Article on successful black family and racism

[cookiemdough]

I think it is a good illustration of the added stress we carry for ourselves and loved ones despite our accomplishments.

www.dallasnews.com/news/news/2017/02/05/successful-black-family-everything-america-said-struggles-racism

[isabel]

Thank you for sharing that.

[redheadbaker]

Thank you for sharing.

[WOT?*]

Wow.
I mean, I know this, mentally and emotionally, we've talked about it, watched the videos of celebrities getting pulled over, residents tailed throughout their neighborhoods, and so on, but to see it in words is always powerful, painful and shameful that we're *still* here. Reading it makes my heart hurt, and this is something I'm able to gloss over and not have to think about as a white person. I could *never* imagine having to call my husband to tell him to sleep at his office. Not in a million years would I have those sorts of worries. My worries about my son driving was never getting pulled over but him being an idiot and getting into an accident; never did I worry about a police officer pulling him over and pulling out a gun because of his skin.
I wish I could get others to read and understand that racism is everywhere around us, even if *we* personally don't experience it.
Thank you for posting it. I'll be sharing it and continue talking about it. I hope someday that articles like this will be obsolete because the need for them will be non-existent.

[thejackpot]

Too close to home. SO many of her words resonated with me. The countless sleepless nights I have endured because my husband drives home after dark. It's also hard hearing how her son experiences his race in his school setting.
Thank your for sharing.

[penguingrrl]

Thank you for sharing this. It's a good reminder of how mentally taxing it is to be black in America. Thinking about him having to sleep in his office and their son being subject to blatant racism, the fear preventing them from letting their son drive makes me so angry about how insidious racism is.

[chickadee77]

Thank you for sharing this. I know that there's no way I can understand living like this daily; I mean, I "understand" but I know I can never truly understand, if that makes sense.

[al320]

Thank you so much for sharing that

[miniroller]

I realize this is coming from a white woman (making my desire minuscule by comparison), but MAN, do I wish this was required reading for every white citizen of this country. People need to know this! People need to understand this is a huge problem in The United States of America in 2017!
I'm sharing this article & hope others do, too. Thanks OP!

[picksthemusic]

Thank you for sharing. I will be sharing this on FB.

I agree with WOT?*.

[aurora]

Thank you for posting this. It feels like more of the MSM is starting to tell these stories beyond the statistics, which I think is important. If you've lived a life of privilege and never had to think about race, it's easier to "get" when hearing from real people.

[bex]

Thanks for posting. I feel like this is what WOC have been telling the white women here for a long time now. Black people are perceived differently.

I always remember, a friend of mine (she is AA) and I were discussing a mutual friend (also AA) and the mutual friends shopping. Mutual Friend had said something about the sales clerk following her and I said to Friend, pffft she's imagining things. Mutual Friend is so rich. She could buy that whole store.

Friend - so very patient with me always - was like......they were following her bc she's black. Full stop. They think she's going to steal.

This was in 2000 and I was just so naive and in such a bubble. My friend was so forgiving and kind. She's a saint. Lol.

So anyway stories like this remind me of that and remind me to constantly challenge my thinking and privilege.

[krystee]

"We are always fighting against the presumption of incompetence."

This is so unfair and so wrong. It breaks my heart.

I am glad a mainstream media outlet (and not just liberal magazines) is running a story like this.

[anonymous]

Thank you. Shared it in FB. Not surprisingly, the people who always respond to articles about racism responded while no one else has.

[lolo]

Jul 12, 2017 17:40:54 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Very poignant. I wonder what the comments were on the article. I couldn't view them

🙄

I don't wonder.

OP, thank you for sharing this. It's compellingly written and important.

My (black) niece wrote on her arms 'stop shooting us.' She's in fucking middle school. She is strong and smart and it's revolting that too many people will have heads too far up their racist asses to see it. Just as this article says, do everything right but she'll still be black.

[winecat]

Thank you for posting. I shared on FB.

[mrsukyankee]

Thank you for sharing this. I saw it posted a few times on FB and shared it.

[Bernadine]

I'm going to sit down with my h tonight and re-read this with him. I don't think he still really "gets" white privilege, and this story lays out so well what black families go through.

[andwhat]

I remember reading this a while ago and read it again. What makes me sad is that the people who don't want to get it just won't. I think these articles are important and we need to be having these conversations, but it feel like preaching to the choir.

[gibbinator]

Thanks for sharing. I think the most telling part is the dad sleeping in his office simply because police were searching for a black man in his city.

The constant questioning of simple rudeness vs racism sounds exhausting.

[eddy]

Thank you for posting. 

[elleblue]

Jul 13, 2017 7:31:20 GMT -5 andwhat said:

I remember reading this a while ago and read it again. What makes me sad is that the people who don't want to get it just won't. I think these articles are important and we need to be having these conversations, but it feel like preaching to the choir.

You're right. But I honestly don't understand how people could read that story and not feel sick over a man deciding to basically "shelter in place" at his work overnight for fear of what might happen during his 10 minute drive home. 

[andwhat]

Jul 13, 2017 9:16:33 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Jul 13, 2017 7:31:20 GMT -5 andwhat said:

I remember reading this a while ago and read it again. What makes me sad is that the people who don't want to get it just won't. I think these articles are important and we need to be having these conversations, but it feel like preaching to the choir.

You're right. But I honestly don't understand how people could read that story and not feel sick over a man deciding to basically "shelter in place" at his work overnight for fear of what might happen during his 10 minute drive home. 

Because they think he is being dramatic and that nothing would have happened to him. 

It is like white officers who swear they only see blue when it comes to black officers, but when you ask them what they see when that black officer is not in uniform and it is like they never considered that possibility.

