If you had a rough pregnancy

[noodleoo]

Did it affect your decision about if/when to have more kids? H and I both want 2 kids. DD is turning 2 and people keep asking me when we are going to have a second. We are thinking about it and talking about it and actually I think H is ready.  But I had a pretty horrible pregnancy (and delivery and awful time breastfeeding for the first 6 months). So while I really want DD to have a sibling and another baby, I can't seem to get over my dread of going through that again. It was basically almost 1.5 years of misery and pain for me. Which sounds awful, but it is true. Part of me keeps thinking that I just need to get it over with. But the other part of me thinks I can't do it, especially since this time I know how awful it will probably be. Last time I kept hoping my morning sickness would end soon, but it ended up lasting almost my entire pregnancy. It doesn't help that I turn 38 this week, so i don't have the luxury of waiting much longer to decide. 

[lemoncupcake]

I was really sick last time - the actual vomiting was mostly managed by daily Diclegis, but I still had pretty intense nausea all day until 14-15 weeks. It took until nearly 30 weeks for me to feel good off meds.

Unfortunately it wouldn't really be any easier unless our first was significantly older (able to take care of herself, potty trained, make her own food, etc.) so we decided to bite the bullet and I'm newly pregnant. Assuming all goes well, I'll squeak in to the 2u2 category. I'm still feeling normal, so I'm working on sticking the freezer with meals to get us through the rough patch that will likely come. It will suck, but hopefully it will pass and she won't remember it.

[beefjerky]

It definitely played a role in my thoughts but didn't prevent us from moving forward with #2 (or #3). All three of my pregnancies were different - with #1 I had polyhydraminos, pubic symphysis disorder, and various other shit. I went 41 + 3 days, had a failed induction and emergency section that my husband almost didn't get to see because it was so crazy. Ended up with complications from the section and baby in the NICU for week for breathing issues and an infection. So, while I definitely had second and third (and fourth) thoughts it didn't stop us from trying again. 

[longtimenopost]

My experiences have been a bit different, but each time I kept thinking we'd be able to do things to make the next one better/healthier. Each time, we discovered in different ways how little control we actually had, but the outcomes did get better. We knew we wanted at least 2 living children, so we kept going. I actually think we have a recipe for success now, but we are likely done for other reasons.

Is there anything specific you can do to mitigate the issues you had last time?

[sapphireblue]

My first pregnancy wasn't really rough except I had a subchorionic hematoma. When I was pregnant with our second, several of the medical professionals we dealt with were surprised we tried for a second with that kind of complication the first time. But there was nothing like that with our second!

I will say that with my second, I was much more nauseous and miserable with morning sickness than with my first and I have heard a lot of people say there is so much variation between pregnancies in terms of "morning" sickness.

About your experience breastfeeding--I had a really hard time breastfeeding and pumped a LOT and hated it. This time around I told my SO before she was born that I was not going to stress myself out like that again. It colored a lot of my maternity leave and when I look back on that time I have a lot of negative memories of the stress of the pumping (and only getting an ounce or two most of the time). She is getting only formula and I am SO happy that the pumping isn't an issue!

I know breast milk is best and so it is understandable if you want to do it again but making that resolution for myself has really helped this time around be easier.

[patches31709]

We're going through this decision now. DD is almost 2, but she was born 9 weeks early after I spent 3 weeks in and out of the hospital in pre-term labor. Basically, my pregnancy was pretty easily, until it wasn't. We were very lucky that despite being so early, DD essentially had no issues. Fear is definitely making us question if we want another.

[mekia]

I had an easy pregnancy the 1st time around, but the labor wasn't pleasant.

I struggled with my 2nd pregnancy though, we had no AC and I was in the 3rd trimester in the middle of the summer. Overall it wasn't fun and my epidural failed.

I don't think I can go through another pregnancy. I felt terrible for a few days after delivery too (worst headache ever, probably hormonal though).

I breastfed both times and now I'm not- I feel so liberated. I told H that if we have a 3rd, I'd not want to breastfeed since it takes a toll on my body.

The major reason why we're stopping at 2 is because I don't want to be pregnant again.

