mother's reaction here, what feels like the right thing to do? What does your conscience tell you? Your mother is going to do what your mother does either way, so do what you feel is the right thing to do. You can apologize of course, but it was an accident, and she's going to have to deal with her feelings about it --that's not your responsibility.
I don't understand going so far just to avoid hurt feelings. Hurt feelings happen in life and we deal with it and move on. It was an accident. It was lost. It happens.
I don't understand going so far just to avoid hurt feelings. Hurt feelings happen in life and we deal with it and move on. It was an accident. It was lost. It happens.
And the mom is still going to ask about that damn ring at every Christmas.
I don't understand going so far just to avoid hurt feelings. Hurt feelings happen in life and we deal with it and move on. It was an accident. It was lost. It happens.
And the mom is still going to ask about that damn ring at every Christmas.
And not only THAT, which means OP is going to have to remember the lie she used but ALSO, if she ever stumbles on the lie and her mom finds out she's been lying for 2, 3, 15 YEARS? She's going to be SO MUCH more upset and hurt.
Like PP said, just rip the damn bandaid off already!
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
You guys are mental with the lying and blaming your children. You know, preferring an attractive lie over the truth is how we got Cheeto. Lol.
Well, to be fair, if I were to be honest (and honestly I probably wouldn't with my mother - I'd truly never live it down), I'd give the history that the last time I saw it was on a shelf where my daughter had been found playing. Not like "hey mom, I totally watched in horror as daughter flushed your beautiful ring down the toilet."
Well, to be fair, if I were to be honest (and honestly I probably wouldn't with my mother - I'd truly never live it down), I'd give the history that the last time I saw it was on a shelf where my daughter had been found playing. Not like "hey mom, I totally watched in horror as daughter flushed your beautiful ring down the toilet."
You would choose to implicate your innocent daughter rather than take responsibility for your actions? What can I say? I just don't understand.
What? She said she last saw the ring on a shelf and that she also saw her daughter playing on or near the shelf. What are the actions I'd be avoiding responsibility for?
Idk, silva 's little white lie is the reason Cheeto is our president? We have truly gone full circle here people.
I'd just say that your DD misplaced it. Honestly, save yourself from hearing the guilt trip everytime you guys talk about it. My mom has lied about a piece of jewelry my grandmother got her for YEARS and will only wear it if my grandma comes down..which is once every 5 years I'd say.
Why is everyone breaking out in hives in here? lol
I couldn't keep the lie going, I'd have to tell her. And don't make it deeper by saying a stone fell out, it's at the jewelers, omg!
My dad, may he rest in peace, made me a piece of jewelry after my grandma died with her ring. It's absolutely hideous, wait for it:
W W A D
It's drop letters, What Would Anna Do, LOL. The diamonds are in the letters. He was SO proud of it. And truly we loved how she lived life and it's not bad to ask what would she do in a situation, but I've never worn it. And this is reminding me that I should have it made into something I would wear!
Can the letters be cut out and made into a pendant? I think it would be a neat necklace.