YES It gets better. Not as fast as you want, but it gets better. Much, much, much better. At your stage I wondered if having a kid was the worst mistake I'd ever made. I loved her but I would have gone back 10 months in a heartbeat. (and if deep down you aren't certain you love the baby, don't worry. that is also normal. DH said he didn't love her yet. But he did and I could see it all over his face even if he couldn't). Now it was my best decision ever.
I'm sorry. It does get better. I was totally overwhelmed after my DD was born. She wasn't gaining enough at first, and even when she improved I continued to feel like I had no clue what I was doing. I obsessively tracked her intake and constantly snapped at my H for not feeding her the second she made a squeak. I constantly washed bottles immediately after they got dirty and fought with my H for leaving them a whole hour before washing them. I cried almost every day for a month. I think the turning point for me was around 3 months, but like pps said, it depends on the baby too. My H was very patient with me but I'm in no hurry to do it all again.
Post by chickadee77 on Jan 31, 2017 5:32:34 GMT -5
It gets so, so much better.
Tons of good advice here; my game-changing moment was when I shifted my expectations. I just told myself, "Self, this sucks for now. Plan on NO sleep; that way whatever I get is a gift." Sounds dumb, but we had zero help, so I had to do what I could to survive.
You can do this. You ARE doing this, and you're doing great. Remember that your baby doesn't know what he's doing, either. His expectations are lower than yours.
Thank you everyone. Its 2:30am. He gave us a 4 hour stretch that time and I was able to let H sleep through that wakeup. I keep telling myself just one day at a time.
Also, I got outside, even in the cold, nearly every day. Made such a difference, I could tell the days I didn't.
I was just thinking this. I had a bundle me that I placed into the stroller for DS1 and we would walk around neighborhood. Not sure if you have limitations but just sitting some could help.
Oh, it gets better. I cried so much during maternity leave because it was just me - all the time - while my husband went to work. It was Groundhog Day and overwhelming.
My baby is now five months with big smiles and laughs. She sleeps reliably, eats less often and is cute as a button. It's different now as I'm back to work, but there's more balance between old me and new me.
Vent all you need. I wish I did more... I felt like that time not being rosey was my dirty little secret.
She's 6.5 now so we made it. It sucked though. I'm still a little scarred from those first 3-4 months lol. You've gotten great advice in here-Ellie had a witching hour as well and once I was so frustrated I put a fan on super high (it was summer) and held Ellie up to it to see if the cool blowing air would do...something? Obviously I wasn't thinking clearly. ❤️❤️❤️
Also, I got outside, even in the cold, nearly every day. Made such a difference, I could tell the days I didn't.
I was just thinking this. I had a bundle me that I placed into the stroller for DS1 and we would walk around neighborhood. Not sure if you have limitations but just sitting some could help.
Getting outside is huge. I always felt like my babies slept better when they got fresh air during the day - whether that meant sleeping during a walk or sleeping shortly after we came inside. Plus, you'll feel better too, even just with a short, slow walk.
The first 2 months are so hard, especially with the first. And you have been through two traumatic events! Take it one feeding at a time, one day at a time. Celebrate the little victories, and please ask for help if you need it. It's ok to not be ok.
It gets so much better. Believe it or not, you will look back on this time and miss having a newborn (sometimes not haha)
you are doing a much better job than you think. promise.
I hated (HATED) the newborn stage. It was so isolating. It gets better. The older my kid gets the more I like him.
You can do this. You ARE doing it. And you're doing it on top of everything else you had to deal wit post-partum! You rock. And your H rocks, too. You got this.
And don't file for divorce or murder your husband in the dark. You may want to. But don't. In daylight, you may reconsider.
I was going to post this same thing! I was going to say it does get better, but the first few months are similar to the 7 stages of grief- except the seven stages of new baby include looking at your partner and wondering, WHY did I ever marry this person, let alone find them attractive or interesting or funny or smart? I hate them. I want them to leave, or I want to leave and never come back. And then, miraculously, around that time, you may get a good night's rest. I find the two often coincide.
You're in the thick of it now- but it does get better. Every little milestone you will think to yourself, this is the best age yet! And then another month goes by and your kid gets more and more awesome. But the first few months? They are so so hard (and for the record, I've got two, and even though we knew going into the second one the reality of it all, it still sucked. But the gift of experience was we knew the pain was only temporary which helped us hold onto our sanity a bit better. I still did storm out one night and go to a midnight screening of Wolf Of Wall Street, though. Turns out, it wasn't the pick me up I needed.)
It gets better, but if you need help beyond just internet hugs, then ask for it. No shame in that game. You've had a hell of a time.
It absolutely does get better. I promise. You've gotten some excellent words of encouragement here, but let me add:
Do not beat yourself up if you don't love this. Don't feel bad if you're miserable and longing for you pre-baby life. It doesn't mean that you're not a good mom, and it doesn't mean that you don't love your baby. There is nothing wrong with you if you're worried you ruined your life right now. That is normal. And I needed to hear that when I was in your place. You're all going to be just fine and you'll be able to look back on this time and say, "Wow, that sucked, but we made it and it's awesome now." Hugs to you, friend.