[liveintheville]

My first pregnancy was awful. I was on zofran the entire time and had the worst heartburn. I had to sleep sitting up. Turns out pregnancy had given me a bleeding ulcer. The pain was incredible. It wasn't caught until 5 days pp. it was at least 10 times more painful than giving birth. The Motrin you're given pp had inflamed it. I had no intention of going through that again. Oh and I had gd.
In the end we wanted a second. We decided to try 2 months before L turned 2. Making them 2.5 years apart. I was terrified. But they put me on nexium and zofran immediately. I was tested positive for gd at 10 weeks. Started meds Immediately. Pregnancy was still tough but having previous issues addressed immediately helped a lot. So if you know what you're in for you can do a bit of prep work to help right away.

[grover]

Not really? My rough pregnancy did make me decide for sure not to breastfeed though. I'm pumping and supplementing, though its mostly formula now at 6.5 weeks.

If my labor wasn't as "easy" as it was, then that plus the rough pregnancy would have changed things.

[raangoli]

May 8, 2017 13:00:47 GMT -5 patches31709 said:

We're going through this decision now. DD is almost 2, but she was born 9 weeks early after I spent 3 weeks in and out of the hospital in pre-term labor. Basically, my pregnancy was pretty easily, until it wasn't. We were very lucky that despite being so early, DD essentially had no issues. Fear is definitely making us question if we want another.

Same. Frankly, I feel like we've been lucky to even have BB. My first pregnancy ended in an MMC, and BB was born 9 weeks early with no warning what so ever. She's been fine thus far, but I feel like that can always change (maybe/maybe not).

We were always going to be one and done, but if we weren't, I don't think I'd want to try for a third time. 

[sunshine608]

I was really sick my first pregnancy and throughout the entire thing, I said I was done. DH had left for an overseas assignment the week before I found out and missed my entire 1st Tri and most of the 2nd. I ended up moving back in with my parents and there were weeks where they had to drive me to and from work b/c I was so sick. When DH came back I was in the good stage- good delivery and pp experience. It still took me a year to even process trying again. I was so worried about being that sick with a child to care for.

We finally decided to try and neither of expected it though and here I am. This was one was just as rough in the beginning if not more so b/c of DS and then H was actually around. I've finally reached a good spot ( knock on wood). I have always wondered if H was around to see how sick I was, if he would have as ok with a second. He really struggled.

ALso, both times mine A/s have not been the best experiences. I was really dreading this one with the possibility of getting not so good news. In the grand scheme, its not bad news but it is anxiety producing and has made me re-think going through the sickness and anxiety again.

[littlemisssunshine]

I'm struggling with the same thing right now. I have a 9 month DD and always wanted two kids close together. But I had a rough first tri with morning sickness, and a breech baby with a c/s. I'm going to have to have another c/s as my hospital doesn't do VBACs. DD was also a clingy, colicky mess the first 4 months. She screamed for hours until 4 months, and didn't truly sleep through the night until 6 months. She also wanted to be held 24/7 by me only, hated my H and anyone else for that matter. I can picture myself with a toddler and a 6 month old, but the journey to get there scares me. I don't know if I have it in me to do a pregnancy and a newborn all over again.

[macmars45]

I had a semi-rough pregnancy. There were maybe 2-3 weeks where I felt cute/pregnant & good and wasn't having diarrhea every day from the UTI meds because the uti wouldn't go away, food besides the BRAT diet/other bland foods stayed in, hypertension hadn't reared his head and as far as we know DS was healthy. I'm on anti-seizure meds that increase the chance of heart problems, spina bifida etc etc etc in developing babies. And once DS was born he ended up in NICU due to low blood sugar where the NICU dr told us at 4:30am that because DS' head is so small there might be something wrong with his brain. We'd been awake 23 hours at that point. And I'd just given birth. DS has a small head because small heads run in my family. So the only thing not terrible about it all (besides DS himself), was the relatively easy L&D induction I had. DS was born roughly 10 hours after pitocin was started.

H and I just discussed a few weeks ago (right before DS turned 1) what we want to do next. I said IF there was a safer med that I could be on I'd entertain being pregnant again. Otherwise we are adopting a second or we're OAD. Honestly we both feel (as of now), that being OAD doesn't sound too bad. We'll discuss again in a few more months.

ETA: BFing was hard and painful and so was pumping. Neither ever got easier or less painful and I cried a lot. We combo fed from the start. DS was exclusively bottle fed by 2 months & EFF by just shy of 4 months. IF we do this again that child will be EFF from the beginning. I feel like I missed out on most of DS' first months because I was always in pain, BFing, pumping or sleeping.

GL with whatever you decide.