[ESF]

Jul 13, 2017 7:31:20 GMT -5 andwhat said:

I remember reading this a while ago and read it again. What makes me sad is that the people who don't want to get it just won't. I think these articles are important and we need to be having these conversations, but it feel like preaching to the choir.

Yes. I read somewhere that there's a split in how people respond to evidence of racism, and that people who know what racism is, and know it is bad, see the evidence as supporting their view that there is systemic bias, white privilege, etc. Whereas racist people see it as evidence that they are right. This particular article was in the context of crime stats - racists didn't see them as evidence of disparate treatment but instead as evidence that the system works (or even that it is is too fair to POC).

This article resonated with me, but I wouldn't assume that it's going to change any minds.

[redwino]

Jul 13, 2017 9:20:35 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Jul 13, 2017 9:16:33 GMT -5 elleblue said:

You're right. But I honestly don't understand how people could read that story and not feel sick over a man deciding to basically "shelter in place" at his work overnight for fear of what might happen during his 10 minute drive home. 

Because they think he is being dramatic and that nothing would have happened to him.

This is the reaction I have received on the few occasion I've tried to share with co-workers what's it's like for me. The o my reason I even attempted to share was in hopes that they could better understand the students we work with in our district. They were all very dismissive and basically told me that I was over reacting and had nothing to worry about. People refuse to see the truth and do not care.

[elleblue]

Jul 13, 2017 9:20:35 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Jul 13, 2017 9:16:33 GMT -5 elleblue said:

You're right. But I honestly don't understand how people could read that story and not feel sick over a man deciding to basically "shelter in place" at his work overnight for fear of what might happen during his 10 minute drive home. 

Because they think he is being dramatic and that nothing would have happened to him. 

It is like white officers who swear they only see blue when it comes to black officers, but when you ask them what they see when that black officer is not in uniform and it is like they never considered that possibility.

I know you're right but the lack of compassion and understanding of some people is mind boggling. Then again, we all know people who have to experience something first hand to actually get it, so...ugh. 

[elleblue]

Jul 13, 2017 9:32:18 GMT -5 redwino said:

Jul 13, 2017 9:20:35 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Because they think he is being dramatic and that nothing would have happened to him.

This is the reaction I have received on the few occasion I've tried to share with co-workers what's it's like for me. The o my reason I even attempted to share was in hopes that they could better understand the students we work with in our district. They were all very dismissive and basically told me that I was over reacting and had nothing to worry about. People refuse to see the truth and do not care.

I am so incredibly sorry redwino. To be dismissed by your coworkers in such a way, knowing that their attitudes also affect how they treat their students.

[spunbutterfly]

Jul 13, 2017 9:34:50 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Jul 13, 2017 9:20:35 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Because they think he is being dramatic and that nothing would have happened to him. 

It is like white officers who swear they only see blue when it comes to black officers, but when you ask them what they see when that black officer is not in uniform and it is like they never considered that possibility.

I know you're right but the lack of compassion and understanding of some people is mind boggling. Then again, we all know people who have to experience something first hand to actually get it, so...ugh. 

I don't see it as lack of compassion or understanding as much as privilege. It's privileged to not have to think about these things as a daily, hourly would be/could be. When your entire world runs on not having to second guess people's motivations, it's likely easy to think people are being over dramatic. This isn't a pass for these people, but it literally boils down to privilege rather than whether that person is "good" and compassionate or not.

I bet any person of color could read this and know immediately that most non-POCs would call this dramatic. I bet even this man's non-POC friends would side eye and consider him and his family dramatic.

[karinothing]

I feel like it is not even people thinking he is being overly dramatic, but they just act like this stuff is no big deal. I mean DH is constantly thought to be a waiter or the "help" and other folks are very dismissive of it. It is frustrating to say the least. They act like he shouldn't care, shouldn't be upset, because it was "just a mistake." I mean people constantly think he is "less than" just because of his skin color, that eats away at you.

[spunbutterfly]

Jul 13, 2017 9:44:42 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I feel like it is not even people thinking he is being overly dramatic, but they just act like this stuff is no big deal. I mean DH is constantly thought to be a waiter or the "help" and other folks are very dismissive of it. It is frustrating to say the least. They act like he shouldn't care, shouldn't be upset, because it was "just a mistake." I mean people constantly think he is "less than" just because of his skin color, that eats away at you.

This is in no means like having to sleep in your office overnight for fear of your life, but it speaks to the dismissiveness of people when it comes to race playing a part in situations.

My brother is constantly mistaken for being a waiter at higher end restaurants in the Seattle area. He brushes it off, but of recent memory, we were at a restaurant for my mother's birthday, this one woman and her family refused to believe that he wasn't a waiter and kept insisting he bring them more water and started to place their order. He apologized to them but continued on to the bathroom and ignored them afterwards.

On Father's Day a few years ago, my family was sitting at a table in a restaurant, as in we had already been seated, when I had to go to the car to get something. I came back, sat back down at our table and found that the restaurant's GM had followed me and told me that we needed to wait to be seated. Never mind our table was already "settled". Water, utensils, my son playing on his Kindle Fire. He saw all of that and assumed we had just seated ourselves and I figured it was race that played a part cause no one else was being asked this crap. But no one else was not white in this restaurant.

Opening my front door before we started ignoring any knock if we weren't expecting friends, and having the salesperson/pollster/environmental activist assume this wasn't my house. Because I'm young looking and Asian in a predominately white neighborhood.

These are all hugely innocuous events in comparison, but it speaks to what they talked about in the article of having to constantly wonder rude or racist.