It does get better. Reach out for help. Even if it's just to have someone do the laundry and watch crappy tv with you for a hour or two. Or have someone take you to the mall to just walk around. I did that a lot b/c it was July and too damn hot to be outside.
I second the idea of fresh air. DH would get home around 4:30 and E's witching hours basically started at 5 and went until 10pm. The only thing that calmed her was walking around the backyard or the boob. So DH did a lot of laps outside so she could look up at the sky/clouds.
And really no one knows what they are doing. Babies are assholes and they won't remember anyway. I remember posting in the beginning that I swore DH and I would never sleep in the same bed again b/c she would only sleep on one of us and we were taking shifts in the recliner.
Post by sandyapples on Jan 31, 2017 8:33:02 GMT -5
It gets better. Ditto what pps said, ask for help if you need it. Have you read The Happiest Baby on the Block? That was a game changer with DD1.
This will pass. I've learned I'm not that much of a baby person. I always thing people who love the newborn stage are nuts. It's hard, but it slowly gets better. Hugs fs
You are in the trenches right now. It gets better! The first few months with DS1 are such a blur. I know it's cliche but try to sleep when the baby does - even an hour nap a day makes a huge difference.
ETA: It seems like early evening hours are witching hours for a lot of babies. So maybe enlist help at this time so you can tag team. Also, the 5 Ss and baby wearing can help a lot too.
And don't forget my DD is the exact age as your baby so feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk! Especially in the middle of the night (because I'll be awake too!).
My mantra when he was tiny, and I felt like an absolute failure: Better than a meth addict. You're present. You're trying. You're doing your best. That's all good stuff.
the beginning is awful, especially with the first child. I had a lot of anxiety and regret. WHY DID I DO THIS. I loved my baby of course, but that doesn't seem to matter so much. It's not "I don't want her" its more .. I don't want "this".
Lack of sleep makes everything worse.
I think around 6 weeks I started feeling a bit more normal and it just gradually got better from there. I mean, it's always hard, and the sleep can suck for a long time but it just seems more tolerable as they get older and your hormones level out.
Don't hold in the emotions. Ask for help. Ask for drugs if you feel you are reaching a breaking point. I agree with getting outside. I tried to go for a walk every day and it helped.
This will pass. There is much joy ahead. It seems far away now but you'll get there. I hope you feel better soon.
((@fs)) It gets better. The first few weeks were pretty much a haze for me - my anxiety was off the charts and I dreaded the sun going down because I knew it would get 100x worse (and of course she is a December baby, so it got dark at, like, 4:30). I made the mistake of chalking up what I was experiencing to "baby blues" and soldiered through, waiting to feel better, until I finally sought help at 4 months PP. So please, if you are feeling more overwhelmed than you think is normal, don't be afraid to reach out to your OB or a therapist, especially considering all you've gone through so far. It's so, so normal and so, so unnecessary to suffer needlessly.
Other than that, I agree that seeing the first smiles was a turning point. L ate every two hours around the clock for her first two or three months AND she was a reflux baby, so I really only slept in 60-90 minute increments, and every Saturday night H took over out in the living room so I could attempt to sleep all night in the bedroom with the door closed and the fan running. I had so many moments of "WHY did we do this?" but then six weeks rolled around and she was looking at me one afternoon and her eyes crinkled and her little mouth hitched up at the corner, and for the rest of the day I could see her working the two together. By the next day she was really smiling, and it felt much more worth it then. And it really did get better from there; eventually she slept in longer stretches and we worked out that we were putting her to bed too late (6pm was the magic hour for us) and following the EASY method really worked for me/us, as well. You and Baby W will pave your way, too, I promise. Hang in there, and be kind to yourself. <3
People kept telling us that it would be so much better by 3 months. Which, at 4 or 5 weeks, felt like an eternity. We couldn't imagine surviving another 8 weeks, especially since DS had a 4 or 5 hour witching hour every night.
But then the lactation consultant I was seeing shared that it's like a bell curve - that everything will be so much better by 3 months, but it isn't a switch that flips at 3 months, starting around 6 weeks it starts to get better, and will slowly keep improving until it really does feel so much better around 3 months. Then it starts to really get fun around 4 months.
We are about to hit 6 months, and I feel like it is a million times easier. I know that feels so far away right now, but you are already on the road to it getting easier, and before you know it, it will be so much better.
Get outside-that helped DS tremendously. It also helped me too-the change of scenery was nice. Also, if you need to take a couple minutes to decompress, do it. Put the baby in the crib and get outside. Take 5 minutes to just breathe if it gets overwhelming.
It gets better! You're in the trenches of the hardest part. Accept all help, call people for support during the long days while your H is at work/have friends or family come to you for visits. Don't worry about your H's sleep. My H had similar problems (and he still got up in the middle of the night to feed DS because that's what parents do).
The first 2 months were hard; super hard (for me) and then I got into a groove, stopped BFing and DS started sleeping somewhat better. And it was around then that I started taking walks with DS 4-5x/week. Just getting outside helped my mood and DS'.