[spunbutterfly]

I had/have hyperemesis gravidarum. My mother had it, my grandmother had it. It's pretty much a genetic condition in my family it would seem. It sounds like you have HG too? I was throwing up pretty much 10x a day even without eating much of anything for my first pregnancy, but I lost 30-35lbs with my second pregnancy and after giving birth was at my pre-pregnancy weight.

I don't want to be the bringer of bad news, but all the women I know who have HG had it with their subsequent pregnancies. Some people don't have it again. But I find that to be the exception. The second pregnancy was much harder cause I had to be conscious enough to take care of a 3.5 year old. He got a lot of screen time next to me while I napped and vomited. At one point, he started mimicking my vomiting by running for the bathroom to pretend and I almost cried.

My husband is now snipped and we are done. My desire for a second child was greater than my fear of being sick, but I won't do it again. Not ever.

[thecatinthehat]

I had a very easy first pregnancy and newborn--despite ending in an emergency c-section. But this next one (actually my 3rd pregnancy as I miscarried my second)--has been rough on me. First trimester was horrible (I had almost daily migraines, terrible vomiting--but not bad enough to be HG, etc). Second trimester was better, but in the 3rd tri I am having so much joint pain issue, where some mornings I am in so much pain getting out of bed and moving around for the first 30 mins, on top of gestational diabetes! I am 99% sure this will be my last one. I know this is a little morbid to say but if something happens to her between now and the birth, its probably the only reason I will want to get pregnant again. My husband doesn't want to see me "suffer" through a pregnancy again. If that happens I would probably quit working for the entire duration to just really focus on myself. It was hard working this time, I had to take breaks from it during first tri and now I will be done working at 33 weeks--two more weeks! I am fortunately to be able to do that. I really want to have 2, for DS to have a sibling so I would do it again if I have to.

[noodleoo]

spunbutterfly , I didn't have HG but I was nauseous/threw up for almost my entire pregnancy. I lost a lot of weight during my first trimester, but I did end up gaining after that. But I seriously threw up at least once a day every day for the first 24 weeks, and then it was a few times a week. I even threw up while driving a few times. That was insane.

After DD was born, I had chronic plugged ducts for 5.5 months. Like 2 plugged ducts a day. It finally improved when DD started solid foods. I have already decided if we have a second and I get plugged ducts I'm just going to wean. But I imagine the weaning process will be hard too. No matter what, I know it will be painful.

I don't even think I am really considering not having a second. Unless we just keep putting it offf until it is too late. DD is so good right now, it is really hard to think about starting over with a newborn. Or dealing with the sickness while having a toddler. I used to pretty much lived on the couch when I wasn't at work during my pregnancy. I don't know what we are going to do.

[sunshineluv]

noodleoo, My pregnancy sounded similar to yours (I didn't have the nursing struggles but I did have PPD). I threw up the whole nine months. I had a lot of the same concerns as you for the 2nd. Honestly, if it weren't for DH really wanting a second, I may have talked myself out of it.

But I did get pregnant again, and I did hate pregnancy again, it was similar both times. There were a lot of afternoons that we all came home from work and DH and DS played in the living room while I laid on the couch. DH def had to step it up in taking care of DS and the house.

All that being said, totally worth it.

[noodleoo]

May 8, 2017 15:32:56 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

noodleoo , My pregnancy sounded similar to yours (I didn't have the nursing struggles but I did have PPD). I threw up the whole nine months. I had a lot of the same concerns as you for the 2nd. Honestly, if it weren't for DH really wanting a second, I may have talked myself out of it.

But I did get pregnant again, and I did hate pregnancy again, it was similar both times. There were a lot of afternoons that we all came home from work and DH and DS played in the living room while I laid on the couch. DH def had to step it up in taking care of DS and the house.

All that being said, totally worth it.

Yeah, I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it. I will have to have a frank conversation with H about how much help I will need.  And maybe get used to the idea of a lot of tv for DD between when I get her and H gets home. There is a small part of me hoping for a miracle that the second pg will be different but most people who were sick like I was said it got worse with each pregnancy. If we do have 2, we will definitely be done! 

[YahYahs]

My first pregnancy sucked for so many reasons (well, the real first one was a m/c. The next one was successful but we lost her twin in the 2nd tri, then I had pre-e, then DD1 had to go to the ER for jaundice, and we had trouble BFing, etc. etc. etc.). We did the "hurry up and get it over with" method before I was able to give it too much thought - I got pregnant again when she was 11mo.

The other pregnancy was textbook and easy. The rough first full pregnancy still contributed to me not wanting a third child though, for sure.

[lolo]

I needed some time to recover from DD's birth--pre-e, an induction, awful start to nursing, bottle refuser, unplanned resignation from my job, lots of pp anxiety.

DS was born when DD was 3.5. I did a lot of things differently postpartum and was more knowledgeable about the how tos as well as my own limits and preferences. It was an incredibly different pp experience.

[noodleskooze]

If it helps, mine will be almost 4 years apart because my first pregnancy was so miserable. This second pregnancy, I've hardly had any nausea at all! I have been slower and in more pain, but I'm sure that has to do with being older and having a child to deal with this time around.

[jewel]

I had a difficult pregnancy and newborn, and it definitely changed my plans on having a 2nd. Initially, I wanted to try after a year, but my child was still very difficult and knowing how miserable I was while pregnant and working, I just couldn't do it. We were lucky to have the luxury of frozen embryos, so I wasn't worried about getting too old.

Once he was SSTN and generally better at entertaining himself, we talked about going forward with #2. My kid is 2.5 and I'm newly pregnant now. I'm expecting to be miserable again soon, but at least my kid STTN, can play alone for periods of time, and loves TV. I am setting the bar SUPER low on parenting and house stuff, for the next year.

Had I not had such a hard pregnancy and newborn, though, I would have probably gone forward with another one a year earlier, or more.

[loira]

Yes, it definitely factors in to our (99% sure) decision to remain OAD.

I had a history of both early and late loss, a traumatic first delivery, and a very difficult pregnancy with my 2nd DD that included mild HG, placenta previa, bed rest for a shortened cervix, and an IUGR baby. I had an elective c-section and that went well, but the newborn experience was also very trying. My DD failed to gain weight, I developed PPA, and had a lot of problems breastfeeding. I really have no desire to be pregnant or go through the newborn phase ever again, even though I know both are for a limited time.

I think that if the desire to have another ever outweighed my fear and reluctance, we might consider another, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

[estrellita]

I wouldn't say my pregnancy with E was completely horrible, but I did stress a ton about the spotting I had and GD frustrated me. Birth and recovery was what made me question doing it again. 3rd degree tear made recovery that much more fun and I was extremely depressed after the issues we had BFing (or lack of). I always knew I wanted more than one kid but after all that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to feel that way again.

This time though, I know what to expect. I'm going to do some things differently and I know things will be ok if it doesn't work out the way I hoped.

I also tell myself every pregnancy/baby is different, and I try to focus on the future. I'd prefer that E has at least one sibling to get through life with So if I have to suffer a little, so be it. We'll all be ok!

[Deleted]

My pregnancy wasn't terrible, but the mag sulfate resistant postpartum pre/eclampsia I developed and seizure I had because of it was really really awful. I have a 25% chance of it happening again with subsequent pregnancies, and its definitely made my H and me reconsider our desire for 3 biological children since this was just our first.

I'm really struggling with it.

[isabel]

My pregnancies have been hard for different reasons. They have also been complete opposites. I guess I'm just saying that I'm not sure one pregnancy really dictates what the next will be like, as mine could not have been more different. So, there's that. It probably doesn't help much, but fingers crossed that the next one is better.

[L]

Didn't really effect me, I had 4 high risk, miserable pregnancies...however having a horribly colicky baby (#2) definitely had DH & I saying never again over & over. Well #3 was an oops & we tried for #4. I didn't have easy pregnancies, get pg particularly easily (except for DD 3) nor easy babies...I'm just a stubborn and determined. I always wanted 4+

[jaime183]

Yes
I originally had wanted 2 year spacing but after a tough pregnancy of hg the entire time and spd, having to cut back working early then ppd, nursing issues resulting in EPing I was not ready at that point
We knew we wanted 2, prepared for me to be very sick again plus having a toddler. I was sicker and ended up with GD the second time.
Decided to plan a tubal before leaving the hospital after #2
Glad that stage is over

[stretchad]

I have a giant mental block over #2 thanks to infertility (ds is an IVF baby) placenta previa, short cervix risk and a host of other scares throughout my pregnancy, plus ds was a preemie (due to my previa) and I don't think I can go through all that again.

[barefootcontessa]

I had to have IV hydration for each of my pregnancies and also suffered with terrible exhaustion until 16-18 weeks. I knew I wanted a bigger family and did not have a lot time biologically speaking so we just moved forward knowing it would be hard but finite. My youngest just turned four and all of that is a faded memory now.